Shadow Mountain Night Cafe for lonely cynics

Scouting for large game was a very good excuse nowadays to be away from home for many days at a time and avoid socializing with others. There were newcomers that had joined recently, who she did not care to meet or talk to. There was Arbiter that was tolerable and Terance that had become a ghost of a brother. Now and then there was a fleeting memory of good old times, them being best friends and confidants, but they had become white-washed and muddled recently. It felt like it had happened to someone else and had nothing to do with Sarah's present introvert and cynical self. 

The goat she had been following up the Shadow mountain had long disappeared from her sight, yet the weather-worn forest wolf found herself wandering the dark and dangerous realms of this territory. Now and then the seemingly solid surface under her feet gave way and she almost fell, but recovered the footing quickly enough and continued her way. There was no landmarks to guide her, no certain destination on her mind. Just walking ahead, until she felt like to stop and peer down at the land below. And wonder, whether the next time she slipped, it would be worth not to fight and just let things happen as they should.

likewise, mahler was searching for prey that would fill diasporan bellies. small game would not do for new caches — he feared the herds had poured out of the sunspire in response to the changing world.
some days past, there had been a great roar, a blotting of autumn hues in the cold sky o’er the taiga. grimly he had watched, unsure of what it could be. and had eventually circled back to his wolves none the wiser.
the ignorance, the unsurety; mahler was weary, and fear had begun to worm its way beneath the hard barrier around his spirit.
the gargoyle padded along the  sharp ridges, lavender eyes burning for the smallest shift of movement that might spell the difference between life and death for diaspora.

By now Sarah had got used to the negative thoughts that swam in the aquarium of her mind among others as if they owned the place. Blocking them out had been an almost year-long struggle with few bright beacons of success, until she had decided to stop fighting them and leaving, where they were. She trusted herself to be in enough control not to let them take completely over, but gave them enough freedom to amuse herself.

There were worse games to play after all than her occasional challenges of suicidal ideas. Even now, when yet another group of rocks slipped away beneath her feet, forcing her to quickly seek out a solid ledge to stand on, she knew that there was enough will in her to survive and live on. No matter, how bleak and pointless life sometimes seemed to her. Little reminders - dangerous as they may be - were beneficial to her mental health.

However, a distraction from her solitude came in a form of a dark shape moving in her direction. The path was narrow, they could not avoid each other, even if they wanted it and Sarah was not in a habit to take the same way twice. After some deliberation she continued her way up boldly and soon realized that this was a person she knew. Looks could deceive - it was dark - but scents did not lie. She could read his profile as clearly as if he had stood in broad daylight. 

Much to her delight (which - mind you - was not common these days), the acquaintance was not at all too unpleasant. Mahler the wolf had been. A name of any other person would have escaped her memory the moment she turned her back on them. She was not in habit of meeting wolves second time over. But burrying a corpse together is an experience that people can bond over. Odd and morbid as it may be. Friendships have started on stranger grounds too.

"Came to discuss that lunch date?" she asked him, when he was within the earshot.

diaspora was in danger of crumbling; a horrid thought that haunted mahler as he drew up the scent of pika and began to follow it toward a stack of rocks. the mountains were not a place the gargoyle trusted any longer; he lived in fear that the stones might slide from upon the peaks and crush some child or another.
perhaps the sunspire could no longer be home to them.
it was a foreign and disappointing thought, but one easily buoyed when a familiar scent entered his nostrils. sarah. a smile tugged itself into life upon his grim mouth.
so some force had seen fit to give him respite — he wondered at the existence of gods as described by maegi, but ultimately attributed his companion’s presence to a need for inner balance.
”i am,” the shadowpriest intoned, and soon fell into step with sarah, pleased that her company had arrived at such a time.
mahler was more able, now, to ignore the possibility of rockfall, the threat of collapsing trees, the complete disappearance of ego. just for a small while. 

Mahler was indeed looking for food - the same reason Sarah had been drawn to the mountains. Were it in abundance in the lowlands, she would have never set her paw on these treacherous rocks. Now, however, providence saw it fit for her to meet a person, who was on a similar quest. Which saved her the trouble of meaningless small-talk or attempt to be polite and likeable.

