Lion Head Mesa All the proud hours I hold are around you

There was another healer.

Tamar had vanished, leaving Crowfeather with the horrid feeling of having been left – again. He could not help but to think of Germanicus, faraway in a canyon with wolves that were not known to the dark yearling. At least when the maid had been there, she had been a kind form of company. She had not been intrusive, and she had been gentle with the care that she provided.

It did not matter, for Tamar was no longer there. The queen had moved on, married and beyond the need of her crippled little friend. Germanicus had left to build his own empire, to serve as he had so strongly believed he should. Crowfeather was left in the dim light of the older man’s sleeping quarters.

The new healer was called @Tavina, but Crowfeather had not spoken much to her. His eyes searched the hallway for any signs that she might appear… or that anyone else might remember him.

"how long has it been since you were outside this room?" tavina asked as she entered the small stilted quarters. she had never met germanicus and knew very little about him. her life was ordered as plants were in her store-room. tavina looked quietly at the boy.

"i think today i am going to take you outside. it is cold, but you need fresh air." the nurse's tone was no nonsense. she approached the bed, intent upon supporting crowfeather upright.

The dark nurse appeared, smelling strongly of her medicines and herbs.

When Tavina spoke to him, Crowfeather regretted searching for her with his gaze. He could have pretended to be asleep if she had not seen him already lying with his eyes open. The sourness in his stomach had grown and filled him to the brim with nastiness. The shadow did not want to go outside anymore.

Go away, he muttered, turning his nose away from her. 


She'd just disappear like the others.

"i didn't ask." tavina's usually sweet voice was firm. "you can't just lay here the rest of your healing." truth be told, she wasn't sure why he had been allowed to lie here so long at all. and as his nurse, this was her business now.

"come on. i'll bring you something sweet," she teased, trying to pry something other than sullenness out of the boy.

Why not?

Who would miss him, anyway?

The dark nurse offered sweets to him in a voice that reminded Crowfeather of his mother. The dark yearling blinked several times at Tavina. He did not want to like her. The young man knew that it was not likely she would remain for long. None of the others had. Even the sharp red guard who had followed Satsu around had disappeared from the mesa.

Fine…

Crowfeather rolled his eyes but pushed himself up into a position that would be easier to support. There was a twinge in his ankle that he ignored.

"lean on me." not a suggestion. an order, one made with authority. she was their physician for a reason. so far she had escaped the dubious interest of their regent and avoided the queen. tavina was amused to find that sweets were a universal incentive.

she would help him out of the small room, and down the small corridor which expanded into the open-air throne room. away from the huff and noise further below, she felt crowfeather might thrive a bit. his view overlooked the great stone steps and the red sand stretching in long waves until the mesa lands met the snow.

"take some deep breaths. i'll be right back." tavina turned and stepped away.

Crowfeather burned as he pressed against the dark woman. He did not like it. He did not like having to rely on her for support. The shadow did not know her. She was sharp with her instruction and quick with her work. It was clear that she took her job seriously, for she put great effort into it. Still, the dark young wolf did not know her, and he did not want to be forced to rely on her.

As she guided him out of the room, away from his resting grounds, he could smell the air from the room. She led him, slowly, toward a place where he could sit and watch something other than the confines of Germanicus’ former quarters. The snow on the mesa stole his breath.

Tavina said she would step away for a moment.

Crowfeather sat, sides heaving from the effort of the walk. His eyes searched the grounds beyond. He imagined Germanicus approaching in long strides. He saw the sharpness of the man’s eyes, the familiar grey upon his muzzle. The shadow felt his heart grow heavy.

when tavina came back, it was with a small haunch of rabbit. she set it down beside crowfeather and settled nearby. the sesh didn't try to fill the space with small talk. she was as taken with the view as her patient.

she wondered what had happened before she arrived at akashingo. the boy was injured and of course that could make you bitter. but she only had one set of pages ripped from an unknown book as far as details. maybe he'd tell her when he was ready.

The dark woman had brought meat to him. Crowfeather watched her from the edge of his vision quietly. He did not like that she didn’t speak. He did not like it when she spoke, either. She was brisque and rather rigid in her nature. It made him feel like he was a nuisance pup being shood by someone else’s mother.

The shadow missed Tamar. At least she had been kind and warm. She had kept him company, when she could. The woman who aided him in her place left much to be desired. The young wolf could not help but wonder what Germanicus might think of Tavina. The thought brought a hint of a smile to his lips. He looked out across the snow wash and breathed the chilly air deep into his lungs.

