Redsand Canyon sepelio

u can decide what the plant is! golden-green stalks with pale purple flowers <3

he had waited long enough.

acutely aware that there were surely goings-on of which he was not appraised, germanicus approached the tablinum. he stood at its threshold and there he set down a bundle of what he had erroneously assumed to be lavender.

it was a peace offering. it was an action of — what exactly he did not know. the imperator cleared his throat and called gently for @Aquene.

Aquene had been simply stewing in silence over the cards that had been dealt. It helped that spring was settling upon them, meaning she had been pulling longer hours to rebuild stores as plants started to bud. It had meant cleaning out her stores of anything old and brittle that could be discarded and replacing it with some of the newer plants. She was thankful the thaw was finally approaching.
 
She heard the call and for a moment she simply froze. She was not happy about how events had played out, though she was not willing enough to let Kallik go that she would not take such a leap as to commit to him in the way that the Imperator had demanded if they still wished to see one another. She made her way to the mouth of the den, offering a polite nod that lacked the usual warmth she had come to adopt around her packmates. ”Imperator.” The voice was gruff, similar to that of soldier simply waiting for orders. She caught both sight and sent of the lavender, but she made no move to touch it... not yet, until she was allowed.

it was a tactician that watched aquene now.

germanicus gathered her lack of warmth, her formal greeting, her posture. and he ascertained or perhaps assumed that kallik had indeed spoken with her following their own ill-fated discussion.

the yellowpaint eyes were knowing. "at ease," he said to aquene. the roman's chin lifted somewhat.

"i have always prided myself on being able to handle criticism," germanicus said quietly. he opted to swing for the heart of the matter. it was better to be wrong or rejected than to not attempt at all.

the eagle was a creature utilizing gambits to his own regard.

He called her to ease and it only allowed some of the tension to fade from her shoulders, a soft thank you murmured as she did collect the plants and shift them over to the den, a silent motion to invite him inside further. Despite her current feelings, all were welcome in the tablinum, and that would never change.
 
The words were quiet, and she snorted softly at that. “It’s not criticism. It’s outright disagreement.” She stated simply, the medicus’ head turning to face down her leader with her words alone. “I don’t agree that I should be either chaperoned or wed. I’ve lived amongst soldiers – whether or not they had someone to warm their bed at night, inside a marriage or not, did not affect their line of work. Perhaps if you worry about a woman being a distraction, there is another form of discipline to simply instill in your soldiers so it is not a problem.” Perhaps that was simply because the soldiers she had been raised around saw women as little more than objects, not worthy of distraction. “This is a choice I wanted to make for myself, but once again, a man has made it for me and I despise it, Imperator.” She despised it, the situation she had been put into, but she doubled down.
 
At east, for the moment, she was being honest, both with herself and with the leader in front of her. “I’ve chosen to marry him because I am not willing to lose him and I am also not willing to be treated like a child with someone watching over me constantly any time I want to see him. Chaperones impede on the ability to form a connection, to develop an actual relationship that might lead to marriage. There are things I would tell a partner that I would never tell another soul and such things cannot be done with the choices you've imposed unless this is the choice we make.” She admitted again, this time in a softer tone, simply accepting her fate. She would not leave Mereo, not after everything that had been done for her nor the good work she had been able to do in return… but that did not mean she needed to be happy about her situation.

germanicus sat stiffly upon a cot but he did not speak until aquene had finished.

her ire was eloquent as usual. he was surprised and yet not at her revelation that she and the principales had chosen to wed.

a thoughtful silence followed. germanicus watched the wall of the tablinum over her shoulder for part of it, and then his eyes returned to her face.

he did not care for her accusation that he had made the choice for them, but he had given them an unfavorable second path to a marital bond. this, he supposed, had been leverage enough for the young pair to make their choice.

aquene felt that it had been beneath duress.

"a man cannot court and be devoted to his soldierly duties. the season does much to overcome the training of young men. that is why often women are unfairly barred from companies of men." his words were not careless but he returned the direct nature he had first been granted. "this is not the practice in mereo, which means that interest in one another must be controlled. the focus first is the military. families and romance are secondary or perhaps tertiary to that end."

germanicus paused. the next words were delicate. "courtship is chaperoned to ensure that the individuals remain chaste. once this line has been crossed, it changes a man. sometimes for the worst, if he is impulsive and possessive. courtship has never been casual and i did not want to imply it would be so in mereo."

the eagle softened. "i do not say these things so that you will agree. only to explain, medicus."

