Firefly Glen I shiver

For @Meerkat, but one crasher is kewl

Things were excellent.
The day had ended positively — another long one, with many hours spent ensuring that Toad had the information needed to know where the herds were likely to move to over the next few days. This was work that she enjoyed doing, even with a sore paw. Being useful and known to be useful was something she lived for.

Yet as the sun began to set on Moonspear and its sister mountains, Toad found herself in doubt. The new pack was a formidible one. Hydra had raised strong children in Osiris and Antares. Bronco was a strong hunter already, despite being less than half her age. There were others that the chocolate woman had yet to properly engage with, but the fact remained that the core of the pack was stronger, younger, faster, and more desirable than she was.

The rational part of her knew that she indeed had value to the pack. Pitting herself against others had long been something she avoided, but her body and mind were tired. In her earned fatigue, she felt less-than.

She wandered toward the rendezvous where Meerkat had lined up pumpkins in front of a boulder some time ago. She looked at its imposing emptiness. She felt oddly sad. The cold air brought a cool shiver to her shoulders.

The sun slipped behind the mountains to the west, casting a shadow over the neighboring glen and robbing it of it all its colorful splendor. The temperature dropped and Meerkat could see her breath when she yawned, prowling through the territory in search of somewhere comfortable to sleep. She and @Bronco still needed to find a den. Perhaps @Fennec would room with them too? Meerkat didn't know and had no objections either way. She also wasn't in any particular rush, with everything else going on lately.

...until it began to rain, big, cold drops plonking on her head and back, earning a shiver. Meerkat picked up the pace, darting through the rendezvous site on her way to better cover. She did a double take when she saw a silhouette lingering near the boulder in its center and slowed, despite the chilly rainfall. She squinted, trying to discern details in the rainy dark.

"Toad? That you?"

Rain hit her nose and Toad sneezed. She'd have to find a good place to curl up for the evening that was at least somewhat dry. Normally, she didn't mind rain too much. After the end of summer deluge however, she was quite finished with it. The cold air made the droplets feel piercing and mean.

Toad recognized Meerkat's voice in the darkness and shook out her coat before stepping toward her to greet the girl with a friendly nuzzle to the neck. Her smile faded. Hey, she said quietly. Do you know anywhere dry nearby? Although the girl was out in the rain too, it was worth a shot. She wasn't about to stand in the rain all night.

It was Toad. Her familiar voice rose over the pattering of the rain as Meerkat scooted closer. Maybe it was just the conditions but she looked a little under the weather. She nearly asked Toad what was wrong, then remembered she probably looked worse for wear too. It was a cold, dark and rainy night, and they were in need of shelter.

"Let's head toward the lake. The trees grow closer together there and we can shelter beside the bluff," the youngster suggested in a chipper voice that defied their dreary surroundings. "Do you like it here so far?" Meerkat asked as she began to walk, always happy to make conversation.

Meerkat was wet and spiky-looking. They both probably looked miserable. Thankfully, Meerkat had her back and directed toward a place where they might be able to find a respite from the showers. Toad nodded, amazed at how happy the girl sounded with the bitter weather. Toad felt exhausted and not much herself.

Still, the question sparked a small smile on her plump features. Of course; it's very beautiful when it's not like this, she said, laughing a bit as she shook out her fur again. As least it wasn't too windy. Everyone seems to be doing well. Osiris found so many talented wolves, she remarked, her brow furrowing just a touch as she considered herself on that talent scale. Comparatively, she felt a bit like a barnacle, tagging along for the show.

"...when it's not like this." Meerkat glanced at their surroundings, not that she could see a whole lot in the waterlogged darkness. She supposed that was the point. During the day, the glen was rich with sights and smells, plus it wasn't quite so nippy. Now it wasn't much more inviting than a chilly, damp cave.

The lake wasn't far and soon they could even make out the silhouettes of the evergreens and the rough shape of the bluff. At least, Meerkat could see them and thrust out a paw to point them out to Toad. As she did so, she answered, "Yeah, I liked living on the mountain but I really love it here. Did you know my older sister is here now too? Her name's Fennec and she's blind."

