Swiftcurrent Creek [M]Why don't you just go home

Arric moved through the packlands like a ghost. He minded the borders every morning and every night. He hunted, he fished inbetween. Anything to keep the pain at bay. To keep his grief and anger away. 

Because he was angry. He was angry at Wren and guilty because he was angry, he was angry at silver for making wren and akavir cry and he was guilty because she was hurting too. He was angry that Mae had left thinking herself unloved when he had loved her so much his neice now out there alone. But he was guilty because he had thave e not shown it enough. And he was angry at Akavir for bringing them altogether for making them care about each other and yet he was so glad too. 

And he was angry that he was angry. Simple as that. Today he found himself on the edge of the border. Blue eyes tracing the meadows. Debating on going to riverclan to Kvarsheim. Because he firmly believed the bridge had not been burned. There was a lot of hurt and hurt made you unable to think. And the road to hell was paved with the best of intentions. 

But he couldn't force himself to make that step because where wren was concerned even he couldn't think right. He had found her broken and busted and she had done it to herself and it made him sick because he hadn't seen the signs. And it made him angry because how dare she. She wasn't the only one hurting and then guilt again because clearly she was fucked up.

Arlette tried to keep an eye on pack members, and their moods. She tried her best to be there for each of the pack members but she was being stretched thin. She had been bonding a little with Arric but she hadn't seen much of him after that. She didn't blame him, she knew how busy he was and she had been keeping herself pretty busy too.

Arlette came out of the meadows towards the border with voles in her mouth. She was not the best hunter, but the meadows and open plains she was more familiar with. She grew up on the open plains and voles was something she could catch. She didn't want to be a burden to the pack by always eating from the caches. She didn't want to be a burden to Arric who did most of the hunting.

Speaking off, when she approached the border she saw the dark male looking out, as if he was intending to leave. Arlette made her way too him, he looked... mad? Was he mad at her? The female couldn't think of something though. Arlette's eyes looked a little worried. She stopped before him and dropped the five voles on the ground. "Arric? Are you alright?"

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Arric had been avoiding everyone or so he thought, perhaps they were avoding him. Or maybe all of them were so fucking damaged that they walked and missed each other through the smoke of emotions and hurt.

Voice from far away he blinked. Precious little face. Voice. She was always so pleasant and god he kinda hated it and yet he adored it, because despite it all. She kept the happy level up. Her little maw was stuffed with voles before she spoke. He had to laugh then at the small pile. But he held up a paw. Not the voles no she was b3ing amazing helping where she could.

You know lovebug, you're kinda adorable.

 He shook his head and went back to the horizon. Chewing on the words. The tension that held his black shoulders taut.

His voice strangled, low. Filled to the brim with all of it.

No I'm not. I'm pissed off at almost everyone. And I'm pissed off that I'm pissed off. And I'm guilty for being pissed off. And I really just want to ask Wren and Akavir and Silvertongue and all of them. How dare they spew their negative, shame, self hating selves all over the land and yet how dare they make me want to hug them all until they can't fucking breathe because they're so fucking damaged and they won't try and fix it. And they all just keep hurting and blaming and bleeding all over the place and I.

He swallowed his voice a whisper then.I...I.. can't fix it. And how dare I pass judgement on them when they're hurting and blaming and bleeding.

Arric blinked. Blue eyes boring into her. and how dare Mae leave feeling like she is hated. And how dare wren hurt herself because she loves too much and yet how dare i blame her for it. Her pain isn't mine. And how dare Akavir love so much and yet hate himself so much. And yet how fair am i? I'm just as damaged and I'm shitty as fuck for being angry when they are angry enough at themselves.

Arlette had not expected him to greet her this way. She offered him a soft smile and dipped her head. She wasn't used to the compliments but they were definitely welcome. She turned a little more serious when Arric let it all out. He really let it all out. It was good. Then he could vent and just those words be words.

He seemed to have a good self reflection as he continued. He couldn't fix them, and not everything seemed to be okay. There was so much frustration within him and she wished she could take it away. His blue eyes found her when he continued. Arlette stepped closer, over her pile of voles and then just offered him a version of a hug. She moved her face through the fluff of his neck and chest and then moved it so her snout was resting on his shoulder. She could almost reach his back but he could reach hers, rest his head on it if he wanted.

"Let it all out," she spoke. "It is okay to feel all those things." Arlette liked that he was open with his emotions. There was a lot of conflicting emotions there, something he might need to resolve. But all so broken, and little they could do about it except work on themselves. It was not his job to fix it.

Arric wasn't sure how Arlette liked his compliments or his offhand way of speaking, but she hadn't growled him. So he deduced she didn't mind.

Arric had not planned to vent as he had. But once he started he couldn't stop. The words flowed like water and the soul crushing guilt that he felt bad at all. It was not their fault they acted the way they did or felt the way they did.

A,deep shudder rockwd his body when she hugged him and he closed eyes fast. His large head landed qtop her shoulders and he took a shaky breath and another until he could breathe normally.


Letting it out is both cathartic and sucky. he quipped, but without the usual bite of humor.

Thank you.

