The Sunspire Who could ever ever ask for more?

@Terance 

Edited for plot purposes and brought to present date 8th October.

Days had passed and Wraen still had not found answers to her questions, except for a resolution that - perhaps - it would be better for all, if she put distance betwee herself and everything that tied her down here. Time spent on her own would probably give her a much needed fresh perspective of things. And the more she thought about the freedom that would come, once she tore all strings, the more she anticipated. She needed an exit. 

To rest her wandering mind, she focused on hunting more, but even the best of the craft can get into accidents. During a hunt in the mountains Wraen had cut a pawpad on a sharp piece of rock. It was nothing too serious, but annoying and painful, making it hard for her to walk and for this reason she was stationed at Sunspire for the whole day. 

In a resting place, which she shared with Maia, Wraen lied and groomed her injured paw, feeling little relief and more compulsion to clean and clean, and clean it until it was spotless. But instead of this activity giving her peace of mind, the effect was contrary - the injury seemed to ache even more. 

Eventually - with an exasperated groan - she gave up and lied on her side, trying to fall asleep and fighting hard to ignore the pulsating pain that was creeping up her limb. Life did not seem to improve at all.

terance was trying to pretend like nothing bad had ever happened. he knew it wasn't healthy to do so, and even rannoch had asked him not to, but he didn't know how else to cope. no he didn't run away, for starters. it was a short scouting mission. and look, he'd returned, he was fine...

he went to visit wraen, even though they butted heads often terance was still typically fond of his sister. and maia was usually around wraen as well, and he loved maia just as much. he spotted her resting in her usual spot and trotted over, chuffing to grab her attention. "it's almost evening-- you should be preparing for more duties," terance called out, his ears angled forwards. night time was the best time to do stuff in the summer-- not so hot.

Editted and brought to present date for plot purposes.

Wraen had lost track of, whether Terance had gone with Rannoch down to the prospective new home, or had been away on a mission of his own. In any case, after the last clash, for which Wraen felt very guilty about even now, she would have preferred to see the alpha instead of his faithful follower and her sibling. Especially with the bad news that she was about to deliver. But he seemed to be so happy (as happy as he could be in these circumstances), that she did not have it in her to say all that she had to say just yet. 

"Someone's feeling very energetic," Wrean replied, greeting her brother with a wagging tail and a smile, while she remained lying, after she had changed her position from being entirely lateral to sphinx-like. "How was your trip?"

"just keeping busy," terance responded with a small smile. he too had tried to put behind their past scuffle, which seemed to happen more often than not. but they were different wolves, and butting heads just seemed to be the normal. terance didn't resent her for it, but it sure was frustrating-- when at one point in his life, terance swore that wraen was the only wolf that would ever support him through thick and thin. 

he settled before her, emitting a soft sigh. "fine. ibis tried to return with me, okeanos convinced her to stay, i seabreeze and i spoke afterwards," he told her the brief synopsis of what had happened. he didn't want to go into detail. "nothing has changed."

and then he nodded towards her foot, brows furrowing, "what'd you do?" 

"At least you know that they are doing fine," Wraen remarked, feeling amazed, how little she had been thinking about Seabreeze and the two children, once the first turmoil of their decision to leave had died down. She recalled, how angry and hurt she had felt towards the woman, who had broken her brother's heart, and how very indifferent she was now. 

"Did some leading stuff," she began, "and did some thinking. More of the latter than the first, I am ashamed to admit." There was a sad smile and pause, during which she was looking for the right words to say, but she realized that there was no way to wrap up nicely, what she was about to tell. She had always been the one to feel the unfairness fate towards her brother keenly and ironically she would be the one person to deliver another blow. 

"I looked back at, what life has been for me ever since I left home, and I had a glimpse in the future... and I did not like, what I saw there," she said, avoiding to look Terance in the eyes, therefore letting her gaze wander from her paws, along the ground and finally settling at some point at the horizon. "These past months have been very difficult for me, I have worked so hard to provide for the kids and the rest... that in the end there is nothing left for me. If I am not working, I am resting and even then it feels wrong, because I should be on the move, should be doing something."

Her countenance became guilty now: "And nothing will really change, when we move, will it? Once these kids will be grown, there will be another batch, and then another spring and more mouths to feed. I see no end for it... and as much as I love you, Liffey and Rannoch... I just can't do it anymore. I do not want to spend my life in service of others, having nothing of it to myself. I have this small and miserable hope that there is more to life than this."

"I also thought about our relationship and realized that maybe we... I will be a better person, if we do not live in the same pack and have to share the same rank," now she dared to look Terance in the eyes with all the sadness of the world in her gaze. "I hate myself after every argument we have had and afterwards I often wonder, who is this bitch in my skin, why can't things be the way they were such a long time ago. But it made me realize that... that we are two different people and I don't think it is healthy for the pack to see us arguing and it is unfair to Rannoch to make him choose sides."

