Swiftcurrent Creek And i just want to be alone

for @Arlette but open in case Mar can't get to it <3

Arric woke and forced himself to raise his head. Tiredness clung to him like a second skin. However, he had no time for idle paws. So he pressed forward.

First he would meditate and then a border patrol and maybe some hubting. It depended really. He'd avoid Wren until he was certain he wouldn't be an absolute dick.

Blue eyes turned towards the horizon he was off

Arlette was actively trying to help the pack as much as she could. She often stayed out the drama or didn't often know what had happened. She focussed on her daughter, her grandchild, and also on Cygnet. She tried to practice the fishing more, so she could catch fish more independently. But not always when she went into the river were the fish there. Perhaps there was a timing issue there she still needing to learn.

She decided to check now if there were any fish. She had been looking into the water when a dark shape caught her attention. She looked up and saw Arric. He seemed to be rushing. Was something wrong? There seemed... something about it. "Arric?," she called out and pulled herself from the water.

It didn't go unnoticed to the Neta that Arlettes scent was growing more prominent in the pack lands. Especially nesr the water edges. This caused him both amusement and pride. He had helped her learn and that was worth it all.

He heard his name and black ears pinned and then swiveled. Blue eyes fell upon Arlette, who he'd been walking right past without a care. So lost in his own thoughts. He tried to stay removed from drama, but it was really starting to affect the pack and now him.

A small smile. Heya Arlette.

Arlette wasn't met with a charming grin or a wink which was unusual to her. Arlette's ears flopped back uncertainly. She stepped forward and gave herself a light shake, but made sure not to cover Arric with splatters. Her red eyes took him in. "Do you want to talk about it?," she asked. She knew if she would ask if he was alright he would probably say that he was fine. And now, if he didn't want to talk about it he could just tell her then she would back off.

She wasn't sure what it was that bothered him, but he seemed on edge. Maybe she could help, and if not she would accept her loss.

Arric saw his mistep. And felt bad. He usually met Arlette with some sort of genuine joy. But he had been so distracted.

So he did offer her a small wink. Fishing i see.

Arric froze at her next question and was unsure what to say. He did, but he also didn't. And honestly he wasn't sure if he would make sense and some things he couldn't say. B3cause they weren't his truths.

Sure but you'll have to walk with me. I hate sitting idle. And i can't promise I will make much sense.

He blinked and shifted so she could walk beside him. Am i selfish, Arlette?

an echo of the question he asked Eshe.

Arlette ignored his comment about fishing, because that seemed the least important right now. "Alright." The girl nodded when he asked her to walk since that calmed his mind. She gave herself a good shake before following him, catching up to his side.

The female had expected him to talk about his problems but instead he asked her a question in return. She would need to think on that for a moment. "I don't know if I know you that well to answer that," she admitted. "But from what I've seen so far I wouldn't think of you as selfish. You work hard and put others before you." She then looked ahead, and perhaps got a little philosophical. "Though I think that everyone as some selfish side. Why are you asking for my opinion?," she asked curiously.

He dipped his muzzle to the side and smiled at her and then turned back to the trail. 

Arric tilted hia head listening. A frown on his face. Was he selfish so that no one knew him? Was that a type of selfishness to guard yourself. He supposed it could be considered such.

A small smile as he looked ahead again. Because i respect it. that was his answer he respected her opinion, her.

I don't like drama Arlette. It makes my skin itch. And in case you haven't noticed theres a lot whenever the others can make themselves stay in the borders that is. And i get tired of it. In a moment of irritation i spoke harshly with someone. Who referred to me as selfish for not understanding i guess. I haven't sought them out, because I'm too pissed off to do so with a level head.

Arlette was a little surprised by his answer. A soft smile cracked through when realization hit though. She dipped her head in thanks. Arric then started to explain what was bothering him. Arlette did take note that this was a one sided story while he was telling her.

She dipped her head to show him she was listening. She hadn't noticed much of the drama if she was truly honest. She tended to the pups and her daughter. Well, whenever her daughter might need her. "Well, first of all. I think it is good that you recognize that you aren't going to respond level headed at this moment. I would advice you to keep your distance until you can," she reasoned.