He could have moved but didn't yet.

Arlette stayed in the embrace because it felt like he needed it. She did feel the light shudder and she hoped that it wasn't a bad thing. She only moved in a little tighter. She hoped that it would help him. That it would comfort him. "I can only praise you for letting it out," she returned. "Doesn't it feel a little relieving as well?," she asked curiously.

She noticed that he hadn't moved away yet, so she figured he needed the hug a little longer. She leaned her head against him, feeling the weight of his on her back. "You are welcome," she whispered, not sure why she was whispering. "I'm sorry that once again you have to feel this way because of other's actions."

Arric finally released her and backed up. He looked down at her a small blush on his cheeks, and he cleared his throat. 

Sorry I got your fur a little wet. He bent his head to rub eyes along leg fur and then lifted his head back up.

An ear tilted forward while he pressed one hard to his head and his tail stayed motionless. Did it feel relieving? He wasn't certain. In some ways, and yet it also felt as if he had given her a burden she didn't deserve. It wasn't her responsibility to deal with his nonsense and his chaos.

I'm not sure if it's their actions or my brain being screwed up, Arlette. I maybe overreacting to everything. I just can't think straight and I hate it. I have never been so muddled as I have been in these last few months.

Arlette had to laugh when he spoke of making her fur wet. She smiled widely at him. "Oh no how dare you," she teased him. Her eyes studied him for a moment. She offered him a soft smile, because he looked better. Or at least, not so high in his emotions. She was glad that she helped, even though it was only a little.

"I wouldn't think too much about what it is. It can be something of both. Also, don't forget that you have done a lot of work without really looking after yourself. It seems a logical consequence of being tired, overworked, and generally feeling unhappy," she spoke. She knew he appreciated her honesty. She had seen over the past few months how unhappy or frustrated he had been.

"And it is more than okay to feel that way," she assured him, keeping that same kind smile.

He chuckled watery, but it was still a chuckle. 

She was so sweet sometimes it almost hurt. He liked that about her, but it also worried him. What if someone used that, well he'd tear em up of course but still.

A wry grin. Were he human he'd have rubbed his neck and looked away. 

Someonw has to take care of the caches and the borders. Everyone's been gone so much. I don't want any of you going hungry. Especially not the little ones.

He wasn't sure if it was. But he was glad she cared.

Arlette looked at him and raised her brow. "You are the Beta of the pack, not the slave," she reminded him. "You can also delegate. I think might be good to bond a little with Ensio. He is eager to help," she offered. "I can also help, that is already two more than you having to do everything. Eshe is here as well, so she can also help where she can. She doesn't seem like the wolf that would say no," Arlette shrugged.

She just wanted him to know that he wasn't alone. There weren't many, but he wasn't completely alone either. But he would need to ask for it, she doubted that most would show their own initiative.

He smiled and shook hia head.

I'm aware, but it needs done. Akavir, Wren and Vinturruth wereand are always out scouting. You have to watch the babies. Eshe, eshe. I like her, but she takes things hard and personally. If she couldn't do something I asked. She'd feel worthless.

He sighed, racking his brain for thr name Ensio. Oh he was thr one that came with the big girl.

I'll seek out the boy Ensio and your neice.

Arlette dipped her head. The female thought about it. "You could tell Akavir that he is needed here instead of scouting," she commented. "That is Eshe's problem, not yours. She can also show her boundaries instead of feeling bad about it," she commented. She offered him a soft smile. "You being empathic about others is a strength and a weakness," she commented.

She dipped her head. "I hope they can help," she hummed. The female glanced at Arric, quirking up her lips. "Do you feel a little better?," she asked.

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Arric snorted and chuckled. I can't tell that dickhead shit. He's a stubborn ass. though hia language was colorful there was warmth in his voice for him. He truly did care much for his friend.

Arric blinked and shifted. Yes it is her problem, but if I upset her i potentially upset Akavir and no matter how much i like the man or how much he likes me. When it comes to our women we both would choose them. Does that make sense?

He liked Eshe a lot, but now that the status quo was starting to change. He didn't know her well enough not to know if she'd cause problems. She liked gossip he had noticed that and sometimes even with a k8nd heart gossip caused problems.

He nodded. I do thank you and yea i know.

Arlette looked at Arric and then decided that maybe she would have a word with Akavir. She might be able to talk some sense into him. Maybe that would work or not, but then at least she tried.

Arlette stopped walking when Arric mentioned women. "I guess. But who is your woman then? I didn't know you had one," she commented with a light frown. She couldn't think of anyone outside the pack, but perhaps she was not in this pack, could be.

"I'm glad," she smiled.

Arric knew he really shouldn't be airing dirty laundry, but it was easy to talk with her. And she always listened.

A small chuckle rattled his chest. That's because I don't have one. I was stating it in more a general manner. I have no one. There was a girl in the spring, but she and her family decided they didn't want me around. It was a mistake on my part.

Arlette had a swirl of mixed feelings within her gut when he spoke of a girl last spring and that they want Arric around. She instantly got offended for him. Arric was a wonderful guy why wouldn't they want him around? That girl didn't deserve him honestly. "Ah okay. I was wondering if I missed something," she commented. But she had not missed a girl that he called his woman. "Why was it your mistake?," she asked then, wondering if he was accepted if it had still been his mistake.

