Lost Creek Hollow avisame

whenever <3

silvertongue had been working on something, and it was forcing herself to accept that despite her best efforts, her body remained pregnant. she had shed her tears. she had bit back her anger. and she meant to serve riverclan, even though she had no plan. even though this was not something she wanted, now that her príncipe de las sombras had turned his good golden heart toward the man he loved. today she drifted with seeming aimlessness through the riverweald, not quite seeking @Crowfeather but no longer avoiding him as she had done, sides curved and growing and unveilable now.

The shadow had missed her presence. He had noticed that she was not around as often as she had been before, before…

Germanicus arriving on Riverclan’s borders had been a wish granted by something beyond Crowfeather’s understanding. He had thought he might never see the man again. Instead, the silver eagle had turned up on their land and had professed words of love. The shadow had no choice in that matter. His heart beat for the ranger. It always had.

Silvertongue, the tripod called out to her in a bright voice. His legs hastened to draw him near, to look at her with shimmering joy in his eyes. I haven’t seen you lately-

She looked different. Crowfeather blinked curiously on her figure. He reached toward her with a tentative prod of his nose.

Have you seen Ash Paw’s puppies? They’re- They’re so cute.

"yes. they are. so cute." her voice was a stilted purr that smoothed the longer she spoke. there was no hiding herself and so silvertongue did not; she only invited him closer with a tilt of her head and smiled truly, goodly, into his handsome face. "riverclan is strong. a credit to you." and before crowfeather could say anything else, she reached to touch his face with a small paw and cleared her throat. "now. we need a ceremony, for all of us, i think. it is time." not for a moment did silvertongue wish to speak of herself or her body.

The dark star did not have the ability to dig deeper, to ask her how she had been. He worried that she did not like Germanicus in their hollow. He worried that he had made a mistake in allowing the ranger free entrance into their home.

The warmth in her purring voice was enough to soothe his fretting nature. The invitation from her movements, to draw closer, to feel the warmth of her figure, were met with his earnestness. She complimented the strength of the hollow and gave credit to him. Crowfeather became bashful. His cheeks warmed beneath his dark fur.

A credit to all of us, the tripod corrected with his soft voice.

I think a ceremony would be great. We should invite the creek and Kvarsheim, right?

The hollow was large enough that it could host three packs for a short time.

it was good to be held again. "all right. all of us." the warmth of his arms drove away, for a time, the memory of their last interlude. silvertongue allowed herself to nestle close for a scant moment before she drew away and upright. "yes, i think so. we could feast here, celebrate the end of winter. maybe you could tell them about starclan." she touched his paw. "how have you been feeling?" anything, anything at all to detract from her. silvertongue offered crowfeather a smile and turned away, padding deeper into the hollow.

Silvertongue’s closeness was something he had missed. He wondered why she had been so distant, but he did not feel that he had the strength to ask her. Something felt as though it had shifted in their relationship. But he knew that he did not feel any differently! Crowfeather loved Silvertongue. She was his light in the darkest places. She had given him strength to push on when he had only wanted to sink in misery.

A sweet kiss was given to the bridge of her nose. His eyes searched her face for signs of something more beneath the words she gave.

Yes, Starclan… Crowfeather had been meaning to take her into the cave, to share in dreams. There was a sinister puddle of fear that sat like tar in his stomach. He worried that the stars would not reach them in Riverclan, that they were too far. I- I’m doing really well…

His cheeks were warm.

And you? What have you been up to… all this time?

"i have been traveling." it was not a lie, and to this truth did the star desperately cling. "i went to the taiga for a bit, mapping trails between here and there. i simply felt restless, crowfeather, do not worry." and yet she did, for the changes in her body had not abated, and she felt displaced inside her very own vessel, knowing and dreading the reality she still consciously avoided. "i am glad to hear it, mariposa. soon spring will come and the flowers will bloom again."

I do worry, he whispered for her. 

The shadow’s dark features shifted downward. He didn’t want to think that she might be unhappy. Silvertongue was vital to Riverclan, to Crowfeather, and to the future they might share. Once, he had imagined that he could not live without Germanicus. Now, he understood that he could not live happily without both of them. 

I just want you to be happy. I want- I want you to know… Why had words become so difficult for him? That you are loved. The tripod’s voice was scarcely above a whisper. 

Anyway, did you meet anyone interesting on your travels? You look- Different, he wanted to say. Glowing!

the laugh that extended from silvertongue was loud and bitter, and she let it be both. "glowing," she mumbled, and when she raised her glassblue eyes to crowfeather again, they were wet. but the star refused to sob. "we should talk, my love," she said, patting the ground beside her and drawing a breath that trembled. and she tried to be strong, even as it felt like her shoulders were beginning to crumble.

Crowfeather’s expression fell. There were tears in her eyes. Her laugh rang with bitterness. Something had gone wrong, he thought. Someone had done something to her. 

Scooting toward Silvertongue, the dark star peered at her from the edges of his vision. These types of talks had never gone well for Crowfeather. He wished to give her the benefit of the doubt. If something truly horrible had happened, she would have spoken up sooner, no? 

