Moonspear Picture a place where it all doesn't hurt

Fennec didn’t know how to face Fig after their last conversation, so she didn’t. She needed to figure out why the fuck she was so triggered. Obviously she missed him, and would miss him, and hearing that he didn’t want to stick around sucked. But she’d let harder things go. Something else was bothering her, and she knew she couldn’t have a good conversation with her brother until she sorted out what it was.

It would be easier if she had someone to bounce off of, but she didn’t want to call anyone for this. She didn’t want to put any of her family between her and Fig and @Penn… well. She wasn’t sure. She was trying to handle this shit herself, and part of that was knowing what needed said.

Still, he knew this place existed, and when she didn’t show he was bound to come looking eventually. She might not end up having a choice in the matter. She didn’t know if that was such a bad thing.

you did ask XD we do have the other though so no rush and no obligation

You know I can never resist an opportunity to throw Penn into a bonfire

Penn had felt uneasy leaving Fenn at the border to talk to her brother. He'd known there was no place for him in that reunion, but he'd also known where Fig's head was. At least, where it had been a few months ago when they'd parted ways. Assuming nothing had changed, Fenn had been in for a rough conversation, and he felt guilty for just walking away and leaving her to it.

His suspicions about how it went were pretty much confirmed when he didn't see her that night. He knew she probably needed space, but she was pretty complicated about that sort of thing. He decided to casually track her down the next day, just to check in. Make sure she wasn't in too rough of shape. And... well... he just missed her. Already.

He had it bad.

"Let me just preface this by saying you're welcome to tell me to go away if you want," Penn said as he approached her, somewhat relieved to see she hadn't completely bailed on the Spear, "I probably won't listen to you, though. Because I'm the man, and no one tells me what to do." There was a small chance she was fine, right? That she'd still find his dick-ish sense of humor to be funny and charming even when she was in a bad mood?

She huffed quietly. I don’t know if this is one you want to get into. Apparently you and him are friends now? Which is weird, but fine. And probably means you’d be breaking some kind of code, after how that went.

She climbed out of the literal hole (okay den) she’d been wallowing in and sat down. So stay at your own risk.

She wasn’t going to chase him off if he wanted to help, but she wasn’t going to force all of their interactions to be this.

"We actually agreed to never use the 'F' word to refer to each other," Penn responded, "I tried once. It felt weird."

He watched her emerge from her hiding place, grateful she was at least giving him that much. It wouldn't have been surprising at all if she'd told him to fuck off and refused to look at him. Giving this much meant something to him, though he couldn't articulate what exactly that was for the life of him.

"I'll get into it," he said then gently, "If you're there." You're worth the risk.

She’d had an entire night to stew it over and had a pretty good idea of what about it had set her off. What she didn’t know was if it was reasonable and, if so, how to approach it with him without making things worse. Like she almost always managed to. (Case and point).

She gave a small smile at his comment, but it faded when she started walking through it. She’d take it at face value - she had warned him.

It isn’t that he wants to leave. If that’s actually what he needs to do, I’d be a pretty messed up sister to freak out about it. It’s that he’s definitely lying to me about why. He said he needed space from the family, but there’s no reason he’d need space from anyone but me. It wasn’t like he’d had any issues visiting Phox and Towhee first.

I’m tired of everyone always assuming the worst, and instead leaving me guessing on what the fuck I’m doing wrong. If there’s a problem, I want to work it out together. It feels like he doesn’t trust me.

Maybe she was entirely off base and just proving his point. Maybe he really did just need space from the entire family. If she was crazy then she could apologize again, forget any of it happened, and live with the suckiness of him not being there. But if she wasn’t, then she wasn’t sure where to go next.

Penn felt his heart thrum when she smiled at his words. It didn't last, but he held onto it.

He listened quietly as she spoke, processing it as best as he could. He wasn't exactly a great listener—he spent too much time trying to figure out how to respond instead of really hearing what was being said. He had never really considered before just how much of what Fig had told him he'd be willing to share. He'd never really told him not to repeat it, but it wasn't really something that needed to be said. Still.

"Fig's problem is he tries too hard to protect everyone, especially you," Penn said finally, "I told him he worries too much about doing the right thing. So much that when he finally does something, it's the wrong thing. Sounds like he did it again."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. He'd never considered that between the two of them, Penn would be the one to grow. Had anyone seen that one coming? Cause I didn't.

It’s not protecting me. It’s protecting himself. She leaned over, slowly, until she felt their shoulders touch. She wanted the contact and was starting to trust that Penn might just let her have it.

It hurts me twice over, because not only is he leaving, he’s assuming I’m not mature enough to hear why. And so he leaves me feeling like I’m the one chasing him away, because what other option is there? And how do we fix what’s broken if he can’t tell me? How do I fit in his life at all if I don’t know why I don’t fit now? Her voice shook a little on that last statement.

While she was being honest…

You did the same thing, with your kids. I didn’t know why you didn’t want me traveling with you. All I knew was that you didn’t want me. Apparently Fig got the invite I wanted instead. She snorted a little, and it helped to break some of the seriousness of the moment. She’d been a little upset to hear it at the time, but there was only humor in her voice now. This thing with Fig was so much bigger.

