Sun Mote Copse it's the wind blowing free; it's the end of a slope

Killdeer had a decision to make.

His heart had been divided into thirds—one at Brecheliant, where his half-siblings resided; one at Moonspear, where his children grew; and one here, where his beloved mother and grandmother now called home.

No matter the effort, he could not divide himself into thirds, nor could he be three places at once.

He must choose.

He must choose.

After some time on his own, wandering and musing, he returned to the borders of Meerkat's pack and howled for @Towhee (or at least someone to let her know he was calling for her) and—to his surprise, finding her scent—@Fennec as well. 

His tail wagged involuntarily, thinking of the pair. Yet sorrow sought to drag him down as well; what if he never returned? What if he chose other obligations over them?

Killer sank his teeth into his lower lip, not hard enough to draw blood—but enough to counter the pain of setting such a huge part of his life aside.

Fennec struggled with decisions as well.

Her heart lay in four places, each one different and each one with reasons she could be happily settled there. But none of these places actually promised happiness, and more and more she was finding actual contentment was something she didn’t know how to feel. Something was always wrong. No place was ever just enough.

Fennec came as quickly as she could when Killdeer called, though, and ran to embrace him despite muddy paws. She hadn’t even stopped to clean them since finally deciding to break ground near her den site. A few plants; nothing permanent yet.

Killer! Is everything okay? She asked, checking him over subtly as she listened. He seemed healthy, strong, and relatively happy. But the visit was unexpected, and she wondered if it was more than just a check in.

Ma, he replied warmly, smiling at the sight of her dirty paws. She'd been gardening again, obviously; that was one of the things he knew made her happy (or at least content) and that made him glad in turn. Killdeer gave her a short but tight embrace before stepping back.

He chewed on that question for a brief moment before replying, I guess. I've been traveling. Thinking. I've gotta decide where to go from here, and I. . .I don't know how to choose.

Killer went on. My half-siblings are in Brecheliant, my children are in Moonspear, and you and Towhee are here, he said. I know I could just bounce back and forth—all the packs are close enough, anyway—but I don't wanna do that. I want to have a purpose.

He paused, then, thinking how to word what to say next. Fennec and Germanicus had not ended on good terms, after all, but. . . Like, in Mereo, I had a duty. I had responsibility. I miss that, honestly, Killdeer admitted. 

I dunno, Ma, he sighed. What would you do, if you were me? Probably a loaded question, but fuck it. He was out of his own answers.

It was funny how much what he said echoed her own feelings. I miss it too, she admitted, thinking back to the canyon and the life they’d had there. For a while it really had felt happy; she’d almost helped to build something. Really, truly marked a place and embraced it as her own. She wished it could have lasted.

Did she know that Killdeer had kids? The news had her ears twitch with surprise, though perhaps he had shared it during their last visit. It was still a surprise to think about, something she hadn’t even considered.

I would go where my kids go, whenever I could. At least until they are old enough to make that decision themselves. They’ll grow quickly, and it’s time we can’t get back. If you want to be a dad, don’t miss it. She reached out and touched Killdeer lightly, feeling suddenly older for the conversation. She had a lot of regrets but he would never be one of them. She’d been there when it mattered, at least as much as she could.

If you want a purpose, you can’t ask for a better one. He could have that, something she wanted so fiercely sometimes she felt sick with it. It wouldn’t entirely fill that place, but she would definitely need to stop by and meet her grandchildren if he took her advice. Otherwise she might continue having a hard time believing they existed at all. It was so hard to picture herself in that place, one her own mother occupied so effortlessly.

Her ear movements did not escape him. Crap, had he not told her about him being a father and all? His own auds shifted back sheepishly—but now he had the chance to tell all.

I know, he murmured, pressing back against her touch. I think about my father—I wish he'd been there more, when I was a kid. I can't miss this time.

You can't ask for a better one.

I'm sorry, Ma, Killer replied, shaking his head. I don't think I ever told you. I. . .a couple of women and I, uh, made love. And they got pregnant. They're both at Moonspear. I dunno how many of them are mine, really, but I guess I'll assume that they all could be?

He laughed softly. I guess I couldn't ask for a better purpose.

Making your grandma proud, then. Fennec replied with a touch of humor. Then that dropped and was replaced with sincerity. And me too, obviously. It was always going to be your choice to make but I’m happy to hear it, Killer. You’ll make an incredible dad.

She hoped whoever these women were, they didn’t try to keep him from it. If they even tried she’d have a number of things to say about it. None of them pretty.

I’ll have to make the trip and visit soon. I don’t think I’ve been to the mountain since… well. In a number of years. Not since she and Bronco’s split that she could recall.

He snorted at her joke about Towhee, but his face was undoubtedly suffused with pleasure. Even if she didn't see it, she could probably sense the buzz within him that was happiness and nerves all at once.

Killer did raise a brow at what she said next, though. We lived there, Ma, he reminded her. Not for very long, but still. Although, I kind of forgot about Sialuk, too, he admitted, with an awkward chuckle. Or at least our time there. So you're not alone.

He would surely never forget Sialuk or Moonspear again.

I think I'm gonna go there, he said, the earth steadying beneath his paws as he came to a decision. It's close enough that I can visit you and Gramma when I want, but I can be the best dad there.

Right. She'd forgotten they settled there after the Canyon, somehow, and even when she thought of the Moonspear, Firefly Glen was what came to mind first. The place hadn't left an impression; she hadn't let it. Right.

It was impossible not to draw an immediate comparison, and even more impossible not to realize that she was treating the Copse the exact same way. She was a visitor in her sister's home just like she'd been a temporary visitor in Sialuk's, and at this point, she wasn't sure she'd ever find a place that felt like home to her.

It was a little disconcerting, realizing she'd probably forget this place just as quickly.

Good. Mom isn't here, but I'll make sure she knows when she comes by next. She wasn't sure when that would be, but Towhee would absolutely want to know the news.

He bumped his muzzle against his mom's shoulder, understanding the lapse. Then, cocked his head. Where is Towhee, anyway? he asked, curious. 

Killdeer looked around the copse and continued, And how is it here? How's Meerkat and all her family? Are you happy here?

If he made the decision to go to Moonspear, maybe Fennec would be happier by his side. Not that he sought to take wolves from his aunt. . .just if they wanted to. And maybe Fennec wanted to.

Maybe.