April 09, 2022, 08:05 PM
It was slow-going. Penn wasn’t used to traveling with his limitations, as much as he thought he’d been learning to overcome them on the beach. He’d clearly been fooling himself, but he was well aware that it was not the first time, nor would it be the last, he was acting a fool. He’d thought many times of just turning back. Life on the beach hadn’t been that horrible. Just quiet. And boring. And horrible.
No, going back wasn’t an option. He couldn’t get his conversation with Druid out of his mind. Everything had been fine until he’d asked about her family. He’d seen the way she wilted upon hearing the question. He’d watched her leave almost immediately, as though she were fleeing from more than just the conversation. Trying to go after her was hopeless. Trying to track down Druid’s mother and siblings (he assumed she had them) was also hopeless.
But, here we are.
He trekked slowly through the sentinels, weaving steadily around the trees. Every little noise made him jump, and he glanced all around himself almost constantly as though he knew there was a hit out in him and the assassins would be diving down at him from the treetops at any moment. It was extremely annoying, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
After a while, he dropped to his haunches and huffed in frustration, once again wishing that god damn inspiring as fuck hermit crab hadn’t washed up at his feet so he could’ve just carried on being useless and alone with only coconuts as friends until he died.
No, going back wasn’t an option. He couldn’t get his conversation with Druid out of his mind. Everything had been fine until he’d asked about her family. He’d seen the way she wilted upon hearing the question. He’d watched her leave almost immediately, as though she were fleeing from more than just the conversation. Trying to go after her was hopeless. Trying to track down Druid’s mother and siblings (he assumed she had them) was also hopeless.
But, here we are.
He trekked slowly through the sentinels, weaving steadily around the trees. Every little noise made him jump, and he glanced all around himself almost constantly as though he knew there was a hit out in him and the assassins would be diving down at him from the treetops at any moment. It was extremely annoying, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
After a while, he dropped to his haunches and huffed in frustration, once again wishing that god damn inspiring as fuck hermit crab hadn’t washed up at his feet so he could’ve just carried on being useless and alone with only coconuts as friends until he died.
April 12, 2022, 07:35 PM
I know I sent you a message but then I rolled a random direction, for shits and giggles...
And I'm not even kidding you, it pointed here. There's no way I have the self control to argue against that
And I'm not even kidding you, it pointed here. There's no way I have the self control to argue against that
Fennec had no clue where to go next. It hadn't taken her long to realize that all of her places were also Bronco's, and if she meant to avoid running into him, that meant avoiding the places he might have called home. The places they both had. She just wanted to disappear.
The best way to do that, she imagined, was just to pick a random direction and take it. And that was exactly what she did. Figment didn't seem to want to argue, though she did wonder if he wouldn't have been happier staying back with Phox and Towhee in Mereo. She didn't ask.
Luck was either a real bitch or a real friend here. Because when she caught Penn's scent at first, she froze and nearly lost her shit. She didn't know how long they'd been traveling, or really where they were, but that was the point. And who could have been worse to run into, at the moment she wanted to disappear, than him. He'd cared even less about her, if that was possible. If Bronco was hard to talk to, Penn was damn near impossible.
But at least he never pretended he was any better. And at least he never treated you like shit. Not in a way that made you actually feel like it.
That's what did it. The realization that she needed a genuine friend, one who she could talk shit to and who she knew would at least have her back in this. He'd hated Bronco all along. The anger she'd had burning in her all this time, simmering like a poison, ignited.
Penn? PENN!?She didn't know how close he was or if he'd hear her, but she was going to damn sure try to get his attention. Fig might hear too, but she'd take that risk.
There was no way that it was an accident, him being here right now. She needed someone who not only understood her uglier side... but actually, honestly liked her better for it. She'd been kicked enough this year.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 12, 2022, 09:52 PM
Of all the things that could’ve happened, this he completely did NOT see coming. He froze when he heard his name, his heart immediately beginning to hammer in his chest. He didn’t recognize her voice—he couldn’t hear it well enough for that. He only heard someone shouting his name, which he didn’t even think of as his in that moment. He thought it was hers.
”Wait, Penn? Penn!” he began to shout, his eyes darting here and there in search of his daughter. It was impossible that he’d come across her. He hadn’t even been trying (not that trying would’ve worked). But someone out there was calling her name, so she must be near…
”Penn!” Pe—“
Aaaaand that was when he spotted her, and was floored once again. Fennec.
The realization crashed down on him like a tidal wave. It was Fenn that had called. She’d called for him. His daughter wasn’t here.
Disappointment threatened, but then the next realization hit him.
Fenn.
”…shit,” he said finally, after staring at her a full twenty seconds. He could come up with nothing else. Too much was running through his mind, and it wasn’t like he was an articulate creature in general. He swallowed his anxiety, and then added a single word that totally helped him save face, ”Sup.”
”Wait, Penn? Penn!” he began to shout, his eyes darting here and there in search of his daughter. It was impossible that he’d come across her. He hadn’t even been trying (not that trying would’ve worked). But someone out there was calling her name, so she must be near…
”Penn!” Pe—“
Aaaaand that was when he spotted her, and was floored once again. Fennec.
The realization crashed down on him like a tidal wave. It was Fenn that had called. She’d called for him. His daughter wasn’t here.
