Arrow Lake atemlos

figured we needed an updated one in light of recent goings-on <3 staying vague. he has been gone from DA since the 27th.

descending down into the core claim of diaspora once more, mahler found himself besieged with sadness and exhausted. he waded into the lake, washing all manner of tell-tale scent from his coat. it was not something he wished to explain, for already he must tell the story of why he had been absent from their leaderless clan two days.
still dampened, mahler picked his way to stigmata's grave. pawmarks in the soft soil reminded him that his kill-brother had been loved, oft visited. the gargoyle stared down upon the earth which was at last beginning to settle, and slowly lowered himself down until his belly embraced the ground and his eyes were fixed unseeingly upon the last resting place of the ironstar.
@Takiyok — the memory of her face as she too stared helplessly upon their bloodied and beloved stigmata was not something he could soon forget.

<3

His absence hadn't gone unnoticed, but she didn't begrudge him the time away. Had she not been consumed with worry over her grieving children and concerned with making sure she was always available to them should they need her, she might have sought comfort in the form of solitary wandering like she once used to. The only times she had left the territory since Stigmata's death were the far too brief stints she had spent searching for her missing son, and that had done nothing to soothe her aching soul.

She moved sporadically between fiery rage and utter hopelessness. How could this have happened? It didn't seem fair that her children should have to suffer like this. And Ego's disappearance threatened to break her; she couldn't bear the thought of him alone somewhere possibly injured. She refused to believe she would never see him again, mostly because she just didn't have the capacity for anymore grief. As she often did, she wandered solemnly on the familiar path to Stigmata's grave. Each time, she hoped to find some kind of peace there, but she always left feeling just as lost as before. 

She was surprised to find Mahler's form slumped at the gravesite. He stared at the place the former general had fallen, much like she had done many times before this. She didn't ask him where he had been or say anything at all as she settled down beside him. There was nothing she could say. If allowed, she offered a soft brush of her muzzle to his chin before resting her head on her paws. Like with her children, she offered her presence as comfort because she knew there were no words that could do any better.

<3

"i have been selfish," he murmured as the winterwhite approached, perhaps summoned by his own gloom. she lay alongside him, and mahler closed his eyes, so very thankful for her nearness. stigmata had not been dead so long, and yet the passing of his brother was felt in all of diaspora, in all its hidden places, along its footpaths, along the edges of the sunspire.
so many hearts ached with a singular pain for the silver man, two of which had all but come together once, and again now lay as one. he turned his head upon his paws, facing into the lantern-eyes of takiyok, and sighed. "diaspora needs a kapitän," he murmured into the small space between them.
it was clear what he wished, but the words clung to his tongue like thorns, and so he fell silent. grief was not something to which mahler was accustomed. it robbed him of much control, and only in the presence of those he trusted was he free to show it.

She shifted her head so that she could see his face. I don't think anyone blames you for wanting some time alone, she quietly assured him. It was strange how drastically loss could change your perspective. A different Taki may have been upset with him for disappearing, but it seemed like such a trivial thing to be mad about now. Plus, she meant what she said. She wouldn't condemn him for seeking solace away from Diaspora.

He spoke again, but he seemed unable to completely voice his request. He didn't need to say anymore; she knew why he brought it up. Still, it was hard to think about changing things and planning for the future with the loss of Stigmata still so fresh. He was right, though: they needed to maintain the structure of the pack, especially now that everything had been turned upside down. I know, she answered, understanding in her gaze. And so, they'll have one. How could she give him any other answer?

"ve all need time alone," mahler pressed gently, unwilling to accept her warm regard of him. he must suffer, yes; he must pay for not only abandoning diaspora in its time of need, but dallying with aurëwen in the wake of takiyok's admission of her own feelings for the general. that was a betrayal he would never admit, but one beneath which he suffered even now.
"thank you, takiyok," mahler whispered in a tone that broke at its edges. shifting closer upon the dirt that had too recently held the stain of stigmata's blood, he swallowed and nudged her ear gingerly. how selfish he was! how very selfish! to seek comfort in her when he had found his lust elsewhere.
and mahler's heart broke anew.

Maybe that was true, but she still didn't like the guilt that he seemed to stubbornly hold on to.  But she didn't think there was much she could say to change how he felt. Taki sighed. I don't know what I need, she admitted. Well, she needed Stigmata to be alive and her son to be home safe, but neither of those were attainable. As far as dealing with her own grief, she hadn't really figured that out yet. Everything felt too heavy and consuming and just—too much.

Of course, she murmered, heart clenching at the pain in his voice. She leaned into his affection, offering him the comfort he sought. Lifting her head slightly, she pressed it into the bend under his chin. She needed the comfort just as much as he did, and he was one of the few she would accept it from.

a sigh rushed through him at her touch. why he could not give himself to takiyok, he did not know; there was such a mortal trepidation within mahler that he was only just recognizing. a fear of betraying one's expectations, of finding himself restless again. he had, after all, done poorly by marigold; what was to say he would not do the same to takiyok in the end? 
stigmata had hurt her once. mahler refused to put her through such a second time.
"you have me. ve have diaspora," he said all the same, hoping to prove to her his loyalty in another way, even if it could not at the moment be truly what the winterwhite wanted.

