Luneshale Pass Night poem

It wasn’t just that she came for the throne.

Many had. The three princes jockeyed for it, devolving what would be a proper courtship into a game of forcing hands, softly cloying words and gifted goats. A fourth raised from the sands tomorrow would hardly warrant a second glance; toss him into the crucible, it would scarcely a splatter make.

But this was no farflung royal, this was Toula’s sister. Her own blood, who upon resurrection had demanded not to see her mother, or father, or siblings- only for absolute monarchy.

And as the evening drew to a close Eset was quick to ward off courtiers and whisk @Toula away to her bedchamber where she could exist for once in silence after her bath.

“Would you like to be alone, my Queen?” There is hesitation in the threshold. She had prepared the sovereign’s room with the usual customaries, but some light touches, too. She’d clipped some acacia to fragrant the new chamber for a little reminder of home. She’d fixed her bed with the finest of pelts, and also on the floor where her paws would step first on something soft.

There was much to think about. The fellahin would not crowd her, but she worries.

it was all very beautiful, and now, Toula rest comfortably on the furs lain out by Eset. still she did not feel the pull of sleep. while soothed by all the thoughtful things that the fellahin had, noticeably, brought to make this space a home during their traveling... there was much to think of. the night, the princes—but most importantly, it felt, the surprise that had returned home to them.
Pharaoh. Akashingo wished to be Pharaoh. whether Toula called her as she was, a Princess, or not... it did not, would not, stop her sister for wanting it. why had her father not foreseen this, as a potential outcome? but perhaps he had. and perhaps he knew a daughter of his might bring war to them, to again vie for something not their own.
not now, at least. not yet.
she sighed, placing her tapered muzzle over a foreleg. her turquoise gaze found that of Eset, who had gently asked her a question to which Toula shook her head. stay with me, she willed of Eset with a sigh, the words more a request than a command at that moment. Toula wished she could bask in the pleasantness of the evening, but found again her title demanded more of her than to give in to the whim of her delight.
that could come after. I am sorry, to have added to your work tonight... but I do hope you were able to enjoy yourself, she breathed, thinking now of a way to celebrate the fellahin and their labors.

Eset walked over swiftly to crouch at Toula’s bedside. A paw threads with her own, a second reaching to stroke softly around her palegold temple.

“Where is your mind, my Queen?” She asks, breath catching, eyes holding fast with rigid regret.

She wanted so much more for Toula. The Queen deserved to know familial love, and here she was so close to having it again tonight. And yet, the greatest loss was Ashikaga’s. The Queen’s affection is unconditional, but the amiirad will not know the true breadth of what her sister gives-

And in this Eset’s own anger burns! For there was not a throne on earth worth exchanging for Toula’s love.

Toula leans into the touch, sighing softly. her gaze is distant as she admits, it is in the past. it is in the Land of Reeds. it is here, too—with the princes, but mostly with my people, Eset among them! the God of Dreams brought me my father. I remember nothing, truly, of that dream except for this: to not choose a prince for Pharaoh would incite war. it is not that I think she is wrong for it, it is that I think… I perhaps am right for it. but for Akashingo, it would mean blood. and I am happiest, to be Queen, she reveals, if it means there is none of that. but if Ashikaga truly means to be Pharaoh— she closes her eyes. 
and she saw the blood. no, Toula did not want it for herself, not like this. not for Ashikaga, either—surely Ashikaga could not want that either! not if she loved Akashingo. they open quickly, and she speaks softly: what would my father say now? did it matter? does my sister not understand that the Gods brought her here because I asked for the return of my family? not to be Pharaoh! that was for Makono! …or a brother, should he return. they would be married, and the question of who must I pick might be eradicated entirely. no, not true—she would likely ask her brother to take another husband, too, as he might take another wife if he someday wished. so long as she was the principal one among them, the truth was she did not mind it! but so many had been taken from her too soon—Osiris had seen perhaps three. yes, if Makono was not returned to her now… that must be what it meant.
why must everything be about power? and that, perhaps most of all, was why she did not wish to become Pharaoh—she did not desire to turn into one who moved with only this in mind.

Her clutch strengthens and with quiet intent she listens. There is grave augury in the Queen’s own words and it unearths the memory of what Senmut had revealed during his council some time ago: only the Queen can legitimize a pharaoh. Only she can carry this new dynasty. No one is her equal.

So rose the question again in her mind; why must ruling Pharaoh be a thing now only among men? If the roles then were reversed, a Pharaoh might choose to marry all three amorous prospects. To do so would hardly prompt war- and if a divine being could diffuse bloodshed, Eset knew her to be Toula.