Disappointment threatened, but then the next realization hit him.
Fenn.
”…shit,” he said finally, after staring at her a full twenty seconds. He could come up with nothing else. Too much was running through his mind, and it wasn’t like he was an articulate creature in general. He swallowed his anxiety, and then added a single word that totally helped him save face, ”Sup.”
April 12, 2022, 11:05 PM
What the actual fuck was he doing?! Was he fucking with her? He had to be. She could hear him yelling his own name, and since she wasn't really in the mood to be outright mocked right now, she wasn't sure she should keep going. God, she's forgotten what an asshole Penn was.
She scoffed and was about to turn around when he came near enough to apparently find her. Sup.
A lot had happened. She was tired. The last thing she needed was him fucking with her right now.
She scoffed and was about to turn around when he came near enough to apparently find her. Sup.
I'd ask if this was actually Penn, but you're still a moron, so that tracks. What kind of fucking idiot forgets his own name?Fennec replied with more annoyance than he probably deserved. Or was it?
A lot had happened. She was tired. The last thing she needed was him fucking with her right now.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 13, 2022, 09:44 AM
The annoyance in her voice was like music to his ears. He felt immediately at home, at ease under the weight of her anger and agitation. He hadn’t quite realized until that moment how terribly lonely he’d been on that beach. How terribly lonely he’d been for so much of his life.
A smile cracked across his lips—a real one. It was something he hadn’t felt in ages. It felt good.
Without preamble, Penn strode right up to her to rest his head against her shoulder in an embrace, leaning into her in a way that spoke volumes of his relief. ”God, I’ve missed you, blindo,” he murmured, his tail wagging with anticipation as he totally expected to get slapped.
A smile cracked across his lips—a real one. It was something he hadn’t felt in ages. It felt good.
Without preamble, Penn strode right up to her to rest his head against her shoulder in an embrace, leaning into her in a way that spoke volumes of his relief. ”God, I’ve missed you, blindo,” he murmured, his tail wagging with anticipation as he totally expected to get slapped.
April 13, 2022, 10:14 AM
She was so used to it escalating. Even despite remembering how Penn was, she was waiting for him to start in back. Then she'd just walk away and keep going and fucking... yeah. She had no idea what happened after that. Really, at this point, she had two friends in this world. And now that number was at one.
He didn't. Instead he came up and hugged her. She was caught completely off guard by that, as she'd gotten so used to avoiding it with Bronco. She actually took a small step back before she remembered that she didn't need to, and when she did, there was no way she wasn't returning it. She couldn't have pretended to not want it if she tried.
Her ears went back and she buried her face in the fur of his chest, the place that was immediately in front of her and easy to find. If she talked she was gonna cry and there was no way she was doing that in front of Penn. She'd die first. This hug itself had her close enough to it and that was after he had her contemplating leaving already. She was compromised... give her a minute. Or an hour. Fuck, she needed this.
He didn't. Instead he came up and hugged her. She was caught completely off guard by that, as she'd gotten so used to avoiding it with Bronco. She actually took a small step back before she remembered that she didn't need to, and when she did, there was no way she wasn't returning it. She couldn't have pretended to not want it if she tried.
Her ears went back and she buried her face in the fur of his chest, the place that was immediately in front of her and easy to find. If she talked she was gonna cry and there was no way she was doing that in front of Penn. She'd die first. This hug itself had her close enough to it and that was after he had her contemplating leaving already. She was compromised... give her a minute. Or an hour. Fuck, she needed this.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 13, 2022, 11:01 AM
She didn’t hit him. Instead, she leaned into his embrace, tucking her head against him in a way that was oddly …sweet. And endearing. And thus, a little alarming. He wondered at this, but he was in no position to complain. For as much as she needed this moment, Penn needed it the same.
He nuzzled his face into her fur and just breathed for a minute. Memories flooded his mind, so strong that even his senses remembered. His nose remembered her scent, his ears remembered the cry of seagulls they had chased together on the beach, his paws remembered the warm, rough rocks of the red canyons they had played tag in. Before everything got so complicated. Before they had fought, before he’d made such terrible choices, before he’d walked away from his kids. Before he’d lost so very, very many things.
His heart ached as he breathed in, the only scent he caught being the memory of it. Knowing that was all he would ever get again.
Penn didn’t want to break the spell, but when he found his mind wandering to those dark places, he simply had to. He didn’t want to visit those places, not now. ”Not that I’m complaining…” he said quietly through a small smirk, ”But shouldn’t you have punched me a couple of times by now?”
He nuzzled his face into her fur and just breathed for a minute. Memories flooded his mind, so strong that even his senses remembered. His nose remembered her scent, his ears remembered the cry of seagulls they had chased together on the beach, his paws remembered the warm, rough rocks of the red canyons they had played tag in. Before everything got so complicated. Before they had fought, before he’d made such terrible choices, before he’d walked away from his kids. Before he’d lost so very, very many things.
His heart ached as he breathed in, the only scent he caught being the memory of it. Knowing that was all he would ever get again.
Penn didn’t want to break the spell, but when he found his mind wandering to those dark places, he simply had to. He didn’t want to visit those places, not now. ”Not that I’m complaining…” he said quietly through a small smirk, ”But shouldn’t you have punched me a couple of times by now?”