"I have observed that, where you are concerned, no food is to be found," she joked dryly, referring to the last time they had met and the duck hunt that had not taken place. Her choice of words had not been very funny and that had not really been her intention either. "Is it just as bad, where you live, as it is down there?" she asked him.

oho — a dry barb. ”i shall do my best not to be seen by our prey,” mahler quickly rejoined, eyes glinting with amusement in the woman’s direction. it was not a tone he would have tolerated from anyone, but the she-wolf had set herself apart already.
”ja. it drove us from the lake down into the fox hollow,” he answered, solemn once more. ”the herds seem to have left the mountains altogether.” it was the way of their kind to become feral, nomadic; in the weeks to come, perhaps mahler would push for such.

"You'd better," Sarah replied and listened to Mahler's brief history with the board wide plot that had affected not only territories that were in the direct neighbourhood of Lost Creek Hollow, but also areas quite far-off. The wolfess did not know the whole scope of Teekon Wilds, but for a moment she did wonder, whether the grass was still greener elsewhere or whether it was in the same sandy-grey colour as here. 

If she was any judge that the Fox hollow the man mentioned was one that stood near hollow wolves' hunting grounds. More competition was the last thing they needed, but she was diplomatic enough (and she liked the fellow in her own way) not to let this brief flash of slight dismay at the current events show through. And good thing she did not - because she was wrong. Instead she remained calm and composed, not exactly sympathetic, but invested in the conversation and her companion.

"They seem to have left the flatlands as well. Haven't seen or found a fresh track in many weeks," she shared in a serious tone. "Should have left with them, when all of this started," she added. "Silly to believe that things will improve by themselves. Magically. They never do."

had he known sarah's thoughts about the fox hollow, mahler might have hastened in his way to assure the woman that the place of which she was thinking and where he had settled his wolves were not one and the same. as it was, he had little way of knowing her inner flare, and kept his attention upon their conversation. "never," he agreed, a sigh whispering from his lips.
"perhaps they have gone to the taiga," he suggested, aware that revealing this might spell more competion for diaspora. he hated this world now, the sundering of it forcing him to regard even the creatures of which he was fond with wariness. any meat sarah might hunt today was flesh from the mouths of his own pack's pups, and not for the first time did he curse stigmata and his too-hungry dowsing rod by which he had created a disparity of grown wolves and young in diaspora. "vill you follow?"

"Or the opposite way," Sarah's guess was just as good as Mahler's. Both of them had missed their chances to leave, when it was still an option. He because of the location of his home and she because she did not put much value to her life. The warning signs had all been there but she had let them slipp away beneath her feet the same way the rocks on this path. 

"I don't have much say in this," she answered. "If I left on my own, it would be considered treason," Sarah had seen, how her brother and mate treated those, who left. A year ago she would have been on the same side. Now - leaving seemed just as good option as staying. She would be lonely among the crowds anyway. "What kept you stay?" 

"treason? to depart calamity?" mahler rejoined, more sharply than he had meant. "vhat kept me vas diaspora. i am its general. there are pups to be tended, too young yet to fend alone." who were these leaders, that would judge sarah so harshly for seeking survival elsewhere? "there is a place for you among us," he offered. she seemed a loyal sort, or she would have already left off their foolishness.
lavender eyes fell upon her; he paused his step to scent the air. "vhat is done is done; ve must make the most of it now."

"Uhm... there is a history of bad breakups," Sarah replied, not wishing to blame Terance for them remaining, where they were, or for her choice to stay. If she had been truly selfish as she believed herself to be, she would not have had any scruples over, what her brother might think. But in her wretched, ice-cold heart there were memories of former affection and love. They held her in place. 

"Truth to be told, I never suggested it. Leaving together. And leaving on my own now or going elsewhere would not make much of a difference," she mused. "I have an option between dying within the pack with at least one person weeping over my dead body or dying somewhere all on my own," and here she smiled. "I don't believe that as a rotting corpse I will care, but I find the first option a bit better."

how could one be broken away from he who had earned respect? mahler did not understand sarah's wording here, but in his usual way, did not seek clarification. it would be put aside, and in a quiet moment he would pull the concept forth and mull over it. 
the she-wolf spoke again; dire words, but there was a truth to them that the gargoyle could not refute. "i vould prefer to die in the mountains," he agreed. one among them, at very least, held mahler between heart and heartstring.
"i have no children. perhaps next year, i vill have them, if only to lament me,"  he muttered dryly, though his lilac eyes glinted with a fine humour in her direction.