A thought struck her: was this what it was like for Fen all the time? Well, she supposed it wasn't always cold and wet, of course, but her sister wouldn't know if it was sunny or overcast. Heck, she probably couldn't tell the difference between day and night, could she? Meerkat marveled at that for a few beats before remembering to focus on her present company.

"Y'know, we never got around to story time," she thought aloud, thinking back on their hunt gone awry. They hadn't really had a proper picnic, either, and of course no great romance had blossed. It had still been a memorable day, just for very different reasons. "Once we get somewhere warm and dry, wanna tell me a bedtime story?" Meerkat requested with a chuff.

Toad was thankful to have her guide point out the bluff. She let out a soft sigh, glad that they would be able to dry off a bit soon enough. She couldn't wait until the snow would replace the rain. Cold was something she could deal with; it was the wet and soggy part of the year that she wasn't so fond of. It even made hunting more difficult, except for the muddy tracks that the herds left behind.

As Meerkat described her sister, Fennec, Toad looked at her with an expression of interest. I've never met anyone fully blind, she remarked. There were many she had known with some form of vision loss, usually in the form of a missing eye or cataracts from age. She had seen puppies born blind, but had never seen one survive longer than a few months. They were simply too vulnerable to predators. Fennec must have been fiercely strong to have lived through childhood.

It would be nice to meet her. Meerkat and Bronco had a large family — Toad had only seen the surface of their familial iceberg.

You're right; Bronco was too busy getting holes punched in him, she joked darkly at Meerkat's observation, attempting to make levity from a not great situation. Toad felt lighter as soon as the girl suggested a story when they arrived at their destination. It had been a while since anyone had expressed much interest in her stories. Between Mira's disappearance and the subsequent pack formation, there hadn't been time for such things. I'd love to. Words can help to warm us up, she nodded. One of the amazing things about stories was this ability to shift mood and with it, the perception of the world around you. Toad racked her brain, thinking of the right one to tell.

The pines grew closer as the pair closed in on the bluff. I take it you and Bronco haven't found permanent sleeping quarters yet. Toad said off hand, wondering where Broncosaurus was that evening.

I'm using this photo as a reference!

The word "warm" triggered an involuntary shiver and Meerkat hastened her step. Before too long, they approached the bluff, a looming shape in the darkness. Some scraggly trees grew near its base, though they would find more shelter within the crag itself, as the face was rather misshapen and pitted. This provided little niches in the stony wall. Meerkat led Toad toward one partially overhung by a tree, the relief from the elements almost immediate. It was still cold, though the two of them would quickly heat up the small space.

The youth didn't speak again until they'd both settled. "Nah, we haven't. We really need to get on that," she belatedly answered her companion's question. "Maybe Fen will bunk with us too, though she's always struck me as really independent, so maybe not. She may be blind but she's super self-sufficient," Meerkat spoke fondly of her older sister. "Kinda like our mom," she thought to add, "who's fully deaf." She was pretty sure she'd mentioned Towhee before, when talking about ptero.

Meerkat wriggled her nose and tucked her forelegs closer to her chest, trying to make herself more comfortable as she looked expectantly to Toad, eager for that story. Maybe it was the close quarters but she abruptly noticed something in the woman's expression that made her blurt, "Hey, are you okay?"

As they entered a nook within the bluff, Toad shook out her fur several times. Her fur fluffed up quickly which made her look like a fuzzy bear. Meerkat explained the current situation to her and some information about her family, to which Toad nodded continuously. She felt rather absent.

The sound of the rain on the rocky surface of the overhang was beautiful, almost melodic. Toad lay down near the sandy girl, shivering lightly. She felt very thankful to Meerkat that she knew about this little shelter. Though it wasn't exactly a stately sort of place, it would do the trick for the evening.

The question seemed to come from nowhere. Toad blinked, appearing to come out of some faraway thought. She opened her mouth, but didn't manage to get any words out. She closed it and a small frown rose. She looked at the rain, listening to it quietly. I'm okay, she said slowly, still not making eye contact. She knew that the girl meant well, but didn't think it was right to complain without reason. Complaining when there was no way to solve a problem seemed counterproductive to Toad. Even though she had always been willing to listen to others, she had a very hard time doing this herself.