April 13, 2022, 11:28 AM
He didn't ruin it. The silence was definitely weird and she could absolutely tell that, but it was also weird that he just let it hang too. He didn't crack some joke about her finally figuring out he wasn't wrong. He didn't make fun of her for absolutely not being consistent in the way she treated him. Because right now, she was absolutely living up to the title Bronco had bestowed upon her. She wasn't driving him away because if she did, she'd have nothing left, and right now she needed him. Was that really such a bad thing?
He did finally break the silence, but it gave her time to control herself. Still... she wasn't in the mood for jokes. And as happy as she was to see him, and as much as she'd needed that hug, she couldn't shake the feeling of disconnect.
He did finally break the silence, but it gave her time to control herself. Still... she wasn't in the mood for jokes. And as happy as she was to see him, and as much as she'd needed that hug, she couldn't shake the feeling of disconnect.
Maybe.Her voice was thicker, and she stepped back and swallowed before she continued.
Don't read too deep in it, okay? You're still a jerk. Just a jerk I missed. A little.It was half-hearted, and the 'a little' she appended was thrown in last minute because if she was too heartfelt about it it'd be weird for them both.
Besides, Fig's around here somewhere, and I'm sure he'll pummel you for me later.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 13, 2022, 11:51 AM
He noted something odd in her tone—something he never would’ve recognized in someone else. He simply didn’t care enough to notice subtle, non-verbal cues in most characters he encountered. But with Fennec, he’d always paid attention. So, he noticed. Not that it did much to alter his responses to her.
”You know I don’t like to read,” Penn replied with a short-lived smirk. It was colder now with the space between them, in ways that extended past the physical. He studied her as she continued, snorting a little huff when she threatened him with her brother. That sugar puff could totally kick his ass, but not without good reason. He was far too decent for his own good.
”I have no doubt,” Penn answered, ”You look like shit, by the way.”
”You know I don’t like to read,” Penn replied with a short-lived smirk. It was colder now with the space between them, in ways that extended past the physical. He studied her as she continued, snorting a little huff when she threatened him with her brother. That sugar puff could totally kick his ass, but not without good reason. He was far too decent for his own good.
”I have no doubt,” Penn answered, ”You look like shit, by the way.”
April 13, 2022, 12:11 PM
She snorted back at his retort. Neither of them did. Maybe that's why things here were so much easier, and why even when she'd hated him for a while, she'd always known there was a chance for it. When push came to shove, they knew when to drop it.
Except she wasn't going to drop it. She'd come to him wanting to talk about something and she realized, at that moment, it wasn't just Bronco and how shit he was. She knew how Penn felt... and hearing him agree would be meaningless. (Satisfying, maybe, but meaningless still).
She had to know if it was her. If there was some kind of reason why she was doomed to repeat this pattern, over and over again, and there was nothing she could do about it. Because let's be honest here - she could take up with Penn and he could do the same damn thing again. Figment didn't have an answer for her because Fig told her everything. But Penn didn't... and she needed to know why.
Except she wasn't going to drop it. She'd come to him wanting to talk about something and she realized, at that moment, it wasn't just Bronco and how shit he was. She knew how Penn felt... and hearing him agree would be meaningless. (Satisfying, maybe, but meaningless still).
Yeah. Well, Bronco left. And aside from calling me selfish, he didn't really tell me why.She delivered it with a no tone aside from a hint of amused irony, one that hid a strong undercurrent beneath it. This conversation could go a few ways. And despite how friendly she felt towards him, when Fennec got in this mood, she never knew how it would end.
So I guess here's your chance to prove, once and for all, who's the bigger piece of shit. When you decided to pick up and leave, why'd you do it without talking to me? Seriously.
She had to know if it was her. If there was some kind of reason why she was doomed to repeat this pattern, over and over again, and there was nothing she could do about it. Because let's be honest here - she could take up with Penn and he could do the same damn thing again. Figment didn't have an answer for her because Fig told her everything. But Penn didn't... and she needed to know why.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 13, 2022, 02:41 PM
Penn didn’t know how to respond to the news she shared about Bronco. He’d never been a fan of his cousin. Not personally liking someone had never prevented him from seeing why others might, but Bronco was the exception. The guy was an idiot with zero redeemable qualities. He was nothing but muscle, no brain, no wit, no personality. And while Penn’s own jealousy and self-esteem issues may have had a severely heavy hand in that assessment, it was nonetheless how he felt, and so he had a hard time understanding why Bronco’s departure held any significance to her.
But, it was at least clear to him that it did. Particularly when she asked her next question.
Penn paused to consider. The usual smart ass quips came first to his mind, but he held them back in a rather out of character move. He could tell that his answer mattered, though, and in spite of his shittier nature, he sighed. ”Because…” he hesitated, fighting against his instincts and forcing himself to lose, ”Because… I was scared if I asked, you wouldn’t have come with me. And I thought it would be better to just leave without ever having to hear you say you didn’t want to go. That you’d rather stay with your family than… be with me.”
It hadn’t been, but she hadn’t asked him to admit that yet, so he kept that bit tucked away until she forced his hand.