He allowed her outburst, her cool and collected dissent of his opinions that had governed the entire pack and it was that reason that despite her irritation and anger, she still felt safe to remain in Mereo. This was not the life she had known before, and such words would have been otherwise met harshly.
 
She could not help but snort at his words, rolling her eyes though her back was turned to him at the time as she placed the lavender stalks carefully in their rows within the notches that had been established in the tablinum during the winter. “And some promise of being husband and wife is supposed to be different from the emotions that overcome during courting. Does the nature of marriage somehow change the effect the season has on men and women alike when they are committed to exploring each other and only each other to begin with? I am a healer, proudly trained and talented at what I do, Imperator, and I find the excuse to hold minimal bearing under the weight of my studies.” She could not help the sharpness of her tone as a result. Controlled. “Controlled in title only.” She responded because it meant little to her. His reasoning did not make sense, but perhaps it did to him. Either way, she was not the one in charge.
 
Chastity. It felt like such a foreign concept, another way for a leader to extend control and push down those who think differently. “Courtship has never been casual in my mind, Imperator. Perhaps our definitions simply differ.” For her, it was a step taken only with someone she could see a future with… she took that step with Kallik because she genuinely believed it would end in marriage once they had gotten to know each other fully and honestly.
 
And then his voice softened and she turned once more to face him, having finished organizing the peace offering amongst her stores. “Good, because I do not agree and I doubt I will ever, and I find your logic and strategy flawed against the nature of my own position and experience.” She stated simply. She did not know if she would ever agree with the man that a social construct such as marriage which in her life had simply been a means to force women to submit to the will of the men who could dominate them would ever change the nature of men or make them easier to control. That being said, she sighed softly. “And despite my disagreement, I could not imagine having my home and my duty be anywhere else but Mereo…” She did not want him to doubt her regardless of the ire and sharp words she used to defend herself and her opinions. “Emotions are not logical, and the premise of a relationship built out of care and not duty is emotional… with that, not everyone is fully compartmentalizing the two as you do.” She was the distraction. Their care for each other was the distraction and try as he might, the Imperator would not be able to change it. She had marveled at the way the Imperator so easily separated his emotions, and sometimes she couldn’t help but wonder if he truly had any at all. Either way, it was not for her to judge, merely to remind him that not everyone could fit the cookie cutter mold that he had been so keen on fulfilling.

aquene spoke and in her words they came to the end of their conversation. germanicus held back the rest of it: that they had lain together and so this was why he could not understand the hesitation to move toward the natural next step of such things. but he did not want to speculate upon this any more than he had done with ruenna. 

he felt it would be humiliating for aquene, moreso than the annoyance of a chaperone. and so the imperator said nothing, only nodded from time to time.

when the medicus declared that they would not agree and began to spread the plants, germanicus felt himself bemused but did not allow this to show upon his face, lest she feel mocked.

"kallik has always been marriage-minded." his voice was neutral tending toward warm. "he spoke of his loyalty to any future wife he should have."

there was a pause. "when i leave the matrona in the morning, i look forward to returning to our home in the evening. that time is important not only to me as a husband, but as imperator. as a soldier. it reminds me that i did not build mereo alone and that i have a responsibility and a future greater than the one i ever envisioned for myself."

he cleared his throat. "despite the fact that i have clearly trodden upon your sensibilities and grasp of this situation, i am glad that you will remain in mereo." it would have been the same had glaukos or maxim lain with a woman in the canyon. but he would not insist. he had done enough here and did not wish to leave the woman more upset than he had found her.

"and you are correct, aquene. i am not romantic. nor do i view marriage romantically. but it does not have to be so compartmentalized, as you said. every situation has a thousand outcomes. i remain objective so that i might have a contingency for each."

germanicus was ready to be dismissed. yet he did not move. he only waited for her to speak once more with such passion.

As angry as she was, the medicus also recognized that this was the Imperator’s lands and she had to play by his rules. It was why she had made the choice rather than facing him down with indignant anger to demand her own route. She hummed softly and nodded at the statement. “I am aware. We did discuss marriage before you brought it up. We both simply had decided we did not know each other well enough to make that form of commitment to one another.” She stated back, finding a more calming demeanor this time around. She could only hold onto her anger for so long.
 
She listened to his words, listening as he explained his own thoughts. It sounded much like love, in her mind, though she avoided attaching such emotions to the man. The idea of him being in love or soft in any manner betrayed the longstanding image she had of him. For a moment, she almost asked the question she had asked Kallik when it came to their choice to be wed: Did he love her? Once again, it stayed on her tongue and never quite escaped.
 