Only here did she look at Meerkat and try on a thin smile, clearly forced. Right, story. Focus.

The youth wanted to accept Toad's answer at face value, despite the hesitant tone and the fact that she wouldn't meet Meerkat's eyes. But along with ambassadorship, counseling was one of her vocations; she was simply not as outspoken about it. And she genuinely wanted to provide comfort for its own sake, if that was something her friend needed.

"You sure? You don't have to if you don't want to," Meerkat replied, "but you can talk to me. I only have one working ear but I swear I'm a good listener." She was pretty sure this was the first time she'd ever told anyone about that. She flicked it playfully, hoping to coax a smile—and maybe some words—from Toad.

Meerkat knew. She offered an ear. Toad took it, hesitantly. Uhh, she said quietly, breathing in deeply for a moment and letting it go. How do I... hmm, she murmured, trying to figure out how to phrase her thoughts. She sat quietly.

Things were strange that day. Everything felt like it had all just clicked together. She didn't think they needed her. She knew they didn't need her, and that was a weird feeling. Everyone was young. Everyone had a kind of energy she just didn't seem to. She was not the right person for this pack. She should have been sitting in an omega role somewhere just eating shit and taking care of tasks nobody else wanted to.

The Glen... It's wonderful. Osiris has done a great job getting us all together, and I'm really proud of what we've started creating, her words tried to find the words to outline her troubles. But.. And there was always a but, wasn't there? Everyone is so young. You have wisdom beyond your age, I know, and so does everyone here, but you are all.. I am.. It..

She struggled for a bit, making faces, twisting her lips as though to say more, but nothing valuable came out. At last, she found the right story. @Kukutux. She became a mother as soon as her body would let her. She was ready, and she had Jarilo, and they have made wonderful parents, she began, starting to find the right vibe. When I met Kukutux, she was here in the Glen, and she was still nursing. She radiated a kind of beauty that I will never know. I'm just not that person. We aren't just different, she is destined for greatness and motherhood and I... Toad paused.

I am a toad. I bring skills to the Glen, but I will care for children who are not mine from parents far younger than me always. I have done very little with my life while you, Meerkat, she looked at her friend and scrunched her brow, smiling. She found great joy in Meerkat. She had a wonderful heart. She was a wonderful friend. You will do great things from now until always.

Her smile faded. Her eyes turned dark, and she looked away. It was not the story she had wanted to tell. She placed her chin on her paws, knowing that it was unlikely the girl could offer solutions. Toad was destined to be an old maid. It was something she knew that she would need to accept, but just now it was hard.

It pleased her when Toad began to speak. Meerkat held still, giving every bit of her attention to her friend. When Toad mentioned the newfound pack's median age, it didn't quite click that she didn't include herself among them. She quickly segued to Kukutux, explaining how much she admired her friend, particularly in her role as a mother. In contrast, she spoke very deprecatingly of herself, implying she didn't possess beauty, youth—click!—or any particular claims to fame, least of all motherhood.

Meerkat couldn't help but think of her own mother. She didn't know the full breadth of Towhee's struggles, though her mother had explained some of it to her. Quietly, the youth wondered if Toad was afflicted with infertility. But there must be more to the story. She almost described herself as old and ugly without actually using either of those words, which made Meerkat frown gently at her friend, who had by now turned aside.

"But you're young and pretty," she found herself arguing. She was a little out of her depth, truthfully, and on some level, she was aware these were platitudes, though she meant them. "Among other things," she was sure to add, since those certainly weren't the only or even most important attributes her companion possessed.

After a beat of thoughtful silence during which Meerkat gnawed on the inside of her cheek, she questioned, "Why don't you think you're destined for motherhood? It sounds like it's something you want." Meerkat spoke these words slowly, trying to catch Toad's eye to gauge whether she was right about that.

