Bearclaw Valley windes blast and weder strong

he could not sleep. he paced across the open land of the valley, bathed by moonlight, the stars twinkling off his emerald gaze. he looked to them, stopping, and wondered. . .

aap yahaan hai, pitaji?

surya hadn't intended to speak aloud, but the whisper escaped him nonetheless. grief, sudden and heavy, took him unawares, and he sank onto his haunches. thought of howling some mournful song, then realized he was alone no longer. that any cry would disturb the wolves of ursus.

ursus. so this was to be his fresh start.

he was full of regret in this moment, pining for his father, his littermates. . .even his mother, damn her, who'd caused all this strife. pined for his family, and the peace they'd once provided. he thought he may never know that peace again.

perhaps here. . .but no. these wolves were different from the ones he'd known; the bear-cult would offer no peace. maybe, though, there'd be peace in the change.

help me.

merrick was ravenous for @Apophis and @Asperas to join the hunt.
ursus would recover its strength then he knew,
for it must be so.
now the bearwitch plied his skill to find the man surya, trotting through the deepest forests to avoid the hot glare of the sun.
he had seemed a moody sort; he had spoken of being better, and merrick meant to see it through. when eventually he pulled alongside the man, it was in response to the song that had been sung.
ursus already had a bard in ashlar.
what else would surya give?
he sat, near and silent, single-eyed gaze pinned to the stars.

merrick's approach was silent, though surya had noted the approaching sound and scent of the man; still, if he'd spoken, the young man might have jumped out of his skin. as it was, he merely turned his head toward his leader, quietly regarding the one-eyed wolf before he, himself, opened his mouth.

did you know your father? he asked, his voice not overly curious or interrogative. it was flat, with only the barest upward inflexion—a meager way to start a conversation.

but what else could he say? the only thing upon his mind was rajendra. . .and the faceless man who'd forever stolen him from surya.

it was quite a question, and not one merrick had expected to answer. 
time passed;
a muscle jumped in his jawline, anger tensing the dark planes of his scar-wreathed face. 
"yes."
an inhale, steadying himself. the bruin-witch did not glance at surya.
"he was a weak man who left when i was barely more than an infant. my mother abandoned me not so long after, to look for her sister's children."
a bitter, thin smile.
"i was her only child."
the serpent, uncoiling behind his single eye.
"fathers are created."

any other wolf might have been put off by the shadows rolling across merrick's face, but surya was riveted. he saw within those lines his own anger, and within those words his own story. he nodded, slowly, letting a minute or two of silence fall between them before speaking again.

my mother had another man, before i was born, he said quietly, though there was latent violence in his voice. the man i called father was not mine by blood. and recently, he died—and i do not know if he ever truly saw me as his own.

he gritted his teeth, swung his head toward merrick. i want to kill him! surya cried out, hot tears standing suddenly in his green gaze. maadarchod. i really want to kill him, for what he did. for who i am.

fathers are created. but then, destroyed. and perhaps, never constructed at all. his agouti pelt had made him a marked man; rajendra had known from the start.

that surya did not shy from him, nor quail, moved the pretty young man up some ways. notched higher, merrick investigated the tone of his angry voice, gleaning what he might from underwrit emotion. 
an unwitting cuckoo-bird chick, made to suffer for the sins of his mother. for in this the bearwolf saw only blame for the woman who had borne surya into such a lie.
but who was he to dissuade such wrath? if tadec came this day to the valley, merrick would tear the throat from his hapless form.
the sting of salt hung in the air, limning the verdant gaze.
"i killed my mother for her wrongs against me."
shifting slithering glittering grin;
"but before her, i slew others. i was made more whole each time by their blood."

his eyes widened as merrick spoke, talking of his great sin against his mother. he couldn't imagine. . . he held anger against radha, for what she had done, but to take her life—?!

surya saw her face now, her green gaze a mirror to his. blinked, then, and shook himself.

how many others? he asked, the casual tone of his voice not matching his haunted visage. delving into the madness of merrick might be rattling, but it was leaps and bounds better than confronting his own demons. 

then, he supposed, he'd have to reconcile with what made them similar—

and that was something he didn't want to do. at least not at the moment.

