Jade Fern Grove circle of life

Rivenwood was living up to its name these days. Druid knew @Heda needed her help, though all she could do was huddle with her children for a few days. She existed in a bubble there with them, recharging. After all, she couldn’t pour from an empty cup.

But this morning, she burst it. She didn’t go looking for her sister right away, instead deciding on a few ways to support her more indirectly. Druid started with a patrol, then decided to do a supply run. She would gather some materials for their medical stores, then head out to hunt some small game.

After dropping her latest bundle in an old stump at the southern edge of The Pharmacy, Druid made her way toward the nearby creek. She stepped right into the water, then reached up a forepaw to rub at her temple. The air was close, the August sun beating down on the top of her head and back, and she could feel a headache getting started.

It abated and, feeling a touch cooler, Druid waded back onto the bank. She shook out her feet, then decided to head west toward the gateway, then beyond it. She was loath to leave the bypass, though the recent memory of Heda dancing in the nearby fern grove drew her there to begin her hunt.

It wasn't often that Etienne left his sister. He saw no reason. He had burned all his bridges or they had been burned for him. He still hated Heda which wasn't fair. Anselm had all but told him to leave him alone. So that had been a goodbye. And he had left his family again. For suzu but still.

He tilted a lightened ear forward as he moved through a grove. The heady scent of plants and trees tickling his nostrils. There was a softer sheen to his fur, but a wilder look to his body. Rangey and always in motion he was hardly still.

Feathers wound in fur he walked among the trees oblivious he wasn't alone.

She stopped to sniff at a frond dangling over a well-worn game trail, searching for the freshest scent. Druid’s nose then dropped to the earth, her muzzle hanging low as she quested forward with soft steps. There were many small animals in this grove, it was just a matter of narrowing down the best prospect.

Druid lifted her head and let out a wordless exclamation when she saw a familiar figure drifting through the trees. “Etienne left to help his sister,” she recalled Heda saying. She couldn’t guess what he was doing here, though perhaps he was hunting too. In any case, she would not miss the chance to catch up with him.

Etienne! she called out to him, frightening a songbird out of a nearby tree.

She ignored it as she pushed through the undergrowth, eager to get to him. Partway there, something must’ve snagged on the fresh, sensitive scar tissue on her haunch. It smarted so badly she stopped in her tracks, though swiftly she pushed through the pain to reach her friend.

There were plants among these trees not even Etienne knew. Some left a pleasant odor when crushed. Others were foul. He would take a few and no matter how much it smarted seek out Arlette. He was never too old or too knowledgeable not to learn more.

A voice rang out, loud and clear and familiar. Head swiveled and golden eyes went wide into his head. It was Druid and she looked okay. He changed his movements and stepped towards her. Working a careful path through undergrowth.

She made it to him as he made it to her and the tang of blood in the air. Druid! You be bleedin'

He fussed at her. Worry crinkling the gilded brows over his golden eyes.

Only when he mentioned it did Druid glance at her hindquarters, where a small tear in the gnarled flesh trickled blood. It wasn’t very much and Druid figured it only hurt as badly as it did because of the scars. Her eyes cut back to Etienne’s face.

Not nearly as much as the last time we saw one another, she said dryly, perhaps crassly. I’m okay, Etienne, all things considered, Druid added gently. But how are you? Heda said you officially left to look after your sister?

The blood wasn't terrible. And once Etienne was satisfied it wasn't bad. He turned back to her face. A small smile gentling the plains of his face.


A dry laugh. No thank de gods.

He sniffed at her for a moment she seemed fine. Perhaps she was one ot didn't affect. Or perhaps it would later. He didn't ask.

Etienne's ears went to his skull. I be okay. Suzu be 'avin' pups and 'er wanted my 'elp. 'Er not want dem near de ocean. Afraid dey get 'ilurt or drown.

A twitch of his shoulder. I came back for a visit. But Anselm wasn't 'appy to see me and told me to go in not so many words. So I did.

A sad look but a smile all the same

His sister needed help rearing her pups, away from the sea. Druid’s face didn’t betray her mild surprise. The wolves of Sapphique had always seemed to embrace the sea, almost like an additional pack mate. She wondered, had something happened to make Suzu feel differently about it?

She considered asking, though the thought fled her mind when Etienne raised the topic of Anselm. Druid’s lips pulled into a sudden frown. It wasn’t because of his talk of yet another fight, though she did feel bad about that, knowing what she did. It was because the mention of Anselm’s name reminded her of a reality she’d ignored since she and Heda had come across a wounded Amadeo.

I think Anselm is gone, she said quietly, not sure how Etienne would take this news. I wish I knew more but I don’t, she was forced to tell him. I only just came back last week. I’ve been spending all my time catching up with my kids.

And still quietly worrying whether she would go mad one day. Druid wouldn’t breathe a word about this possibility to Heda or the pups, though it occurred to her that she could probably use Etienne as a sounding board. First, though, she would give him a moment to process what she’d just shared with him.

Etienne saw the surprise and he felt it was warranted. After all his family had always loved the sea, but too many had been lost.

Etienne's stomach clenched. And he felt liquid burn in the back of his throat. A soft choking gasp left his maw, but he blinked hard. And breathed through his nose. Paws shaking.

I'm sorry, Druid. I should not 'ave come to de borders.

