Phoenix Maplewood and damage her very soul?

it's actually been a little more than 8 IC days since that thread was started but that's ok, kek.

as requested of her, praimfaya waited for @Mahler at the heart of the maplewood. she had returned to the maplewood little into the dawning hours of morning; having shadowed one medium sized deer herd for a few days, learning their migrational patterns and which territory they appeared to favor before moving on to catalog the small elk herd whose scent path she'd crossed a few times shadowing the deer herd.

it was mind-numbingly boring work, and most of her time had been spent laying or sitting from a vantage point to observe them. or slipping away to hunt for herself so her rumbling stomach didn't give her away; or catching a few hours of sleep when they bedded down to sleep themselves.

despite being duller then dirt, it was useful to test the limits of her patience ( of which she had more than she'd thought she had ) and praimfaya was able to make a connection between this and her time spent spying on the saints. the latter, though, was much more interesting in terms of going-on's. after trailing the two herds for the span of the eight days the most interesting thing ( which wasn't really that interesting ) was watching the sparring matches between the male elks and deers as they fought for their right to breed.

being soo vague

the maple realm, and within it, praimfaya.
mahler carried many scents when at last he arrived back within the taiga, and prevalent among them was the heavy cloy of pine that marked moonspear and her gates. it reminded him too dearly of first sawtooth, and then the peak near the sea; both failures in their own right, and the realm of hydra a third reminder of the things he had been unable to do.
pain and anger and exhaustion wisping along his limbs with febrile tendencies.
"hello, praimfaya," the gargoyle muttered as he came upon the girl, arranging his solemn face into something minutely more warm. "how is your patience now?"

as time wore away and she busied herself investigating the new scents that trail thru the maplewood, praimfaya takes a small moment to wonder if mahler would truly show …if she hadn’t been sent on a wild goose chase to embarrass herself.

she dashes the thoughts away as soon as they come to her. mahler was better than that, better than her and she had to learn to stop expecting others to do what she might do. not everyone was a salty bitch that could hold grudges like no one’s business; traits directly inherited from her mother before her.

all the same, mahler appears if not appearing a little bit worse for wear then when she last seen him. mercurial, frostbound gaze studies him as he greets her, but she stills her tongue from prying into business that does not concern her. hei mahler, the trigedasleng is comforting and more and more, praimfaya finds herself slipping into it.

thoroughly tested, a small, perhaps wily smile, tugs at the edges of the commander’s lips. don’t get me wrong it was a boring task but …necessary. in more ways than one, she can now see. i split my eight days between trailing two herds: a medium sized deer herd and a small elk herd. he hadn’t asked but she launches into the run-down anyway, wrapping it up with: the deer herd seems to prefer kildeer rest and bitterroot valley as their eating and bedding grounds while the elk stuck mostly to permafrost hollows and just at the fringes of sleeping dragon.

she figured the information was more useful to rivenwood anyway than it was her specifically. it wasn’t like she had the capabilities of taking down either elk or deer by her lonesome.

praimfaya stood smartly before him and gave a winning report. mahler had not thought there were so many names for places he did not know, but somehow he envisioned them. killdeer rest was near to rivenwood. so she had been so far, and yet wisely did not include it before him. cunning? spite? mannerliness? mahler questioned it all and then lay it aside for the present.
"good," he favored her. "it vill be helpful to rivenvood." and now the hour of the test he had weighed on and off during his travels. her strength. his own. her strength; pitted one day against the ageing man that sensed a desire in praimfaya to be better.
"i vant to offer you a place there. take it if you vish."

as far as praimfaya sees, is privy to at the very least, mahler approves of the information she lays out before him. she's proud of what she's learned, that she's been ( in her mind ) thorough with her tracking of the two herds that were ample food resources for rivenwood. both herds would keep the pack fed well, providing no other packs swooped in to hoard them — though she has not travelled too terribly far from the general area she knows there is no pack that can claim to be immediate neighbors to mahler's rivenwood.

praimfaya favors silence; offering a small, sage nod as he comments that the information will be useful to rivenwood. she has surmised as much herself while in the process of collecting it. she is about to mention she caught no wind of the lost boy when mahler offers her a place in rivenwood.