"Second, you can ask why you dislike drama, and what happened before all of this that made you snap at the last one," she offered. "I am not really fond of drama either, and if something happens you dislike for a number of times it is only natural to get frustrated or angry. Perhaps it was misplaced with this last wolf since it was build up frustration getting out but you could always apologize if you feel you should apologize for it."

Arlette looked to the side at him. "If you feel like this wolf doesn't deserve an apology then I wouldn't take their opinion to heart." She didn't know about who this was, or what happened. "You want to talk about why you are so pissed off?," she asked then. She had noticed his tiredness, and perhaps that could also be a factor of his emotions snapping.

Arric knew she would only get his side. And he could share the wolf in question, but that felt backhanded and gossipy.

I have learned how to handle my emotions and control thrm. It is something i take great pride in. I meditate daily.

It was something he was extremely proud of. There was just something about controlling yourself and that small silence that was just yours during meditation.

I snapped because I'm tired of it. Someone is always chasing after someone and when things don't work out theyre upset. I feel alone in the responsibility of the pack sometimes and then when i finally have had enough. I am accused of selfishness. And perhaps it was a moment of such, but I juat can't shake it.

Because i have been here. I do the norders and the hunting and the daily everything most of the time. Not always. But often the others Akavir, Wren, even Moss just left and i was here and while they leave they bring all the drama back to our borders and neither one can get their heads out of their asses. And that is unfair of me, but i am salty about it. But i won't say anything because there is no point and clearly theres more going on that i don'tkno2 since i don'tget involved

He was pretty sure he made no sense, but he didn't even knowreally why he was angry and why her calling him selfish so much hurt.

sorry for the delay, hectic few days.

Arlette quirked up her lips. "Sometimes emotions are suppose to be expressed, Arric," she reasoned. "Though I do understand it wasn't a favorable way, it is okay to make a mistake. We are a pack, tempers or emotions can rise." she commented. She kept her red eyes on him to study him. It nice to see this side of him. She liked this type of conversations.

Arlette nodded as he let out his frustration. It was clearly something that had been brewing inside of him. "You are allowed to feel a certain way about things, Arric. It is how you feel, how they made you feel. You are allowed to feel that way," she commented. "Even though it might be out of proportion at the time or out of irritation... You are allowed to feel it. Perhaps the way you expressed yourself at the time was bad, you can always apologize to that wolf," Arlette reasoned. She thought about it for a moment.

"I don't have all the advice but to me it does make sense to at least talk to Akavir about this? Don't blame, but just speak about how you feel. Because if you speak from how something makes you feel is different than when you blame someone of drama. That might be your opinion, but if you feel alone or feel like your workload is too much then it might not feel as an attack. You might come to a solution. Maybe we need a pack meeting to get everyone aligned on tasks?"

no problem <3 

Arric frowned. I'd argue it depended on the emotion. I grew up in a family where anger could be disastous. he thought of his father almost killing his aunt. Of his grandfather who killed many for a leader that used his anger to their advantage. Until he stopped forced himself to work on it as Jace did as now Arric did.

I'll apologize eventually. When i can do so and mean it. An apology is shit if it not meant.

He wasn't sure when he could. But he knew he needed to try.

Her next words and he balked at it. Naw. He has enough going on,  trust me.

A frown on his face.  But he amiled and shook his head. the workload isn't too much. I can handle it.

Arlette offered a sympathetic smile when he explained about his relationship with anger. She had her own fair share of teachings from her growing up as well. Somehow they stuck the most. What she got from it was that Arric would probably bottle up a lot of feelings, but that was just an assumption she made.

"I have to agree with that," Arlette hummed. "You don't have to apologize," she shrugged, especially if he was never going to mean it. That was something he was going to have to figure out though. She could not do that for him, even though she sometimes wished she could fight the battle for others. Arlette also was curious about who he had this issue with, but she didn't want to pry.

Arlette raised a brow at him. "Alright, if you say so," she commented. "Just because you can 'handle it' doesn't mean that you have to like the amount of it. I know you don't like to sit still, but ..." Arlette frowned because she was not the wolf that would confront someone, or would actively try and do so. "... But, it feels almost like you a drowning yourself in work to escape from... something. Maybe it is the drama you dislike... I shouldn't make assumptions, apologies. All I want to say is to maybe watch out for yourself and don't overwork yourself because others are slacking." Arlette admitted quietly.

