Sun Mote Copse Whenever you need an alibi for all your wicked schemes

The first thing Fennec did upon her return home was wander towards where she knew @Eljay frequented.  She'd informed @Bronco she'd be ready to return pretty soon after arriving; she wasn't as worried about visiting her parents, since they'd already given their blessing.  But she knew she should have a conversation with her mentor.

She should have had one before, but shit happened and Fennec rolled with it.

It was different, being back in a place that she was so familiar with.  She felt her muscles loosen into old patterns as her paws retraced the curve of the trees.  She caught a whiff of the garden and turned to approach it, lowering her head and sniffing at the flowers.  Part of what had pushed her ahead in medicine was that her mind was already so used to memorization, she hadn't needed to do much not to forget most of their uses.  The scent reminded her immediately, and she started to review silently while she waited for Eljay to appear.

Throughout Fennec's disappearance Eljay had spent a lot of time thinking. He'd just about reached a point where he felt comfortable to leave the pack knowing that he had someone to pick up his work. Now, after Fennec's long departure, he couldn't help but wonder if that was still true. What if she'd wanted to stay out there? What if... What if he could never leave, because they would always need him here? Eljay tried to push the selfish thoughts aside and focus on what Fennec might need. Here, there were wolves who didn't believe in her, to whom she had to prove herself. Maybe it was different there.

He swallowed thickly as she came into view and forced a smile to his face. Ah, back from your visit? he said, and waited for her to hopefully fill in the blanks that he had going on.

For now,  Fennec answered easily, upfront as usual.  She didn't really feel like tiptoing around it - she wasn't done with the Glen just yet if she had her way of it.  It had been too interesting to be surrounded by a bunch of wolves she barely knew (and even better, barely knew her).  Kukutux was incredibly busy, but what little she'd trained, she'd learned some.  It wasn't the attention Eljay had given her, but it wasn't the worst thing to be experimenting more on her own either.

I wanted to tell you, though, I thought it would be good to train with their healer a little.  Bronco invited me, said we could trade knowledge and all that.  She made a vague, dismissive gesture with her muzzle, almost automatically.  He didn't sound too upset, but his tone definitely had a tenor of 'forced' to it.  She didn't let it bother her, but she did wonder what it meant.  She had figured he might be bothered a bit by her leaving without saying anything, but not to any real extent for very long.

For now, she said, making Eljay feel just a little nervous. It sounded ominous, kind of, but luckily Fennec didn't waste much time before getting to the point and explaining that she would go back there to train with their medic. Eljay wished he could go, too, as it'd been so long since he had learned from someone else, but he knew that the pack needed him here.

Oh, he said, unable to hide the deflated tone to his voice. He had hoped for other news. That sounds nice. He did sound genuine, though he was partly setting up for his next question: How long do you think you'll be? She probably didn't know yet. He just hoped that this wasn't her way of saying 'forever'.

Of course he asked how long.  Are you staying?  Are you coming back?  How long?. It was all any of them were asking, and she had to take a beat so she wouldn't react to Eljay the way she had to Figment.  Her brother she could yell at, but her mentor not so much.

I don't know yet,  she replied, trying to keep an indifferent patience.  She hadn't been open with anyone, choosing to let them wait, but she figured in that moment she should probably tell Eljay what she was thinking.  He wouldn't talk to Bronco or Fig, and she could wait to disappoint one of them when the actual time to decide came.

They don't have a healer, and Kukutux seems busy on Moonspear.  Since you are here, I thought that I might stay.  Eventually.  But I haven't decided.  She wondered why he was asking.  I'd still want to learn from you, though.  So I could still visit every full moon, and we could swap info?  If he was worried about that, he shouldn't.  She'd never told him that he was a great teacher, but he was.

Fennec said she didn't know yet. Of course she didn't know yet. Eljay frowned at that... What if it meant forever? He felt nervous about that thought... Mostly because it didn't mesh well with his own tentative thoughts of departure. What if he didn't... couldn't... What if he could never leave? It seemed in that moment like they'd always need him.

Fennec confirmed that she considered staying with them. Not in so many words, but she said it anyway. They didn't have a healer. And the Firebirds had him.

Eljay swallowed as he tried to set his own worries and plans aside so that he could be happy for Fennec, who was young and had her whole life ahead of her. He was getting older, he was a homebody, and wolves relied on him. It made sense for him to stay and for her to go.

That... That makes sense, Eljay said, very bad at hiding that the news didn't hit him very well. That's nice -- I'm happy for you. Even though she had pretty much said that she hadn't really decided yet. And uh, of course we can keep learning. You're always welcome. Eljay smiled, though the smile was forced and he couldn't help but think of his own plans, which seemed like they might never blossom.

He wasn't happy.  She could hear it in his voice, and her expression became about as scrutinizing as it could be sans sight.  You don't really sound it.  The statement didn't have any accusation in it, but was delivered as a blatant fact.  If it helps, I'll stay or go depending on what I want either way.  But why?  She was honestly curious.

She had the sneaking suspicion that it was because he doubted his own teaching skills, and if he leveled with her, she could shoot that down point blank.  If it was because he was going to miss her... ugh.  Not much she could do about that, besides put up with it just like she did her parents.  She missed them all too of course, but it was different.

Even though she didn't accuse him, Eljay couldn't help but say - I'm sorry. Because he was happy for her, even though he was at the same time not-so-happy for himself. It didn't make much sense, but there's where it was at. Eljay bit his lip. He didn't want to influence her in any way; he did want her to make her own choices and be happy, honestly, and if was a relief that she said she wouldn't be influenced by what he said anyway.

