Bearclaw Valley pack and forth

As night choked out its last navy breath and turned to a sparkly white dawn, Ico found himself pacing by a craggy column they called Silverstone, slowly prowling back and forth, back and forth, gazing at nothing but the ground.

The young lad had come to realise that the scent of blood had become the scent of the pack. Most days, he would spend his time exploring the sunlit crannies of Bearclaw Valley, collecting herbs for Evien, writing stories in his head, patrolling the borders, getting to know his packmates, slowly mastering moments of the hunt, and otherwise living a calm, kind life. The type of life that could last.

But more and more now, Ico was becoming savvy to sudden, bloody events taking place just over the hill, or past the river, or under the canopy. Events that he purposefully avoided. He wondered quite how many of these brawls could really be another Santiago Gabriel Arcos strutting purposefully into their ranks in search of a fight. He thought of Merrick's early words to him about violence and death. Had they been literal? What had Merrick's mother really been like? What was that altar actually for? And what of those disturbing rumours about the Bearberries' birth?

As his pacing continued, the youngster felt like his conscience was catching fire.

his fur had grown tangled and dismal; merrick's already lithe frame had lost flesh, and all in the weeks following the birth of the berries. today his hunt had been interrupted by fatigue, and now he turned inward to peruse the long-winded beauty of ursus' being.
unbeknownst to him, at least two members of the bearish pack were considering all that had happened. in a fog he came upon delicate little ico, and relief sliced across his face with a haunted grin. "hey," he mumbled, suddenly self-conscious. the other was glowingly cherubic as ever, a pure little priest in a den of iniquity. merrick dared not ask what held the boy's mind.

He felt like he must've paced a thousand miles before he finally looked up, and there emerged a silhouette that remained a silhouette even in sharp relief. Merrick. After all that had occurred and been so distantly perceived by Ico, he felt a little differently about the one-eyed bear-wolf now. But those new feelings refused to clarify themselves, for they felt... forbidden, somehow. Ico was one of Ursus' founding members, after all. A loyalist.

Wasn't he?

Gosh, are you... are you okay? he asked, wide-eyed, genuinely concerned as he regarded Merrick, who looked like he really had paced a thousand miles. And through brambles and deserts, at that. Ico immediately stifled a wince at his own words, fearful of how undiplomatic his question may have sounded.

"as well as i can be," merrick grunted, longing for the touch of anyone, anything at the moment. "been a long week." an endless span of days, all splashed with blood. he could not recognize the feeling in his gut, only that he had never experienced anything akin to it. 
in his fitful dreams fraser walked. merrick had not known anyone to plague him once their life had been taken. 
he focused again upon ico, blinking tiredly. "come with me to the river?" he urged gently, treasuring the pale boy's company as if it were a golden idol he must guard.

So concerned was he for the well-being of the man who'd seemed impossible to tumble, Ico's fears were forgotten for now, and he nodded at once. Yes, of course, he breathed, and resumed his pacing — but this time with direction as he padded alongside his wartorn liege.

I suppose you've been to see Evien...? he asked uncertainly. For one strange, unreasonable moment, he became worried for Evien; or at least for the relationship between Merrick and the young healer. After all, Ico knew that Evien, if given the choice, would never let Merrick remain tormented so.

love the new av :o

merrick rolled his shoulders, gave a grim little shake of his muzzle. "not yet." and he saw no reason to go now. he was content to lapse into silence now, to move alongside ico and feel the exhausted bruising of his very soul. "how have you been?" the bearwolf murmured after a moment. anything, anything to for once draw the focus from his shoulders to that of another being; merrick suffered and felt the glow of rot in his gut.

Thank! <3

Of course he wanted to ask why, and of course his ears were as perked as two pale staves while he secretly speculated. But out of sheer respect, and knowing his place, Ico reigned in his curiosity. Merrick had his reasons for withdrawing into himself of late. Ico wanted to express further concern without stepping over a line; but then the Bruin-witch deftly turned the topic to him.

I've... How to say it?

Been... Should he be honest? Yes, the hesitant boy insisted to himself. He owed it to the dark leader who'd taken him in.