Yet, Ashikaga, in her demanding ingress, is another player that must be advised altogether differently. The influence of her birthright set her apart from the trio of Sphinx.

“I wish things tonight with your sister could have gone differently, for you, my Queen,” in all this Eset can only offer her a fellahin’s comfort and devotion, in the union of both palms and eyes that clearly declared herself loyal to Toula.

“Though, perhaps it still can,” permitting a small, hopeful smile. If the princess had good sense, she too would see the merit of Toula’s sovereignty, in the wisdom of her leadership and not only in her bloodright.

Power, then. That word seems to hang phrenetic in the air between them.

Of course it is about power- how could it be about anything else? Eset had seen how power is never static, that it is either accumulating or decaying; that power begets power; and so does powerlessness.

But a Queen would not think in this way. Toula did not. She looks into the young girl’s face silently then down at the twine of their paws. The tension she feels will not go away. She is struck with the sharp brunt of truth; that Toula was born a goddess, and Eset a whore. 

“I do not know, your highness.”

Toula looked to Eset, one ear pricking. her hope was enough, and Toula saw the light. yes, it can, she nodded, it will. it must! Toula would not turn upon her sister, but she saw now how the Gods placed them on Their senet board. 
and then, something fraught between them. perhaps the word. perhaps her own frustration. Toula let loose a long breath, shifting nearer, thinking,
well, I suppose it is not convenient for you either, is it? I am sorry, I have been selfish, she shakes her head. you… I have been blessed, that you have found me. my gratitude, it knows no bounds, truly. your work—it is impeccable. and the love in my heart for you only seems to grow. your support, your presence, your guidance… I do not know how I have lived so long without it, a gentle laugh. she quiets, giving Eset room to extract herself. in recognizing all this then, a thought is then planted. but it is not the time, not now!  
will you tell me what is on your mind? she asks then, voice both soft and apologetic.

Eset stares at her. The words are unbearable. They were all she ever wanted to hear; that she had something beyond physical value; that she was worthy of tenderness. And she felt it too, a true affection for Toula, something as close to love as could be.

But she was a sinner who held hands with a Goddess. Power; the secret poison. Her ambitions felt like something she must keep hidden from her mistress. Perhaps because she was born at the wrong time and in the wrong place where noble women were expected to be wholly satisfied with shiny things and not much else, and serfs had the same rights as the steer or the lamb. The fellahin was greedy for control, success, rubies. She wanted all of it.

And if Toula knew these things she would not look upon her as she is now, with the same admiration. With love. A guilty blade in her stomach twists, but she does not withdraw from the intimacy in this moment, gathering herself gently closer.

“Holy One- it is I who have been blessed. There are so many words I would use to describe you, my Queen. Selfish would never be among them. I have found true happiness in your kingdom, in serving you and your people. I only wish for you to find this same happiness, in all aspects of life. With your sister, your family, and also in love.”

She once again settles, her lips arching, “I am wondering now how it's possible that a woman so young can be so wise.”

she smiles at her fellahin—her friend. through and with love, I have found that all has been possible. the Gods lead me, and perhaps it was because They, too, loved Akashingo as she did. she trusted Them with the outcome, but knew also that she still must work. 
but to the latter point, of love, Toula revealed: I believe our Erpa-Ha to be in love with another. and she is worthy of it—she is kind, and good. her name is Nazli, her eyes were bright. I cannot take this from him. from her, she did not know of the many failings—that he no longer believed there was a chance for them. she only knew that with her power, she no longer wished to tie one to her; it felt like an abuse of it,
and she sighs! he offered to marry her—my sister, too, for her, yes, she saw that. but she also saw how many times over Senmut was stretched between one person, another—with no real choice of his own in the matter.
he must wholeheartedly pursue his choice. Toula would not command it.

“Oh,” she breathes, conspicuous is the shock in her eyes before she has the opportunity to mask it, “will they marry?”

Nazli, the girl who was once fellahin, now risen to sesh, and who Eset knows only from glimpses in passing and the whispers in the servant corridors she’d learned to take a discriminating ear to... and how Senmut had hesitated-

In the revelation, Toula’s face is searched for underlying hurt- or acceptance. Her Queen would never be made to stand in the way of love- but there was a gentleness there, between Queen and Prince.

“How do you feel about this, Divine One?” Her ask is gentle, resuming a stroke, sisterly, to the edge of a flaxen temple. For it is possible, too, that she'd come to develop feelings for the Erpa-ha, in the span of their courtship.