Redsand Canyon I can hook a trailer on a two-inch hitch

I was gonna catch up but at this point I’m just gonna write whatever actually just comes

It would have been funny, how quickly this marriage turned from being so different to exactly the same, if Fennec had anything left in her to feel it. Some part of her wondered if she should fight to change it, to grab some semblance of the happiness she thought she might find with him. Most of her knew that forcing it would only make it worse.

He was already leaving. The distance between them got wider, the longer they let it ride, and he was gone more frequently. Every time the paranoid, broken part of her wondered if this would be the one where he wouldn’t come back.

To think - they’d spoken of children. He’d been planning a trip for the two of them. And now?

She stalked the borders of the canyon, her senses sharp despite the distinct lack of fire in her chest. The rage that had carried her through last time had died when her hopes had, and despite the optimism she’d almost had, she’d never quite let them fully return.

One thing to be thankful for.

And then there were two.

Ma, Killdeer called out gently, coming within calling distance of Fennec. He noticed her muscles were taut and her face drawn, and stayed back a bit, not knowing if he should really bother her or not.

Instead, he fell into step a few tail-lengths shy—still enough to be present, but not so close as to draw her ire. He knew her temper, after all.

What had happened? She seemed so. . .distant.

Fennec tensed a bit when Killdeer drew nearer, but softened visibly the instant she recognized her son. She could be upset about everything and anything else, but there was never a time where his voice wouldn’t make things at least a little brighter.

Hey. You’ve been busy lately. I hope your Grandma is paying you well for the time. she teased, latching onto the opportunity to catch up on his activities.

She wondered if she shouldn’t talk to him about the things on her mind, but there were so many roads that conversation could take… and a good number of those would lead to his father. There were some things that a parent had to carry themselves. Her loneliness would never be his problem to solve; not if she could ever help it.

I’ve not been following super well, but making the assumption Fenn doesn’t know about anything in Epoch lately. I can edit if you’d rather she did!

He smiled, but the expression faded quickly as Fennec mentioned Towhee, and he grew silent. Yeah, Killer replied, managing a chuckle—but it came out strangled.

Did she know? She couldn't know. Not to make light of anything grandma-adjacent like that.

Ma, is everything okay? he asked instead, trying to pivot the subject away. If she indeed didn't know, he sensed that now was not a good time to unload it all upon her.

He moved closer and let their shoulders brush, tail sweeping briefly over her hocks.

Well, fuck. She caught his tone immediately and stiffened a little again without really realizing it. What was going on that had him responding that way to the joke?

He deflected. Her expression narrowed a little as she visibly considered not letting him out of the explanation. Then she sighed and leaned lightly, pressing her shoulder to his.

Nothing gets past you, does it? Why the fuck did you have to end up smart? Fennec smiled, but it faded as soon as she started to try and put the words together. She still wasn’t sure what she should and shouldn’t tell him.

I’m not a fan of not knowing things. And right now there’s a lot I don’t know. A lot the Imperator isn’t saying. She gave her usual dry huff of laughter, and for some reason the thought she had next reminded her of her mom. I’m not sure why I expected differently, marrying the most emotionally constipated man this side of the mountains at least. But it would be nice if, at some point, someone I married could trust me at least a little.

She paused for a moment, then let out a soft breath. Sorry. As tempted as she had been a number of times, and as honest as she’d been during certain conversations, Fennec really didn’t like speaking negatively of his dad in front of him. The compounding was just the biggest part of the problem. It was too hard not to see the patterns with what was happening.

The laugh escaped his serious mien, coming out as a snort. He shook his head; Sorry, Ma, he assured her, even though he was, in fact, kind of dumb.

But still. Emotionally smart.

He heard her out, nodding along (though she couldn't see him) and chewed on her words for a long moment or two before replying again.

Ma, he began, slowly, Why don't we just start our own pack? I mean—you're good enough to be leader; you've done it before. And I can help you. We can be happy.

Perhaps.

He wouldn't hold his breath, though. They both had obligations here, despite the difference of them.

Fennec suppressed a snort at her son’s suggestion. It was sweet that he thought this was something that would work, but if she’d learned anything, it was that she absolutely did not have what it took to lead. Not a pack of her own.

I’ve never done it before well. In fact, I stepped down from one and the other never even got started. This is the first place I’ve really led, officially, and I can’t say it’s going well. Could you? She smirked, but moved so their shoulders brushed.

I appreciate the vote of confidence. But I’d bet on you way before I’d bet on me. You thinking of going for leadership? Hearing Killdeer talk about leaving… and leaving with her… was surprising, after how insistent he’d been that she stay. Maybe he was outgrowing this place too. She wasn’t sure she was ready to give up on Germanicus yet, but if her son wanted a change, she wanted to hear him out.

He had a totally wonky perspective. He thought his mother would be okay with it. Hadn't their pack only collapsed because of his parents' marriage?

Maybe? Killer offered. If you'd be happy. Are you happy here?

He'd honestly, truly do anything to make his mother happy. And obviously she wasn't happy here. His loyalty to Germanicus was fairly shallow, but his desire to serve his family literally ran veins-deep.

He'd do whatever she wanted to do.

Fennec shook her head and smiled. God, sometimes talking with him took her back to the days when she’d had nothing to worry about but getting into shit with Penn and making sure he and Bronco didn’t kill each other. Now she doubted she’d ever see either of them again. One she was thankful of that fact, the other… well. The other she couldn’t do much about.

I’m not right now, but I was. Sometimes happy takes work, and I don’t mind doing that. It just sometimes is a two person job. And if the other one doesn’t want it, then there’s no way to force it. She didn’t think that was the case with Germanicus, but she was beginning to wonder. She’d insisted so many times that all she needed was trust and it still always felt there were things he held back. Maybe he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

You, though, always make me happy. And if you did decide to go for it, I think you’d make a killer leader. Fuck, that was a terrible joke. If she wasn’t careful he’d learn these from her - but the small grin she wore wasn’t too concerned.

Happy takes work. He understood, kind of. He wasn't always happy, but the emotion came easier to him than it did for others, his mother included. Of course, she'd been fucked over a lot more than he had. He chewed on those words, listening quietly—

And then broke out into a laugh at her bad joke despite himself.

Thanks, Ma, Killdeer replied, wagging his tail. He cocked his head. C'mon. Let's find flatter ground and go for a run. That always makes me feel better.

He started that way, slowly, while he waited for her to follow.

And all the while, thinking. Me? A leader? Really?

wanna fade this one out for the sake of newer threads? <3