But, it was at least clear to him that it did. Particularly when she asked her next question.
Penn paused to consider. The usual smart ass quips came first to his mind, but he held them back in a rather out of character move. He could tell that his answer mattered, though, and in spite of his shittier nature, he sighed. ”Because…” he hesitated, fighting against his instincts and forcing himself to lose, ”Because… I was scared if I asked, you wouldn’t have come with me. And I thought it would be better to just leave without ever having to hear you say you didn’t want to go. That you’d rather stay with your family than… be with me.”
It hadn’t been, but she hadn’t asked him to admit that yet, so he kept that bit tucked away until she forced his hand.
April 13, 2022, 03:43 PM
If he had made a joke out of it, she didn't know how she would react. She was half expecting it, since it was Penn, and Penn was serious even less than she was. Especially nowadays. It occurred to her than Penn might not even know she had a kid, or that she and Bronco had been mates for a while. Barely. Right? She didn't honestly feel like counting it. It had been a lie, in her mind, from the very start. Nothing he'd done or said disproved that.
He didn't. The reason he gave sounded familiar, echoing the reason she'd run when she left Firefly Glen. She'd been scared to find out that Bronco didn't want her there after all. So she'd bounced rather than give him the chance to say it.
She wondered if a part of him had felt good, hurting her, the way a part of her had felt good hurting Bronco. Probably. She remembered somewhat how upset he'd been that she was spending time with her family, and how she hadn't really bothered to wonder why at the time. Fuck.
That couldn't be Bronco's reason though. She'd made it clear that she chose him in a thousand different ways, but none of them had made a difference. Maybe she'd never understand it. Bronco and Penn were fundamentally different in so many ways, and the fact that the hatred had gone both ways should have clued her into that. She had so much in common with Penn; so much for Bronco to hate. Was there anything she shared the other way?
No. There wasn't.
She wasn't dumb enough to think that Penn would stick around forever, or even to bank on it. Hell, she didn't even know if he'd stick around for the day. But realizing how different they were, and how little she'd actually changed, helped. Not enough to make her less sad, but enough to make her less angry. She'd take it.
All of that ran through her mind in an instant, and it took the edge from her responses. Fennec let out a breath, then smirked, deciding to let him off the hook.
He didn't. The reason he gave sounded familiar, echoing the reason she'd run when she left Firefly Glen. She'd been scared to find out that Bronco didn't want her there after all. So she'd bounced rather than give him the chance to say it.
She wondered if a part of him had felt good, hurting her, the way a part of her had felt good hurting Bronco. Probably. She remembered somewhat how upset he'd been that she was spending time with her family, and how she hadn't really bothered to wonder why at the time. Fuck.
That couldn't be Bronco's reason though. She'd made it clear that she chose him in a thousand different ways, but none of them had made a difference. Maybe she'd never understand it. Bronco and Penn were fundamentally different in so many ways, and the fact that the hatred had gone both ways should have clued her into that. She had so much in common with Penn; so much for Bronco to hate. Was there anything she shared the other way?
No. There wasn't.
She wasn't dumb enough to think that Penn would stick around forever, or even to bank on it. Hell, she didn't even know if he'd stick around for the day. But realizing how different they were, and how little she'd actually changed, helped. Not enough to make her less sad, but enough to make her less angry. She'd take it.
All of that ran through her mind in an instant, and it took the edge from her responses. Fennec let out a breath, then smirked, deciding to let him off the hook.
Makes sense. I could tell you how fucked and stupid that is, but that'd make me the same, and I'm not about to own up to it.
It is kind of funny, though, you thinking that even after all the shit I got for going with you the first time. I thought dad was going to murder you before we even got the chance to ditch out.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 14, 2022, 07:16 PM
Penn had always imagined that telling the truth, revealing his weaknesses, being vulnerable, would’ve been so much worse than it actually turned out to be. Admitting it was actually something of a relief. But what mattered most was Fenn’s reaction, which was somehow softer than her previous ones thus far. She effectively called him an idiot and a fuck up, but that was nothing new. It was the way she said it that mattered to him, that he always mattered to him. Like it was okay for him to just be himself. Like his flaws, egregious as they may be, didn’t make him entirely unlovable.
He smirked at her response and chuckled softly. He wondered what she was referring to exactly when she confessed to making the same mistakes, but decided it didn’t really matter. It probably had something to do with Bronco, and he honestly had no desire to hear it in that case. If she wanted to tell him, he wouldn’t stop her, but he certainly wasn’t going to ask.
”Hey, your dad was all about trying to be my BFF by the time we got back,” Penn replied with a nonchalant shrug to go with his smile, ”And in my feeble defense, you didn’t miss them before we left. You did by the time we came back, though. So I feel like it wasn’t a totally insane concern.”
He studied her quietly, a question teetering on the tip of his tongue. He thought they’d hashed this all out once before, so he couldn’t help but wonder why they were revisiting the topic now. He wanted to know why it mattered to her, but he suspected once again that it had more to do with Bronco than to do with him, and he once again didn’t really want to hear it.
It did occur to him that this likely still made him a coward. He couldn’t just grow up all at once, though. What would I have left to write about if he did that?
