Arrow Lake pronuntio

set for tomorrow morning: 40 degrees, light breeze <3

the imperator hoped that fennec did not entertain ideas of him putting her away should ruenna return.

it would be a very difficult time. and he longed for its possibility fiercely each day. to see her again would be enough. but she had ended their agreement. and germanicus had made another. you did not honor bonds by breaking.

still, the thought of her amber eyes meeting his own even a last time was enough to claw at the rift in his spirit.

he left mereo early the next morning and moved for the lake whereby he had suggested a meeting to the healer of epoch. he swept the perimeter for any sign of the wolverine and he glanced at the reflection in the water before he tilted his head and called to the lady @Meadow, asking politely that she meet him beside the bright cold water.

Germanicus’ call set her nerves aflutter this time—how could it not, when she had now given Reyson a go-ahead to court her.

What that entailed, she didn’t know—she didn’t consider them promised to one another, but there was a certain loyalty to one another, and if before she was hesitant to explore anything with the Imperator with the potential of how the steadfast Legatus would react, now it was all but stripped of possibility.

Because she knew, deep down, there was a very real possibility she would fall hard for Reyson, and she would fall fast. And even worse would be when inevitably, he left, or something broken them apart. Because that was how it went.

Germanicus seemed to seek no more than friendship, though, and so it seemed harmless to her to meet him. She reiterated this thought, once more, when she came upon the grand lake, and the vast beauty it proposed. Romantic, in so many ways.

Even worse for her raptly beating heart was the way the sun played upon the fine dark coat of the man—not as large as Reyson, or imposing… and yet impressive, in every which way. Chiseled—hardened. Honorable.

She loped toward him, a shy smile playing to her muzzle, honeyed eyes lingering upon him for longer than they should have—cursing herself, inwardly.

the end of reyson's report when he and lady meadow had returned from basilica was expected: a courtship between the aspiring military leader and the gentle healer of epoch.

another time germanicus might have sternly asked after the logistics of this. mereo losing so many to the vale had the imperator on silent edge. the advantage of numbers was important to securing the canyon.

and despite his recent and strangely fulfilling marriage to fennec, the beast of green eyes had raised its head upon hearing this news. he was glad he had assumed it might be so, for it made the unwarranted sting more manageable.

the woman in question had come to join him at the lake. germanicus took stock of her expression as he drew forth. her face was far more mobile than his. the sun-yellow of his eyes met her own and he greeted her with a quiet, "i am glad you have come."

in the manner of a gentleman offering his arm, the imperator turned away from her tawny gaze and he began their tour of the lake. "it seems congratulations are in order, lady meadow."

His eyes sought her—she returned his look—searing as it might have been, and then glanced away. She joined him—stalwart as he awaited her by the lake edge, and as she neared him, a hair’s breadth from his own body—he began to walk amicably with her, that of a guarded soldier, and she wondered at it. He was always so formal upon their first meeting, as if he was testing the water between them and expecting the worst.

His words of congratulations offered all she needed to know—Reyson had spoke of his intentions. Of course he had. He was a noble man, and there was a certain flare within her breast that perhaps the goldsun wolf was serious about courting her for him to bring it forth to his Imperator.

She tried to make light of the situation—almost unwilling to open up the vulnerability of herself that she dare hope it would indeed work out. “Reyson is stubborn and seems determined to show me that not all relationships end in complete failure,” she offered, a tic in her jaw, her eyes cast upon the lake rather than his countenance. What more was there to read from the man, when all he had managed to ask from her was hope, when another had promised everything to her and more?

lady meadow was a romantic, he felt as they walked. he was not. it was not so much an incompatibility as was her status in epoch and his in mereo. he had considered these points and others as he had traveled. 

now that they moved alongside one another, now that he had seen the sheen of her eyes and the tension in her jawline, the imperator wondered at the stark absence of any joy. "reyson is a good man with a fierce loyalty to his duties. and i cannot fault him his attentiveness toward you, lady meadow."

perhaps he had not meant to speak so plainly. but it had always been the route of the imperator. his eyes fell to her visage and then he turned back to the lake with its reflection of autumn-wreathed trees.

"would you like to discuss this unhappiness, lady meadow?" the eagle inquired in an even tone. she had offered to be a shore during his sea-tossed time. he would extend the same to her.

There lay in one problem in which she could see—Reyson’s dedication to duty to Mereo, his life as a soldier and sense of morale. She could argue his attentiveness be no more than a fascination—but her esteem wasn’t something she wished to delve into.

She knew it was low.

His words drew a surprised blink from her—slender muzzle tilting up as her eyes finally made to capture his, derisive and questioning. “Unhappiness?” She echoed the words as a delicate brow arched, her steps halting, her tongue drying at the scent of him and the lake. A factor that could no longer matter.

“Resolve,” she decided, for she was not unhappy with her agreement to her goldsun soldier. She simply remained guarded.

"resolve is something i know intimately." there were several more steps and a silence. the coldening wind rose up around the lake. it sent cool hands through his pelt and played through the heavier fur at his shoulders. 

