Moonspear a wrench for your wrench

attn: @Jarilo no obligation to join, she's calling at the same time as clover ;)

 

Rage simmered within her belly as heatscent came again, but then, her brother was summoned: absolutely not. Contempt was all she could feel, and Hydra's own demand was as clear as day as her own howl rang over the peaks and throughout the valley below. There would be consequences for refusing this call, and promptly. It felt much too familiar and she knew he more than anyone would understand the reasoning behind it, given what they had both endured the year prior. It was not that Hydra knew that the same woman in heat called for her brother, it was that her paranoia made this the case. She was a woman who cared, much, for risk management given all that had happened the year prior. Too many had been lurking through the Glen, within the Wilderness in general, with such an aroma. 

Let them come an inch before her and her teeth. If she needed to, Hydra would find that she wolf and deal with her later to determine fact from fiction. She was more than tired of dealing with the women of the wilds whom were not her family. Kukutux was in the running for her own family, and Hydra supposed now was as good as time as any to discuss with Jarilo his desire for a future with her... or lack thereof.

wohh!!!

Feeling withdrawn lately and probably like he should consider a rest, he had receded up into the heights of the mountain for the day, and now only worked his way down at all thanks to the howl that may as well have turned him upside-down--Clover?! Upon hearing that, disbelief came first, accompanied so soon after by confusion, and all at once, he spearheaded right to a deep, strange worry. Hydra's howl sounded just after, jarring him to present sometime while he debated throwing his own voice to the winds too so she could know he heard, but for what? His thoughts refocused quickly, searching for the solid baseline of understanding. Hydra came first, proximity demanded. But, also.. Clover, out there. Alone, presumably? That didn't settle well with him.

He wasn't making it past the woods without slipping forth to find his sister, though, whether he liked it or not as his head buzzed with anxiety. His ears were slicked back and he found her silently, but tense himself in his distance he kept because he had heard a call like that one before. Not hers, necessarily.. but he remembered far too well. Jarilo was physically at her mercy, though his thoughts remained scattered--distracted, unnerved, but this was not all new; his deeper reflections, ones raised by talks of his future lately had done it to him like they always did. Plus Hydra's recent heat, the slow shift towards spring, Kukutux's company...

Hydra held her breath without knowing she did. 

Her ears pricked as she listened to the winds that howled in return only for silence to descend uncomfortably all around her. She wished for her mother then, a fierce longing within her heart. Hydra could not remember in her lifetime dealing with she-wolves that just wandered in this state, and the truth of it was Hydra did not know what to do with it. Her vexation was such that she wanted to curb each and every bitch she came across, and that was pure instinct. Hydra had not observed Dirge keep any of the men in line, and they came and went as they wished... though Hydra supposed she trusted them all enough to know better. 

But that was not the real problem. The problem was that she trusted no others. The problem was, her father had been taken advantage of. Was there ever a man so willfull and strong-minded as him? If it could happen to him, could it not, then, happen to his sons? Her brothers? 

The edges of her visions blackened, and her chest ached as her heart raced in a desparate bid for air. And then there was the grey form of him, and Hydra exhaled heavily. A whoosh of air came from her, and her head lifted while her tail waved. The relief she felt was truly a palpable, and next visible, thing as her tail swung loosely behind her. I am sorry to have called you like that, Hydra admitted then as she met him halfway in long-legged strides. I have a request of you. One that I leave entirely to you, in the choice that you make. But with Spring upon us, and Kukutux proposal... it is time we discuss where your mind has come to in the matter of you two... of your future with her, Hydra drawled. Do you want this? There was a reason for her asking this of him now, which he would come to find; Hydra never acted without thought, even in this moment where she had been quick to call him.

As Jarilo went striding closer, and she did the same, he didn't expect an apology to come first. Already by that point, it had little effect on his buzzing anxiousness, one that finally seized an outlet for action when he licked his lips and dipped his muzzle to her once paused. The nature of the call certainly had him unnerved, all when the first howl from well beyond had already set him on edge. Still, he accepted, and listened on as her explanation wove forth--of choice, spring, proposal, then.. the future.

Damn it all. He sensed what loomed here, and knew all too well. Whatever Hydra's depths may take did concern him, though, and rightfully enough. Jarilo's eyes were narrowed, frustrated, but not at her. He prefaced with a deep breath, last minute trying to compose himself, somehow.