"i killed a boy. i killed his father. ursus tore two, three, apart."
breathless, remembering in a suddenly misted miasma of glory.
ecstasy;
"i killed a dog loyal to me. and nearly, my own son."
"perhaps others; two; once. in a field. they screamed."
merrick, glittering and dazzled and lightless.
merrick, staring at surya.
"it was the healing i had needed."

healing. it was what he needed. was the soul really only cleansed by death?

rajendra had come back once, battered and bloodied. he hadn't thought much of it then, but now. . .had he gone out to avenge radha—no, to avenge himself? to repair the tattered remnants of his own sense of fatherhood?

had he tried to kill the man? had he succeeded?

until surya knew for sure, he would assume his bastard father remained alive.

i want to kill him, he repeated, but anger had been replaced by cold calculation in his voice. help me. . .learn. to take a life. to be like you have been.

well, now;
merrick sparkled with a bleak and blackstone pleasure, his remaining eye sliding to an ember that smouldered. "i am a fine teacher. look at my eldest," of aventus, proud, violent aventus, who favoured his mother in stealth and merrick in wrath;
"i will mold you, surya," merrick said, swiftly, suddenly, standing to his paws, waiting for the other to follow suit.
"first — first you must learn to fight. to know pain. only when you have felt it will you know how best to use it."
a light titter from merrick, and then he was striking sidelong, meaning to swiftly initiate the warm blood of the young man into ursus' true coldness.

pain. he knew pain, but only against that cougar who'd thrown him from the cliffs.

he winced as merrick drew first blood, hissing through his teeth as he whirled to try to counter the blow. really, he was terrified to strike the man in turn—what vengeance would they have upon him if he hurt their leader?—but he saw no other choice but to defend himself.

he would try, anyway. surya lowered his head like a battering ram, hoping to shove the one-eyed warrior down and away from him, send him into the dirt where he'd be vulnerable.

his heart hammered in his chest, up into his throat, rapid pulse threatening to choke him.

the metallic rush of it; merrick was pierced, honed into an immediate blade. surya hesitated, a moment, the madwolf felt, or perhaps he was only sailing in too great an arc —
the boy's skull came for him, and merrick allowed the collision, grunt twisting into a growl as he came down savagely toward the unprotected ears and nape, meaning to grasp and puncture, if surya did not correct.

he connected, if only barely, and at a cost—he felt teeth rake over his ears, his scalp, sending pinpricks of hot pain all-too close to his skull. his growl erupts into a full-blown snarl, a strangled yelp, and he abruptly shifts tactics in the manner of a man unused to combat.

instead, he tries to use brute strength (lacking the stature, naturally) twisting and barreling into merrick with the intent of knocking the man over.

blood has been drawn; he feels no reticence now.

he will take hits to his body if he can only get his teeth into. . . he reaches, snapping, looking for a bit of flesh to grab; not to sever, not to bloody, just to—survive—!

surya was unprepared.
merrick was unrelenting. the clasp of the other's jaws forged him in a lustful fire, caught low on his chest by the young man's jaws —
for you! the flare of thought to bear spirit.
merrick allowed himself to be driven back and back and back, a long controlled thrash to keep himself upright, beating surya, cutting, biting, until the other's jaws were forced to tighten and tighten and draw —!
— merrick wanted again the hatred that had singed him from this one's eyes.

shocking. he'd caught hold of some flesh and he did, indeed, squeeze; he felt blood come and was at once excited and ashamed. he spat, backing up, vibrating all over, eyes seeing nothing.

i'm sorry, surya said, shaking his head to clear the haze that had fallen over him. every nerve in his body was electric. i'm— forgive me, bruin-witch.

he bowed low, nape exposed, ready to take his punishment.

better merrick dole it out here and now, rather than the pack coming later to tear him apart.

lettuce have a new one <3

"not at all." merrick's voice was grating, rough with adrenaline and the humming, singing want for blood, for the drops of it, the taste of it.
"you showed me that you are able, even if you do not. that is what matters."
merrick closed the single eye a moment, so that his face became a dark swamp of twisted scar tissue.
"come. eat with me. we will do this again."