"and i caution resolve unless there is willingness behind it."

lady meadow was aloof. he wondered if she kept her warmth from him this hour on reyson's behalf. it was a formal commitment they had made after all.

germanicus hoped he had made no misstep. his voice was now silent as he waited to see.

“Explain?” Germanicus remained a certain mystery to her—certainly, the man held his feelings and thoughts close to his heart and his expression unreadable, mostly, but she still could not quite place why he wished her company. It was a peculiar friendship—one she wished to maintain and see flourish. Her draw to the man was undeniable—but she would need to read carefully in the realm of what would be appropriate and what would not.

"you have just confirmed your courtship to me. but you have also said it is what he wishes to prove. you have said nothing of your own wants."

germanicus stopped. his sun-yellow eyes took the measure of her expression. he did not wish to assume and yet it did not seem a happy moment. there were more things behind her honey-tone eyes than she had said.

"are you resolute or resigned?"

“My own wants,” she murmured, the trace of a more embittered smile pulling at the corner of her lips, and so she took the opportunity once more to pull her gaze from him, perhaps too worried he would see too far into her as he had on meetings before.

“I think for the longest time I’ve wanted a family of my own. Security—a home, a family… love.” She shrugged, forcing the smile that now pressed to her lips when she took a step closer to him, emboldened if only by the fact that if any should understand, it would be him. “But life isn’t like that. Something will happen—one form or another.” So she waited for the next shoe to drop, and her copper ears splayed back to her crown. “You’re own recent pain being only an example of such things. Everyone has lived it.”

Then: “Does it bother you?” A flush to her cheeks, she lifted her chin a notch, reevaluating her words and meaning. “That one of your soldiers is now courting outside of Mereo?”

as lady meadow spoke, germanicus watched the play of emotion across her face. she did not answer his question, she went on with one of her own.

her wants were not so different from his own. the disparity lay in how he did not intend love or expect it. hearing the epochian say her wishes with the inclusion of love sparked the thought that this would have remained an incompatibility between them.

and still he was not stopped then from wondering where he and she might be now had he allowed himself to engage the palpable attraction that had been between them. the eagle was unsure it even now existed for lady meadow. she spoke of his pain and his eyes grew cool for a moment, aloof as he gathered himself from the sear. "you helped me greatly when i was in need. i believe your desires are not so great, that you should put them aside." his gaze was a study. 

"i do not mind it," germanicus said, beginning to walk once more in the casual and watchful stride of a military man. "it is not uncommon for two packs so close together and even related to seek relationships between them." the difficulty would lie in losing reyson to epoch or to strain things with the vale further if meadow moved to mereo.

She trembled in the moment—eyes upon him like fire, his own having grown cold at the reminder of his pain. And yet he implied she should follow her own desires—as if the burn one faced on the other end was a desirable fate.

And then he began to walk away—brisk, cold, and those lantern eyes no longer looked to her as if she were a potential beacon of light. With hope.

She did not follow him—rooted to the moment, her silver fur shifted in the cool autumn breeze as she took survey of the lake instead. If he wished to continue, he could—but the ire of having her voiced worries simply set aside as a small concern pulled at her.

It rankled her how he casually spoke of the matter—the entire situation a crossroad of sorts for her, and the mask he placed carefully over himself when it came to discussing Reyson and potentially losing one of his higher ranks… Oh, the bitterness curled in her chest. As if the Legatus were nothing more than a pawn.

the imperator noticed at once that she did not step with him. he returned to her side in mild confusion, which scintillated through him like a spinning knife.

germanicus too faced the water. he did not need to comment on his misplaced words. it was apparent that he had changed the entire energies of the day with his response.

the eagle would not press her for an answer. he looked to the way the moonsilvered wisps of fur contrasted against her copperplate mask. and then he looked away as was more appropriate, back toward the gentle ripples upon the glass surface.

He did not continue on without her—no, the man strayed back, looking to her momentarily before setting his eyes firmly upon the lake. Always an appropriate gentleman—and slightly infuriating.

She felt the coil of her stomach unfurl—knowing the junction of her crossroads was beginning now, and feeling all the more agitated by it. He was tall—but she would stare him down now, wishing he would move toward some form of sentiment. A feeling of anything.

“Why are we here, Imperator?”

"i wanted to see you again, lady meadow," germanicus replied with controlled formality. "and i had thought it a mutual feeling, even in the capacity of friendship."

he did not think of her as a friend. his relation to the epochian was different. moreso than a companion infrequently sought. 

the imperator met her eyes. she demanded something of him with them. and he felt he knew now, perhaps, that a meeting called between those who said friend was vastly different than this one.

"why did you answer my call?"

“I wanted to see you,” she returned in kind—shaken, still, by the cold manner he still held with her. In the capacity of friendship, he had offered, and she realized in that moment that whatever feelings she was seeking to press down from the surface was one-sided, and she gave a gentle nod, her smile tightening.

“I think… it best we no longer meet like this, Imperator.” Her mind aflutter—willing herself to simply say goodbye to the man and leave it at that. Oh, but she grew so tired of being the pin cushion to so many… and this time was no different.