I worry about taking it too quickly.. he admitted, for his own sake, though the opportunity was self explanatory. And taking it too slow all at once, he shook his head softly. Because a lot could change in an instant. He knew hesitation had no place, not an unguided one. I am.. Overwhelmed? Afraid? He worried about a lot else, too--the commitment, the entire notion of mateship. He saw what it did, the good and the bad, for while it created him, Hydra, their siblings, and everything they stood for, it could still take away something so valuable. He had felt torn up about this for too long, which wasn't helping. Trying. I've spent some time with her, it's new still. We do have some interests in common, and she seems like the mountain can work for her, he detailed quietly, knowing none of it was an answer because he didn't know what exactly he wanted. Maybe it was that? How could he know?

Hydra remained silent, composed; her attention was for him, the decision he might make then and there. His worries shared were understandable enough, and Hydra considered all that he shared while he did. As he struggled to find the word he sought, Hydra took a step closer to him, speaking for herself this way: take your time, I am with you. And once he had finished with it all, Hydra was silent for a thoughtful minute. And then, she spoke: 

The future is a frightening thing in that nothing is ever really certain. Things change, constantly... you have seen that. The only true power we have in this life is the choices that we make that might best carve out the path for ourselves and the others that might follow in our footsteps, or know how best not to. We have seen much, you and I. We have seen how severe the consequence of making a mistake in this season can be, she drawled, but we have, on the other hand, seen how the proper choice yields the most brilliant of things. Their mother and father, she of course meant—and she spoke more of her siblings than she did herself. Father erring on his own path, for impulse, was one of his final mistakes. 

Hydra was quiet and thoughtful again, though had drawn another breath to continue on: I did not know I even desired children. Not until my own season came. I only knew that I wished to stay here for all of my life, as you do—continue to help mother and father, aid in raising our siblings... she drawled with a warm look to him. But when my season did come, I asked if I might be given the chance to bear children, should I find who I believed was worthy, Hydra had believed that she had in Dirge, and had been correct, too, and again there was change. A new path, but also one I had watched before, she explained. One she had hoped mother and father would be there to guide her in, but fortunately she had seen years and years of them raising her siblings for instinct and that alike to have been something of her blueprint. 

Hydra shifted her weight and went on, ear flicking: if I am to be honest with you, I do not think there is such a thing as too slow in this. Especially in the matter of children. If you wish to wait to know Kukutux better, I would never refuse that. You must want it for yourself. But what I will say for her is that she seems to be a woman different than us, but also, similar. Only the death of her family had caused her to migrate. And she would stay, even if you did not wish for that this year—she has a strength to her, and she is loyal. She also wishes to remain upon Moonspear as you do, which would mean he need not leave the mountain, and his children could be raised alongside her own whenever he decided he might be ready for them. 

The Ostrega finished with, but if you so much as imagine you might wish for this this year with her, my request is this: that you remain upon Moonspear until you decide. There are those beyond here that are in season and are not even aware of what it means—just the other day, a she-wolf came to our doorstep in heat, and had bred, and knew not what it even meant. I am sure you can smell it in the air as surely as I can, and I know not how it effects you. Still, I know you know what it all means, of course, she hummed, but if someone sought to take advantage... I could not forgive myself, if I did not ask that you consider this request. Jarilo was much more like their mother than their father, though Speedy had been able to take advantage of Charon... she did not want the scent to bring out a part of him neither of them knew existed. or for him to do something that he might regret later. She knew how it might hurt him—and she knew that Kukutux would be just as wounded. 

Hydra considered them both, but if he did not wish that for himself this year, then that was simply that. He could stray and answer what calls might come for him as it pleased him; but at the very least, any alternative choices would hurt none in the process. Jarilo was a wolf who would surely follow-through with any decision he made, mistake or otherwise. 

Her own desire to not lose him, though, begged that she, too, ask this question. It aligned with all he had ever told her of his own wishes to remain as well, as she saw it.

Despite how rattled he was coming into this and how messily distracted everything felt when he looked past her, Hydra's support eased him through it, letting him be frank and honest about what it was to him--and that seemed to pay off when her outlook did not differ much from his own, though he was silent, letting it settle as he listened on.

They knew far too well what consequence looked like and what it could do. Maybe it was knowing how catastrophic a wrong choice could be that hung him up. Maybe it was simply all the not-knowing that made him feel like his feet were stuck in a thickening mud. He didn't know exactly what he wanted anymore. Charon had urged him towards a future with another, continuing their family's legacy and all, but it was also Charon's descent into his end after that same goal that set him right back into way too cautious for anyone's good. Amekaze had implied all the value in their heritages, how refined, in a different way--a painfully discerning one that he never quite understood how to work.