"Came out quite long..." she sighed and looked away again. "But I wanted to tell you that... that I won't come with you, when you move to Lost Creek Hollow. I will step down and take a leave to have time to figure things out on my own."

terance fell silent, not expecting the sudden monologue from his sister-- and certainly having nothing to say right away. terance felt angry, betrayed-- yet again-- by a wolf he loved. despite all their disagreements, terance loved wraen, and here she was, each word she spoke tearing through the stitches he'd so carefully use to mend his broken heart. he hadn't healed, not from lyra, not from hydra, not from seabreeze. and now wraen. 

but there was a difference here then there was with hydra and seabreeze. wraen held the same resentment for sunspire as he did for moonspear. he loved it, he loved the wolves who resided there, but the mountain was hurting him. and this mountain was hurting her. 

maybe, after all this time, that was the true difference between wraen and terance. that dante, who was both fiercely loyal and a born leader, divided unevenly between his children. terance, who always assumed he was the born leader, was less so and more of a follower. terance could lead, he was confident, but he would always be happier as and better at being someone's right hand. 

wraen was born to lead. 

"you are right," he said softly, his ears splaying back against his head, "i wish you were wrong." and then silence pierced the air between them as terance thought. when he was nervous, terance rambled, but he was not nervous. sad, angry, hurt, but he calculated the best thing he could say-- something that wouldn't damage their relationship.

"you are more than i am in this pack-- more than i care to be," he said, unwillingly, as he firmly liked to believe rannoch looked to him and him only for anything and everything, but that was all terance was. wraen did more, said more, and made mistakes less. "you will find something that makes better use of you somewhere else," he then said, and glanced back at his sister with a small smile. he was supportive of her, though he hated it so much, and it showed in his forest gaze.

he asked her then, unsure of exactly how to carry on this conversation, "have you told maia?"

Had their roles been reversed, Wraen would have been in an emotional turmoil, like it had happened many times before during very heated moments, she would have said things that she would later regret. And yet this was Terance, who met arguments with calmness and few well chosen words. He accepted the situation as it was and did not fight back. This was a characteristic that she both admired and did not understand in him. She wished to have his calm and ability to think straight and clearly, when situation was stressful, unpleasant and dangerours. And yet she would never admit a defeat without trying to find a way out, to solve things, to save, whatever there was to save. 

Wraen got up to her feet and went to sit side by side him, their flanks touching and with her head resting against the side of his neck. They had not been this close for a very long time and after this moment would pass, they would never again. She was wrapped in his scent and just being there next to him made her feel safe and protected against the whole world. This feeling she would miss the most and it made her wonder, whether Lyra or Seabreeze had felt the same way as she did now. If they had, why hadn't they valued him more. But, who was she to speak, if she planned to leave as well? Even if her reasons had an entirely different basis. 

"You know that this is not true - just because we handle things differently, does not mean that any of us is better than the other. You have had the most difficult year of your life and yet you are still standing and you are still there for Rannoch and his family," she countered his words. "And you have to promise me that you will stop doubting and blaming yourself for everything bad that has come your way. It is, what it is and what will be, will be," she finished. 

No, she had not yet told this to Maia or Rannoch and she did not like to be the bearer of bad news. She had no idea, how Maia would react, but she could easily imagine Rannoch feeling disappointed, betrayed and very hurt. "No, I have to do it soon. Though I can't speak for herself, I do not want to drag her out in the wilds, when winter is coming. She would be much better off with you guys, but I will respect any decision she makes," she replied.

as wraen pressed herself to him, terance rested his chin upon her crown. "i didn't say you were better," he said gently, clarifying, "but i am a right-hand, that's all i've ever wanted to be, is beside rannoch. you are more than that, and desire to be so. that's all." this year was hard, and this was just making it harder. but so what? what could he do about it? nothing.

terance tried too hard to be good enough for everyone, but he was, in truth, not good enough for anyone. he'd accepted it, by now. wraen leaving hurt, too much to put into words, but it seemed to be part of life. as wraen spoke about self-blame and doubt, terance blamed himself, and doubted himself. but what else can you do at times like this? nothing. 

"it will be," terance murmured gently, still rested on her forehead, "i'll see better days. and so will you." they all would. 

and in regards to maia, terance couldn't imagine the rowdy girl staying behind. somehow, he assumed the appeal and draw of adventure would call her more than a broken home and a broken brother. "maia will know what she wants."

"I wish that life stops hitting you so hard time and time again," Wraen said with a smile and moved her head a little to look her brother in the eyes. "If it does not, I will have a serious talk with mother Fate - just give a shout," she added with a light-hearted chuckle.

"Frankly speaking, I have no idea, how she is going to react. I hate to disappoint her, on the other hand... it is not like we are saying goodbye forever. The world is small after all," she sighed, realizing that the hardest part was ahead of her. With Terance she had known, what to expect more or less. With Maia... she had never seen her any different than being optimistic.

"I can't promise, when exactly, but I would like to visit you in the new place at some point," she said after some silence. "See, how you all have settled there and are doing."

I think you can wrap up in your next post. Thank you for all and good luck in leading the new pack!