Redsand Canyon I never trusted my own eyes

hoping for an irritated @Germanicus :D

Kallik moved along the southern borders of the canyon. Eventually he would wander some distance outside of their claim, as he usually did, to ensure no one was traveling to too close as they made their way through the mountains. Luckily, the winter made it so there were less and less routes as snow made travel danger if not impossible. 

For now, he stayed on the canyon side of the border, inspecting scents and keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.

germanicus followed 

they had parted ways with the young woman. now the soldiers of mereo were alone.

the man's face was impassive as he sought kallik. "auxillary," the imperator called. 'where did you go beyond our borders?"

He wanted to be alone, but the universe had other plans apparently. Alone time had become harder and harder to come by now that their numbers had grown. 

Kallik stopped for a moment to look at the imperator. I needed to leave for a while and be alone, he told Germanicus. Not a lie, though neither was it the whole truth. I do not understand why non-soldiers fill our ranks, he added as he started to move again. Some of his own frustration leaked into his words. He had been harboring and internalizing it for some time, and now it was bubbling out; the same old cycle that came with all of his difficult emotions.

the young soldier had concerns with their civilian populace. germanicus understood this. "when i told lady ruenna of my intentions to build mereo, she informed me that a land closed to those who are not fighters is a land that means only to war-monger."

he studied the auxillary. "each civilian brings a skill we do not have. and women in our plebian ranks are far more suitable as wives than fraternization beyond these borders."

kallik had this second and last chance to be honest with his imperator.

Kallik said nothing at first as he tried to process the imperator's explanation. A healer he could understand but anything other than that was a distraction. But clearly the decision had already been made, so there wasn't much point in arguing. At least he knew the reason now.

When Germanicus mentioned wives and fraternizing, Kallik knew he had not been able to hide the truth. How the imperator knew, he had no idea. I didn't leave with the intention of finding a woman, he admitted. I wanted to be alone, but I could not ignore her scent. Still, he had no idea what kind of spell he had been under.

to his credit, kallik was honest. but glaukos had also been honest. germanicus gazed at the white wolf for a long moment.

a breath swelled his chest. kallik would determine for himself if it was nothing to notice or the only sign of the eagle's deep frustration. "that scent will continue from many women for several months. you must learn self control now."

he paused. "did you complete inside her?" he saw no reason to soften his words and waited in solemn expectation for an answer.

So he would continue to be tempted, especially with women among their ranks now. As for self control, he had never had much when it came to the opposite sex. He could tell Germanicus was not happy with his answer, subtle as he was.

The question made Kallik blink a few times. Was there a way to not complete inside a woman? Yes, he answered. It is difficult to control myself with women, The auxiliary offered, continuing to be honest with the imperator. His disappointment was clear. Maybe a taking a wife would force me to control myself. It was offered as a joke, but to be honest, part of him did think that could be the answer. Clearly, he had no idea what being a husband actually meant.

germanicus did not respond. it was partly his own irritation and partly his own contemplation. akashingo was a place of arranged things. he was not certain he wished mereo to be this. and he was not certain he wanted his soldiers to marry.

despite the fact that he had done the same.

he led kallik to the same place where glaukos had toiled, and stood aside. "you will push this boulder from one side to the other. it will be several hours before you are finished. you will break for breath. you will break for water. you will not sleep until it is done."

the eagle stood by and awaited kallik to heed.

Germanicus was not a particularly loquacious man, but this silence held tension. The auxiliary knew the imperator was upset with him.

Kallik followed because he knew it was expected. He had many questions still but felt as though he shouldn't ask them. 

When they stopped near a large boulder, the imperator ordered him to move the large rock from one side to the other. It would not be easy to do. It would take hours, and he was not allowed to leave until it was done. Kallik was confused at first but eventually, it clicked. You're punishing me? he asked. He was not petulant; he would accept punishment if he made a mistake, but what mistake had he made?

not an ear moved. it was a study in mastery for the imperator, who realized very quickly that perhaps such things had not been greatly communicated. 

"yes." a pause. "there is a chance you will have fathered children with her. you are a man with no rank inside a territory not yet fully reformed. if i allowed every soldier away to impregnate a woman, our barracks would be strained with the children and would leave no room for those who are conceived properly. inside a marriage."

he did not know why this was not common sense. perhaps it was the gap of age between them. he had experienced the season several times now. it was kallik's first. it had been the same for glaukos, but that one was surly. riotous with his impulse. 