Sarah did not believe that she would have much choice in, where to die, but thinking about her parents and, how they had went, she thought that it did not matter either. They had been together and, though it was still painful to return to that place in her memories, she realized that she wished the same out. With someone, who cared. 

"What deters you?" she asked, wondering, why a man Mahler's age did not have any offspring yet. In her limited experience it was her gender that had to care for children that weren't their own. Men had far more freedom.

"last season it vas because i loved no vone," mahler answered, unruffled by sarah's inquiry. "and this season, it is because i love more than vone."
"my kill-brother and general of diaspora has died, leaving me to lead them. to swell their numbers," mahler sighed. "his vay is not mine. but it is the best vay for the pack.

So it was that complicated. Last year he had none, this year he had two to choose from. And Sarah's mathematical thinking stopped there, because she saw neither logic, nor knew, what to add to this. There was certainly nothing she could relate to.

Her biography up to this very day was not a chick-lit novel that anyone would find exciting to read. Serious, strong, masculine women that had more interest in warfare than romance rarely were of any appeal to general audiences. If that homme fatale (new term learned today!!!) came along, wooed that solid concrete and melted that ice cold heart (figuratively speaking), he would still find a heavily armed distrustful girl inside with an axe raised ready to swing. No tears, no regrets, no illusions and not particularly interesting.

"Kids are a necessary evil," Sarah finally said. "There are five minutes of pleasure, two months of burden and a year to make something out of them. And even then you may not be sure that they will turn out to be useful," this she spoke from experience in her birth pack. Why her mother had chosen to have more kids after her first litter was beyond Sarah's grasp. She had loved her siblings in her own particular way, but if there was an opportunity to make investments in the future with better rates of success, she would definitely choose them.

"Don't get me wrong - I do not hate kids. I just think that those, who start a pack with this grand idea of "swelling the numbers", should also be aware of all the trouble that it entails," she finished. "Unless he has someone else to do the job for him after the first part is done."

a smile plied his mouth. "i know vell the trouble that so many bring. stigmata left us vith two litters, half-grown now. loved as my own, but i do fear the toll that this time vill take upon them."
what would sarah think of him, to know it was more than two, to know he had considered such long before their conversation today? perhaps it will reduce him to a troublesome man in her eyes; perhaps this was what he was.
"he was not strategic. not how i plan to be," mahler muttered, seeing no reason to share with her his devisements. "another vay to confirm a pack's greatness is to plant seeds elsewhere, come to claim them vhen they are old enough. in this vay, your own resources are not terribly squandered, you are vith blood-allies, and your legacy stretches to all reaches."
"they are the life of any pack. for a man to have many is important; for a man to choose their mothers visely is even moreso. i desire to be as present as i might for each woman." unrealistic, perhaps, but mahler enjoyed the challenge of it.

Sarah had been born and raised in the classical and conservative model of family. There were her parents and there were their children. The very idea that Dante could have gone around to "fulfill" that important task of having as many kids as possible elsewhere as well, felt impossible and wrong. She knew without asking that Terance would not do it. Not without being killed by Arbiter first, that is. There was no one else that came to her mind and while staring at Mahler with a puzzled expression, she wondered, what kind of experience he had under his belt to speak like this. 

His ideas were rational from all corners, she agreed that he was right in theory. Choosing the best of the best - right? But it was cynical. Her own views shared so openly earlier were similar, but using it as a personal reason, why not to have children of her own, was different. She was struck by the sudden thought that procreating in the name of a higher idea was not right. "If you believe all that you said now... if you plan to act on it, you are a cruel and foolish man, Mahler," she told him. "Great ideas and people do not mix. Worse even, if you begin to consider them as instruments, objects even and not as individuals," she said levelly.

her barbed words found their mark; he evidenced this with a mere, lingering blink, the only sign of his surprise.
"i am pragmatic, sarah," came his crisp and affronted rejoinder. "you perhaps make the mistake of believing i would not first enter into a consensual contract, that i vould promise romance vhere there is none, that i seek to offer no benefit in return."
having never been accused of cruelty before, mahler found he did not at all care for the sensation. "i have raised my late brother's children these past months as my own; i vould do no less for those i sired myself."

"Human nature," Sarah replied. It was keystone to every battle. You could plan, you could try to predict, you could calculate and in the end you met a living being, who surprised you in the most unexpected way. "I have yet to see a person, who would voluntary involve themselves in a pragmatic arrangement of your kind and not hope for more," perhaps, she was not as cynic and nihilistic as she thought she was. The fact that, while she was playing mental chess with Mahler, her mind was not occupied with her own depression, had escaped her.