She sighed softly at the statement and nodded. “Of course. I might not always agree with you, but it does not waver my loyalty either. You and the Matrona have done much to earn my loyalty and respect.” She did not want it to be mistaken, so she did voice it aloud. She thought of Aresenio and Tamar in that moment. They seemed to be the antithesis of Germanicus and Ruenna, head over heels for each other… with Kallik and Aquene falling… somewhere in the middle? She did not know. She would need to consider it more.
 
“I am sorry.” She admitted finally, having felt much anger, though not all of it, dissipate with her venting to the very man that had caused it. “It is a very personal topic to me and I am sorry for the outburst.” It was not her usual decorum.

"you have nothing for which to apologize. i am willing to admit that my heavyhandedness was perhaps unwarranted. i am not above revealing that i too am still learning more than what i knew."

germanicus stilled. often he had thought it would be easier to hold fast to what was known rather than choose a new path. and he was finding now that this was not so. yet the knowledge that he must make different choices left him rather bereft.

"you have done much to earn ours, aquene. you have managed your training as a fighter while maintaining expertise in your chosen field. i would be remiss to drive you away." it was not quite a smile that touched germanicus now, perhaps only a brief thawing of his solemnity.

the imperator motioned to the plant she had had put away. "i found that in the eastern part of the forest in a clearing where deer tend to bed. what is it?"

She had not expected the admittance from the Imperator, the look of shock only briefly crossing her features as he spoke of still learning as well. He always seemed so put together himself, it was hard to imagine him as anything other than simply stubborn and concrete in his ways. He had his strategies, and he used them efficiently. She only offered a nod, for once words failing to find her tongue as she was left speechless at the confession. There was much that all of them were still learning, herself included. And now, she needed to learn how to be a wife as well as a healer and a warrior.
 
Warrior. That word itself still felt weird to apply to her. It was that mention of fighting, and the loyalty and respect she had earned from the leading duo as well that softened her expression, and brought her memories back to the events that had tumbled and toiled over the past month that led her to the path she now stood on. “Have there been any signs of him?” She asked softly, referring to her ex who she knew would not be pleased if he were to ever learn she was married to another. She knew the thawing of his solemn expression to be rare, having earned a smile from him only once after a spar… but she could not find herself able to focus on that. She worried… it was what she did.
 
His attention  turned to the plants and she smiled softly, the warmth in her expressions returning to normal as she started to explain. “It has a few names to it… Lavender, blue giant hyssop… I call it lavender. It helps with congestion and runny noses, anxiety and stress, panic attacks, and can be made into a poultice to help with burns.” She explained as she selected one of the stems and showed it off. “It’s used most frequently for anxiety and stress… breathing in it’s scent makes it easier to breathe and helps relax a worried patient, a mother giving birth, or a soldier with grave or severe injuries, broken memories, or horrific experiences. I've been waiting for the thawing for this one in particular because the plant does not bode well in the winter but is so useful. I use it myself sometimes when I find sleep difficult.” She admitted, leaving the stem there for his analysis if he wanted to look further.

"none. i have even patrolled some miles out from the canyon. he appears to be gone. but mereo will not take itself off guard."

germanicus was quiet as aquene explained. the plant had two names and she preferred one. he thought the word 'hyssop' to be quite familiar indeed. it was an aid of relaxation, sleep, and mild cold symptoms. lavender had a wide range of uses. it was providential that he had come across such a plethora of the plants.

germanicus glanced around the neatly appointed tablinum. it seemed the physician wanted for nothing.

"i am going to arrange a patrol into the north soon. glaukos has gone to explore. i am interested to know if you would care to join." there was a selfish part of him that wanted to leave kallik back and see how aquene fared in the company of other soldiers. one of his consistent and unsaid tests, the eagle supposed.

but it was unfair. he left off it in the next. "i am considering maxim and kallik as well as yourself." could the two comport themselves as soldiers outside mereo?

Hints of tension faded from her shoulders at the mention of how the man had disappeared. “I do not believe he’s run for the hills… he will return, likely with others.” She admitted, her voice quieter as the topic already made her uncomfortable… particularly with the Imperator with whom the nature of her relationship was strictly professional. With the Matrona or the other soldiers she had more personal conversations, talked more about herself, but with the Imperator she actively avoided such things.
 