She wasn't wrong. He bottled feelings up, but then he tried to let them go. It was the point of his meditation. He thought it through before he answered.

 Chewed on the idea or words until he was certain what he wantedcto say. It was why he was reluctant to speak to wren. He knew he hadn't managed to let the anger go and the hurt and he'd say something he'd regret.

He shook his head. I will apologize everyone deserves an apology if you did them wrong if it is feasible to apologize. Some wolves you know hold on and you cant apologize for fear your nose getting bitten off or some shit. But i will when i am able to with pure intent.

He chuckled. You got a big heart you know that, Arlette.

He shifted. I do it because if I don't it may not get done. And i won't let you or the babies or anyone else starve for lack of attention and care. Nor will i let dangers into our home if I can manage it. I dislike drama. Yes i am overworked and vastly underpaid, just sayin.

The last part said in jest. Maybe I am, but i couldn't tell ya what i am hiding or avoiding other than wren.

He felt safe telling her the name of who he had issue with. That Arlette wouldn't leak what he said in confidence. She didn't seem the type.

A soft press to her shoulder as he shifted to continue the border patrol. You coming, you have too want me to keep pouring cheese all over our conversation.

Arlette dipped her head when he decided that he would apologize when he would mean it. It was a solid plan and she liked that he at least could have vented a little to get out some frustration. Arlette had to smile a little when he said that she had a big heart. "I have a soft spot for troubled souls," she teased. She didn't actually think that Arric was a troubled soul. Her tone had been teasing. "Thank you."

"I still don't like that you feel that way. Akavir should do something about that," she pointed out with a shrug. Perhaps a pack meeting to get everyone aligned, or at least divide tasks? She knew he had been joking about that last part. But still it was something there was some truth in it. "Well, if you need somewhere to hide you know where my den is," she commented. Though, Cygnet was there at times, and the pup seemed very opinionated about him.

"Yes," she hummed as she followed him. "You calling our conversation cheesy?," she asked curiously.

Arric didn't let apologies go unsaid if he could. Sometimes you just couldn't, for instance he could never apologize to the sea queen or her sister. They might rip his throat out which wasn't okay. But Wren he could eventually.

He chuckled. Well that's to my benefit then innit.

He offered her a saucy wink. You're welcome.

Arric smiled, but it was wane. He could bring it to the attention to the big guy, but. He didn't know if it would matter and Akavir and Wren and even Eshe were so,fragile, wasn't the word, but you had to be careful with em. At least right now. Eshe was so senstive and that was a strength as much as it made it hard for fir her. Wren was so traumatized from whatever she had lived before her world was devolving and unrequited love sucked so did being from your love. And Akavir was just he took it all in and didn't let it go.

I do know. But I'm not sure if i could fit. You and Cygnet are pretty cozy in there. he teased.

Though a sense of seriousness. Besides i don't want to make her one safe space hard to bear.

He laughed then deep and full bodied. No, I'm calling my end cheesy. Yours was heartfelt and honest.

Arlette thought of that, and her space was small. But they didn't always sleep inside. She realized that she didn't know if Arric had his own sleeping spot or if he would just sleep anywhere. "Where do you sleep?," she asked curiously then. "I really don't understand that child. She is different," Arlette admitted to him. "I also don't know why she dislikes you."

"Yours wasn't cheesy either!," she assured him. She never thought of it as cheesy. She liked that she got to know him more. There was more to him at first glance. "How did you join swiftcurrent?," she wondered then.

Arric tilted his head. Thinking of his small home among the willows near the river. It wasn't ideal for anyone really, but him. He had never grown accustomed to sleeping inside a den. Too long on the road he supposed. He had found caves and small dens, when it was raining, but for the most part he stuck to the outsides. Where he could breathe and see the stars and the moon. Where the sun woke him when it rose.

I sleep near the river, beneath the willows. I have lined it with reed fuzz and some furs. I've been searching for some sawdust to lay in there. But that's enough for me. Never really had a den or dug one out.

Arric chuckled. Perhaps because she didn't get what she wanted. She started getting huffy with  me at first when i quit fetching her antler for her. Then she barked and then of course it devolved from there. He gave a small little shrug and shift. Her mama was a strange one too. Good woman, but strange.