to say it comes as a surprise is an understatement. her words of the lostboy flit away, like mischievous willo'wisps upon the wind and for a moment, the wanheda stares at mahler blankly as she tries to wrap her mind 'round the offer. it's a good one, and it would make her future leadership lessons ( providing there were more ) immeasurably easier than requiring them to meet elsewhere at a specific time.

i accept. praimfaya speaks as her brain ceases to lag and she weighs the pros and cons of it. surely, trust was still an issue between them but there was no better way to build it then taking the first babysteps. this was an olive branch, a baby step. thank you, mahler. she says then, quiet with a dip of her head in respect.

acceptance. praimfaya back in the fold, for a trial or for a time, it remained to be seen. only she could dictate such, but there would be no forgiveness forthcoming a second time.
she had not mentioned astraeus and so he did not ask. he would put another band around the taiga when he had returned. "the pack is smaller than it vas," mahler murmurs softly, beginning to turn his path toward the end of the maplewood and beyond. "it vill be an exercise in hunting and navigation for the snows to come. but i do not doubt this vould dissuade you." she had done as he asked, trained her mind to the task of following prey that would feed rivenwood.
did he lead her to his own demise? mahler was empty, and scarce knew if he cared or not, insofar as his children were not harmed.
the boulderweald called.

praimfaya gives a small, contemplative noise in the back of her throat as mahler tells her that rivenwood is smaller than sagtannet; and truthfully, sagtannet had never been fit to bursting when she'd been among their ranks. maybe recruitment is in order? she suggests with a lofty shrug of her shoulders. or will the small numbers be better come breeding season? praimfaya inquires, with a small cant of her head; considering again.

speaking of which..., praimfaya drawls, unsure if right now was the right time to speak of her interest in the season but figured giving something of a heads up now and broaching it again when the time came might be better than just springing it upon him. i'll be old enough this season to bear children, she begins. and i understand if right now it's too early; i'll be more than happy to broach the topic when the season comes, but i feel it's best to let you know ahead of time that i'm interested in having children this year.

"it is alvays in order," he grunted warmly, and then grew quite silent as praimfaya announced her determinings for the year to come.
cunning, to do so once he had accepted her once again. but he was not angered by it, nor truly surprised. only at himself, that he had misjudged her as a child. and he found her declaration respectful, a simple statement of fact.
his wariness with praimfaya remained locked chest-deep and unknown, but he lauded her inside his head for it now. 
the immediate masculine logic reared and suggested he put himself forward. rivenwood would need children to confirm its future. he would remain in control by returning as father. praimfaya would be wedded to the forest by way of her children, and he would confirm himself a third time.
it was swiftly deposed and cut off by a swift and haunting shame. firstly, that he had even for an inkling of time considered it. phaedra next, forced to see the cunning and cold deliberation of her father work against his talk of love. and wylla; in his inner eye, mahler saw her arriving here to visit their children and seeing that all things of which she had accused him were certain and true. knowing that love came second to vague lust in the spirit of obedience to an inner edict.
had he not tormented her enough? 
there was a last and quiet reason, but he did not think on it now.
"this year i am considering not allowing anyvone vithout a mate to rear children in rivenvood. it is better this vay, for both die kinder and the pack itself." he would return directness to praimfaya; a path upward and to the aims she wished, but she must seize them for herself. "it is a matter of vhat ve can support versus the nature of the season. my own selfishness in that vay cost sagtannet — much."
but he was silent in the next, ears tipping forward in a silent invitation that the young warrior speak freely.

though it was important, praimfaya thinks, to note the fact that mahler was considering only allowing mated couples to breed ...it still hits like a punch to her gut all the same. the idea that she should have to take a mate to bear children doesn't entirely sit with her as 'fair' considering she wasn't even the least bit romantically inclined and taking a mate for that simple purpose wasn't fair the any party involved. but, he is the alpha and he makes the rules. she draws in a breath, tainted with disappointment, and lets it out. an outright refusal would've been kinder to the commander ( or so she she assumes, anyway ).