I get it now, but it hurt then. It felt like no one wanted me around, right when I felt like I couldn’t handle being alone. Even Fig, she felt, would be better off. It hurt too to be confirmed right on that, but an old ache.

So she’d gone home… to Towhee. And even though her mom went to Epoch, she’d never been made to feel like that was her fault. Despite her upset, it felt good to finally find the words for it. She wanted Penn to understand her too.

Penn felt her shift and moved to meet her, happy as always to have her close. He could understand where she was coming from, but it wasn’t something he had any way of fixing for her. It was between her and Fig. He wasn’t plagued with the usual masculine reaction to these conversations where he wanted to fix everything for her. It was her business, and she didn’t seem to be asking him for advice.

Penn did have to say something about the perception she seemed to have taken on his and Fig’s little adventure together, though. That piece was his business.

”That’s not exactly what happened…” Penn said, ”I only spent a couple weeks with him, and it only happened a couple months before I came back. I spent most of that time I was gone alone, but traveling with him and talking to him is what made me come back to find you.”

”I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way, though,” he said then, reaching to press his nose against her temple, ”Believe me, I’d take you over him any day. He did help me figure out that I needed to put my kids behind me, though. I’d probably still be out there if he hadn’t talked sense into me. ”

I wouldn’t have cared, if you were still looking, you know. Just that you were looking without me. She snickered roughly, but this time it was at least genuine. You know I was always a bitch about being left behind.

She was glad he was back, that he had set it aside, but she needed to know that he knew what the actual problem was. If things changed, and he changed his own mind, she would only ever be mad if he cut her out of the conversation, or lied about his reasons like before. Ironically, she’d learned a lot abut herself, being mated with Germanicus.

I got married again, last year. It wasn’t love for either of us, and obviously it didn’t last. But we both wanted kids and he asked if I’d give him some. I told him I just needed him to be honest with me, and for a while, he was. We never fought, not the way me and Bronco did.

She didn’t entirely know where she was going on this one, but it was on her mind, and she realized suddenly she had never mentioned it. He probably should know how it ended though. Then, when spring came, he told me he’d been in love with someone else. But that he would stay, and be miserable with me, because he’d promised to. I told him to get the fuck out and go, obviously, and I’m pretty sure he thanked me for it. Like I was his captor, not the girl he’d asked to start a family with him.

How was it that now, talking about it with him, she could see the humor in it? How fucking stupid the whole thing had been. So basically, if you ever fuck up and don’t want to say anything, remember I married a guy I barely knew just for the chance at having kids. But at least I learned a lot about myself in the process. This conversation was leaving the realm of Fig and going somewhere different, but just as personal. Penn deserved to know who he was sleeping next to each night, and this here was a big part of it.

Penn couldn't help but marvel over just how much his relationship with Fenn had changed since he'd come back. He was so happy, but he also felt like such a moron. How long could they have been like this if he hadn't been such a complete dumb ass back then? What if he'd never walked out on her when they were young? What if he'd never done any of the stupid shit to her over the years? Would they have been together all this time? Would they have a family?

Before he got too far into that thought, he realized that the answer wasn't worth pursuing. Not only did it not matter in the least, but it could also very well have been 'No'. It was very possible that all the shitty things had needed to happen. The shitty things had shaped them into who they were now. Those stupid kids back in the day may never have gotten here. And though he wasn't entirely certain still what here was, he wouldn't have done a thing differently if it meant he'd risk not getting there with her.

And then she told him about Germanicus and he quietly WTF'd all over the place.

Penn's first thought was how in the hell had he not known about any of this? But that was not a thought that lasted very long. He reminded himself that he hadn't been a trustworthy person to her for a long time. She owed him nothing, let alone sharing something so personal. The fact that she did know spoke volumes. But, that of course was entirely lost on him. He'd realize it later. And, with any luck, he might also realize what the moral of her story had been. But, for now...

"You want kids?"

Fennec gave him a playful, small shove for getting that out of her entire story, but really, she didn’t mind. She couldn’t outright ask, but she could be honest, plant seeds, and see where and how they grew. That was about all she had in her these days.

Yeah. Fucked up, isn’t it? I didn’t when I had Killer, but he turned out to be about one of the best things to happen to me, and now that I want more I can’t seem to make it happen. She started toying with the grass with a forepaw, idly. She’d enjoyed her time with Germanicus, but she’d really mourned the loss of a chance more than anything.

Two years, two big messy breakups just in time for spring. A girl might learn to take a hint.

Penn took the shove with his breath held tight, eager to see what she would say. The fact that she had some humor about her still seemed like a good sign. He hadn’t imagined they would ever end up in a conversation like this. He’d been so completely convinced that this ship had sailed, but here he was, bouncing along behind on a life raft, trying to pull himself aboard.