“I’m so glad in our friendship I was able to help you in your time of need. To provide you with hope,” she began, her voice cracking, her chin notching up even further in her own sense of stubbornness.

“But you see… Reyson has promised to show me that not everyone bends to the will of spring and gives in to their urges. That trust and love can be real.”

“And when I look at you… Well, if he were to look and feel the same way to another woman, I think it would break my heart…”

She shifted—she wanted to flee. She would force herself to leave this with a true resolution—and so she tipped her muzzle in the direction of the steadfast soldier. All she could do was pretend this very conversation was not shaking her to her core, despite the fact her poker face had never been her strength.

germanicus found lady meadow to be more skilled a tactician than perhaps she realized. or perhaps she did, and that is why she maneuvered him into awareness as if he were no more than a piece upon a senet board. 

she had wanted him to reciprocate. she desired it even now. he had been sorely wrong, to have ignored so much while being in its awareness.

still now, her amber eyes were suffused with trepidation. they held him rooted to the lakeshore. he thought of the way reyson's eyes had lit in a way germanicus had never seen before, all stemming from the very mention of the woman before him.

in the manner of a centurion removing his crested helm, the eagle exhaled and glanced toward the ground, her first glimpse of his own inner considerations. "before you and reyson visited basilica, we held a brief meeting over towhee's swifter move to epoch. during this discussion your name arose. i do not think i had seen him smile in that way before."

and that was the moment. "i was sensitive when i returned from our first meeting. hearing him tell me that he had already been with you, that a trip of ambassadorship had been arranged, and then his clear joy: it seemed to me that had i any thoughts of courting you, as his imperator i must recuse myself."

his sun-yellow eyes were intensely upon her own visage. "when he returned, he confirmed what i chose to assume. if you no longer wish to meet me, i shall respect it. and should still hope, lady meadow, for your good regard of me, and to know you stand very high in my own esteem."

The Imperator revealed very little of his thoughts and life—of that, Meadow would have made bets. The rise and fall of his welcoming tones when he spoke was akin to whiplash. The stolen few moments where she had felt electricity from him alone—the brush of hard muscle against her, the soothing of a kind voice. And now—the aloof coldness he presented in no many ways.

Survival tactic it might have been, it felt disingenuous, and as he spoke of abandoning thought of possibly courting her because of the joy from his Legatus’ eyes upon speaking of her, she found herself at a loss for words.

He had felt he needed to recuse himself—a certain notion of falling upon a sword. Nothing was spoken of his heartbreak over his wife having gone—and she found herself blinking at him for a moment, considering everything he had just lain to her feet.

Perhaps the only solace she would gain from this interlude was that her imagination was not entirely out there. That, and perhaps she had finally found another who was perhaps just as if not more emotionally stunted than herself.

“If you wish for my high regard, Imperator,” she began, trying to keep the quiver of emotion from her voice. “Then don’t tell me in one breath that you felt the only noble thing to do for one of your men was to stand aside for his own happiness, after prior speaking of how little it affects you that the same soldier might need to migrate elsewhere.” He couldn't have it both ways.

She ushered a short breath out, the quiver of her muscles giving way to the soft autumn breeze that played across her fur before she began to dance from his reach, up and away from the shoreline of the lake.

;;;

reyson's departure would affect mereo. standing down for this reason would facilitate an easier choice for the legatus now to make. he stood upon the precipice of leadership in mereo and once he had achieved that, he would be bound to the canyon of his own accord. germanicus' only involvement in this was to receive a report.

but there was no reason to make such a commitment if his heart was elsewhere. lady meadow was scathing, and germanicus again felt as though he had missed some greater part of their communication. or if she had expected him to be as laid-bare in another time as he had been in that hour, torn to grief and reaching for comfort. this countenance now was how he proceeded in his day-to-day.

he should not have sought it from anyone, least of all outside mereo. and yet she had filled him with such light in those moments, and offered more, and he had not taken it out of some sense of unfairness both to her and to ruenna. the imperator was glad then that they had not used one another as vessels for embittered emotions. they could barely speak to each other in the light of today. 

germanicus watched the beautiful play of muscles beneath the wavering fur as the epochian turned in indignation away and walked along the lake away from him. the eagle did not follow, he only watched her with furrowed brow as the winds seem to buoy her off. the eagle could not fathom her irritation, least of all on reyson's behalf. he would not seek to insist that the man stay in mereo beneath duress of responsibility.

and so it fell to the woman's own offense, that the imperator had not put himself forward a suitor. he did not want to think in such reductive terms. germanicus assigned to himself a good amount of the blame. perhaps she had felt that their interludes had been misrepresented by himself. 

this confusing array was what he felt must amount to romantic thought. and it underscored his own adherence to direct and passionless agreements. lady meadow's heart would have been broken to know he still loved ruenna, had it been her in his arms and not fennec.

and it was to the principales the imperator would return, to the impartial pragmatism of their marriage which would not befuddle and frustrate him with his inability to speak sweet words, let alone ones that might convey to meadow the deep intrigue toward her he still held glistening in his spirit. the sensation now banked down inside germanicus, ready to be stirred should they have another unlikely meeting.

his own steps moved his tall frame on an opposite path to mereo.