Lion Head Mesa cupido

it was dark by the time that germanicus returned to the mesa. 

he bathed perfunctorily and ate a small meal. the laughter of the egyptian floated to him, followed by the sounds of more than mere delight.

the roman moved away. 

he was restless and not yet ready for sleep. the narrow cave he had chosen as a bedroom was bypassed. germanicus roamed silently along the stone hallways he had not yet explored.

a shadow passed by her door.
not yet asleep, roused now by this presence, satsu drew up and away from her bedspread. tamar was asleep in the corner; somewhere else lingered the watchful arsenio, but she did not see or sense him.
quickly now, ducking to follow along the stonework, a silvered shadow herself.
the warrior filled the narrow walkway enough to swallow satsu in blackness, only his stippled, aged shoulders catching scant light.

germanicus was not unaware of the small steps behind him.

he halted and soon turned to face the knowing eyes and small figure of the queen in the darkness. she was silent, and he felt as though she watched him for a certain reason.

in the muted light the eagle bowed. "lady satsu." he hoped he had not disturbed her, and made a note to return swiftly to bed as to avoid the possibility.

lady? is that all that i am.
blue eyes, colder than the moon across the desert, watching him. channeling some aspect of jawahir to herself, maybe.
satsu speaks in a hush.
your servant watches me at all hours. she did not know whether to appreciate this or not.
you certainly know how to get under the skin of my husband.

she was not yet queen. she was only engaged to pharaoh.

but the icy blue light that seemed to surround satsu chastised him. the eagle bowed again. "you are queen." appeasement perhaps. 

the royal lady went on to say that she was closely watched by arsenio, and referred to ramesses as her husband. the imperator found both of these to be intriguing things.

"the saints have shown themselves willing to strike anyone. i found it prudent that you be protected at all times. pharaoh surely understands this, for he treasures you."

what had angered her this evening?

for a warrior he was adept with his tongue. perhaps germanicus' talents went beyond what satsu expected of a man who roamed and served those he met.
she smiles softly, warmly even, unable to feign attitude for long. deception was not satsu's goal (nor part of her retinue of skills) and, seeing him bow then, she felt bashful.
i thank you for that. to her mind came the image of ramesses raging in sullen objection to the man arsenio, when he had been told.
are we to expect this man to replace you, too? or will you remain with us.
she thought of crowfeather, oddly possessive.

his respect had changed her attitude. once more satsu became the lambent and friendly woman as the eagle had first known her.

but now that the veneer had slipped, and he had seen what glass was behind it, germanicus was unsure of how to answer.

"i hope to find another guard before i go, for pharaoh's court." this last statement was a test, the implication that the imperator was aware of what went on.

so then, he meant to leave.
oh, but you have barely visited with us. my fault, i suppose, to press you in to service so swiftly. she radiated a new energy, refusing to let him draw back the proverbial curtain. this was the arrangement with pharaoh; he could do as he pleased within his own han.
she wondered what could be done to change things. how to best broach the subject of the boy, karasu-no-hane.
she weaves around him in the hallway, ducking gracefully, moving as if to lead him along.
are you intent on remaining a rōnin? a wanderer, untethered, who roamed the backroads. it was a life for those disgraced and so far as satsu could tell, there was nothing disgraceful about germanicus.

germanicus watched her movements: assured, swift, graceful. satsu moved with a dancer's gait. she was polished in a way that pharaoh was not. both were noble. both were royal. but where ramesses wore his arrogance glittering and openly, satsu was refined without ostentation.

"i am pleased to remain in the service of akashingo until this war is ended, regina satsu." how swiftly she moved along both their step and their conversation.

germanicus followed. "i am content enough to travel far, if this is what you mean."

she nods, the back of her head lightly bobbing.
she brings them away from the various smaller apartments and to a lobby of sorts, where the earth undulates to form smooth areas for sprawling, a nook lined with reeds and flowers, and a small shelf decorated with trinkets dried by the sun.
a rōnin to my people is a warrior who roams, the way you do. they have no purpose, either due to disillusionment or by choice, and follow no daimyo - no lord, or... what was it he said? ...regina.
i worry that crowfeather will follow you. she settles upon a lounging stone, watching him carefully. as is his choice, i will not dispute that fact, but i worry for him.
what sort of life is that for one so young and vital?

germanicus had not thought that satsu and ramesses shared the same kin. and yet it was important to hear this uttered aloud.

the queen remembered the words of her people and spoke of their ways. she remained connected to whatever she had left behind. "i wander because i have known what it is to be in constant battle. i am forever restless. to pledge is to lie."

his paintyellow eyes watched the royal woman settle comfortably before him, as unselfconsciously as if the ranger had not been before her at all. her worry was for crowfeather. "i have learned not to question him. for near three months he has pledged to me. no matter what i have said, he does not waver."