Confused.

confused?
the sound of it drew merrick's full-hearted attention. he granted all of himself to ico in this moment, wondering what plagued the pale cherub.
was he leaving?
merrick fought the bobbing swallow in his throat; he turned his single eye forward and kept his torn ears cupped for the invariability he was beginning to believe was coming.

The profound bone-deep melancholy was as evident in Merrick as his bedraggled fur and one-eyed countenance. Ico felt a stab of guilt that he'd grown uneasy in the pack, and knew he owed it to his Bruin-witch to explain. He hadn't been asked, but... to offer an explanation unwarranted was, to Ico, more meaningful.

I... I don't think I understand the draw of ferocity and the inevitability of killing as much as I thought I did, he confessed quietly. The silver river came into view up ahead, parts of it almost white in the sunlight, and Ico slowed and looked timidly at his leader. I just think... he felt foolish... I just want everyone to get along.

a muscle jumped in merrick's jaw. 
there was no peace in ursus. the constant upheaval fed all of them blood, and without blood, the bears would not rise to walk the land. merrick felt himself ache with frustration; evien had found his place. why could this pretty little peacemaker not also do such?
but he dragged himself back to control.
ico had only said he did not understand.
"it is not something that can be taught. it is ... ursus is not governable by any standards. you come and go as you please. i make no demands." he stopped, wet his dry mouth. "it would happen anywhere, such violence. in ursus, we merely do not negotiate with it."

Ico watched him carefully, white ears lowering slowly in a show of quiet submission, for often he did fear Merrick and his unpredictable nature. The youth wished very much not to insult the pack or its ways, but... most of all he wished for peace.

He listened carefully, and understood the logic in words that were otherwise so wild and unyielding. But dare he tell Merrick that there had been far less violence in Walnut Grove, where Ico had been born? No, he didn't dare. Partly because he respected the red-eyed wildling too much to contract him, and partly because he appreciated that to do so would be borderline irrelevant to the point the dark bear was making.

The unexpected reveal that he could leave without consequence alleviated some of the guilt in Ico's weary mind, but he knew he would not leave —

You're the only ones who wanted me.

Merrick... he began softly, knowing himself incapable of embracing violence or being able to defend himself; do you think I will be killed?

ico's voice and tilted ears broke the last of merrick's building angst. it was a clearer eye he turned on the delicate boy, for the tones of fear in ico's manner were unexpected.
merrick had lived so long in defiance of life that he had forgotten death too must be respected.
for a long time he did not answer, only caressed ico with his scar-circled eye.
"yes."
no need for lies nor sugared words — he drew a shaking breath. "any of us could be killed. and ursus is not safe because we do not suffer death or disrespect."
a blink. "i will do all i can to keep it from you, as i have, but ico, if you want to leave for somewhere else, somewhere safer, you have my blessing."
a stardust piece of his spirit, torn out, stamped underfoot.

Ico silently consented to being scanned, searched, awaiting his fate... and then there it was. The expected yet unexpected yes. His heart leaped into his throat at this, and a little tremour went through his body; but he didn't flee, for Merrick wasn't announcing his imminent execution. He was merely doubling down on the violent nature of Ursus.

But he also doubled down on something else: nobody at Ursus was keeping him here. If Ico was discontent, he could leave. But such flights of fancy were possibilities for the likes of Merrick and most others in Ursus; Ico, on the other hand, was weak, modest, uncertain. He'd only survived his brief stint as a lone wolf thanks to pure luck. Ico had convinced himself that he was more likely to die out there than in Bearclaw Valley.

He would not point out that nobody else would have him. Merrick didn't need to hear that. But perhaps he needed to hear something else —

Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

to be part of ursus was to be esteemed in merrick's eyes. it meant to the bearwolf that you were a figure who came before all others; to have been in the untamed forest was as good a calling card, a glowing recommendation for another home, as merrick could give.
how many had they sent their way with new scars and new fear? it was the birthright of such a feral place, and had the simple stamp of i am not someone to be fucked with emblazoned in fierce, bloody colors.
ico thanked him, and the cyclops felt his body tighten with surprise, and then pride. "always. ursus is what it is because to be here is enough. but you must want it."
he drew a breath, then smiled. "thank you for telling me." it was the sweet savoring of trust, and merrick felt it honey within him.

