Moonspear where did i go wrong, i lost a friend

attn: @Gannet

 

The ache she felt was palpable, and at present equivalent to what she imagined was a mortal wound. The battles of injury were far more thrilling than this, though. This was like a slow-moving-poison she did not know if she could escape. She moved slowly within Moonspear, her heart not in much at present. Hydra felt she ought to be vigilant and patrol, like that would be a good distraction, but she knew she would make no difference on the borders this very second. 

Hydra sighed.

This was awful. So awful. Feeling was just the worst; she ought to ignore these feelings, and simply favor her basest side.

After Dune assisted him, Gannet was able to limp his way back to his usual resting space, but he didn't stop there. The ache in his head suited his present state; he felt raw. This wasn't Gannet's first round with loss; he'd had plenty come and go. But this one shook him harder.

He spotted a shape and turned, spooked. But it turned out to be Hydra. He couldn't quite summon her a smile, but he huffed out a greeting. He had heard her howl earlier; he knew that she was aware as well, and likely she knew his own mood.

Even with the forewarning, the sight somehow startled her. She might have sought to avoid him, too, if she did not see his hurts as visibly as she did—and not just speaking of the mental state, but of his bloodied visage. Her own morose expression would tell him plenty, too—that while her tone might have been harsh at the moment, she felt nothing but hurt for it in the end. 

She exhaled a wheezy whine, something of a whimpering condolence. She hadn't known that Liffey had come to him in her last hour here, but she saw the wound he bore and moved to sniff at it to ensure all was well there, at least. Though their leaving had shaken her, too, she trusted Gannet nonetheless if only because he still remained despite it all.

She came over and he lowered his head so that she could inspect it. Instead of pausing, however, he kept moving, touching the unhurt side of his face to her neck tentatively. She could pull away, if she wanted, but Gannet craved contact, especially at times like this. She now stood as his closest friend here, and if someone was going to be there now, it was good that it was her.

"I ran," he said quietly, his voice shaking. It was both an admission and an explanation. He was ashamed of it, a bit. But it couldn't be changed now.

It had all been bullshit. And though she couldn't forget about it all, if there was one other wolf she thought might hate bullshit, it was the wolf who approached her now. Hydra wasn't sure if he was informed of the logistics like Terance had been (or even if he had known anything) but she decided, here and now, she did not care. He did not come here submitting and apologetic and with words like "I am going". He leaned into her, and Hydra felt herself lean partially into him, mindful of his injury regardless. She felt as though her legs had been taken from beneath her, but was grounded as she realized it really could be worse—it really could be that way. 

She did not need to be feeling so sorry for herself. 

Yet she wasn't wholly ready to get mad this second. Terance was a loss. She was grieving. 

His latest wounds were fortunately superficial, from what she had gleaned from Lyra's eyes and basic teachings. The wound was basic enough where she did not fear for his life, but at his admittance, she peered at his leg. Fortunately that, too, looked no worse. His shaking voice was met with comfort: you'll be okay... her own voice shook, too, some, as she continued, I don't think that will change anything, she mentioned, speaking of his healing but strangely enough, perhaps it might reach the heart, just a little more bruising. But he would survive, which she was grateful for. There were a dozen things she wanted to say, a dozen things she could: don't be so reckless... because I don't want to lose you, too,—or I am glad you are still here and living... But she exuded that gratefulness with a simple relieved sigh.

She let him, and leaned in even. He stood like that a minute, letting it help ground him. Last time he had been gone when they had disappeared; Liffey and Whip both. He'd been able to pretend if he was there, maybe they wouldn't have, or if they had, perhaps he could have gone with. This was the first time someone had come to his face and told him 'I'm leaving'. And he found it hurt quite a lot more than the alternative, mostly because denial was impossible.

She assessed him as ok, but he knew he was far from it. She didn't seem particularly well off either. "Are you?" He never intended to pry, but he rarely failed to ask what was on his mind.