"you were not the only one to deviate this year. and you will not be the last. every midwinter to spring's end this will happen. learn discipline now."

He considered telling the imperator that he didn't even know the name of this woman, so the chances of her showing up here were slim. But then he realized that this meant he might possibly have children out there eventually who would never know him. Anger flared in his chest—anger at himself for being so stupid, and anger at his father for disappearing before ever teaching him any of this. The feeling swelled so much within him that he wanted to release it on the imperator. His illogical state of mind had him wondering why Germanicus had never told him any of this either. And now, he was only punishing him instead of helping him to understand. 

Kallik's jaw tightened and he looked over at the boulder. Resentment had him disregarding the suggestion that he should stop for breaks. His anger was so overwhelming by now that he needed something to take it out on; the boulder would do.

He said nothing else, afraid of what would come out of his mouth if he tried. The auxillary turned and walked over to the large rock and immediately got to work. He alternated between standing up on hind legs and pushing with his front legs, and bracing his shoulder against the rock and pushing with his body. His energy gradually drained, but he refused to stop. He didn't feel that he deserved to drink or take a break. 

It had taken hours to move the boulder to the other side and when he had pushed for the last time, he fell back on his haunches. Every muscle in his body ached, his head pounded, and his legs shook with fatigue. He wanted to slink away and throw himself into the snow, but he was unsure if he could walk. He refused to look at the imperator. His anger still hummed under the surface but at least now he was too tired to really feel it. Still, he was unsure he could speak respectfully, so he said nothing at all.

"speak your mind, kallik."

he had realized his mistake. but he felt secure in making it. both had been taught a lesson today. he and the soldier. 

but he did not want resentment in his ranks. and he had expected each boy to comport themselves with common sense.

"did you mean what you said about taking a wife?" his mind went to aquene at once. germanicus did not yet know that kallik had been cold to her. and he was not in the business of matchmaking. 

but he had said as much to ruenna. the plebian women had their own roles and their own skills. why could marriage not be one of them? it did not mean kallik's training ended.

The imperator asked him to speak his mind and at first, he said nothing. He wasn't sure what good it would do; it was clear there was no room for his questions or opinions. Maybe that was what it meant to be a soldier. There was much he did not know, much he had made is own assumptions about, and it was taking some adjustment to see things in a different way. 

Germanicus brought up the subject of taking a wife, and the idea still sounded promising. He was fiercely loyal, and that would extend to a wife if he were to take one. 

Finally his gaze moved from the boulder to the imperator. Yes, I did. I would not stray from her, he answered. The anger was kept from his tone for now but it threatened to come to the surface. There is a lot I should have learned from a father that I never had the chance to learn, he said after a short pause. I made a mistake, and you did not want to teach me any different; you only wanted to punish. The auxillary deflated a bit. I feel so angry but I am not entirely sure why.

"because i made a mistake and did not inform you of my expectations before punishing your inability to fulfill them."

kallik had more to him than the white wolf previously revealed. "it could be considered a betrayal. or it could be taken as the high expectation i have of your understanding, to the point where i feel you should know these things." his voice was not forceful, though nor was it gentle.

he looked quietly at kallik.

The last thing he expected was for the imperator to admit his own mistake in this, but clearly Kallik had been wrong about him. It was bound to happen more as he grew closer to the members of Mereo; he was quick to make judgments, and it often blinded him to someone's true self. 

When Germanicus continued to explain his thinking, Kallik understood the truth there; he should have known these things. When presented to him now, it seemed like common sense, which could have been part of the reason he had been mad—he was disappointed in himself. 

His shoulders fell some as his anger quickly dissipated, at least the anger he held for his leader. I should have known this, he admitted. I am sorry, imperator; I will work hard to learn more self control. He did not like the way it felt when Germanicus was disappointed in him.

germanicus nodded. "i know that you will." he inclined his head toward the main denning area. "go rest and eat. drink first. if your pain does not abate then seek aquene."

because it would only affect the muscles that had grown tight and hurt over the last hours, he did not reach to kallik. instead he gave him the steady nod between men and turned away, leaving the arena in return to ruenna.

Now Kallik would heed the imperator's suggestion that he drink and rest. He was dismissed to do so with a nod before Germanicus turned to leave himself.

Eventually, the auxillary would pull himself up and slowly make his way to the closest source of water. Rest, though, would prove difficult over the next few days.