He laughed out loud at that question. I just sort of fell into it. Came across Akavir, hurting. He had gotten in a fight. We got to talking. He offered me a place to stay, it was only supposed to be for a bit of time. But we hit it off, then we had another little squirmish for the land and I figure already bled for it many times over, might as well make it a home until I can't.

He looked her over with blue eyes making sure, she was alright as they moved about. She was smaller than him. He didn't want to take too large of steps for her.

Arlette never realized that Arric slept there. Might be because she never really actively went looking for him there. "Reed fuzz. I'm telling you, it is a such a versatile plant," she smiled at him. "I get it. I like to sleep under the open skies as well. But with young ones a den is much more convenient if you want to get some rest yourself," she chuckled.

She had to admit that she missed it. With Cygnet it was different, the same with Solaria. Perhaps it was not the children she missed, but her time with Derg and that brief time they were looking forward to have their family. And that time they actually were working together. She put that thought out of her mind. Sometimes she thought about him. She had mourned his loss. She considered him deceased. She had been longer without him now then with him. She had a good time with him and she would remember that.

Arlette pulled herself from her thoughts. "Yes, she was. I never really got a hang of Moss," she admitted. "I tried to help, but it was.. difficult." She hoped Cygnet wouldn't be the same but... She smiled when she heard Arric's laugh. It was a good laugh. She couldn't help but smile a little wider. "Sounds like a very male way of becoming friends," she admitted. She hoped Arric would think of those good times he had with Akavir now things were a little iffy.

Arlette followed the man. Her footsteps light and quick. She managed to keep up with him. Sometimes lagging a little when they had to get up or around an obstacle, but she managed. "Do you miss it? The roaming?," she asked then.

Arric shifted and smiled. I wouldn't really know. Akavir's kids are really the ones i've ever gotten to know and well. Ears to his skull and he sighed. Now they are lost to us. Gosh I hope they're okay.

A sad smile and he looked outwards. He really did. Him and Niko and Jakub weren't great friends or as close as he and Mae, but he had loved them in his own way. Just as he loved his little niece who drove him mad and made him worry about her safety, both mental and physical. 

Arric chuckled. Well I can't say that I wasn't much different. But she saved Akavir's life once. Nursed him back to health and then when he came back well suffice to say life wasn't easy after that. So he owed her a debt and she reminded him I think of simplier moments. And she was loyal. I can't boast an understanding and I wouldn't dare call her and I friends. Aquaintances, pack mates, would I bleed for her just as another. Certainly, but we were not best buds.

He looked down at her with a small crooked smile. Not really. Mostly I just miss my dad. Who I roamed with. Once he died though, i was just lonely and heartbroken.

Ear thrust forward, a small thoughtful look on his face. But I wouldn't trade it either. I learned just as much on my own as I had with. And I learned that I enjoyed silence and darkness. That rivers make me feel safe, but open places make me feel funny. That forests are better equipped to hide me than an open range. I learned more about the world we live in and what inhabits it than I had years growing up. So I suppose. I don't miss the roaming, but I miss the learning.

Arlette nodded. She had been a mother, but she had done most of it alone. She was lucky that all three survived. At least, she didn't know about Thyme. She knew that Turmeric and Mulberry where at least alive. Though, she hadn't felt like the best mother. They had been raised in tumultuous times. She could understand Arric. "I hope so too," she spoke. She hadn't bonded as much to Akavir's pups, but that because she was new and didn't feel that her rank was high enough to help with the pups. "Would you want your own?," she asked. She found it admirable how Arric cared for other's pups. It was not often that males did that.

"I didn't know that," she admitted. She had heard Moss' story about the witch but not how she met Akavir or helped him. Arlette nodded in understanding. She felt the same. Her death was a surprise, as was her pregnancy. But Arlette's had always been eager to help out a packmate. Hence why she took the care of Cygnet under her wing.

The woman paused her steps briefly. She then continued with a nod. "My condolences," she spoke, it might be a long time ago, but still. "I agree. I think I've learned more on my own than under my mother's wing. It was stressful but leaving that comfort was tough," she admitted. "I never knew my dad, but I sort of had a surrogate in my mother's next mate. They both passed now," she explained. It made her feel old. Arlette smiled softly at Arric. "That is some good wisdom," she chuckled. 'Well, if you want to learn new things I could teach you about plants and healing," she offered.

