Stavanger Bay It was all forlorn, if only for a season

Lestan did not join her, but she felt his eyes on her all the same. For a few moments she only watched the sea; then, slowly, she went to him. She settled beside him, and her eyes drifted toward Blossom. She didn't know what to say. Then she looked at him, really looked for the first time in days, and the words just started to pour from her.
You - said you don't want to be the reason I live. And I - well, of course I listened. I've never wanted to make you feel trapped with my love. But… what if - what if I don't know any other way to be? The words were tremulous, her expression full of heartbreak. I've - I've always been this way, I think. It was Rose first. When she died, well… you know what happened. But they wouldn't let me die - there was no escaping The Gilded Sea, not that way. I had to run, and then - then, I figured I would try to - do good. Be good. To bring beauty into the world, the way Rose wanted to. I thought that would make me happy.
But it didn't. I don't really want to - be that. I'm not good, or brave, or any of the things she was. Honestly, I've only ever wanted to be happy. And when I met you - you made me happier than anyone ever has, Made; past tense, and some spiteful part of her hoped that it hurt him to hear it as much as it hurt her to say it. And I thought you understood, I really did, because - why else would I stay, after everything? I don't mean to be unfair, Lestan, but it - it feels as if you're always rejecting me in some way. Emotionally, or physically, or sometimes both. I've always forgiven you. Only you, because you were everything to me. But then - And here her voice finally broke.
Then you told me not to love you that way. To live for Blossom. And Blossom - she'll grow up. She'll have her own life one day, and that's what I want for her, but then - what does that leave me?
Not you. That's what you said. Not you. And I - Reverie started to cry. I think I'm starting to - to fall out of love with you. And I don't want that to happen. I want to - try to fix it, if we can. If you want that too. She started to dissolve into true sobbing then, barely finishing her words, one paw swiping furiously at her tears, I know I'm not easy to - to love.
But, more than that, it was terribly exhausting to be loved by her; Reverie knew this too. It was the real reason she hated herself, the reason she subjected herself now to the torment of herbs and healers and false hope. It was what she deserved. She could only seem to love with a fierceness that could almost pass for hatred — and she knew that was wrong of her, but she didn't think she could ever change.