When she asked why he was taken aback, as he hadn't expected a question like that. Ah... he said, not sure if he wanted to tell anyone about it, much less his young apprentice. It's... It's nothing. It's stupid. I just thought -- well -- it would be easier knowing there's a medic at the Firebirds, even if I'd... If something happened to me, or if I wanted to... If I had to go somewhere. He made it sound like it was more in the eventuality that he would want to visit someone -- and who would he even visit? he never left the pack -- but there was a hint to something greater in there, something he wasn't sure he was ready to tell anyone. Besides, he was terrified that she'd tell Towhee or anyone else in the Firebirds.

It was neither of those things, it was actually something else entirely.  He seemed hesitant as he spoke, but Fennec was able to pick up on what he said surprisingly quickly.  Either he was worried or he felt stuck, and the latter was something she'd spent a whole lot of time feeling.  She'd also spent a whole lot of time worried about making others feel that way, too much to let it go without making a comment on it.

You worry too much.  She said, again with the bluntness.  But she had a small smile on her face.  You wouldn't like it if I let you saying that stop me from going where I wanted, right? So you should go do... whatever you need to do.  Or even take a vacation.  I dunno.  She'd never known Eljay to leave, but that didn't mean he didn't get bored here.  She'd be absolutely stiff with it if she were him.  It isn't like they need you all the time, and it isn't like I'm never talking to you all again.  We're pretty close.

It was a nicer version than she would have given someone else, but Fennec's mentality was basically 'screw them, find your happiness'.  It made her an interesting choice as far as medics go.  It's pretty stupid, thinking a whole pack can't function without you.  That was meaner.  She didn't intend it to be, but weirdly, she knew how he felt.  Not because she felt that way, but because he sounded an awful lot like Fig right now.

It was true that he worried a lot, maybe even too much; he wouldn't deny that. Fennec seemed amused by it to some degree as she said that he should take time for himself and unwind. But Eljay couldn't help but feel that if he would go, he'd be gone for a long time and it would be hard for others. He felt like they needed him, and he felt like he was letting them down if he did leave.

I suppose so, he said, though couldn't help but feel that he wouldn't get to visit Fennec much. He didn't know his way around outside at all, so he didn't feel confident finding his way.

Fennec then said that it was stupid to think a pack couldn't function without one. Eljay glanced at his paws and was silent for some time after she said that. He did feel kinda stupid feeling that way. However, he didn't want to let anyone down, either. Maybe she was right, and nobody would really mind if he went away. He thought of when he had first left home. It was... Trying. Nobody had missed him then; not really. Why did he think it would be different now? It was laughable in a way.

Ah... I guess you're right. It is pretty stupid. Eljay sounded conflicted, as it he didn't know what to feel. He wasn't sure if this talk made him feel better or worse. He still felt regularly as if he wasn't needed at all. Well... That's how he felt like right now, anyway, after what Fennec had said, or rather, reminded him of. It mostly reminded him of a dark place in his past and made him feel as if he hadn't grown at all since then. It wasn't a very great or flattering feeling.

Do you have many friends there? Eljay asked, in an attempt to steer the subject back to something a little less dark.

If Fennec was a more thoughtful wolf she might have tempered what she'd said after the reaction.  Instead, she let it rest with quite a bit of satisfaction.  It was the truth and Eljay needed to hear it.  She didn't see what the big deal was; she was leaving him behind just fine, and he'd deal with it, just like they would if he left them short handed for a bit.  Her confidence in no way accounted for the full story, but then again, it never did.

He changed the subject and Fennec let him.  A few.  Bronco and Meerkat, of course.  Kukutux is pretty alright, and there's a girl who I started kind of teaching.  Plus some of the rest of the pack.  I've mostly just been getting to know the place.  The amount of energy that just this took made it a little hard to truly integrate.  As did her tendency to never take any interaction seriously.  Maybe I could bring Sialuk sometime, to get some pointers.  She's super nice so you'd probably get along.  The way Fennec said it, it wasn't a clear compliment, but she did have a smile on her face.

just in case, going to track counts - WC: 196

The subject changed while Eljay still considered Fennec's words in his mind. He nodded when she mentioned a few wolves that she'd met. She also mentioned she was teaching someone. Oh, teaching? he said, clearly surprised to hear about that, though not negatively so.

She suggested bringing Sialuk then, presumably the one she was teaching, then. That would be nice, Eljay said with a soft smile. It's always great to teach someone new.

Teaching was a rather generous depictor of what Fennec was doing.  'Hazing' was more accurate, 'mentoring' a stretch even.  But Fennec smirked and nodded, proud of the fact that she'd taken this poor sweet girl under her wing.  So to speak.  She'd teach her to be a proper witch in name and spirit, because who didn't want to be that?  Even Kukutux had an air about her of mystery with all of her niceness.

I'll ask.  She responded, then paused, letting the quiet stretch a moment.  Well, thanks.  For teaching me, and all.  It's been great.  It didn't come out in the most heartfelt tone, but for Fennec, that was a lot of open words.  She was going to dismiss herself, but then thought better of it.  Before I go, want me to tell you some of what Kukutux told me?  A lot had been re-enforcement, but there had been a couple of new tricks that she wondered if Eljay simply hadn't gotten to yet.  On the off chance she had something new to illuminate him on, she wanted to share.

we can fade this and have another sometime now that they are closer!
WC: 181

Fennec sounded like she was about to leave, since she thanked him for teaching her and all that. Eljay nodded, preparing for a good bye, but it didn't come. Instead, Fennec asked if he wanted her to tell him what Kukutux had taught her back at Moonspear.

Eljay nodded eagerly and said, Yes, I'd love to hear it and compare notes. He had learned practically all he knew from Raven, after all, so Eljay was excited for an opportunity to learn something new. He listened to what Fennec had to say and, after they were done talking, wished her a heartfelt good luck on her journeys and hoped to see her again soon.


// yes, good idea! My last post then! ^^