Redsand Canyon A step towards death and the moon is pale

This is "private" as it can be considering she's technically not a member yet <3 feel free to observe under your own discretion! Just wanted to make sure we had one

As soon as she finished her conversation with Towhee, Fennec called for @Killdeer and hoped he was near enough to hear. She didn't go far from the place where Germanicus had left her. It hadn't escaped her notice that he hadn't officially answered her question, or invited her to join them. Maybe they were feeling her out.

Well, she'd do whatever test they needed. She got the feeling if it was a blind thing, he would have told her outright. He didn't seem the type to worry about pissing someone off. She could respect that too.

This conversation would be easier and harder at the same time. There wasn't as much pent up time, but there were such higher stakes. She needed to be careful.

Was it too much to hope for, that the news would make him happy and it was as simple as that? She supposed that depended - how much did he take after her? Fennec took a breath and sat down to wait.

When the call rang out, he didn't want to believe it at first. He'd put his mom on the backburner in his mind, especially since the assignment at Akashingo and the birth of Towhee's pups. He didn't think she'd come back. 

But he walked, and saw her figure in the distance, and it wasn't hot enough today for a mirage.

Mom, he replied, voice bouncing off the jagged canyon walls. He moved up into a trot and met her halfway, stopping just shy of embracing the small tawny woman.

It was awkward. He shuffled his paws in place. Somebody had to say something.

He supposed it should be him.

You're back, Killdeer managed, in a voice more a croak than anything.

He came. He didn't run for a hug, or give the enthusiasm he had last time, but it was good just to hear his voice. Even if it did break her heart, hearing the way he said it.

Was it so hard to believe that she'd meant it when she said she needed time?

I asked to join. I don't know what the answer is yet, but I'm sorry it took a while. Just like with Towhee, she couldn't exactly summon the energy or enthusiasm for the words. The apology was genuine, though.

And I'm sorry, too, if I've been a shit mom at any point. You deserve the world, Killer. I... should have stayed. She almost said it, but as she went to, she knew she didn't believe it. There were things at the time she shouldn't have said, but she'd needed that time. ... love you.

She didn't close the distance, but let the space hang as an echo of the emptiness in her. She should feel sad. She should feel angry. She should feel anything. None of it would come.

She'd asked to join. And she'd been admitted, he assumed. Bronco had been turned away from his error in questioning. If she'd been spurned, she wouldn't be here.

She would be here.

She was here.

It's okay, Killdeer said, but his voice still lacked feeling. I've been okay. I'm glad you're here. You're. . .staying? he continued, cocking his head.

He didn't have it in him to escort another parent off Mereo's lands. He would resent Germanicus if the Imperator made him do so. 

But would she stay?

His legs were stiff, jaw clenched as he stared at Fennec.

Fennec's history with that question made it hard not to hear it as an attack. What the fuck more did she have to do to prove that she wasn't 3 seconds away from abandoning anything and everything all the time? Killdeer couldn't know that his question echoed every doubt his father had held over her. Fortunately she didn't even have it in her to rise to that.

That's what joining means. Unless you'd rather I didn't. Probably best to get that out of the way quickly. For all she knew, Bronco and Killdeer had spoken and things had changed since last time she talked with him. That could explain some of this standoffish behavior now.

She softened, a little, and let out a breath. None of this was how she wanted it, but at the end of the day, she'd done it. This was her fault. I never wanted us to have separate homes. You know that, right? I'm not upset you came here, and I'm proud of you. But I didn't like being so far.

It was too complicated for her to explain in full. When Killdeer chose to go off with Caracal, she hadn't wanted to, but she knew she had to let him go or risk keeping him miserable and confined to home. Not even Fennec was that hypocritical. Then he'd found Mereo, chosen to settle there, but Fennec had known the only hope in saving her mateship had been the pack they were trying to build together. It gave them a purpose together, common ground to stand on if nothing else.

It was too bad that it hadn't been worth it, in the end.

Unless you'd rather I didn't. He shook his head emphatically at that, and took a step closer. A second departure would be even worse than her first. Killdeer opened his mouth to speak, but she had continued.

I'm sorry, he said, even though she apparently wasn't upset. He shrugged. I felt. . .useless, Ma. Like I had no skills. Cal was wanting to be a medic, and I just didn't have anything like that. Then I came here.

His face lightened a little. I feel like I have a purpose here, to keep everyone safe. And now I can keep you safe, too. 

Finally, he let the rest of the wall between them tumble down—on his side, at least—and put his chin on her forehead, taking a deep breath of her scent. I want you to stay, he stressed, smiling. She might not have been able to see it regardless, but he hoped he felt the curve of his mouth against her skull. I'm glad you came back.

Useless. It was hard to hear that too.

Fennec wondered when that started. Was it before Bronco or after? Had she chased both of them away, forcing him to stay, or had she been the one to make him feel like that?

He wasn't pushing her away right now. She should have been glad for that, but the hug felt like pity in that moment. Now I can keep you safe. He was wrong.

At least he was happy. She stayed as they were for a moment, then pulled back. So am I. He'd gotten even taller since coming here. And he sounded so much like his dad.

I'm pretty tired, after the trip. I think I'll find a place to catch a nap. After, maybe you can catch me up. He'd said he had found purpose here and Germanicus had said he was close to promotion. She'd like to hear about it.

He nodded, releasing her from his orbit. Go take a nap, Killer encouraged her, smiling. You've had a trip. Mereo will be here when you get up.

They drifted somewhat, wandering slightly, before he turned and fervently made his way toward his mother again.

I love you, he whispered into her nape. I missed you so much, Ma.

And nothing would ever, ever change that.

It wasn't fully a lie, but it wasn't the trip that had her tired. She had no direction right now, nor any goals, save staying with him. Everything she built towards she ended up losing. She just hoped she never lost him.

She could have cried, and nearly did, when he came back to say it. I love you, and missed you, too. She held there for a moment, until the tightness in her throat passed.

I'll find you later. She gave him a nuzzle, then an affectionate nudge, and managed a smile before she turned to find somewhere to rest a while.

The two of them were overcome with emotion and great at swallowing it down. He watched her go, smiling, his vision blurring with tears.

When she had vanished over the horizon, he moved toward a border patrol. Best get back to work.

Mom and son, reunited again. So sweet.