Meerkat listened. That was exactly what Toad needed as she told the story of Kukutux that attempted to outline all of the reasons why she herself was just not what she wanted to be. She was not an adequate fit for the Fireflies. Everyone seemed to be comfortable with her presence and Osiris was more than happy to take advantage of her skillset, but this was a pack of young people. She wasn't one of them.

Meerkat attempted at first to comfort that she was young and pretty. In Toad's mind, she was neither. She held back making a face, and instead stiffened her body. She was not a pretty woman. She hadn't even been a pretty puppy, hence why her mother had given her a perhaps unintentionally cruel name.

Toad was young enough to bear children, but she knew that men sought women who were younger than her. Most of the people she had met in the Wilds were either already paired off, too young to have children, or had no interest in her. Of course, she was missing the key component that one has to actually try to be paired most of the time. She'd never seen the courting process before apart from the way young men chased young women. Toad had never been one of those young women.

Toad answered her friend, though she felt rather foolish doing so. It's.. she started, and failed. It was something she wanted but had never been able to voice to someone that she wanted since she was a child. It's something I want, yeah, Toad said slowly. But I don't think.. Nobody is going to want that with.. you know, me, she said, twinging one side of her face in uncertainty. The brown huntress was not the type of person people fell in love with. She wasn't the kind of person anyone wanted to have children with. She had always been destined to be the helper. Surely, Meerkat could see that.

Haltingly, Toad confirmed Meerkat's suspicion by admitting she did want to be a mother. A gentle, warm smile began to creep over the youngster's face, though it froze in place at the, "But..." Her teeth gently sank into her lip as she blinked at her friend, head tilting ever so slightly. Her knee-jerk reaction was to immediately refute Toad's words but she told herself to actually consider her friend's take before possibly spitting more platitudes.

"Why do you think that? You're totally a—oh, whatchamacallit—a catch!" She drew a breath and explained, "Like, as soon as Bronco told me he was looking for a girlfriend, I thought of you!" And that was the honest truth. Hoping to avoid making matters worse by reminding Toad of that failed match, Meerkat hastily added, "And just 'cause that didn't work out doesn't mean anything, either. It just means Bronco isn't your 'The One.'"

At this point, Toad's fur was starting to feel much drier. Sitting with her friend felt nice, even if the subject matter had turned shadowy and sad. It was hard for Toad to talk about herself. She was so used to putting other people before herself that talking to Meerkat like this felt quite selfish. Still, there were no tears welling and she felt okay admitting all of it to her friend, who for her part was a great listener.

At Meerkat's declaration that the brown hunter was indeed a catch, Toad smiled. Her eyes glittered with gratitude that she would be blessed with such a person in her life. She nodded slowly, agreeing with her friend that just because Bronco wasn't her "One" didn't mean that there was nobody out there for her.

I guess you're right, she said. She wasn't sure if Meerkat really was right. She had only ever seen such pairings in her stories; they didn't seem to be real things. I s'pose I'll just need to wait, she spoke while looking out at the rain. Though Toad was in some ways a wise soul, when it came to things like love and relationships, she was utterly clueless. She thought of love perhaps in the same way that children do, assuming that such things just "happen" when they feel like happening.

"No," Meerkat countered immediately when Toad said she just had to wait. "You have to go out there and get what you want!" That was probably a lot easier said than done but she wasn't an aspiring life coach for nothing. She might not have much experience but she certainly had upbeat enthusiasm in spades! "You gotta..." She searched for the right phrasing, something Towhee had said to her once clicking in her brain and prompting Meerkat to stretch out a fisted forepaw and shake it, "...grab life by the balls!" She punctuated this with an overly loud laugh and a quieter but still cheeky, "Literally?"

Still chuckling to herself, Meerkat followed Toad's gaze as she glanced out at the rainy night. By now, their little space was cozy, dry and warmed from their body heat. As the vigor of her encouraging speech ebbed, she felt her eyelids grow heavy. A yawn threatened to force her jaws apart. Not wanting to be rude, Meerkat suppressed it, causing her jawbone to wobble. She'd totally forgotten all about the promise of a bedtime story.

