Dragoncrest Cliffs Alfonsino

The wind bit him and caused the boy to feel cold down to his very bones. He hunkered his head down, away from the bite of it. In his mouth he had clasped a large fish. The young seafarer had hoped that he might find @Meerkat so that he could give it to her. It had taken him almost an hour to catch the blasted animal. He’d nearly given up on it.

Swordfish lifted his head to squint against the murky clouded skies. He wondered if it would snow again. The last time it had snowed, the storm winds had carried the waters in to crash on the shores. They had not had much yet, but he had already grown distasteful of the winter. The redtailed boy returned to the search for his mother.

She didn’t think about it often, though occasionally Meerkat noticed her extra weight, usually in a negative context. But one good thing she could say about carrying around a few extra pounds: she stayed warm, even when the temperatures plummeted, as they had done lately.

She supposed it would be good for childbearing too, though she remained rather reserved about the topic. Meerkat had stopped wallowing and returned her focus to the family she already had, namely her sons. She missed Mercy a lot but she was glad the boys remained. Maybe they would disperse one day too—in fact, she should possibly hope for that, as they would almost certainly have better prospects elsewhere—but she would enjoy every moment with them until then.

Hey, you, she greeted Swordfish when she came upon him. Meerkat snuffled at his ear. Nice catch! she gushed, eyeing the pleasantly girthy fish clasped in his mouth.

Meerkat had changed since Njord’s return. There was a visible brightness to her features, a bounce to her step that had been gone for a long time. It was good to see the spark return to her gaze. Swordfish had many strange feelings about his father’s trip and the length of time he had been gone, but he understood well enough that Njord meant the world to his mom. And his mom meant the world to him.

Got it fer ya, he said softly, setting the fish down for her.

Went with da to hunt beaver. Did he bring ya back some of it?

The young wolf had only gone with his dad because he had been persuaded by the mention of Meerkat. Njord had said she’d like the beaver meat. Swordfish merely wanted to be sure that it had been shared with her.

Thank you! she said brightly when he offered the fish to her. He did! I ate quite a lot of it, actually… Meerkat laughed a little sheepishly, shifting her (extra) weight. So, would you want to split this with me?

She folded her (meatier) haunches and smiled softly at her son. Her mind tended to wander to the future, no matter how much she tried to curb it, and she couldn’t help but muse that Swordfish would make an excellent older brother. Stingray would too.

Meerkat almost wanted to ask him what he’d think about the entire thing, though she still wasn’t certain about the prospects for spring. She put a pin in it for now.

Swordfish smiled at the confirmation, glad that Njord had made good on his agreement to share their earnings with Meerkat.

The extra weight she might have gained had not shifted the boy’s love of bringing her food. He enjoyed hunting, he had found. The rewards were magnificent, and he had grown fond of trying prey in all its variety. No matter what he chased, the young seafarer always made sure to bring something back for his mom. If she gained another fifty pounds, he would still carry treats to her to show her that she meant enough to him that he would share his most treasured spoils.

Ah… aye, sure. If ya don’t think yer gonna finish it all, Swordfish agreed, his voice drab as it left his lips. Whatcha been up to, ma? He hoped she would talk and fill his head with certainties that she was doing better.

Honestly? I was just sort of meandering, she replied. Let’s grab this and find someplace comfy to eat, maybe somewhere with some sun. We get so little of it this time of year, it feels like.

She knew Swordfish would be happy to carry it for her because he was a gentleman like his dad, though she quickly snatched up the fish. Smiling around it, she motioned for him to join her and then pivoted to begin walking. She had the perfect destination in mind.

It wasn’t long before Meerkat and her son arrived at the rock just beyond Fireblood Stand, overlooking Mossbloom with the river snaking lazily in between. She hopped up on the great slab of stone, glad to find it was a little warmer than the ground.

Setting down the fish, she sprawled beside it on the sun-baked stone, gazing up at Swordfish and waiting for him to get comfortable too.

