Redsand Canyon There's nothing left for us to do

Dawn broke across the sky. Clear and exultant and beautiful. Reyson had woken groggy and strange, the sleeping draughts making him sleep, but tired.

He losy himself in the routine of the day. Each paw step and he could push the thoughts, the memories all of it away. At least while his body was busy. His mind grew numb from the constant repression and his chest constantly hurt. He jad upset Meadow, had hurt her feelings and he had sworn he wouldn't. Then he hadn't been there to see her. What if she had come back.

With that thought in mind and absolute self-loathing he cut his claws on trees in the border. Made new markers with water, fur, and claws. There was a consistency to his movements.

Fennec was surprised to find Reyson returned. She’d figured he had gone and joined Epoch and that was that… but instead she crossed his path as he patrolled the Mereo borders.

You’re still here. She was surprised and curious. His relationship had fallen apart then, seemingly, and he’d made his choice? She wasn’t sorry not to lose him, but she did wish it was under better circumstances.

Reyson hadn't given an answer to Germanicus or Fennec, because he didn't have one. And plagued with the brain rot that he had. Granted he knew it wasn't a rot, but it felt that way.

He turned towards the voice, still tired. Still feeling weak. But he gave a soft chuff. Hello Lady Fennec. Imperatrix.

He curled and ear forward. I had an episode of memory and Imperator found me and brought me back here to get sleep and calm my mind. Meadow and I had an argument and I haven't had a chance to speak with her since.

He tilted his head. I owe her an apology. For assuming something I shouldn't have, but. No, there are no buts. I owe her an apology no matter what..

The instant he implied he and Meadow weren’t broken up, Fennec gave him a look that was both skeptical and amused. Reyson reminded her of Germanicus in a lot of ways, but he was not a decisive man. They had spoken about that in the past; Reyson was a soldier, bred to take orders and not question. Fennec had a hard time imagining it.

Fortunately for him, Fennec didn’t give a shit about orders. You owe her a decision. She stated, more as an addition than an argument. He probably owed an apology too; she’d be pissed as shit if she had a romantic interest who waffled this badly. Actually - she had been pissed as shit.

Are you really willing to give up if she doesn’t say yes? Because if I were her, and you were making me choose for you, I’d dump your ass and find someone who would pick me without hesitating. Reyson and she had had blunt conversations before, so she wasn’t going to put on any airs. She wasn’t saying this as his Imperatrix; she was saying it as someone who, in her own way, cared.

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Reyson lifted his head, irritation in his movements at her look. He was not entirely thrilled at her implication. And he for damn sure wouldn't have been thrilled with her thoughts, but seeing as how he wasn't a mind reader and despite her blunt nature. He did appreciate what Fennec had to say usually.

Reyson nodded his head. I know i do, but she asked me to move slow. I'm trying to be respectful she's been hurt badly by others before and I don't want to push and cause her to feel worse. Though, I'm not doing a very good job of it I don't imagine.

Perhaps it was the bane of keeping it all locked up. And he knew Fennec would probably scoff or say something blunt, but not talking was clearly killing him. So he jumped off the bow of the boat and word vomit spilled out of his maw.

Reyson shook his head and then spoke the conviction clear in his voice. of course not. I choose her, I want her. I'd move heaven and earth for her if i could. But She hasn't chosen me, Lady Fennec. She has not said one way or another. She wants me to prove that I am not like the others, that I will stay, but she questions everything I say. I don't know how to weather that. I'm trying. Lord I'm trying, but then I get up in my head. I remember battles that aren't there anymore and faces long dead and i lose myself in those. The bane of a career soldier who has seen the bloody trenches as I have. And those episodes have become worse since i've been back. IMperator found me in the throes of one recently, I could barely remember my fucking name. And i fucked up, because of it. I promised her i'd be somewhere I wasn't and god she probably thinks i left her, which is her biggest fear. I've been too Epoch twice, but I haven't seen her and she hasn't come when i called. But I am also expected to do my duties here, and that is what I am doing. I plan to go again after my patrol and spar.

Oh holy fuck, men were idiots. This thought came from Fennec’s assumption that she knew what Meadow was thinking, but even from what Reyson said, she could infer a few things. Likely because all of them sounded extremely familiar.

How fucked up you are doesn’t matter. You aren’t fucking up by having episodes. She huffed a little derisively, but there was still humor in her tone. It didn’t bother her that he got defensive; they were talking about his issues here, not hers, and conversations like that were always far easier.

You’re fucking up by assuming she’s going to tell you what she wants. But she already did, and you didn’t hear it. Seriously, she told you she wanted you to prove that you care about her, and that she’s worried you’ll leave, and you took that to mean she wants space?!

Fennec gave a breathy laugh, then a tad more seriously, She wants a gesture. You prove it by moving there, idiot. How is she going to know you’d choose to stick by her over anything else if you can’t even seem to make up your mind on if you want to leave this place?

She shouldn’t be convincing him to leave, but she’d rather have him gone than here and miserable. There was a chance it was already too late and he’d lingered too long to prove anything, but if Meadow cared as much about him as he seemed to care about her, Fennec felt pretty okay doing her this favor.

Reyson wouldn't have argued the point had she stated men were idiots. He admitted that freely. He himself was the king apparently.

Reyson tilted his tattered ears forward, listening. He felt fucked up that was for certain. The brain was absolutely broken. But He couldn't deny it was better when Meadow was near.

Reyson frowned. But she said she wanted space. That she needed to walk and space. Then I had the episode and I forgot to stay where I told her i'd be.

Reyson frowned and lifted his head. A gesture hmm. Very well. Then consider this my official leave of duty, Lady Fennec. Should you need me, you have my loyalty. And I will train someone if you so wish. And Thank you.

Should it not work out, well that was a different animal. And he'd weather that storm when/if he needed too. For now, he wanted his woman and his peace.

He studied her and smiled. You are a very good leader Lady Fennec and I am proud to have called you one of my leaders for a small period of time.

She didn’t mean it literally. Believe me. If she told you she wants proof you aren’t leaving, then she wants you there. Otherwise it just looks like you’ve got one paw on the borders. Fennec smirked, then took a small step back. Plenty of space in Epoch. This way he could at least find out.

To his credit, Reyson didn’t waste any time. Fennec lifted her head, biting back the urge to laugh at his formal goodbye. She might actually miss him, which was a nice surprise for someone who was hopeless at making friends.

Dismissed, then, soldier. Good luck. Then she did let herself grin, a little wickedly. If she does dump your ass, or you get bored of paradise, we’ll be here. Reyson was an idiot, perhaps, but he was also loyal. Mereo was losing an asset, but he needed to go get an answer he could live with. They needed wolves whose hearts were here.

Reyson felt his throat tighten as she backed up. He would miss her probably most of everyone here, even the Imperator. Where he had respect for the male leader of Mereo. He didn't have his friendship. That was something the leader kept to his chest. However, with Lady fennec he considered her his friend, even if she didn't feel the same.

He chuckled. I'll remember that.

Then with a small bow to his head, he left the borders of Mereo behind and headed towards Epoch. He didn't know what awaited him there, but he was excited to see what it maybe.