He smirked at her response and chuckled softly. He wondered what she was referring to exactly when she confessed to making the same mistakes, but decided it didn’t really matter. It probably had something to do with Bronco, and he honestly had no desire to hear it in that case. If she wanted to tell him, he wouldn’t stop her, but he certainly wasn’t going to ask.
”Hey, your dad was all about trying to be my BFF by the time we got back,” Penn replied with a nonchalant shrug to go with his smile, ”And in my feeble defense, you didn’t miss them before we left. You did by the time we came back, though. So I feel like it wasn’t a totally insane concern.”
He studied her quietly, a question teetering on the tip of his tongue. He thought they’d hashed this all out once before, so he couldn’t help but wonder why they were revisiting the topic now. He wanted to know why it mattered to her, but he suspected once again that it had more to do with Bronco than to do with him, and he once again didn’t really want to hear it.
It did occur to him that this likely still made him a coward. He couldn’t just grow up all at once, though. What would I have left to write about if he did that?
April 15, 2022, 01:24 AM
Right. He does do that.Her dad could make friends with about anyone and she'd honestly been a little shocked how badly he reacted to their trip at first. She kind of got it now, after having a kid of her own, but obviously she had Killdeer on a pretty long leash. Fuck. Now I miss him.
She didn't really want to dwell on the rest of this either. She'd gotten what she wanted from him, somewhat, and now still had no clue what she was going to do next. It felt good just standing here, shooting the shit like old times, but something was still off. She couldn't just follow him around. As the silence stretched her smile disappeared.
Anyway. You were probably going somewhere, and I should find Fig. I just wanted, y'know.He probably didn't, but that meant they were on the same page because neither did she.
And if you see him - Bronco, just don't say anything. I doubt I'll ever see him again and that's exactly how I want it.
She was dead serious about that. Maybe at one point she'd said the exact same thing about Penn, but she couldn't ever remember being this sure if that was the case.
Maybe I'll see you around, though.
This whole entire thing was stupid. Everything she'd tried to build was fucked and the last thing she needed was to rope him into whatever the fuck this was. And, maybe even more than that, the last thing she needed was another disappointment.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 15, 2022, 07:54 AM
Penn wondered what was going through her mind as she stood there. She seemed a little less tense than when he’d first come upon her, but still not right. Far from it. Not that he was judging—he was something of a disaster himself these days. But in truth, hadn’t he always been?
Her departing words seemed abrupt and sent a spasm of what could only be described as panic through him. They’d barely even had a full conversation and she was bailing already? With hardly any verbal abuse? And no physical abuse? Things were way more off than he’d thought.
”First off, the last time I saw Bronco, he attacked me for no reason, so no need to worry that we’re going to start chatting like old pals if I have the misfortune of running into that meathead again,” Penn reassured her with a bit of a grin—he liked getting under his cousin’s skin, ”And second, you’re leaving already? You’ve only insulted me four times. I thought you had a quota to fill.”
He smiled, but his heart was aching. He knew he couldn’t ask her to come along on his errand, not this time. And while he might be tempted to go jaunting about with her again, the presence of her brother made the idea far less appealing. It left him only with this one, chance encounter, so he wasn’t willing to let it go so easily.
Her departing words seemed abrupt and sent a spasm of what could only be described as panic through him. They’d barely even had a full conversation and she was bailing already? With hardly any verbal abuse? And no physical abuse? Things were way more off than he’d thought.
”First off, the last time I saw Bronco, he attacked me for no reason, so no need to worry that we’re going to start chatting like old pals if I have the misfortune of running into that meathead again,” Penn reassured her with a bit of a grin—he liked getting under his cousin’s skin, ”And second, you’re leaving already? You’ve only insulted me four times. I thought you had a quota to fill.”
He smiled, but his heart was aching. He knew he couldn’t ask her to come along on his errand, not this time. And while he might be tempted to go jaunting about with her again, the presence of her brother made the idea far less appealing. It left him only with this one, chance encounter, so he wasn’t willing to let it go so easily.
April 15, 2022, 09:16 AM
A bit of her hoped for an offer. She couldn't help it. Even as she was convincing herself she needed to take some time, she was hating the thought of doing it. Even with Fig as a constant, she just felt lonely. She'd felt that way for months.
That wasn't really his problem though, was it?
She didn't know what else to say. She could ask, but then she'd be right where she started. Besides, Fig wouldn't get it. He didn't like Penn much either, and she was already dragging him around like lost luggage. This hollow, aching sadness that came with the thought of letting him leave sucked, but not worse than any of the rest of it. She'd be fine.
That wasn't really his problem though, was it?
I'll give a little honesty back. I think two is all I've got. And even if I had more, I'm probably the last wolf who should be aiming them at you.She was a mess. And for once she couldn't afford to risk making him second guess this. Especially not after this conversation.
She didn't know what else to say. She could ask, but then she'd be right where she started. Besides, Fig wouldn't get it. He didn't like Penn much either, and she was already dragging him around like lost luggage. This hollow, aching sadness that came with the thought of letting him leave sucked, but not worse than any of the rest of it. She'd be fine.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 15, 2022, 03:29 PM
Her response bothered him. Not because she didn't roll her eyes at him and begrudgingly agree to stick around even though he could tell she was happy to (which was the typical react), but because of the way she spoke about herself. Like she was some broken, beaten thing that didn't deserve to do and say what she wanted. Penn felt his anger flare, but not at Bronco. He found himself suddenly annoyed with her.