"A woman does not want to be one of the many, they want to be one of a kind in the eyes of that man. No matter the arrangement - they would ask more sooner or later," even in the most pragmatic and practical woman, a proud, jealous and wrathful goddess lied dormant. And beware of such a creature, whose pride has been wounded. "My point is - ideas about, what people should be, are unstable foundations to build greatness on," she told. "If I were you, I would rather stick to one well-known but tested evil rather than trying to balance three or four or no matter, how many you plan to please," she said.

"But if experiment you wish - I would enjoy watching your progress. Perhaps I am wrong and I may learn something new," she finished with a sly glint in her eyes and then, for the first time in a long time a genuine smile found it's way in her lips and lit up her cold silver eyes.

"i vould not ask vomen who find me ... suitable as a mate to be the mother of my children in this vay," mahler intoned, already lying both to himself and sarah. takiyok he set his sights upon, but not only her; ketzia. not only as the ones to bring forth new life in diaspora, but wives. he respected each of them enough to do so, and perhaps sharing him would quell their tension.
for all his intelligence, mahler was a stupid beast at times.
"you may vell be right, sarah, but i vill not have it said that i entered into such agreements under pretense. i vould make a good father, not a husband." those times were past, were over — he suspected it would never be for him again.
the smile that lit her moonbeam eyes charmed mahler; he gave a light chuckle. "oh, but you are a tease."

"Nonesense," Sarah shook her head and dismissed his remark. However, the unexpected praise did not go by unnoticed. She would remember it later as a little pleasant memory to warm her heart, when life got especially unbearable to her. 

"Different wording, but the flaw stays the same," she told him after a pause, spent thinking about the little details he had given her on the matter. "You do not give much consideration to that other person, even if you believe that you do. All I have heard in the context of this grand plan is you, you and you again," she stated the facts not because she wished to berate Mahler, but because she believed he could take criticism and analyze it with cool mind. 

"It's good to know one's flaws before entering the battlefield, but I feel you have no understanding of women in general," she pointed out, another smile to soften those words. "They are unpredictable and I wager that this is, where you will fail," almost a chuckle. "But it will amuse me greatly, if you do not. In that case I will admit, I am no judge of other women, even being one myself."

"vell, that is because it is my plan," mahler gruffed, aware that anyone else would have sorely vexed him by now. yet despite her criticisms, sarah was pleasant, a fitting challenger for his hungry mind. "then i vill just have to prove you wrong, or right," mahler sighed with faux weariness, before his craggy features lit again with a soft light.
a tremble; he started at it, then stilled himself as a flock of birds took to the air. "even if you do not truly know, you know more than i of vomen and their vays," he suggested, leaping a small space between two stones before his muzzle descended amid them, searching for the hot scent of vole that had suddenly risen.

"There you are right," Sarah picked an amused smile from his laughter. By now she began to realize that her current mood was a very crass deviation from her indifferent state. Her old-self might not be that dead after all. But brief flickers of good mood had happened before and she knew well that this one was not going to last long either.

"That's a dangerous assumption. To my parents we were always wolves first, genders second," she told him and watched Mahler's hunt with slight interest, but having no wish to engage in competition for such a small prize.

the conversation was put on hold as mahler briefly scuffled down between the stones, snapping delicately until he had caught hold of a tiny limb. screaming, the vole was ripped from cover and the general crushed out its life with a harsh bite before he tossed the bite of flesh to the ground alongside sarah's forepaw. his expression stated plainly that he would not accept it back; mahler pressed on.
"i suppose they vere correct, but ve cannot ignore how vone's gender affects them also as a volf," the gargoyle suggested, glancing back at the woman.

Sarah was not too proud to decline a snack, if it was thrown her way. She picked it up and it was completely gone in one go. Mahler mentioned next that got her thinking. Did gender really affect, what she was as a wolf? There were stereotypical division of the strong gender and the weak gender, but she was a proof that it was all bull-shit. She had met just as many manly women in her life and as wimpy men. In her eyes there were physical differences, but those of the mind hardly mattered. When you began to put people within certain frames, you were making assumptions that might or might not be rooted in truth. No wonder that there was an "ass" in the beginning of the word. 

"Like what?" she asked, curious to know, what ideas were brewing inside Mahler's mind this time.