Despite everything — what he knew Merrick had done, and what he'd started to suspect he'd done — Ico held a genuine fondness for him. Though perhaps "fondness" was too uncomplicated a word to describe the tangle of appreciation, admiration and fascination that had cobwebbed its way across Ico's young heart.

Ico nodded to show he understood. And he would stay strong as long as he could. It seemed both he and Merrick had come to the unspoken agreement that he did not belong here... but unfortunately, Ico did not belong anywhere else either. So he would continue simply to do his best, chronicling the pack's history, weaving stories for its warriors in moments of rest, and collecting herbs for Evien. All while being quietly aware that there might be ways in which he could write a new chapter to his own story.

The boy blinked from Merrick's paws to his dark, weary-but-smiling face. Is there anything I can do for you? he asked uncertainly, hoping that there was.

he had gathered his words to ask of ico a boon, a deepened marrow-broke thing that surged up from the depths of himself and filled his mouth.
but then the angelbird spoke, and merrick felt his nerves click back into place, smoothed by the invitation, finding succor in the sweetbark gaze of the soulful boy. "yes." the word shuddered on his lips.
"one day, one day, ico, i will be made to atone for the things ... the things that i have done." all in a rush a whirl a waterfall. "and when that day comes" — when not if, when not if " — i want you to get her and the kids out of here. take them somewhere safe. that is what i need from you."

Ico's eyes widened in surprise; for of all the things that Merrick might've uttered in this moment, Ico had not expected that. But then, he had to remind himself that he should expect the unexpected from Merrick, and that alone. The young leader challenged assumptions and countered calculations at every turn.

Thus this dark cascade of intense warning.

I promise I'll do all I can to protect your family, Merrick, he breathed. In a practical sense, Ico knew he couldn't "get" Astara to do anything, and nor could he carry two growing puppies by himself — and he also felt, rather than knew, that Astara would not leave her bear for anything. If Merrick were to be prosecuted for crimes past, Astara would no doubt be his fiercest defender. And as for Ico...

All he could do was promise to use what meek abilities he possessed, and hope that his commander would seek the promises of mightier helpers too.

merrick let out his breath, nodded. "that is all i need." he would not call himself father; insofar as he was concerned, the grubs belonged to his raven, and she to him. and he to her, though these days the boy was not sure that she would ever welcome him again.
such thoughts perturbed and disappointed merrick; he sought to shake them off with a prickling of his bloodcream hackles. "ursus lives in them. your proximity to them ties you also to this place." if he could not muster affection for the young creatures, the bearwolf was assured that those in the pack would think differently. thus would avicus and aventus be protected, nourished by the land that fraser's blood had fed.

As Ico nodded his understanding (or at least his obedience), the mess of emotion churned further in his mind. For in exchange for his blessing to leave, Merrick had asked Ico to refrain from leaving. At least for now. The spiritual wildling explained to Ico that he was tied to Ursus, and the young storyteller intended to placate his concerns and accept these responsibilities.

"I hope I won't let you down... again", he thought but did not speak. Whether "you" meant Merrick or himself was as of yet undetermined.

merrick let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding; he looked at ico with the manner of a bro clapping another bro's shoulder. "i'm relieved that you get it," he muttered, swallowing. and glancing away with another side rippling through his body. 
they'd come to the river, and merrick splashed into it gratefully. he plunged beneath the surface, came up with a gasp and a greatly restored humour to his scar-rife features.

As Merrick cleansed himself of recent events, Ico slowly sat down upon the bank, silvery tail wrapping neatly around his haunches as he watched. The useless lifeguard did understand, but only to some extent. What he truly yearned for was clarity, and he envied that cool, clear water, closing his eyes to the sound of it and briefly wishing his small body was fifty times smaller.

Wrap? <3