Her confession was music to his ears. His mind basically went haywire with glee in that moment, but he kept it back as best as he could. Just because it turned out she wanted to the same things he did didn’t necessarily mean she would want them with him. And who could blame her? But that was the nice thing about not overthinking—he took risks, to hell with what might happen if it all went to shit.

Now probably would’ve been the time to play it cool, casual. Let her know he wanted the same and see if she would come to the desired conclusion. Or maybe it was time to go big and romantic—confess his love, propose marriage, promise to provide her with a lifetime of happiness.

But it was Penn. So obviously none of those things.

”Just so you know… I would knock you up, like… so fast.”

And that was the bad thing about not overthinking.

His reply surprised a laugh out of her that she couldn’t smother in time. Fucking hell, trust Penn to say something like that. But you know what? It was honest. He didn’t play games with her. And he never bothered with empty words.

How romantic. How can a girl refuse an offer like that? She replied, overselling it entirely. Then she let out a breath, flicking her tail restlessly. Back to sincere, because if they were going down this route, she was saying what she needed to say.

I wish it was that easy. But I’m not like mom. I need more than that, and unless you planned on sticking with me, kids or no, I’d have to pass. She should just say what she meant. She should just ask. But she didn’t even know the right question, when it came to Penn. She knew he liked her. She didn’t know what that meant, or how far it went, or what he needed from a future with someone else. So she said what she wanted, what she needed, and let him fill in the blanks.

Her laugh warmed his heart, but he had to wonder if she thought he was kidding. He wasn't, of course. But he could see why she might assume he was. Penn had never been great with romantic lines or wooing or whatever that shit was about. His way had always worked for him, though, and he felt no need whatsoever to go about things any differently. "Agreed!" he smiled, his tail wagging, "Why even bother trying?"

Penn had no idea what she was talking about or why she was bringing up her mom in the next minute, so he decided to just let that part of it go. He latched onto the rest, the part about kids or no kids sticking with him the most. He hesitated, taking a moment to consider. What if they didn't have a family? What if, for some reason, kids just never happened for them? Would he be alright with that? Would he still want to be with her if it meant giving up part of the dream he so desperately wanted?

The hesitation lasted only a breath before he smiled again and said, "Deal."

Well, shit. She wasn’t sure that she had actually believed he’d take her up on that. And for a second, she questioned how easily he’d said it. Did he mean it? Did she care? She could question it, second guess him and miss the chance to let him prove it. Or she could just take a shot and hope for the best.

Okay. Her smile grew a little. I guess we’ll see what happens. Well, one of us, anyway. They had about a year to wait, and she imagined in that time a lot would change. If he meant it, then she was in, one hundred percent. And he’d have plenty of time to back out if he didn’t.

And just for good measure, so he’d have less of a reason to think about backing out, she nestled her muzzle into the fur of his neck and rested there a moment, enjoying it. Of course, she’d ruin the moment shortly by giving his face a sloppy lick and jumping away, but for a short time, it was perfect.

The thought of backing out didn’t occur to him. He’d wanted this for far too long. The only doubts he had now were whether or not this was actually happening. Penn had tracked her down that day fully expecting to get his ass chewed out for not telling her he’d spent time with Fig on the road. To end up with her her nuzzling into his neck with undeniable affection and happiness? How the fuck?

Penn wasn’t about to to question it. He leaned into her touch, tucking her against him, never wanting to let go. ”Don’t worry,” he said, his smile in his voice, ”I’ll let you know how it goes.”

The embrace was unfortunately brief, and he missed her touch almost instantly. But, Fenn was kind enough to remedy that with a sloppy kiss to his face. He jerked away from her with a mock disgusted groan. ”Ach, why? Never mind, I’m out,” he proclaimed, turning abruptly away and trotting off towards the trees. He went all of six steps before he spun back around and leaped at her, intending to show his undying love by tackling her into the dirt.

No way he was actually leaving. She listened to him go with slight trepidation, hoping she wasn’t wrong and letting out a delighted shit! when he pounced on her abruptly. She tried half heartedly to dodge but wound up bowled over into the dirt, wrapping her forelegs around him to try and pull him over with her. Unfortunately she didn’t have much weight to throw around, so it really was up to how off-balance he was or how badly he wanted to stay upright.

Penn laughed as she grabbed hold of him. She might not have had the muscle to heave him down with her, but his willingness to go was a great help to her cause. He merrily toppled over onto her, placing his own forelegs on either side of her as he ducked his head into her throat.

He turned his head slightly to nip at her neck, which instantly set his mind to wandering to naughty places. With a suggestive growl, he began to groom her fur, his tail wagging happily. And eagerly.

wanna fade? :D

She shouldn’t be in the mood, but right now she welcomed the distraction. She would happily set her previous worries aside for a while and pick them up after taking advantage of Penn’s willing company.

She growled back, lifting her chin and drawing him in closer.

This thing they had going was so different from any previous that in some ways it was comforting; no labels, no pressure, nothing but a seemingly shared desire for each other’s company. Fennec wondered how long she would be okay with leaving so much of what this was unsaid. So far so good; she didn’t see any need to change anything yet.

aye!