Toad looked up at Meerkat, puzzled by the sandy girl's declaration. She waited for an explanation, but she just said...
Toad smirked, giggling as the girl laughed at her own joke. As Meerkat was growing tired, Toad continued to grin and think about what she had said. What did it really mean to go out there and get what you want when it came to love? Was love really something she wanted? She recalled thinking the whole "date" idea with Bronco being a weird one. She wasn't sure how to go about doing any of this.

Other couples she knew seemed to have just found one another through sheer coincidence, but maybe they hadn't been telling the whole story. In the stories that Toad was familiar with, it was always "boy meets girl, boy chases girl, boy confesses love to girl, girl marries him and has kids." Now that she thought about it, it seemed rather unfair that men had to do all of this work just for a chance to be loved by someone. Where was the work from women?

It was certainly something she would need to consider a new strategy for. Was "strategy" even the right word for that? I guess all those fairy tale love stories are fantasies, huh? She wondered aloud, putting her head on her paws. She breathed out a lengthy sigh, wondering how she could have been so foolish.

Only when Toad made a conclusive remark about stories did Meerkat abruptly remember, "You were gonna tell me one of those. Well, it doesn't have to be a love story. But I'm open to anything, if you're still game." She smiled softly, giving her companion an out if she was too tired or simply no longer in the mood after that heavy conversation.

Whether or not her friend obliged her, Meerkat shifted around a little until she was more comfortable and then relaxed with a sigh. Her eyelids slowly closed and she drifted off almost right away, dreaming of her own children. She had never given much thought to them in the waking world and likely wouldn't remember when she woke, yet even in her sleep, Meerkat could see why motherhood appealed so much to Toad.

Oh, uh, Toad realized, yes, indeed she had promised something to her friend. Yes, she said. Quickly, she racked her brain for something appropriate for the moment. Love stories flooded her mind, but she wanted nothing of them. So, an old, beautiful one surfaced. It was perfect for a child at bedtime. She had used it many times before. Toad lifted her head. She once more looked out to the rain, but then shifted her gaze to the cavern wall.

My mother, she said slowly, setting the tone with a soft, smooth voice, she told me once of a dragon her grandmother saw. Her words blended with the wind. The starlight on the cave might have lit her words into reality, might have created a dance that Toad could see in her mind. While Meerkat kept herself in a nice, comfortable posture, Toad went on.

Dragons, if you don't know, well, they are terrible, frightening beasts. They are bigger than ten wolves standing on one another. They have great, curious, sparkling scales. Their skin looks like a lizard, only each scale is so big, my head would do it a disservice. Their horns, and oh yes, they have horns on their heads like goats and on their chins and their cheeks and their tails. There are horns everywhere, great spikes of defence. Those horns are all razor sharp and built of the strongest materials known to wolfkind. They have wings, huge, bigger than you.

Toad went on, taking a calm, gentle breath. She knew that Meerkat could not make it through the whole thing. My great grandmother stood face to face with this great beast. Dragons were said to be evil. Said to be the work of devilfolk and witches. So my grandmother, upon coming to this dragon, she said, "You are a dragon, and your blood is old, and it is true. What say you, to my claim to this great mountain?"
And the dragon, with its hulking chest and its great long neck and its lizard-like, terrible tail, well it did look to my great grandmother and that dragon said, "I am a dragon, and my blood is old, and indeed it is true. But I no longer care for this mountain. For my kind no longer linger, and I am alone on this great mountain. And so, wolf, you may have this mountain, if..."
Toad stopped for a moment. She glanced at Meerkat. She smiled, looking ahead of her again.
And my great grandmother asked, "What?"
But the dragon just said, "Hahaha, just kidding, it is only a mountain after all. And there is a great big world that you cannot see, and I can see it with these wings. Perhaps, one day, you will know this great wide earth, and you will love it as I do."
And the dragon flew off. It gave no name or time or way to find it. My great grandmother claimed that good mountain, and on its soil the trees grew tall. The animals grew numerous and hunting was easy.

Toad's words smoothed to a halt. She rolled over to her side, and looked to Meerkat, wondering if she had made it through the story. It was unlikely to be so.