This was his fault it had to be. Anselm wouldn't have left Heda or his children. He wouldn't have. But it seems he had. Etienne gave another soft little whimper.

I will keep an eye out for 'im.

He forced the feelings down. A soft little sound. He would cry later.

He gave a pained smile. Happy for her none the less.

Dat be good. Dose babies be needin'de mama.

She could see that he was shaken by the news. Druid’s stomach clenched. Maybe she should’ve kept that to herself, especially without understanding more of the context behind their latest argument. Her eyes dropped as her ears twisted backward, telegraphing her remorse.

I don’t know what happened between you, Druid said, or if it has anything to do with it. All I know is that Amadeo was somehow involved. I wish I could tell you more, she said, frustration coming through in her tone.

She said nothing further, letting a pensive silence stretch as they each brooded for a moment. Druid didn’t regret taking the downtime to reunite with her children, though of course the entire situation was a mess on all counts.

That night, she broke the silence abruptly, you said the madness could be in my system for days… weeks… even years. You also said that there would be signs. I haven’t had any symptoms and the bite has healed.

She paused, struggling with how to phrase the question she wanted to ask. Druid actually knew exactly what she wanted to know but she also didn’t want to know it. She swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple visibly bobbing.

The danger will always be there for as long as I live, won’t it?

Etienne lifted his head. Giving a proud tilt to his chin. I told 'im de truth and 'e told me to go away 'e was not gay and 'e wanted no part of de love I give. So I left. Douw 'e did not use as kind words.

Etienne shivered.It is okay. 'E 'as asked me to stay away so I will. But if I see 'im I will send 'im back 'e 'as responsibilities. Amadeo.

Etienne frowned. I do not know 'im well.

He nodded sadly. Yes. But you will notice signs quick enuff Druid. And if it 'elps you. You can always come and see me if you feel off or send someone to find me. I will always let you know w'ere I be.

“Yes.”

That was the only word she registered at first, though Druid caught herself and played back the rest. Etienne insisted she would notice signs, supposing of course she wasn’t in denial. He said she could come find him, though she immediately refuted the very idea. That would serve no purpose, since there was nothing he or anybody could do for her at that point, and she would never put him at risk like that.

Etienne, I hate to ask… Druid said haltingly after taking a couple minutes to properly process. But can you do something for me?

Etienne had no doubt she would notice someday if it caught up with her. And it would be hard. But he held onto hope that she would be okay.

He blinked. Wut you be needin?

A tilt of pretty masked face. Golden eyes taking her in. He hoped what she was gonna ask was an easy task, but based on track record for both Heda amd Druid. He knew it wouldn't be. But he would do his best to do as asked.

Mature Content Warning

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The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: suicidal ideation.

He answered her readily, yet Druid found she couldn’t speak right away. She licked her lips and took a few deep breaths as she pondered just how to phrase perhaps the most painful question of her life. She could not tell which quivered more in that moment, her belly or her limbs.

If I start noticing signs, I don’t want to put anybody else at risk. I won’t go looking for you, or Heda, or my kids. But I don’t want to run away again, because what if I lose my mind and come back despite myself? What if I hurt someone, or pass along the madness? No, I can’t risk my loved ones. I don’t want to risk strangers either, for that matter.

She shook her head, falling silent short of the point. Druid remembered feeling suicidal after giving birth. She’d pictured myriad ways of ending her own life, including leaping from Ashtone Cliffs. But what if that didn’t work? Druid needed a foolproof plan.

I trust in your medical knowledge. You must know of some poison I can take to put myself to sleep, she continued after a moment, drawing in a particularly deep breath. Can you help me find a dose to keep somewhere safe, just in case?

There was a silence that stretched the confines of the place they were at. A silence that left Etienne with raised ruff and still tail. He knew what was about to be asked would be awful and he was powerless to change it.

He could respect that she wanted to keep others safe. He would be the same. But how was the question.

Etienne sucked in a breath and froze. He thought then of the poison his granme had imbued herself with. Of belladonna and of water hemlock, of Oleander. All of which caused such pain. But poison was not an easy way out. It was hard and brutal. Wild.

I can do dis. But I suggest you be takin' poppy seeds too so you be sleepin' because poison is not an easy deat' and you must 'ide it very good Druid.

He held up a paw. Know dat I do not agree wit' dis. But I would rat'er you 'ad dey knowledge Dan try it on your own.

Care to fade and/or archive here?

She felt shivery with relief when he said he could help her, though Druid’s insides knotted with the ramifications of this conversation. She felt her gorge rising and took some steadying breaths, focusing with all her might on the sound of Etienne’s voice.

It’s the only way, she murmured when he expressed his disapproval. If I go mad, I’m already dead. I don’t want to take anybody with me.

Her reasons were mostly selfless, though Druid imagined that falling prey to rabies wasn’t a pleasant business for the sufferer either. If she was going to die anyway, she may as well do it on her terms.

Show me where to find the poison and the poppies, she requested, and I swear I’ll be careful with both. I’ll probably stash them somewhere just outside Rivenwood. Here, maybe.

She would always associate the grove with that image of Heda dancing in the summer light. It was a beautiful image to counteract a tragic moment, should it come down to it. And after dosing herself, Druid could walk back into Rivenwood and do what she’d always wanted: die in the place she’d been born.