Meerkat snatched the fish before the boy had a chance. His eyes shifted to her, saying nothing. If she wanted to carry her gift, she was welcome to it. Swordfish would be chasing the taste of the fish on his tongue. If she didn’t finish the whole thing, he could pick up the scraps. That was enough to curb the saliva gathering in his mouth. Languidly, he moved after his mother. 

A beautiful slab of stone was their target. When the duo arrived, Swordfish admired the shine of the rock. Meerkat jumped onto it with the food. The boy stepped up and found a place beside her. Dark blue eyes found her face and he offered a lazy smile. 

Good pick, ma. 

Swordfish glanced at their view, settling into a comfortable position. 

Yer happy da’s home? He didn’t meet her eye.

Her gaze rested on his face when he posed his question. She could give him the short answer (“yes!”) or the longer one. Meerkat didn’t want to burden her sons, yet they were quite grown now. They’d weathered the storm of their da’s absence with her, they could handle the truth, which was that her feelings about Njord’s return were a little complicated. It was very likely theirs were too, she reminded herself. If anyone at all would understand and help her make sense of her own feelings, it was the two of them.

Yes, I’m very happy he’s back with us, she replied, nudging the fish aside for the moment to give this topic the gravity it deserved, although there’s part of me that struggles with it, in a way. Part of my brain thinks, ‘he’s left you once, what if it happens again?’ But that’s no way to live, or love, Meerkat said, speaking as much to herself as to Swordfish.

She paused thoughtfully and drug the catch back to herself, taking a bite and swallowing a mouthful before catching Swordfish’s eye again to ask, Does that make any sense? How about you? How do you feel about it?

Meerkat didn’t refrain from sharing her feelings with her son. In a way, Swordfish was grateful for this. It gave him a sense of peace in knowing that his mother’s emotions were just as complicated as his own. If he had the mind to, he might have asked Stingray how he felt about their father’s return.

When the question shifted, aimed back at the boy who had inquired, he felt himself squirm. Meerkat had given him an honest moment. It would not have been fair if he had closed himself off to her. The young man had little experience in navigating his emotions, though. As open as his mother was, it did little to coax his feelings to the surface.

I’m mad, ma…

The words were heavy on the air. Swordfish wasn’t sure if he could even look at her.

You was real hurt. I didn’t like that… seein’ ya that way.

Swordfish sighed.

An’ now he’s back. Actin’ like nothin’ ever happened. Like he didn’t just leave ya to raise us alone.

A crease formed in the young man’s expression. The fur along his neck spiked.

He spoke candidly. His words were not unexpected, though that didn’t make them easy to hear. Meerkat’s heart went out to her son, having to deal with all these complex emotions at such a tender age. She wished she’d been better at hiding her own misery, though Meerkat would never want to be dishonest with her children. It was a difficult situation, to say the least.

That makes sense, she validated his anger. I’m mad too, that he hurt all of us. He didn’t mean to, which makes a difference to me… but it doesn’t just absolve him.

Meerkat paused to untangle her own snarled thoughts about Swordfish’s last few statements. She didn’t think Njord was behaving as if none of it had ever happened—he was working hard on making his penances—but maybe it didn’t seem that way to Swordfish. She would have to tell her husband to increase his efforts to redeem himself to his sons.

I think your da is trying, though he’s not perfect. Is there anything you think he ought to be doing in particular, to try making up for it? Meerkat wondered gently.

Meerkat listened to him and allowed him to feel his anger, saying that Njord hadn’t intended to hurt any of them. She said that it did not absolve him. Swordfish wished he hadn’t said anything. It didn’t feel right that he should express these things to his mom. She had gone so long on her own. It felt selfish and cruel for him to place this burden on her.

Ma…

The boy looked to her with sadness in his eyes.

I don’t need him to be tryin’. I can see he’s tryin’… That wasn’t the issue, for Swordfish. It was more complicated than all of that. He wasn’t sure how he might best put it into words for his mom. The situation felt heavier than he could manage. I dunno, ma. It’s different fer ya. Cause ya love him. And ya know him good ‘nuff to love him.