Maybe she knew it, too. The words were bandaids, and she sighed as she reclined to her haunches and then slid onto her belly. No, she admitted candidly. I... I was never even told anything. It all just happened. It was vastly unfair, to she herself who was made out to be a villain and to her mother and father, who invited them into the fold when really, they could have left Rannoch out to die from the get-go. Hydra could have watched him die that day too, but instead, she had intervened. No time to change anything. No explanation as to what she had ever done wrong to Liffey that caused her fear. Minds were simply made, and that was that. 

She flopped her muzzle toward him. You? Her assessment really had been physical, to the best of her ability. She was awful with mental, truth be told. Awful. But for those she cared about, she would try. Liffey, she remembered, had been a wolf Gannet had cared enough to name their first interaction.

He shook his head and sat down as well, sliding over so his left, uninjured shoulder could rest against hers. He stared at the ground while he spoke, slowly working through the words that might fit the wreck in his mind right now.

"No. She said this was never home." He still couldn't wrap his head around it. "I promised to stay. But she isn't." Then he looked at Hydra, and there was a sort of pleading in his expression. "You're staying?" Hydra had factored in his decision to stay, but knowing Liffey's plans, his answer may have been different. Just that morning he had had four wolves in his corner; now he had (unbeknownst to him, as he figured Wraen in) only one. One wolf who counted him friend at least, if not family yet. He had thought maybe Liffey felt differently; he'd certainly felt like they were family. Maybe it was just family's job to leave you behind.

Hydra blinked. She sure took a lot of 'not home' with her, Hydra said, her voice dark. By now, she knew Wraen was missing at least. No question her disappearance could not be linked to a scouting task this time. Terance went with them. His sister followed. His betrayal stung. Rannoch said it was because of my sisters and I, which Terance said he didn't understand at all, but he still went. Hydra looked to Gannet. I don't get it.

She did not understand it. Not one bit.

At his question, Hydra nodded. Yeah. No shot she was leaving, not with that lot anyway, not now.

He nodded, and a spark of anger lit as he thought back on her words. It fizzled fairly quickly, but didn't die. "She said she was glad I made friends here. But they all left besides you." His voice was flat, but there was a slight edge that spoke of his deeper resentment. Her words confirmed that Wraen was gone as well. His cousin seemingly had decided to leave, and while they weren't close as some, it was another blow to add.

"Me either." Gannet looked at her this time. "She didn't ask. But I promised." It hurt more than he wanted to admit that she hadn't asked; but he would have said no regardless. Gannet had never broken his word before. He wasn't about to start now. He was both surprised and not to hear Hydra and her sisters take the blame for it; Lyra and Alya had never been kind to him, true, but they had no cause to hate Liffey. They were pack. He did not know anything about this, so had no opinion on the matter. But he could see how bothered Hydra was by this, and he sympathized.

What a spiteful bitch Liffey was. Gannet stated he was happy, and Liffey sought to rip said happiness from beneath him to make him the opposite here. Well, she had not accounted for Hydra—a veritable phoenix, who would rise better than ever from the ashes for this. She would take Gannet with her. Hydra hadn't known that she had spoken to Gannet beforehand too, which was nearly how he made it seem—but that didn't matter, given he had made a choice. She sensed and shared his resentment, and it flared within her as she thought of Gannet being nothing but collateral damage to her. None of those wolves were friends of theirs if they could up and leave easy as 1-2-3. They did not care about the wolves involved not going with them, or the damage caused, or else they would not have simply just decided this. 

He wasn't leaving, which he confirmed. Even though she sensed as much, to hear it comforted her more than he might understand. Hydra looked at him. He promised he would stay, and he was a man of his word. He had said the last time they were together, in essence, that he had wanted to be here, that he had chosen. She believed him, of course. But she wondered if Liffey's leaving changed anything for him. Based on his mood she suspected not; Liffey had been callous enough to not consider him at all, and clearly, she and Rannoch had been considering. 

