Dragoncrest Cliffs It holds me tight, this sorrow

Small bedraggled body, moved through the pack lands. A ghost, a wraith, a sadness. And such guilt. It lay heavy upon him, not fo leaving to go with Suzu, no but for not being able to do both. Not being able to save his family, not being able to keep them here. For not being enough.

There was a constant buzz upon his head. Tightening there deep within his soul. His granme's were gone, there were injuries and grief and his heart ached. His body ached. He worked on his own on the Roja den, cleaning out the bad pieces of pine and seaweed and other comfort things. Making it fresh and clean. For when more injuries came. He would put flowers, and sea stars and other such beautiful things upon the graves of his family. And his heart would break over and over again.

She held herself together. She compressed her feelings of grief though it seemed to take every ounce of strength from her body, which still needed to heal on the outside as well. The clawmarks stretching from above her hip to the rear of her back leg were scabbing, but she had to move slow or she would crack the healing and the clawmarks would bleed again. The same was true of the clawmarks across the top of her skull. The puncture wounds at her shoulder, however, healed remarkably well. They would scar soon. 

The beige cape about her shoulders was still faintly stained red from the sandy earth of the Roja den. She liked it that way; it was her mother's colour, that deep mahogany. 

When she saw Etienne, she saw Erzulie in a flash. She'd been so grateful to bear a child that looked so much like her Maman, but now, it pained her to see Erzulie's looks, all the while knowing she would never see her Maman again. Her fierce, beautiful smile, and the lyrical sound of her voice. But if she could keep Etienne close...Maybe she'd be keeping a part of Erzulie close with her as well. 

She felt movement in her belly, which had begun to hang lower. Amid the grief, there was some relief, and she motioned to her son. "Sweet boy, my Eti," She crooned. She could see the shock in his features; the long stare, the gaunt expression. "Come here, to me," She invited.

Etienne knew he was not alone in his grief, and did he even have a right to grieve as hard as he was, when wolves like his Manman, his Auntie they had been with Erzulie, Roz, and Sobo longer than he had. His Manman was hurt, the wounds would forever scar and remind him of the terrible ordeal.

Etienne knew his looks would cause grief. When you wore the fur of a dead loved one, well it tended to cause sadness. And that hurt. It hurt that everytime anyone would look at him that knew his granme, they would see her first. But it also felt like a gift, that he could offer them a glimpse of what they missed. He gave a soft sniffle.

Etinne heard the noise of his manman and with hesitant steps he came next to her. Nosed upon her ruff, but tried to stay away from her wounds. He swallowed pressing it down down. The grief, the sadness, the pain and offered her a smile, not as large as he usually could muster, but it was there all the same.

'ello Manman. Are you okay?

Her charitable son, always tending first to others- a kindness he had inherited from whatever angel had given him to her. He nuzzled her and she pulled him in close, and when she exhaled, the tears began to flow. 

She'd tried to be strong for them, but the hurt was too much. She missed her mothers, and she missed her brother. And she was so, inexplicably relieved that she had her son with her now, and that she could hold him and rock him gently against her. "I love you so, so much, my son. You know dis, yes?" She asked. 

He'd just experienced something so horrific; something she couldn't shield him from, and something she could never promise him he'd never have to face again. But the best she could do was give him her love and care, and make sure that she would do absolutely anything to take care of him. She held him closer, gently. "I am so glad I 'ave you. 'An I am so proud of you."

Seated he could reach up and press paws against her face and muzzle. Lick at the tears that lay there. Try and ease his mother's pain some. If he had been given the ability to feel what others felt, whatever that meant. He was dang sure gonna use it.

I know dis manman. I love you too, forever and always. He allowed her to rock him, pressing against her. A deep ache there in his chest. It hurt, but it felt so good too. His manman held him fast and let tears fall.

He smiled sadly at her and brushed a paw over her face again. T'ank you manman. I'm glad I 'ave you too.

No one had taught her how to do this. How she was supposed to mourn the loss of her family, while putting the grief of her children first? How could she comfort them when she was hurting so much? She felt incredibly guilty when her son comforted her. It was not the burden of a child to be supporting their mother like this- and yet, she couldn't help but accept his condolences nonetheless. She felt so weak, so proud, so ashamed. 

She inhaled a shaky breath. "It is hard, isn't it?" She asked, almost rhetorically. She wanted to assure him how much his grandmothers loved him, but she couldn't. She had to hold her breath in order to keep her emotions at bay.

Eti figured if he could help his manman and she could help him. Well then she'd be in better condition to then Help Suzu and Theo, because surely they were hurting as much as he was, possibly more so. He was willing to make that small sacrifice, be the learning experience child.

He nodded. It is very 'ard, but maybe it's w'at we need too. Granme Roz tol' me dat we 'ave to live and try not to 'block other people from mistakes rig't. So den I tink dat works de same 'ere. Feel de grief and pain to 'elp us deal wit' it.