[
He laughed. Didn't miss anything. Sometimes in her own way. Arlette could be a little clueless, but only because she didn't worry about drama outside of her life and her family.

Arric shifted. I should have known to leave her alone or better yet didn't even mess with her. She didn't even share her name. I went to her borders after to drop some food and was met with derision and my mouth got me in trouble.

Arlette shrugged. "I don't know, maybe it was you this time that found someone outside of those borders," she teased a little. It also made her realize how little she went outside of the pack's lands. Perhaps she should get herself more out there?? Then again, she only heard about drama from Arric.

"Mess with her... what did you do?," she asked, almost oblivious, because honestly sometimes she could. "I mean-- well..." she seemed to realize. 'Nevermind, you don't have to tell me." She offered him a quick smile then. "Ah yes, that mouth," she chuckled. "Well as long as it doesn't keep you awake at night." Arlette wondered if it would keep her awake at night. Hearing about a girl Arric had been with... It was none of her business anyways. She didn't even like him in that way.... right? No. She was a good friend to him, and she had other things to focus on.

A soft chuckle in her direction. This is true.

He grinned but his eyes betrayed a sadness and a little shame.

She was in heat. I might have kids out there. I tried to do the right thing. And i fast realized that her family doesn't believe in men helping with children. We are literally donors.

A soft shrug. It does, but it was my mistake and i will probably have pay for it someday.

He swallowed realizing he really didn't want her to hste him or think him a shitty wolf. Her opinion really mattered.

Arlette blinked, because that was surprising. She looked over him for a moment, almost calculating it. Because yes, he could be a father and yes, the woman hadn't want him around. But somehow that he had just been with a female in heat... She didn't know what to think of it. "Okay, that is-- I wouldn't want to conceive children that way," she admitted.

"It is quite a mistake, but at least you did the right thing to offer your help," she commented. "Though, it is not really that smart to be with a strange woman in heat though," she muttered, but that was mostly her personal opinion, as she shot him an almost motherly scolding look.

Ear went to his skull and he twisted his tail unsure what to say. He just realized he may have cost him any thought with arlette, though he hadn't really been thinking that, much right? No. Friend his friend. Right.

A snort. 1 out of 10 do not recommend. I realize blatanly that i am not built that way either. I can't and won't ever do that again unless it is an established relatioship.

He nodded. I'm aware. his voice quieter tnan usual more subdued. He had realized it could have ended badly as soon as it started and then it had. And now he felt like an irresponsible jerk and a few other ungodly things.

Arlette felt a little bad when Arric looked a little uncertain. She didn't want to scold him like that, but she had. Perhaps she had been a little disappointed in him. She didn't think he was like that. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so judgmental," she returned to him. But she was glad he wasn't keen on doing that again.

There was a pause then. Arric was more subdued. Arlette looked from him and then way. Why was it suddenly so... awkward? Or well different. She opened her mouth to say something. She then frowned, not really knowing what to say. She shouldn't have reacted that way. "I -- I didn't mean to make you feel bad," she admitted quietly.

Arric blew out a small breath and shifted. Standing a little taller and he looked her over. A tilt of his ear. And he tjought through his words before he said them.
You weren't judgemendal and it's alright. No one should apologize for how they feel. You were disappointed or upset at me and you shoudl be. I'm upset with me. I am old enough to know to keep my paws and other ah parts to myself.


He nudged her head. I just don't want you to hate me or think ill of me.

He smiled then amd shifted. Still a little subdued. And a litte upset with himself. But he could get over it.

Arlette shot him a bashful smile. "I don't think I have the right to be upset about it," she admitted. "However, I didn't expect it from you. I must admit," she spoke and bit her lip. "I also think that you are too hard on yourself sometimes. So please don't take my words too harshly." She offered him a softer smile.

She blushed a little when he nudged her head. "I don't hate you, Arric," she returned, and battered her red eyes up at him. She was a little conflicted though. Arric was good company, and talking about this felt that something had shifted little? Though did it? Because... well, they were both single and she liked his company but was there more? She didn't know. Perhaps she didn't know him that well still, or maybe he didn't know her?

Arric smiled then. He thought about teasing her, but was unsure of it would be welcome. Because frankly she was probably the only one that did indeed have a right to be upset about it. As close to any relationship he'd had. 

I normally wouldn't. I believe I was lonely and i had just arrived. A lot of conflicting emotions.

He briefly thought he should probably share that he was not adverse to flings if all parties involved were in agreement or that he also saw nothing wrong with multiple partners, again if all parties were in agreement. However he also wasn't adverse to monogamous relationships.  But decided against it for now. He had dropped enough on her cute little head.

Though one thing he did admit. I will always take your words to heart, Arlette because you matter to me.

He shifted then. And looked around. Also unsure of their footing. Would he like to get to know her better absolutely, but he was not sure if she was averse to it. 

Enough of heaviness and my ah lack of control in the former spring. How are you?