Lion Head Mesa adoration

it was nearing the end of her own day, and it was time now for her evening bathing. with @Eset she now walked, her steps quiet as she considered a gift to thank the lovely girl who had come to them in a time of need. already, this one has become essential to her—like Tuna! 
she cared for the welfare of all that served her. and so she asks, with genuine interest, do you find yourself happy here? along the way.

<33

Toula, gliding with wonted preeminence. Eset, two paces behind and on the Queen’s left. It is here where the maidservant prefers to be. Close enough to anticipate the young sovereign’s graceful lean should she have occasion to whisper a request into a broad ear. Far enough to denote proper hierarchy.

She studies Toula’s elegant profile as they move down the low-lit hallway to the baths. There is a delay in answer, though only due to the internal reeling of such consideration being shown to her.

“Impossibly so. Tuna’s instruction has been exceedingly helpful, and the Sesh Tavina has been kind enough to offer to teach me between shifts.”

At the edge of the spring the fellahin tests the temperature then breaks lotus stems and empties their white, sweet-smelling sap into the waters before offering an arm out for Toula to take.

“How are you, My Queen?”

It is a tentative ask when her eyes seek for her’s. This sort of shared conversation between master and serf would have never been permitted in her native realm. Yet, it felt there was a true sense of companionship sought by the Queen. Something akin to not just servant- but friend.

She is so blest, so self-actualized that it is sometimes easy to forget the Queen is only a young girl with all the weight of a kingdom on her shoulders.

Toula was happy to hear it, and it showed in her beaming smile. I am so glad, she breathed, further thrilled to hear of the education the fellahin would receive. it made perfect sense to Toula; her people, her attendants among them, would receive the best of the best. Toula would settle for nothing less for them! you do so much for Akashingo, as do all the fellahin—I want for each of your happiness, and for none to take advantage of you, and your hard work, 
although she did not know the way of things in the past, Toula knew the future that she wanted was a golden thing for all. Toula watches as Eset works, admiring her own movements as she did. Toula was an admirer of all beautiful things, and Eset was no exception! when the arm was provided, Toula would take it and be guided into the warm lotuswater. 
the other fellahin drew closer to assist where Eset might ask. already, Toula’s muscles loosened and relaxed. I am alright. many men come to Akashingo, Eset had been by her side to see the arrival of some! in time, perhaps she might choose one to become her husband—but such a choice was a weighty one. what do you think of them? she murmured, her lips hovering just above the water.

A silent handmaid knows never to answer such a question with honesty, even if she did not doubt Toula’s sincerity nor anticipate reprimand for an unfavorable appraisal. She hesitates.

“They’re certainly all very handsome. Of course, looks don’t govern a kingdom but I should think it would not hurt to have someone attractive to sit beside.” Her lips rouse into a small smile. “Lords Harakhte, Thutmose,” a pause, “and Prince Senmut.”

She fills a narrow basin to spill warm water against the back of the Queen’s crown and down over her neck.

What did she truly think of them? Underwhelming. Prince Harakhte makes himself scarce. Prince Thutmose was perhaps better suited to lead an army than a nation. She’s certain Prince Senmut hasn’t known a moment of laughter in all his life. And these are the men her vibrant Queen has to make Pharaoh? She will of course be forced to acknowledge her own biases- that any one of the three would make Toula a proud consort, but none could match what the Queen offers.

She deserves a husband who's willful, charming, capable and intellectual. Devout. A man who commands the room when he enters, who cares about the people of his realm, who inspires loyalty and coalition, and equally as committed to his wife and her happiness. A man who wants to heal and complements her good ambition to do so. She deserves desire.

Above all she deserves a true choice in all of it.

“Do you feel passion for any of them, My Queen?” Eset draws a cleansing paw across her shoulders.

Toula listens in silence, thinking while the waters sluiced between her shoulder blades and descended from her crown. she trusts the counsel of her personal fellahin perhaps greater than any other. 
these names would continue to linger within her mind, all from Eset’s speaking of them. the power of a voice! it could move kingdoms. 
and perhaps this was why as of yet she has no words of her own. except as Eset spoke another. there was uncertainty present in the one eye she opened that turned toward the fellahin. that trust, there, too. soothed by the touch, and feeling her worries melt away even while that uncertainty seemed to mount, Toula asked, …passion? with plenty of wonder in the word. is that the same thing as love? she had heard the word, but had never taken its meaning—all these things danced around, for the sake of propriety perhaps. but Toula found she heard it again and again, in the place of where one might expect to hear the word she thought was meant.
and Toula was solemn; once, she might have had love! now she dreamt of it still, but the words of Senmut resonated. her choice… this king… they might well become Pharaoh. she could not be led by anything other than her mind—but Toula did not let this be something to dread. 
no—any who could help her in continuing building this place to greatness… they were worthy of her love, after all! even if that might come later!

A dead mother. An absent sister. A young girl who’s only semblance of sisterhood is in the confidence of the maidservants she keeps around her. It is quite tragic. Even more so when Eset acknowledges the Queen’s kindness that refuses to bend beneath the weight of her atef.

The fellahin too has endured. Toula arms herself with love, Eset plates herself in ice. She has learned of what comes from an ill-timed glance or a word set at an unpropitious time. There has always been a way to feel nothing, and she has found the power in that. It is a game to see how little can be felt.