She does have a strength, one I guess I'm not very.. well-acquainted with, he agreed, for as Hydra said, it was different than their own on the surface--but very present all the same. It's kind of.. well, almost intimidating in a strange way? Which I think I can handle eventually. But, how am I--when I was not exactly anticipating being anyone's husband any time soon--supposed to measure up to be a wholly worthy one for her? I'm trying to not make that feel so daunting, he said, truthfully, fighting back the urge to fidget. And.. I suppose I've never been able to know for sure if I'd want to make a father, any day. Dad made me feel like I should want that but that worked out like it did for him, so... Jarilo clicked his teeth before he drew that silence off, scowling. I also think because of him, I do not feel like any mighty, wise alpha--neither is that something I aspire to be any time soon, and I guess in my head, those are the fathers first. But I know it's.. not always, he vented, hearing it aloud. This was the first time he had been able to talk about it. Hydra had cornered him about the topic so that was what she got. She could pick it apart all he wanted, he just wanted some assurances, or some discouragement. He felt so weirdly aimless for a wolf with so much.. besides everything, what exactly was he fighting for?

But--I know, I understand, he dipped his muzzle, then exhaled, knowing far too well how much weight his actions had in all of this. I am worried about Clover, though. She wasn't with the Firebirds anymore, last I heard so.. I don't know, I didn't expect any of... he shook his head and sighed again, letting her know that much just because it was very much on his mind whether he liked it or not. Startled into it, he didn't have much to do besides worry and hope that she wouldn't have trouble come her way because of it like the visitor that his sister warned about.

Hydra listened to her brother, surprised that he did not think himself worthy. How could he not? He was one of the most worthy wolves that she knew. Hydra held her tongue for now, though, listening to all of his points. While it could not be said that she was open-minded—she had made her own decision on Kukutux and thus her bias lay with her—as she listened she understood more and more of what her brother said from his own perspective. A flash of anger for their departed father, for making Jarilo feel this way about himself; had he never did what he had, there would be no questions or internal strife... at least, not to this degree she did not think. 

She had a lot to say in turn. You are worthy, brother. If I did not think you were, I would not have come to you to suggest you think on such a thing at all, she started in earnest, one ear twitching as she continued on: and I can also tell you there is no training in how to be a good husband or a good wife that I have ever heard of, too. When Dirge and I came to be, I did not know the first thing about my new role as wife. I could not even tell you if I am a good one, she admitted then, with a small grin, but I do my best. As I know you would, too. That is what we do. And as for our father... it did do him well, with mother. It was a mistake for him to leave Moonspear; that is where he erred. You and I will be better than all of that. It is a choice that we make. Here she moved to nose him, in knowing that it was a mistake her brother did not desire to make. Charon, all in all, had been a brilliant father. He had protected them and made this legacy alongside their mother. It was Hydra who he wanted to continue it, and she would—but she would never betray her family for it. 

The present Ostrega matriarch within the Wilderness did not stop there, drawling: you are not that. You need not be; we have already discussed your lack of interest in that path, which Hydra would have gladly helped him realize should he have wanted it for himself in an effort to expand their claim...  You are a guardian, and an ecologist—you are strong in the same ways Kukutux is, too, though you do not seem to know it. And besides, your mighty, wise alpha did become a mother first, before you, she quipped with a wave of her tail. And that same alpha knows you well enough to believe that if you did determine that you wanted to take this course, you would do a fine job at it. Here, her tail waved. 

As he spoke of worrying for another, Clover, Hydra licked her chops and considered things. She did not know Clover well enough to think much of anything, though she was with the Firebirds once... Wraen's Firebirds. Ah, if she ran with the Firebirds she is made of tough stuff. She made a decision in not staying with them, and at the very least you know she is alright for her calling. If she is in season, she selected a poor time to leave them... but you cannot protect a she-wolf in heat. Father thought he could, she drawled, and Speedy used her scent to get the better of him in the end. Your Clover could do the same without even meaning to, if she does not know it, she forewarned. but hopefully she was raised as we were. To not wander in the wilds while in the thick of the season. To know better.

