Duck Lake I want to see you smile but know that means I'll have to leave

Bjarna didn't say anything. She didn't have to. The opening of her arms was like the unlocking of a door at the end of a long dark hall, a door that gleamed under the cracks and through the lock with a light so bright it stung eyes and heated all that it touched. Reverie all but collapsed in her arms, mindful of Bjarna's tiny frame but entirely overwhelmed.
There was no comfort in it, though. Only a stark illumination of all the wounds that littered her bared soul. She was crying quietly, breaking so softly. I've made all the wrong decisions, Reverie confessed, not caring anymore that Bjarna could not understand. Above all else, what Reverie needed right now was a sister. I was in danger, and Lestan protected me, and I thought - I thought he loved me, so I stayed for him. I think... he thinks that he loves me, too. But he doesn't.
Of this she was certain. He thinks I'm beautiful, She felt a numbness come over her as she continued, all these assumptions that had never been corrected and had only grown until they became her truths. And - I do things with him. The kinds of things men want. I changed for him, you know? It ended up being good for me. But it isn't good for him. He's not happy.
There's a woman at the Creek, Jakoul. She gave birth. I was there with her, just in case, Reverie went on, rambling now. It was horrible. Pregnancy, labor, all of it. The children are beautiful, though. They really are. But I -
I don't think Lestan would still want me, if he saw me like that, She trembled. And I think it's happening. It's too soon. I'm too young. Whatever this was, it could not end well.
She sucked in a breath. I should have stayed in Kvarsheim. I should never have left. I wouldn't have met Lestan, and Tybault wouldn't have found me, and I wouldn't have ended up here. I don't know how I did. I just kept making decisions, and they all seemed like the right ones at the time, but now that I'm looking back and seeing them all lined up... I don't know what I was trying to do, anymore.
The funny thing is, She laughed tearfully now, regretfully. I'm happier than I was. I really am. But there's a difference, I think, between being happy within yourself and being happy with your situation. I wish I could figure out how to do both.
Talking, talking forever, because she knew Bjarna would listen even if she didn't fully understand. She knew she would care, even now.