The man spun of obsidian and reds, with eyes as blue as a sky. The only marring on his pelt, the white ring around his eye. The one thing his mother had gifted him. A piece of her white. He had done his best to take care of the children he loved as much as Akavir loved them. Kids that belonged to his best friend. But he hadn't loved them enough had he? IF he had they'd still be here. And they wouldn't have been so sad.

He was shaken from his thoughts of them. Arlette's question and he was unsure how to answer, at first. Because did he want some. He probably had some. The sea queen had definitely been in heat. But he had no right to them. She and her family had made that crystal clear. 

A firm nod. If that is something in the cards for me, yes I would. Fuzzy little fur balls under foot. He chuckled to himself. 

I've always liked little kids. The whole world ahead of them and such life and light in their little souls.

Arric nodded. I believe neither one talked about it much. Akavir only told me, because he admitted her into borders without so much as a song or a dance. So i think he told me so i wasn't so worried about it.

Thanks. You would have liked him i think, my dad. He was a little nicer than me. Backward and shy. Knew a little about healing himself, but not enough to keep scars from showing up. He had too with the way he threw himself into fights for the better of others.

Arric chuckled. You can teach me anytime. I always like to learn new things. And healing is always an important skill.

Arlette smiled at the idea of Arric being a father. She could see it. Perhaps because he already kept busy with the pack's youngest members. She hoped that it would be in the cards for him too. He deserved his own, instead of caring for others. Maybe one day. "I know, but that also makes it harder to watch when that light fades a little due to circumstances or events out of their control."

"You are nice too, what are you talking about," she returned about Arric's father. It was nice to get to know him better. She could visualize him traveling with his father. "That sounds familiar too," she admitted to him, about his father fighting for the better of others. "Sound like he taught you all the right things."

Arlette smiled softly. "I agree." She did like that the thing she explained about reeds was avidly used now, not only by Arric but also by Eshe. Arlette did wonder about the white markings around his eye, but she also realized that she had asked him a lot already. She didn't want this to be an interrogation. She kept up with his pace and helped him mark in places he pointed out where good ones.

Arric wasn't going to force an issue. If it was meant for him it would be. Granted given the current moment in time and his disastrous first spring in Teekon. He also realized that perhaps this wouldn't happen for him, and that was okay. He was fairly certain Eshe would have kids next season with Akavir. Arlette may decide to have some, her daughter or even some of the others. Akavir's brother may even show up with a mate and a brood of little ones. You never really knew and there were two seasons to get through first. 

Her next words and he frowned and agreed with a small dip of  his head. I don't like to see that. That is sort of what happened to Jakub, Niko, and Mae. There was just too much and now.

He shrugged large shoulders a lost expression on his face for a minute. Because he didn't know where the kids were. He had no idea and that drove him crazy with worry.

A soft laugh. I don't know about that. Didn't you know Akavir introduces us to all new members as a pack of dicks he and I? Cause we can be. I know I can be. I can be a real piece of work if I did my heals in enough.

Arric sighed softly, but it wasn't a harsh one. A small bit of a bittersweet one. He certainly tried. I imagine. I'm difficult to teach.

Arlette knew that all too well. She offered Arric a pitied smile. "But there is also no way to prevent it. It is just... tough," she sighed. If a parent would do anything to prevent such things, it seemed life had a way of making it happening anyways. Best way was to prepare them the best way possible how to handle these things it seemed.

"Oh, yes now I remember," she teased. Akavir had done no such thing but it was a light hearted moment to go along with that. "Good to know," she chuckled, but she didn't agree. Mostly because she hadn't seen Arric in such way at all.

Arlette looked at Arric during their walk and then scrunched up her nose a bit. "Do you realize that always when you talk about yourself it is in a negative way?," she stated, angling her head a bit. First it was about him being a piece of work, and now being difficult to teach. It was always... lighthearted negative but she disliked that he spoke of himself that way.

He snorted and shook his head. You ain't kidding lovebug. he frowned again as he thought of the pups that were gone. I wish i at least knew where they were ya know?

Arric tilted his head slightly and gave a bit of a abashed smile. I didn't really notice no.

I'm not a fan of talking about myself. Rather worry about everyone else.