He shrugged shoulders, tears on his lashes. He would miss both his granme's so so much, but none more so than his granme Roz.

Manman. I be sad wit' you, yea? He held her tight to his side and brushed at her nape like she had done when he was a small boy, what he did when Suzu was scared.

Rosalyn. She wanted to believe that her mother was out there, simply hounding the beast away from the coast- and while Rosalyn was a legend, she was a living legend still. Mortal, and not immune to the smash of jaws or the dashing of claws. Even cliffs, mountains, and forests had their dangers, and while she hated to admit it, she knew that there was a more dangerous threat lying within her mother's own body. She'd seen in her distant stare, the occasional question that didn't make sense, or the way she kept silent even when she normally would have said something. It ate at her, robbing her bit by bit. She wanted to ignore it, and tell herself that there was no way her mother could ever, ever get lost...

She had given Etienne sound advice, and she would always treasure that her children had been brought up with such loving grandmothers. Her eyes sparkled, and she pulled her son close. "Yes, Eti. We can be sad toget'er." Her melody broke with her voice, as she struggled to keep it even and rhythmic. She held him to her, and grunted softly, as she felt first a soft kick, and then a stronger one, deep in her belly. 

Her future brood thrived, in spite of it all. And the time had come where she could be certain that it was not merely an infliction involving her diet or stress. She gestured for Etienne to come closer, so he might press against her side. 

"Come close, Eti. 
Dere be somet'ing I want for you to see." 

She said. For a few moments, there was nothing. A gurgle or two from digestion, and the solid thumping of her heart. But then- a kick, and then another. One of the pups squirmed, and moved. She watched for his expression.

Etienne had not been privy to his granme's moments of darkness or empty mindness. But he had known there was something wrong, just not what. Etienne knew that he probably wouldn't see Granme Roz again. And it was painful, but he would remember them both with love.

His manman's voice broke and he felt that like a glass shard, but he held fast to her. Okay He whispered and buried his face against her.

He looked at his manman confused, but he did as she bade. Pressing tightly against her side. He studied her face. Then as he felt the movements, his face made way to pure bliss, eyes sparkled and he sniffled.

Oh manman. Dat be my baby brot'ers and Sisters. Can I watch dem w'en dey be borned?

Some part of her worried how her children might respond when they found out that they would have siblings. They did not know their father, nor would the father of these pups ever be around, either, but this was the way of things in Sapphique. And Etienne fit perfectly with them- he understood what those movements meant, and that it was a thing to be celebrated. His request surprised her lightly, but she smiled and nosed his cheek. 

"If die be what you want, we can make it so. 
I....Will 'ave to warn you, though,
dat not all births are easy to see,
an' sometimes, dere be emergencies.
But I trust you would give me excellent care, so-
if you really want to, den you may be dere."

Etienne didn't ask many questions where he came from. he had a basic idea from listening to the older wolves talk, but he still didn't quite know. And honestly he didn't much mind. He was content in his knowledge and who had raised him. He needed nothing more than manman and his granmes and extended family. He would do his best to make sure his siblings felt the same way.

If he was to be a healer, then he needed to know all things. That included childbirth and the problems that could go wrong.

I do manman. Can i watc' dem for you sometimes too? I t'ink i'd like dat. I always liked taking care of Suzu and we be the same age. I t'ink dis would be just as nice to me.

His plea brought an unexpected pang of joy to her heart, shaking it loose from the thorny grip of grief at least just for a moment. She had been proud of her children, all of them, for all of their contributions, and of the wolves they had become. They made her prouder still by being so devoted to the pack. 

"My son, of course! I expect you to be!
In de same way Mireille is so close to me,
so, to your new siblings, you will be too. 
Dey will truly love, an' look up to you." She said.

Etienne truthfully didn't know what else to do. He was not a fighter and he could hunt, but not nearly as good as Theo. Suzu had the naturalist thing. So he felt he could fit into the caretaker role, even if he didn't fully understand it. Erzulie was gone, she could no longer teach him.

And he had done well watching over Suzu, even though they were the same age. And he had learned everything that had been taught. yes he could do this for manman, suzu, theo, the pack and his little brothers and sisters, whatever they maybe.

I hope so. He smiled sweetly.

fade and have a new one now the kids are born? :D

Her sweet boy; she had no doubts that Etienne might find new purpose when his little siblings came. While his brother sought to strengthen himself and learn how to protect the pack, Etienne sought to nurture it; and both of her boys made her immensely proud. Suzu had yet to find her path, it seemed- though she thought her daughter possessed an uncanny intelligence that gave her a completely different look at the world. 

Her children were growing up- and the legacy that they had each begun to create was beginning to grow.

yes I'd love too.

Eti was looking forward to his siblings birth. IT would mean hard work and new things to learn, but it also meant he could do better, be better, teach them. He could be a big brother, he was sure he could.

There was so much to learn and do and he already was mentally ticking off all the things they could do together, once they were older. He knew babies were so helpless for a really long time.