Swordfish turned his face away from her. His lips became thin as his eyes fixated on something in the distance.

But I dunno him. He’s my da but… he’s a stranger to me. How could he love a man he didn’t even know?

This time, his words caught her off guard. She felt like she’d swallowed an ice cold stone, which sank to the pit of her stomach. Swordfish didn’t love his da? Meerkat hated to admit that it made sense, all things considered, but it still hit her like a knife to the liver.

Not only didn’t she know what to say, for a moment Meerkat didn’t trust herself to speak. She felt tears pricking, hot, in her eyes. She glanced to the side and tried to swipe at them when Swordfish looked the other way. It felt like she’d swallowed a second stone, this one caught in her throat.

Her eyes fell disconsolately to the fish, which she couldn’t imagine eating now that her innards were such a mess. But Meerkat tried to breathe in and out steadily, fighting the urge to cry until she had at least wrestled it into submission. Then she leaned to touch her nose to her son’s cheek.

When she drew back, she managed, Hopefully, in time, he can mend things with you, her voice barely a whisper as she thought to herself that Fish might be the next Sobo.

The boy had known that it would bother her before he’d said the words. Swordfish merely hadn’t wanted to be dishonest. She was open to him and his feelings. She was kind and understanding, even if his emotions made little sense. Telling his mother that he felt no love for her mate – his father – was likely a painful stab to the woman who sat beside him. The young wolf felt tension spike in his heart. He wanted to find somewhere dark. He wanted to hide.

Meerkat offered a hopeful remark to him. A small kiss was given to his cheek.

Swordfish’s eyelashes fluttered. He glanced toward her with a heavy stare. It was cruel, he thought. There was no one he knew more deserving of happiness. Meerkat had given him a good life. She had made him strong and capable. She’d raised them all well enough that Mercy had ventured out on her own before they were even a year old.

I’m sorry, ma.

It wasn’t what he’d wanted to say. He felt he owed her that. Swordfish had done little to help while his father had been away. He’d tried to keep her company, when he wasn’t crouched in some dark cavern.

I’ll give him a chance fer ya… alright? It was the least he could do after all she had given.

No, she murmured, affectionate despite her melancholy, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for, Fish. Okay? She made sure to catch his eye. I’m glad you know you can talk to me, tell me anything. Even if it’s painful. I always want to know what’s going on with you. Even if I can’t always do much to help, you can always talk to me and I will always listen.

Summoning a deep breath, she reached out a paw to stroke it down the back of his head, her expression fond. She then withdrew her paw and shifted her weight a little. Meerkat glanced at the fish again, knowing she couldn’t bring herself to eat any of it. But she wouldn’t waste it. She would save it for later.

I do think you should give him a chance, she said quietly after resettling, but not for me. And not even for him. You should do it for yourself, Fish. He’s your da and a good man. Not a perfect one. But a good one. And there’s other merits to trying to forgive and forget. Sometimes it can be like setting down a heavy burden. You feel lighter for it.

While he knew that she meant it, Swordfish also felt like she had to tell him these things. She was his mom, after all. Even with the boy’s feelings of distrust for Njord, he knew that he loved Meerkat with all his heart. Stingray, too… Their family was important to him. He might have lacked the ability to share these things with them, but he did what he could to make sure they were well off.

Swordfish reminded himself that his mom had fallen in love with his father for a reason. She had seen the goodness in him. She had grown to love him. Their family was a direct result of the relationship they had shared with each other. It wasn’t suitable for their son to pout and hide because he felt bitterness at being left behind. Njord had returned, hadn’t he?

These thoughts led him to others. He remained pensive for a few minutes.

I love ya, ma…

The words were a struggle against his tongue. The boy’s cheeks were warm. Swordfish never willingly exposed his emotions to others. He only wanted to be sure that she knew.