Tell me… what’s wrong, he whined.

once silvertongue had rehearsed the words in her mind, she said them aloud, and at once, before her nerves shook them to unsaid bits. "i am pregnant, crowfeather, and despite my — best efforts —" here she glanced skyward, willing the tears back and back and back, "— i remain so." he had heard her. he knew she did not intend to be a mother. but did he remember that. "so. we should — prepare. for that." silvertongue had spent so long in denial that she did not know how many weeks it had been since —

Shock unhinged his jaw so that it fell open. Fear sparked in the pit of his belly. 

Pregnant? But how? He could only think back to their time together, to the closeness he had shared with the beautiful girl. It burned shamefully inside him. Like warm flames licking at his inner flesh. Crowfeather drew in a breath to steady himself, to stop from quaking in horror. 

It was his fault that tears hung in her eyes. It was his fault that she had been forced to run away, to try to rid herself of the children she carried. Horror washed over him again and again until he thought he might vomit. 

M-Mine? he choked stupidly.

;;;

crowfeather started to panic, or perhaps she did; silvertongue threw her arms around him and held her head against the heartbeat she had so loved, always, and had beat alongside her own for a time. "yes." and she wished — she had gone out into the world, had not run to him for this. it would not hurt so much. "do not worry, mariposa. we will — it must be all right." she must be ready. she must be resigned.

Silvertongue tried to encourage him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her head touched to his heart. Crowfeather willed it to cease its rapid beating. 

She said that it would be alright, though he didn’t see how that could be true. She had never wanted this and he had tarnished her wishes with his lonely wallowing. How did she not hate him? How, after witnessing Germanicus in their lands, did she not feel full of vitriol? 

I’m- I’m so sorry. 

How could he fix this? 

You never wanted this and- and I- 

He could not finish.

"no apologies." she had already tried, hadn't she? her mouth twisted. each word felt like an acceptance that silvertongue did not feel. "and you will be a wonderful father." meaning tendriled tightly into her voice. "tell me," tones hoarsening. "tell me how they name children in the starsea." oh, she wanted so much to push beyond the obstacle of her own shattered life-path, and yet she felt suspended here. but she could not blame him. it had not been in her knowing or his; it only was.

How could Crowfeather be a wonderful father? He had no foundation for such a thing. Thoughts of his own father flooded to his mind. He remembered the harshness in the words spoken to him. He remembered the cruel joy that his father got in making his son shake with fear. These were not things for children. These were cold and harsh and unforgiving things.

Silvertongue wished to know how they named children in the Starsea. She had taken a name that he had given her. She had given up the name she had been born into.

The dark figure was silent while the air around them hummed with life. How could he be a good father? Crowfeather was nothing but softness and uncertainty. His children would sniff out the weakness in him before they had spoken their first words. These worries were kept trapped inside the dark star.

Children are named for their colors or their personality or their intended role. I am of the Crow’s Wing. My sister was Silver Light on the Owl. Silverowl had been beautiful, too. She had commanded the Starsea with her strength and her endurance. Always the best and always the brightest.

I had a brother too, Crowfeather whispered. His honey gold eyes were fixed on something faraway. Shadow of the Moon. But Moonshadow had disappeared long ago. And he had taken chunks from each member of Crowfeather’s family.

in her desperate heart, the star was forming a plan. one secret. one silent on all tongues. one that would — but she could not yet commit to it. the idea of her name attached to one of these children forced a deep and ravening anxiety to rise in her spirit. "crow — something," she suggested softly. "or — nightcub." for surely they would not take her face! not that of the woman who had so spited them and tried to drive them from her womb. she wanted to cry again, but her eyes this time would not give down the tears. "tell me about shadow of the moon." again, again, as many times as her prince needed. she herself craved the sound of his voice, even though they both quavered with doubt. silvertongue would never admit how very much she depended upon crowfeather's very breath.

Nightcub is cute, Crowfeather breathed into her pelt. Both of those names sounded as though they belonged to a dark pup. He found it difficult to imagine his features on anyone but himself. The thought of some tiny child carrying his mournful gaze was difficult to grasp.

What if they had her eyes?

Skygaze, if- if one of them has your eyes.

Crowfeather thought of Germanicus. He did not know how he might tell the man about this turn of events. Worry etched his features as Silvertongue asked for him to speak of his brother. The dark star did not want to. He felt a hollow sucking sensation in his stomach.

He was small and frail. They did not think that he would survive to be an apprentice, but- but he did. And he was always so happy. Moonshadow had been everything Crowfeather could not be.

but silvertongue did not want that; her entire being shied from the image of a tiny face looking up at her with mirror eyes. it was almost nightmarish, the horrendous guilt that accompanied this vision, and then a secondary wave for feeling so repulsed. these children belonged to crowfeather; they would be extensions of him, even if they looked like her. and even if they held her looks, they would still be his. in this silvertongue took comfort, until she had warmed somewhat and found a wan smile that faded very slowly. "are you afraid that — that it will happen again, mariposa?"

Crowfeather sat on her question for a long stretch of time. His eyes were brimming with the fear that boiled within. The sadness of his features now bore the weight of his guilt. 

I- I am afraid of so many things, the dark star choked to her. His snout was buried in the thick tufts if her fur. Crowfeather fought the urge to sob.

"as am i, mi amor." her love, even if she was not his; he was hers, and this was fiercely felt beneath her breast. at last she pulled back a little, pushed her forehead against that of crowfeather. "we will just have to be afraid together." her own entire nerves, knotted into shame and loathing and terror. what did he feel; silvertongue wished so much that she could take all his anguish it herself, where it belonged.