Noctisardor Bypass teil eins

something about the way that laurel spoke to him sent a glissade spreading through his hips. it felt as if she repeated some inward mantra for him now, secretive and hinting at unspoken wants. he did not consider that laurel had thought he meant himself to father her brood; he prized his directness, and would have said as much.
the irony, now, that in being so indirect he opened such a window.
her breath upon him, and all he could think was how accursed his flesh and his soul and his body, and how even if he did choose to embrace her, he might not rise to it.
the weight of the air around them, and how warm laurel draped against the length of his tall horrible and haunted figure; how easy it would be, the sly devilish tongue curling that he was wanted, he could take a wife swiftly and begin another frayed attempt toward —
toward what? selfishness? the last unfulfilled notion of husbandly respect and need for a wife?
well that had died with wylla's most recent words to him. 
mahler felt himself desire fiercely to stay as he was, as laurel's lips explored the curve of his ear. heart thudded powerfully, throat constricting; to take and to give — mind insisting it had been too long too long too long since he had touched another in this way, or been touched.
he forced himself back, mouth near her own, granite ears back so that the conflict within his stoneflower irises was clear. "you are desirable. i am unable, i —"
"i will keep them safe. and you." nonsensically; he must leave now, before the vow he made in heart and in love be threatened by his own dangerous weakness.