"but i worry for him also." a pause. "this world is unkind to those who are not hardened."

the man was quick to denounce such things as pledges, fealty, connection. yet he moved at the helm as auxiliary with the boy as follower, and as he said, crowfeather had made his own pledge.
you don't find that hypocritical? satsu did not expect an answer. she boldly plunged ahead with the thought, he follows you eagerly and you, without root and without cause, lead him nowhere.
she stalls as he speaks further, drawing a conclusion that satsu finds surprising. had he ever tried to dissuade crowfeather? perhaps he was lonely as rōnin; perhaps his loathing of the pledge was a lie.
she is thoughtful.
he is a boy. a healer. he is kind and does not know war. this she knew. this she could recognize, because he was so unlike her samurai brothers who had bled willingly for the han.

is there nothing you can do to change his mind?

satsu became queen before his eyes once more. she admonished the eagle, and he sat quietly and deserving of it. for a long while after her words had ended, he was silent.

"i could forbid him."

the eagle's tone did not change. but this was not something he wished to do. germanicus realized in that moment the reality of such things: that despite the shadow's vow, he had not intended to ever take crowfeather into battle.

"i could explain this once more and leave him behind. what will he have here at akashingo when i have departed, my queen?" 

without root. without cause. he chafed inside himself for the words were true.

she saw the way he stilled, rigid and stoic before her, and thought that somehow she had wounded him.
it was what satsu wanted to hear - rather, it was what pharaoh had called for, and somehow satsu enacted his will.
the woman sighed.
no. i wish he would remain here, but it is his decision. it was only fair. she could not (would not) demand such a thing of a free spirit. what right did she have? she was not yet queen, and certainly not so god-like, not in the way pharaoh lauded of himself.
and what would crowfeather have here?
if he stayed... he would have me, a flush of warmth to her face she was not prepared for; something that could not be readily banished, that which satsu hoped the shadows hid.
the ear of the queen. protection of our guard. a purpose, if he chose.

he would have me.

a rush brought queasiness to germanicus before she went on, and he saw that his first assumption of her words had been incorrect.

crowfeather would have a purpose here. it felt wrong to conspire with the queen of akashingo against his companion. even if both of them had the young wolf's well-being as their focus.

"then you must speak to him."

what could satsu do when crowfeather would not even listen to him? he did not wish to leave the shadow in this den of iniquity. but more than that he had seen maggie, and did not want this to be the young healer's fate.

he would have me. 

it burned in his mind.

flustered as she was, satsu heard the man's reply as a dismissal, and her feelings flared, exacerbated in to something heady and fierce she did not understand.
rising partly from supine, her voice raised with an unsteady, girlish cut.
what can i do when his every concern fixates on you, your absence keeps him distracted and we can all see it.
teeth clench and she feels a breath whistle through them. her tongue is heavy. satsu wonders if this is what jealousy feels like.
i can't do everything.
plan a wedding, plan a siege, protect her people, ascend a throne, become a god, keep something of herself - why was all of this her doing?

the queen became churlish and her voice rose. germanicus saw this as the corruption of power which had been given to her since she had ascended in akashingo.

her tongue chastised him again. he considered her first words and his own selfishness. could it be that he had only sought to keep crowfeather close for himself?

she spoke to him as if he were her servant and not an agent unto himself. but germanicus could not speak against this when he was beneath her roof, in her halls.

"what would you have me do?" she wished to give commands. let her show the way to what they both wished: continued safety for crowfeather.

it was not right that satsu be so antagonized by the very idea of crowfeather's departure, his association with this man, or even the way germanicus was doing his best to protect her during this time. she knew this. it was petulant of her, childish. how uncouth for a queen!
and, yet.
he has a choice to make,
satsu repeated; simmering.
help him make the right one.
make it for him if you have to.
a chill sank through the stones.

it was an unfair task.

and yet it was a necessary one.

germanicus bowed low in obeisance. soon she would be a queen of egypt. satsu had her own power even now. ramesses would be wise not to underestimate her.

only when dismissed would the eagle turn sharply and stride from her lounging room, now too awakened to sleep. he would go to the top of the mesa and take the night's first watch.

the mountain melted to her will. she said nothing and that of itself dismissed him, sending the shadow to stalk the moonlit sand.
when he was gone satsu reclined again upon the stone; she relished the strange power that dewed her tongue. the heat of their discussion slowly drew away and left her tired.
she blinked, noting the hour.
drawing a trembling breath that did not sooth the spirit which had become aroused by germanicus, satsu slid to her feet and hastened along the corridor.

her steps faltered before the archway to the throne room; ramesses
and away again, to slip surreptitiously in to her own bed.