He sighed, appreciated all of the sentiment of her assurances, and truly glad to hear them come from her if no one else still left to walk this entire planet--so that was something, and these were words for him to keep close to heart, he could recognize that much. Still, it was difficult for him to measure up when he didn't know if he had an ounce of what it took all thanks to him never taking the dive. It was made of strong mettle, anyway, so he knew he shouldn't doubt himself but in the face of any change, he was never the most forwardly moving on his own. I guess.. I guess I know, to some degree. And that if not Arcturus, here is few other choice, he knew, and he wouldn't want to see it be otherwise thanks to how he was raised here on Moonspear--to associate their blood with these slopes, few else, and thanks to loyalties, their list was short. Though he was not exactly a sister from the bloodline, it was still with value and strength here. It's just strange to measure myself like that suddenly, and to know that I would want that now that I have the chance.. let alone be ready to seize it. Kukutux seems to have it set--she knows what she wants more than me, to what purpose, some sort of what to do if she had been a wife to a husband before, even briefly.. or maybe it just feels that way since I've been busy.. with my head probably in other places, not necessarily on what I'd plan my future to look like, he vented to his sister, voice low, quiet. Maybe that was part of what scared him, too. She made it seem so.. so straight-forward and maybe it was starting to have some strange influence on him. Horrifying.

On Clover, though, his expression was stormy and he had little to work with even before. I hope so, he wanted to agree that she was tough enough for this to not be worth worrying about. But, he didn't like any mention of Speedy, and anywhere near anything remotely to do with Clover had him on edge. With a lick, he swallowed the remark he had on those sorts of memories, and chose instead to focus on Clover. I thought she left a while before..? But maybe she knew, anyway.. I don't know. I do know Firebirds is mostly her family... he shrugged. So, likely, something instinctive added up there, one Jarilo could just squint at where he didn't need to involve himself. To conclude that, Jarilo just heaved a big, tired sigh, but he couldn't shake the stress anyway.

Hydra listened to her brother quietly, registering everything that was said. Hydra did not mind additional bloodlines here, it was only that among the men within Moonspear that could breed, Jarilo had more than earned the right as surely as Arcturus had. Kukutux had asked for a husband, and should Jarilo or Arcturus not wish for it to be them then there might very well be another more willing; she simply wanted to be sure it was what her brother wanted. 

It seemed to be that he did. It was not refused or brushed aside. Perhaps Jarilo struggled to come to terms with it more because of what Charon had done than his lack of wanting it. 

Hydra hummed, of course she knows. It was how she was raised; it is her culture. And it is natural for you not to know. Father may have only discussed it with you, but having a mate and children is not a requirement for any of us. But if it is something you do desire, there is an opportunity there now with Kukutux when her time comes. There is no right or wrong answer here for you, or for her. You do the best thing for her by refusing it, if you are not ready and do not want this. And for you, too, she advised. She did not want him to feel forced; she just wanted his happiness, but would not push a square peg into a shape that it did not belong with.

That he did seem to know, though, meant he must want it... as he had not spoken to the contrary. 

As for Clover, they could only guess. Hydra did not want to concern him with further speculations that were only supposings, and as he sighed Hydra took a step toward him, leaning backward on her hinds so as to sling a foreleg around him in a manner meant as a sisterly embrace, their equivalent of a hug, should he not move. Things had been much to serious as of late; all work, no play. 

And so she withdrew, slapping her forelegs against the snowy earth with a rumble, before snapping leisurely at the hind leg nearest to her and springing away whether her fiendish nip landed or not.

He supposed now with it off his chest, and met with no judgement or discouragement, he could come to feel a little better about it. In the long run, it certainly helped; he just might not realize it completely yet. Maybe knowing, wholly, that there was no right or wrong here was what concerned him, who sought stability, wanting to bring it himself where he could too. But this reasoned a shift in perspective, if he bothered to look deep enough. She gave him enough else to consider anyway.

When she reached for him, he nipped playfully towards her chest and took the moment to appreciate the gesture fully. He had to let some of the tension and uncertainties go. Hydra drove home this point now, and after he shook out his own fur with a low, answering rumble of his own, he willed it all ways and let motion flow--forward.

The click of her teeth shifted him, quick, reminding him instantly of how so painfully, she was their mother's daughter--just as all of them reflected their own lasting pieces of their parents, who never could leave them entirely. Jarilo danced aside, the first pawstep a touch stiff, but he fell neatly into the practiced grace his home, and upbringing, gave him there on. Though, distance didn't last long, for he arced himself back and rounded back to her: bouncing up with a playful lunge towards her nearest side, eager to forget about it for a moment, and while he was letting his frustrations air like this, he may as well work them off too. Hydra would understand. It was who they were, how it was--at least so said the brutality of blood.

feel free to fade it if y'wanna or idc! 

fading!

 

Indeed, moments such as these had always made her happy and it seemed much the same for all of their blood. As he made a bid for her, Hydra again bolted away so that they could stretch their legs for a time before they reengaged with teeth and body alike in their spar. It was a carefree time, and one she readily embraced. She did understand, as most of their family would; they were much the same in that regard.