"Would you cut that shit out?" Penn said, though some small part of him recognized that this was probably not the way to get her to want to stay with him, "What's with the self-loathing, wallowing in pity all woe is me crap? Is this all because of fuckin' Bronco? Fuck that guy! Life spat in your face the moment you were born by giving you fucked up eyeballs and all I have ever seen you do is give it the middle finger every day of your life since by marching around like it's nothing, proving to everyone without even trying that the ability to see is overrated."
"You are the most ballsy, confident, arrogant, headstrong, infuriating chick I have ever met," Penn continued, stepping towards her, "Since when do you care if some fucking jack ass like Bronco is too stupid to see how mind-boggling incredible that makes you? I know you're better than that." He stared at her, waiting for her reaction. He could see it going many different ways, most of them ending in violence. But he didn't care. That was the thing he'd always admired most about Fennec--he never had to worry about hurting her feelings. She was made of steel.
Or at least, she had been.
"Would you cut that shit out?" Penn said, though some small part of him recognized that this was probably not the way to get her to want to stay with him, "What's with the self-loathing, wallowing in pity all woe is me crap? Is this all because of fuckin' Bronco? Fuck that guy! Life spat in your face the moment you were born by giving you fucked up eyeballs and all I have ever seen you do is give it the middle finger every day of your life since by marching around like it's nothing, proving to everyone without even trying that the ability to see is overrated."
"You are the most ballsy, confident, arrogant, headstrong, infuriating chick I have ever met," Penn continued, stepping towards her, "Since when do you care if some fucking jack ass like Bronco is too stupid to see how mind-boggling incredible that makes you? I know you're better than that." He stared at her, waiting for her reaction. He could see it going many different ways, most of them ending in violence. But he didn't care. That was the thing he'd always admired most about Fennec--he never had to worry about hurting her feelings. She was made of steel.
Or at least, she had been.
April 15, 2022, 04:00 PM
Well, it wasn't the reaction she expected. At first she bristled at his tone, automatically indignant that he'd have the nerve to get mad at her when she hadn't even fucking done anything. She calmed down when she realized he was essentially yelling about what a badass she was, but not entirely. He didn't get it, but she waited for him to finish, expression a terse neutral.
At least she didn't feel like crying. In fact, she felt better than she had in a while, saying it out loud. It didn't make any sense. She should be better than this, and the fact that she wasn't was just another thing in the list of things that were wrong. If she could do anything to stop feeling this way, she would, in an instant.
You realize that was the setup for a killer blind joke, right? And you just missed it.She snorted, but wasn't done there. As tempting as it was to sidestep his whole tirade entirely, he'd thrown a good number of compliments in there. Those didn't come cheap from Penn.
I wish I was better than that. Fuck, do you know how many times I've told myself that? Fuck him. Fuck what he thinks, fuck what he does, fuck what he does and doesn't care about. But still, all I can think about is how hard I tried and how I still wasn't good enough. I know that's fucking stupid. I know that I'm amazing and worth way more than that bullshit. But it hurts, Penn.
At least she didn't feel like crying. In fact, she felt better than she had in a while, saying it out loud. It didn't make any sense. She should be better than this, and the fact that she wasn't was just another thing in the list of things that were wrong. If she could do anything to stop feeling this way, she would, in an instant.
So maybe I want to be a whiny bitch for a while.She'd earned the right, damn it. Eventually she'd get over it and used to the idea that nothing she'd hoped for was going to happen, but until then, she had to live with every damn thing reminding her of that fact.
You don't have to listen.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 15, 2022, 04:23 PM
She didn't hit him, which was okay. Honestly, he thought she would've felt better if she had. Penn had never been good at dealing with emotions. He was an expert at running from them and pretending they didn't exist. He was also quite proficient at creating even greater problems that were effective at distracting him from his emotions. If you'd like an example, please refer to that one time he picked a fight with two women who forced him to jump off a huge cliff into a turbulent ocean.
Fortunately, he knew that was not good advice. He was a deeply flawed individual, but he at least was sufficiently aware that he was. He didn't used to be, but it had become glaringly apparent in the last year or so.
"Sometimes it's better to let them slide," Penn quipped back with a snort before falling silent to listen to her continue. She spoke of how she knew she was amazing, but how it hurt anyway. How Bronco had hurt her. And as he'd suspected, it was the absolute worst having to hear it. He'd never explicitly admitted to himself what she meant to him, but that didn't mean he didn't know. And my god, did he know right then.
"Christ, Fenn... Fine," Penn replied after she was through and after he'd taken a moment to breathe through the pain, "Be a whiny bitch. I'll listen. Gods know I owe you. Probably. But for the love of god, you have got to recognize that the only thing him bailing on you shows is how worthless he is, not how worthless or not good enough you are. I cannot accept that I live in a world where you're that fucking blind."
Fortunately, he knew that was not good advice. He was a deeply flawed individual, but he at least was sufficiently aware that he was. He didn't used to be, but it had become glaringly apparent in the last year or so.