Why are you here, Tavina? Why are you serving the Pharaoh?

Crowfeather did not meet her eye.

"i serve myself here, crowfeather." she had seen the hint of humour in his mouth. it relieved her to know that such an emotion still existed in the boy. "each day i rise and i do what i want. i am a healer. but i travel outside the pack land if i want that, too."

only the fellahin existed to serve. neither she nor crowfeather was one of those. "what are you going to do after you leave here?" tavina asked, plain in her awareness that he did not want to be present in the mesa.

The answer he received was something akin to what he might have expected from Ramesses. She said that she served herself, that she was a healer, that she could practice her medicine arts within Akashingo and then she could venture out into the wilds at her pleasure. Crowfeather did not know if he believed it, but he did not care to press her with further questions. The dark yearling missed Tamar. He missed Germanicus. He missed being anywhere other than the suffocating mesa.

Tavina asked him what he would do when he left.

I will travel east.

The shadow’s golden gaze lingered on the medic’s face.

I will find Germanicus and tell him- the yearling froze in his words. This was not Tamar. He could not share with Tavina in the same way. He did not trust her. I will tell him that I am well again. Crowfeather found himself overwhelmed by his thoughts of the silver eagle.

Why hadn’t he visited in so long?

"who's germanicus?" she could not remember hearing this name before. the name sounded strong. old. masculine. and he was someone of interest, for crowfeather to mention him first. she had seen the younger wolf falter. 

"where did he go?" tavina was relentless, and would remain so until the boy said in no uncertain terms that he would not speak of it. besides traveling and medicking, the woman collected stories. tales. but they were not for anyone but herself. it was tavina filling in the details of her world.

and what was east? did he mean to cross the mountains?

Germanicus is-

None of your business, he’d wished to snap at her. Irritation pricked at him, bristled him against her and her questions. What did it matter to her who Germanicus was? He was of no importance to the nursemaid. She didn’t even deserve to know him, if she didn’t already. The knowledge that Tavina had not even heard of the silver eagle had made Crowfeather wildly mad. It could not have been that long since the older man had been in Akashingo…. Could it?

He left to the east. He made an outpost in the mountains. Maybe for Ramesses… maybe not. I don’t know.

Crowfeather shrugged with indifference, but the truth of the matter was that he cared a great deal. Nothing inside of him could comprehend why Germanicus had not returned in such a long time. Their last conversation had been of a proposed marriage, of decisions that had not been made. The shadow could not help but feel that he had a ticking clock over his head.

tavina listened carefully. germanicus used to be here but was gone. he worked in the mountains for pharaoh. and she gathered he had not been back in a while. "we can find out, you know," the physician hummed. "tamar worked here before me. and she left with him. arsenio too."
"i'll ask her to come back for a day. you can see if she will carry your message then." it was a fitting plot. but she did not think crowfeather would accept. he seemed bent on living only day by day.

Tavina spoke of Tamar, souring Crowfeather.

The young darkling did not believe that she should speak of the former maid. Tamar was far more special than Tavina would ever be. She had gotten free of Akashingo, somehow. The shadow could not blame her for not staying in the mesa.

When the medic spoke of asking her to return for a day, Crowfeather shot a molten stare at her. The hairs along his neck bristled.

No. Crowfeather thought his voice would quaver, but it came out sharp and lashed like a whip.

She is better off far away from here.

can fade here! <3

"as you wish."

he did not want her help. tavina would not press it. she did not agree with his sentiment, but then again she did not know tamar. "the longer you think of this place as a prison rather than a source of power, the longer you will feel enslaved."

the dark healer moved off. she would return in thirty minutes to collect him.

Tavina tried to offer him some words of advice, but her briskness made it feel more like a piece of lecture. The shadow did not like to hear it, but he did not tell her. She was there of her own free will. How dare she speak to him in such a way? How dare she suggest that he grow used to the idea of Akashingo being a place of power, not a prison? Crowfeather could not stand the thought.

The nurse could leave at any time. He was stuck there until he could manage to walk on his own, for longer than a few minutes.

The shadow continued to gaze out at the stretch of terrain. He allowed his thoughts to wander to Germanicus. He reveled in them for as long as he could before he found himself growing sad. When he had tired of the place, Tavina escorted him back to his quarters where he slept to avoid remembering.