Her ears perked at the mention of a patrol into the north. It brought a sense of apprehension with it as she considered. Would she care to join? “There would be a number of soldiers to venture as well?” She asked, still quiet. She had been on edge, especially where leaving the pack lands was concerned, since her attack. Maxim and Kallik… she knew that her husband would not let anything happen to her, and the other Russian had proven his loyalty as well. She offered a dip of her head after carefully weighing the pros and cons of the situation. “I would be interested, but I would be remiss to say I am not apprehensive at the idea of leaving pack lands after Dimitri’s appearance.” It was her due diligence to make sure Germanicus knew that if she did go, her mind might wander to the worst scenarios that could arise outside of the safety she had come to know in Mereo.

"i understand. but i do not want mereo to become a prison to you." eventually she must venture over the borders and one day she might walk alone. her training would sharpen her reflexes. "think on it, if you will."

he did not need an answer now. and it was clear that despite her mention, aquene was finished with talk of the hateful man who had wounded her at their borders. 

the imperator cleared his throat and straightened. he was not certain that a congratulations was in order, not when she felt pressed into marriage and nuptials. 

"with malila's departure, i had considered that you will need another apprentice. is this something you would be interested in?" he had already thought of tamar or even mulberry, but germanicus wished to be cautious.

Aquene knew what he meant to say, but it was the way that he said it that brought her expression to soften, a soft sigh before she spoke. “I know… but respectfully, Imperator, Mereo will never be a prison. I’ve known a prison where my choices were not my own. Barring holing me in the tablinum with limited food and no freedom to leave, Mereo could never be a prison… not to me.” She knew she would need to venture, and she nodded. “I will consider it… I am not afraid to leave Mereo, simply hesitant of putting distance between it and myself.” She felt the need to clarify the difference between the two.
 
Either way, she only handled discussing him in small bouts, but that was all and she had hit her quota of discussing her ex for the moment. The only one she truly felt comfortable divulging information to was her husband, and even then she hesitated because she knew it made him angry, that his anger that the man had ever laid a paw on her or caused her any pain angered him. She recalled what his anger could do in the form of his fight with Glaukos… she did not wish to make him aggravated in case he might act out like that once more. She did not want him to get to trouble.
 
Next, came the clearing of his throat and she listened to his words, nodding. “I would be interested… there are many advantages. Any trip I take to fetch herbs leaves Mereo vulnerable at the moment, lest someone suffer wounds that need immediate attention on the borders. An apprentice would leave a healer present to aid while the other refilled the tablinum, and allows for more efficient treatment of multiple patients like when Kallik and Glaukos both suffered severe injuries from their encounter with the cougar south of here.” She explained more thoroughly. Another apprentice would do her well, and she had been saddened that Malila had chosen to leave though she understood and respected her choice.

once more germanicus nodded to her impassioned tone. kallik was so opposite her. that was the attraction, the imperator surmised. it was a balance, in as much the same way as ruenna's diplomacy balanced his blunt manner.

it was the sum of a marriage. the eagle felt that aquene and kallik had a solid foundation from which to proceed, one tempered by the loyalty they both felt for mereo. they were young but not so that they did not understand the negatives to impulsivity.

but he would not offend her by offering a misguided congratulations. he hoped they would enjoy a long future together. and he hoped they would grow in love, as he felt himself experiencing with ruenna.

that sensation struck some portion of his heart with a striking clarity. the imperator grew uncomfortable, though his outward look remained unchanged. 

"i think it might be worthwhile to ask tamar," germanicus suggested with a calm he did not feel. "she has helped you with wounds before and seems interested enough in learning."

She knew her husband could be closed off… simply not with her. She had such a starkly different view of him. She had seen him heated up and passionate about topics, mostly involving her and someone else hurting her, but also in instances like the raw emotions he expressed over his father’s betrayal. Still, they balanced each other nicely. She could recognize that fact.
 
He did not offer a congratulations and it was likely a good thing. She was certain she might have snapped at him for it once more, even if she had found marriage had not been a bad experience… though she would never admit it to the Imperator out loud.
 
The mention of the other plebian, one she cared for deeply as a friend came up and she smiled softly and nodded. “I think she has the right temperament for it… she hardly flinched upon seeing Glaukos’ injuries or delirium… I think she would do well in a medicinal setting should she agree.” She approved of his own opinion and analysis in this regard. Tamar would make a fine healer with some training. “I shall speak to her about it soon.” She waited to see if he might have anything else or if he would take his leave.

"then i wish you well with her training."

in the way a tie might feel too tight after a while, or sweaty around a man's neck, so was germanicus feeling such a clutch.

with nothing more to say, he nodded toward aquene and rose to leave the tablinum.

mereo would carry on and he would not mention the marriage into which she had so loathed to be placed. 

but he thought fondly of the younger pair as he carried on his duties for the day.