"Sometimes it's better to let them slide," Penn quipped back with a snort before falling silent to listen to her continue. She spoke of how she knew she was amazing, but how it hurt anyway. How Bronco had hurt her. And as he'd suspected, it was the absolute worst having to hear it. He'd never explicitly admitted to himself what she meant to him, but that didn't mean he didn't know. And my god, did he know right then.
"Christ, Fenn... Fine," Penn replied after she was through and after he'd taken a moment to breathe through the pain, "Be a whiny bitch. I'll listen. Gods know I owe you. Probably. But for the love of god, you have got to recognize that the only thing him bailing on you shows is how worthless he is, not how worthless or not good enough you are. I cannot accept that I live in a world where you're that fucking blind."
April 15, 2022, 05:03 PM
She had no way of knowing how he felt, hearing about all of this, and any tone that indicated anything she dismissed as emotional awkwardness. She felt it too. This wasn't normally how either of them operated. She always owned her shit (unlike him) but normally she did that by dismissing it entirely. Trying to make things work with Bronco had meant breaking that habit and accepting the criticisms he'd given her.
Shit.What he said was obvious as fuck. Well, she didn't think Bronco was worthless, but she wasn't about to call herself it either. But now that it was done, truly done, none of his criticisms mattered. She'd tried to see it as improving herself, but it wasn't. It was turning herself into something he thought was better.
I'm not that blind. Maybe a little stupid. I'm working on that - it isn't my fault it's contagious.This wasn't a fix, and she was still absolutely going to feel like shit again as soon as she left Penn behind and got back into her own head. Still, filtering herself through the lense of what was good for him had been exhausting, and she could feel the weight leaving her as she spoke.
You don't owe me shit, anyway. All I've ever done is curse you. Remember?As far as she could tell, he'd never asked her for a single favor. Which was, in fact, why he deserved every single one of those curses. Obviously.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
His words finally seemed to get through to her. It should’ve made him happy, and it did on some level, yet the victory felt hollow. He’d somehow pictured her falling into his arms, telling him how much she’d missed him, how much she needed him, how much she wanted him. How he’d opened her eyes and made her realize she’d been a fool running after Bronco, it should’ve been him all along.
She didn’t, of course, and Penn couldn’t really say he was surprised. He had blown it a long time ago. He didn’t deserve a second chance. He’d probably just fuck it up again if he ever got one anyway.
And in truth, he knew it was for the best. If she reached for him now, it wouldn’t be for the reasons he wanted. He would be the bottle of whiskey she pulled from the shelf to lose herself in for the night. He would help make her forget, but leave her hungover in the morning, swearing to herself up and down that she’d never drink again. Penn didn’t want to be that to her. He didn’t want to be her regret.
But… if it was all he ever got. If it was all she ever gave him.
Penn stirred himself from the thought with a grim smile, glad that she was blind as he didn’t have the energy to wear his mask. ”How could I forget,” he replied wryly. He wondered if she knew she was the curse. He wondered if she’d ever know how much he’d loved being cursed.
”So where are you and the ever gallant Sir Figment headed?” Penn asked, though he knew the information would be pointless to hold. He couldn’t go with her, could make no promises to find her. Still, he liked knowing where she was in the world. Just in case he ever managed to learn one day how to stop fucking everything up.
She didn’t, of course, and Penn couldn’t really say he was surprised. He had blown it a long time ago. He didn’t deserve a second chance. He’d probably just fuck it up again if he ever got one anyway.
And in truth, he knew it was for the best. If she reached for him now, it wouldn’t be for the reasons he wanted. He would be the bottle of whiskey she pulled from the shelf to lose herself in for the night. He would help make her forget, but leave her hungover in the morning, swearing to herself up and down that she’d never drink again. Penn didn’t want to be that to her. He didn’t want to be her regret.
But… if it was all he ever got. If it was all she ever gave him.
Penn stirred himself from the thought with a grim smile, glad that she was blind as he didn’t have the energy to wear his mask. ”How could I forget,” he replied wryly. He wondered if she knew she was the curse. He wondered if she’d ever know how much he’d loved being cursed.
”So where are you and the ever gallant Sir Figment headed?” Penn asked, though he knew the information would be pointless to hold. He couldn’t go with her, could make no promises to find her. Still, he liked knowing where she was in the world. Just in case he ever managed to learn one day how to stop fucking everything up.
April 18, 2022, 01:36 AM
Right, plans. Those things that she had jack shit for.
It was unnerving, having the entire world open up before you despite you not being interested in any of it. Maybe she'd find the edge and just vanish entirely. Too bad she'd promised Killer she'd see him again because, if she was being completely honest... that plan didn't sound as bad as it probably should have. She'd always enjoyed a good mystery and that was about as eerie as shit got.
Not back. Other than that, who the fuck knows?She huffed out a single, bitter breath. Then released the rest of it in a softer sigh. Really though, she didn't even want to think about it.
Wherever we want, I guess.As great as it sounded on face value, somehow she couldn't really summon much excitement for it. All she saw when she looked ahead was a whole lot of empty, and she couldn't blame the blindness for that.