In sensing his hurt, Hydra shifted closer. The quartet that had departed them were shit friends. Their loss, she decided, still unable to muster a smile or a smirk, but at least she did truly believe that. Gannet was a good wolf, honest and honorable and not a moron. They were missing out on that. Rannoch and Liffey were soft-spined and Hydra felt bad for their future-children, because they would probably be taken advantage of and hurt. Rannoch had the defense mechanisms of a turtle without a shell and Liffey, well, she exhibited her grand prowess (lack thereof) with the cougar.

A smug feeling radiated within. Oh my god. They really are perfect for one another, she thought to herself. 

Wraen had been a disappointment for Hydra to learn had left—it sort of really put the nail in the coffin of Hydra desiring to give those that seemed weird a chance, because even they, ultimately, were not the best of wolves just in general. She thought she might have been cool, but she hadn't the decency to say goodbye herself? Or at all? Damn. Hydra was very much so team #nonewfriends, and was glad to be rid of the fake ones, even if it stung in the moment. 

And Terance? Terance. She had nothing to say or think there. She would think of some cutting things later but shelved it for now.

A long time ago, Gannet had learned you could be upset about things, or you could accept them. Sometimes it was hard, and sometimes it hurt, but eventually, it was better to stop and appreciate. Right now, he had this optimism; Hydra was here, and she wasn't leaving. Charon and Amekaze seemed somewhat resigned at least to his presence, willing to give him a chance. Dune had been there when he needed him, and surely others would be too. It was hard in this world to find yourself one hundred percent alone; even among strangers, he could usually find a friend.

He would show them he could be a part of them, and this would become his family in a way it hadn't become Liffey's. He was settled on this now. Gannet didn't pledge himself if he didn't mean it, and he didnt understand how his friend could have stayed in a place and not at least tried to make it better. How could she stand to be miserable for so long?

"Yeah," he agreed, and he gave her the first small smile of the night. Not everyone could see the good in every situation, but Gannet sure as hell tried. And even here there was some; perhaps his staying after so many left would increase his own worth in their eyes.

It really was their loss.

Hydra thought of Alya, then, and of her response. Fake happiness. But, truth be told, as she rationalized it, this happiness did not feel fake. Liffey and Rannoch sucked. To attract Terance and Wraen with them only meant that they, too, sucked, and that Moonspear was better off without them. Hydra had thought that Terance would be by her side, like her sisters, forever—it was a lesson learned, and though initially it made her sore Hydra would be stronger for it. It went to show you that you could really count on no one, and trust no one, except for family, really—

As she looked to Gannet, she knew he was not that, yet. But he, unlike all the others, had been offered the chance to choose to become a part of that family despite all the odds against him. Terance had come on good circumstances, though a bit hungry, and Wraen, well, Wraen was likely here solely for him. Women who depended on men were pathetic, she determined, as Liffey came back to mind, and then Wraen. And by extension, so were the men they hung with. It was just depressing, honestly. Didn't they listen to their own wants...? Even her twins had their own desires; Alya, scouting, Lyra, healing, and Hydra knew that in time Alya would strike out when the weather warmed to explore the world and woo boys. They had each other, unconditionally, and were each other, yet they were independent too when they wanted to be.

Rannoch and company... well, it was kind of sad. Nevermind the fact that none were bold or brave enough to speak their mind on subjects they believed in except for when the door was hitting them on the way out and, even then, they were mute and weak and cowards—

Right. She was happy. Thrilled, even.

 Yeah, she echoed, content. Hey, I caught the trail of a herd earlier—you want to come with me to check them out? Maybe we can find a weak link, she suggested with a tilt of her head.

He sat silent while she deliberated a moment, also thinking. Mainly about the Caldera. He'd wondered briefly if what he had done could be seen the same, but he knew it wasn't. He had never pledged loyalty to his birth pack; it had just been understood to exist. And he had held it for as long as he was able, but now, he needed to keep going here. Circumstances had placed him here and he was determined to make the best of everything that happened. With Hydra's help that shouldn't be too hard.

"Ok," he said, honestly just wanting the walk. He wasn't sure how much a help he'd be in a hunt just yet, but he could still track. Perhaps there was something he could do to help out.