a mate? she lets out a low, thick laugh. i'm not going to say it's impossible but i'm not very romantically inclined. presently, falling in love isn't in her plans and while a union of necessity was perfectly fine with her was it any fairer to the children? i don't know, praimfaya hesitates. my mother planned on raising me all on her own until my father found her. though, this was largely word from blodreina's mouth that praimfaya speaks. even if he hadn't, i don't think i would've turned out too much worse than i already am. an attempt at humor; imbedded in her small smile. and, in the end? what had any of it mattered? her mother and father had died before she'd even turned a year. that hadn't been fair to her at all but she'd sucked it up and kept moving forward.

i mean, praimfaya hesitates. i understand if that's your decision. there's time, i guess. i won't turn two until early may. maybe she'd be able to swing some sort of union of convenience by then; love, however, was asking far too much of herself.

of course, praimfaya responded in the negative at once, though her tone and bearing remained controlled insofar as mahler could see. when she had finished, the gargoyle nodded, then shook his head once. "love has nothing to do vith it. in fact," the man went out, letting out his breath in a pale flare, "love should have nothing to do vith vhy you choose somevone."
perhaps more than a little of his bitterness seeping into his words as he began to trudge away slowly in the direction of rivenwood. "you know as a varrior vhat it means to be pragmatic. apply it also to your choice." he returned the young woman's smile, turned his lilac stare forward.
he had never been this direct about such a subject before, at least not in recent memory. it discomforted him, and again his psyche suggested giving her ambition a chance to lodge itself in rivenwood instead of his own.

there was a hint of bitterness detectable to praimfaya in mahler's quick assessment of the whole art of courtship: that love shouldn't have anything to do with it. she considers him for a moment, contemplating his words. not being in love and taking a mate would most certainly make her life easier. then what do you think should be taken into consideration, if not feelings? she inquires curious as to his own ideas; her mind open to things she might consider, herself, when perusing the wilds' eligible bachelors.

a marriage of alliance, perhaps? she suggests; loathe as she was to make herself a pawn of anything, praimfaya was no stranger to the wars of negotiation. she was, perhaps, as good at those as she was physical battles.

"certainly. but an alliance that benefits you directly, rather than another." praimfaya had the correct sort of idea, mahler believed, and turned his mind to the other things that she had asked. "compatibility in other regards. hunting. travelling."
he remembered how he had had led them from the sunspire and then slackened back behind wylla's lead.
pain in the remembering of it.
"the ability to communicate. and loyalty, in you and in he." loyalty to what the gargoyle did not specify, for she would do such gathering upon her own.

hmm, praimfaya considers his words, capitalizing on compatibility in regards to hunting, travelling. it sounds easy enough but there is a creeping doubt nagging it's way into a space in the corner of her mind that whispers that finding an arrangement like that might be harder than falling in love. shouldn't i ...at least like him? she asks then, perhaps vying to the more 'romantic' side of it despite that they'd been speaking largely of making marriage a business transaction. i mean, praimfaya stares ahead, scowling. i don't care who he is or how great the alliance is i'm not going to be the mate of someone i can't stand.

her mind jumps to donovan and her skin crawls. yeah, no thanks.

there might be a few candidates ...if i'm starting with wolves i like. at least liking them was a step in a semi-correct direction in her mind.

"i think that vould be a good vay to go about it," mahler hummed, though he was considering his restrictions upon children, and whether or not they would be reasonable in this season.
perhaps it should go by way of merit;
and he could not yet know it, but rivenwood would be tried upon his whim.
an attempt at a smile lit the handsome alpine features of his countenance. "whomever you choose vill be the right vone if you trust in your logic, praimfaya," he opted to add. liking one's potential mate was indeed part of the process, but he did not wish to persuade her toward infatuation.
inclining his muzzle in the direction of the boulderwood, mahler invited her on.

with mahler's wisdom imparted upon her — or at least the agreement of her out loud musings about a mateship arrangement — praimfaya falls into quietude. the idea of taking a mate is not anything the commander has ever considered before — it's a foreign concept to her and admittedly she cannot quite picture tying herself to another in that capacity. it was a whole other wolf she'd have to confide in, and account for. in hindsight, it strikes her as entirely too limiting but ...

if it was her only path to motherhood, she would do it. or try to marry herself off, at least.

with these considerations swirling 'round in her head, praimfaya follows mahler towards the territory that rivenwood lays claim to; wrapped in her own thoughts.