You're probably heading somewhere else, yeah?She had to ask. She had no reason to believe that Penn had changed his mind now, and suddenly decided he wanted to join company again. It didn't matter how many compliments he had just thrown at her - the fact was, he hadn't shown much interest since their first and only trip. She figured, by this time, he had other shit going on; the kind that didn't involve childhood friends, no matter how awesome they might be.
It was unnerving, having the entire world open up before you despite you not being interested in any of it. Maybe she'd find the edge and just vanish entirely. Too bad she'd promised Killer she'd see him again because, if she was being completely honest... that plan didn't sound as bad as it probably should have. She'd always enjoyed a good mystery and that was about as eerie as shit got.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 18, 2022, 05:23 PM
Penn was a little surprised to learn she had no plans. He’d have thought her brother would’ve convinced her to go that one place… the uh… frozen doves… eagles… he couldn’t remember. That pack his older sister ran where he and Fenn had run into Fig way back when. At another time, he might’ve been pleased to hear his wayward, carefree spirit had rubbed off on her, but he was painfully aware that this meant he’d have no idea where to find her again once they parted ways. This might truly be it since he couldn’t tell her where he was headed anyway.
A crossroads. Now or never.
”The best things happen when you have no idea what you’re doing,” Penn replied, smiling wistfully. He wasn’t sure how much he believed that anymore, but it was what old Penn would’ve said. The whole, unbroken one.
She turned the question on him and he paused to consider it. He could tell her the truth. About all of it. How he’d fathered kids and run out on them like a spineless coward. How he’d screwed with the pack in the coast and been cast into the ocean. What it all had cost him. She seemed better since she’d bared her soul to him and gotten her pain off of her chest. Maybe it would be the same for him. Maybe she wouldn’t judge him. Or maybe she would, and maybe it would be a relief to know for sure if he was or wasn’t as horrible a being as he thought himself to be.
Now or never.
”Yeah, I got some errands to run to the East,” he answered finally, ”Couple things to check on. Then… who knows.”
A crossroads. Now or never.
”The best things happen when you have no idea what you’re doing,” Penn replied, smiling wistfully. He wasn’t sure how much he believed that anymore, but it was what old Penn would’ve said. The whole, unbroken one.
She turned the question on him and he paused to consider it. He could tell her the truth. About all of it. How he’d fathered kids and run out on them like a spineless coward. How he’d screwed with the pack in the coast and been cast into the ocean. What it all had cost him. She seemed better since she’d bared her soul to him and gotten her pain off of her chest. Maybe it would be the same for him. Maybe she wouldn’t judge him. Or maybe she would, and maybe it would be a relief to know for sure if he was or wasn’t as horrible a being as he thought himself to be.
Now or never.
”Yeah, I got some errands to run to the East,” he answered finally, ”Couple things to check on. Then… who knows.”
April 18, 2022, 09:59 PM
Asking had probably been a mistake because there was no way she was ever going to see his confirmation as anything but another rejection. That was something she really couldn't just shake off.
The switch to irrational was immediate. She practically felt her blood begin to curdle and hid it poorly in her response.
She had no reason to be angry when she couldn't ask for what she wanted, but apparently, those sorts of things had limits. She'd hit Bronco's and there was no way Penn's limit was higher. There was no way in hell she was risking it.
Maybe leaving angry wasn't what ruined her relationships. Maybe it was trying to stick around.
She had no idea where Fig had gotten off to, but she should probably go find him. And with no more explanation to explain her sudden shift in temperature, Fennec turned to leave.
The switch to irrational was immediate. She practically felt her blood begin to curdle and hid it poorly in her response.
Right. Well, good luck. Catch me next year and tell me how it goes, if we're lucky. If not, have a nice life I guess.
She had no reason to be angry when she couldn't ask for what she wanted, but apparently, those sorts of things had limits. She'd hit Bronco's and there was no way Penn's limit was higher. There was no way in hell she was risking it.
Maybe leaving angry wasn't what ruined her relationships. Maybe it was trying to stick around.
She had no idea where Fig had gotten off to, but she should probably go find him. And with no more explanation to explain her sudden shift in temperature, Fennec turned to leave.
Fenn is blind, and as she's older, will take all of her character insight from tone. If you are ever uncomfortable with an assumption she makes, please let me know!
April 19, 2022, 06:12 AM
Her sudden temperament change was enough to startle him out of his pensive melancholy, which he hadn’t even noticed himself slipping into. He hadn’t noticed he was being a hypocrite—chiding her for being all woe is me and then immediately throwing himself a pity party once he’d pulled her out of her own. He didn’t actually notice it now, he was too focused on the shift in her attitude, but I noticed and I think it’s silly.
”Why are you acting like errands is code for I’m going to go murder your mother?” Penn asked even as she turned away from him, ”Have you been personally victimized in the past by errands?” He paused for effect then added, ”Did errands kill your mother?”
Penn jested, but his mind was stuck on three words she’d said. Three words that also surprised and potentially delighted him were he foolish enough to read into it: if we’re lucky.
”Why are you acting like errands is code for I’m going to go murder your mother?” Penn asked even as she turned away from him, ”Have you been personally victimized in the past by errands?” He paused for effect then added, ”Did errands kill your mother?”
Penn jested, but his mind was stuck on three words she’d said. Three words that also surprised and potentially delighted him were he foolish enough to read into it: if we’re lucky.
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