When he told her he loved her, it pierced her in an acutely bittersweet way. The words and the sentiment behind them were precious to her. But it made her sad, knowing he didn’t feel the same way about his father. Meerkat could only hope that that relationship could be reforged in time, as she’d said.

I love you too, she said, craning her head forward to rest her forehead against the side of his head, so much. She adjusted the angle, pressing a smiling kiss to his jaw before withdrawing with an affectionate utterance of, Fish.

A moment passed in companionable silence, each of them likely sifting through their thoughts. Meerkat’s lips pressed together as she pondered something, eyes drifting down to watch the water rippling in the small river for a moment. Her whisky gaze then lifted again, landing speculatively on her son’s face.

Would you like me to say anything to him? Or should I leave this between the two of you?

In that moment with his mother, Swordfish wished that he had a better grasp of his emotions and words. Telling her that he loved her did not feel as though it properly captured how strongly he felt. Meerkat was his hero. She had done everything in her power to give her children a good life, no matter their missing father – her missing mate. Their home had been filled with love and warmth. They had never been given any indication that they could not accomplish whatever they set their hearts to. This was because of her.

Swordfish leaned his head against hers. It seemed like a childish thing to say that his mother was his best friend, but he would have held his head up with pride. Meerkat and Stingray were everything to the young boy with the red tail. He would have sacrificed his best hiding places for them, no questions asked. In his heart, he knew that he would have sacrificed much more for his mother and brother, if it meant that they would know nothing but happiness.

Ya don’t gotta talk to him. I think we can bond’n stuff with hunting.

Don’t worry, ma. Don’t you worry ‘bout me.

Do ya think Mercy’s alright out there? but more importantly, Oh, have ya talked to Ray since da came back?

Not like this, she admitted with a thoughtful quirk to her mouth, but I’ll make sure to talk to him soon. I’m glad we talked, Meerkat murmured, thrusting her nose against the cut of his jaw once more before pulling back and sending yet another glance at the fish lying on the stone.

She still wasn’t sure how much she could eat, though she suddenly latched her claws into it and began to nibble at the scales, plucking them off to get at the tender flesh beneath. Meerkat pictured her son catching the fish, an image which whetted her appetite, allowing her to dig in properly.

Remember, you said you’d help me finish this, she said after downing several mouthfuls. We can’t let it go to waste. I know how hard you worked to catch it, Fisherman, she added with a corny little wink.

Yeah I’m glad, too.

It wasn’t hard to talk to his mom. Swordfish simply thought that it was hard to talk about his feelings, at all. If he had not had Meerkat, the young boy would have likely swallowed all of his feelings until they began to grow and fester inside him. The openness and willingness to listen and love was exactly why the boy felt he could share anything with his mom… well, almost anything.

It didn’t take long for her to say that the fish would need to be shared. Swordfish eyed her carefully, sniffing at the catch while she pulled the scales from its body. It had been intended entirely for her, but she hadn’t seemed all that eager to dig into it.

Let’s see how much ya finish, first. It’s a pretty good one, ma. Ya might eat the whole thing.

Swordfish softly bumped his shoulder against hers. It was nice to be called a fisherman instead of Fish, he thought.

He coaxed her to eat her fill. Meerkat bobbed her head acquiescently and continued delicately nibbling at the tender flesh. There was nothing quite like fresh fish. It was as tasty as it was filling. Even when the savory flavor of it sharpened her appetite, Meerkat could only finish about half of it before she started feeling full.

All done, she declared, a small sound somewhere between a burp and a hiccup escaping her. Meerkat laughed as she added, My compliments to the chef, and balled one paw to press to the tip of her snout to stifle any further unladylike noises.

After a moment, she put her paw back down on the smooth stone and let out a small sigh. It was a noise of contentment, mostly. She licked the last crumbs of her meal from her chops and shot Swordfish a look of utmost fondness before stretching out with a little groan. She thought it was probably pretty clear that a nap was in order after such a hearty meal.

Thank you, Fish, Meerkat murmured to her son, hoping he would stay but leaving it up to him as her eyes slowly drifted shut.