Though, it is a choice. And now the fellahin finds herself wanting to believe in Toula’s way, her divinity but also this mortal nature that in her heart chooses to give even when so much has been taken. To feel not less, but more.

She places the basin on the tiles and steps around the edge of the bath until she is face-to-face with her Queen.

Beautiful, she is. The Goddess, and the mortal girl in unison.

“Do you imagine them when you’re not together? When you’re not even standing in the same room?” She eyes the tawny frame of her face, shown molten gold in the lowlight. “That’s what passion is, your grace.”

“It is craving.”

the words were enough to stir something within her, but what it was she did not know. only that she felt warmer, suddenly—but it was not inexplicable. she was in the warm waters of the baths, after all. 
but the question begged both thought, and an answer. Toula thought of the dreams she has had recently, of who occupied her mind. she had not known that it might be passion!
the tall, dark, and handsome man @Akavir came to mind unbidden. but then so too did the rest, and she said with a laugh, well, now I am thinking of them all! she revealed with a small smile. both eyes opened them, looking to the lovely Eset before her. I… I do not know.  I have been thinking of all my people, when I am not with them, not yet in the bloom of her second year, the idea of passion newly introduced was one Toula found herself curious about it.
is there any that… you have felt passion for? she asked, eyes turning toward the petals drifting around them.

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“Yes, my Queen,” her mouth curls into sultry smile. Even the eunuchs in her homeland could appreciate a handsome form.

In a pregnant pause she considers turning the subject. This innocence is cloying. But the fellahin knows to preserve it is to condemn her Queen to discovery in a way that may be less tender than the maidservant’s own teachings. Here there is safety, there are the sown seeds of trust and an understanding that can only be shared between two women.

And the Queen is a woman, now.

Thus, the fellahin will teach of the ancient dance, the biological imperative, but also knowing the masterpiece of the gods which was her own body, her own gratification. Her Queen would have all she desires.

“There is great joy to be had with the right partner.” With the wrong one, too.

Toula watches Eset now, rapt. she had! Toula could not even imagine it, knowing so little about it. but it did not seem a bad thing… only unknown. but were not most things that were unknown meant to be explored? 
she could not pretend to not feel relieved when joy was a part of it. so, how could this be a thing that was meant to be avoided? passion is great joy, she came to understand, looking to Eset with bright eyes that burned only with her curiosity, 
so, men can know this passion? and… cause me to feel such, too? she asked, and wondered!

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“Yes, you will feel it together,” she explains, admiring Toula’s curiosity, her ardent nature. “But on your own terms, my Queen, and only when you are ready.” Her pleasure would never be a compulsion, nor a simulation. She did not know the nature of the Princes, but she felt at least with the Erpa-ha and his great respect for Toula, that much would be true.

“It is not only men,” she continues, “You may feel passion for women, also. Or exclusively.” Tavina.

“You may not feel it at all until you know their minds. Listen to what your heart tells you- what your body knows.”

in the warm waters, Toula lets herself be rubbed in oils to both make her smell sweeter and add a sheen to her furs. they would feel it together. that, at least, was a comfort. to know that if she might be feeling passion, another would be as well. Toula smiled at the thought.
she was learning more and more. Toula now asked, so, the mind can create passion! but it is not always so, as... as I do not think I have felt passion. or caused it, here, her expression fell. why have I not caused any to feel passion? is it that my mind is... lacking? surely not! but then, well, she did not even know of the existence of it until now... so it was not impossible.
Toula, committed to learning and to bettering herself, as well as the whole of Akashingo, would remedy this!

The fellahin had to blush at that.

“I am certain that is not true, my Queen.” Eset had never seen another woman with Toula’s salient beauty. All others paled in comparison. Surely she knew this? Though she had no mother, no sister to tell her so. “You know, you are very beautiful. You inspire great passion.”

She smiles and returns to lathering her flaxen shoulders. “And you are young. In time it will come. When it does, you will know it. Or it may emerge in other ways, and that is normal too, my Queen. Sometimes you desire no touch at all. But there are ways you can still be passionate with one another.”

A troubling thought now, for the Queen is also the vessel of which the royal line would continue.

while Toula did pride herself on her appearance, it was only in the way that many of her own culture did. her cleanliness, the opulent things in which she wore. the things that she wore were all beautiful, lovely things. but that she too was beautiful... she had never thought to look at herself in such a way! in the way that so many of the great Goddesses were depicted and known to be.
among several other things, now being beautiful, too, felt important. how to do so, she would think so. Eset had done enough by saying so, and she looked to Eset with a gaze that searched for deception. there was none to be found. you are very beautiful too, Eset, she speaks with fondness in her voice, and wonders why she did not feel this passion before the fellahin. perhaps because the love in which Toula carries for her is true and real, and that strangely, she looks up to the woman. fellahin she might be, but she is held in too high regard.
if any is deserving of passion, it is the one before her. you have given me much to think of, Toula admits with a warm laugh, stepping now outside of the baths and waiting to be dried by fresh skins warmed by the sunrocks, I thank you, for your candor, and she prayed she would always receive it from the fellahin!

new thread incoming!!!!