She knew his words were meant to comfort and instill some kind of security within her, and they did on some level, but mostly, they just threatened to bring even more hurt to the surface. Hurt that was precariously stowed away where she thought she could ignore it, but it kept finding ways to intrude on her thoughts even now with Stigmata's death so fresh and so painful. In fact, it seemed to take some kind of sick pleasure in reminding her it was there at times when she was consumed with grief over the former General or her missing son. She knew she had Mahler in the way she always had him, but it was in all the ways she didn't have him that came to mind with his attempt to reassure her. Still, she murmured: I know, pressing her face into his fur, glad that it was hidden from is lilac gaze. The embrace soothed just as fiercely as it stabbed pain through her heart. And you have the same. 

She had vowed to herself that she wouldn't bring up her feelings again, and now was hardly the time anyway. Right now was about Stigmata. She wasn't sure how to help take lead of Diaspora in the wake of his death. He left such a huge hole, and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to help fill it. Even so, she had to try to assume the role of Kapitän to the best of her ability, at least to remove some of the burden from Mahler's shoulders and carry it herself. She could do that much.

but it was not enough. he was not enough. the thought caused his quiet relief to perish; he turned to stone even as takiyok reached to him. the motherdove's scarred visage came to mind, but mahler pushed the vision aside. she was writ into his pelt, his bones. he did not love her, did not love anyone, though his veins still glimmered with the memory of all they had done.
perhaps ... perhaps the winterwhite might help him dispel the thrall. but he would never ask such of her. mahler felt he had already taken so very much from takiyok, and sensed with a sickening awareness that for him, the woman would continue to give. he did not cherish the thought and yet in a great way he was comforted by it.
"vhat is your first act as kapitän?" he inquired softly, wanting to while away the time without so great a heaviness between them.

She pulled back and sighed at his question. She knew what she needed to do the moment she had agreed to be Kapitän. I suppose I will try and create some kind of peace between Ketzia and myself, she answered. She knew it would cause tension for the pack and for her children if she let things continue to be strained between them, and the kids needed whatever family they had now that Stigmata was gone. It didn't mean she forgave what had happened, but she was willing to move on for the sake of her family and for Diaspora. With everything that had happened recently, her animosity for the woman seemed stupid anyway. She wasn't sure she would ever trust her, but she could coexist if that's what was required of her. And on some level, she felt like it would be disrespectful to the former General's memory if she continued to let things fester.

an expression of relief crossed his face. "it is for the best, takiyok. thank you." he had seen how ketzia regarded the fierce winterwhite, and likewise. it sat not well with him. therefore he found the woman's efforts commendable, and though he was exhausted, mahler felt some weight lift from his heart.
"your children grow strong and fierce," he remarked, eyes closing upon the end of his words. stigmata and takiyok had truly brought forth the power of diaspora, and he admired them privately for such a beneficial contract.

The best for whom, she wondered. Certainly not herself, but she had never made the decision with herself in mind; she was thinking of her children and Diaspora. She shrugged off his thanks with a shake of her head; it hadn't been about him either, even though she knew Mahler and Ketzia were close. But she guessed he was also relieved to be free of the obvious tension between the two women, as would everyone else. And even though she would never truly forget, her feelings on the whole thing paled in comparison to how she felt without Stigmata in her life. 

His compliment of her children would normally have filled her with pride, but now it only deepend her despair. I'm afraid the loss of their father while they're so young will break them, she admitted quietly. It was hard to bring the dark thought to words, like saying it out loud instead of silently worrying over it would make it true, not to mention the depth of emotion she was unable to prevent from accompanying the words. But she was long past pretending with the General. Even as heartbroken as she was over his rejection, she still felt comfortable enough to let her guard down some in his presence.

fade with another round? they need an updated one :3

he felt as though he had somehow insulted her, and so let a long silence stretch between them while he sought the words to rejoin her own. there were many things between them, and more they had buried in quiet beside. mahler would not forgive himself for turning away the woman's offer of love, but nor would he dredge it up to make excuses for why they could not be, for truly; he did not know that it was an impossible thing.
"children are resilient," the general murmured. "i know that is not the most comforting thing, takiyok," he admitted, gaze searching her own, "but they have you. they have diaspora. his death will not be vithout merit. he lives on in them, and his dream still exists in you and in i and in this place."

Sounds good! And yes they do. I can get something started <3

Before the death of their father, she would have believed the same thing, but she couldn't help but worry now. She knew they were resilient, but she hated that they had to be, and she feared that this would scar them forever. 

But Mahler was right: the had her, and they had Diaspora...and they had Mahler. She met his gaze, allowing all of her emotions to show on her face. Thank you, Mahler, she murmured. For always treating them as your own. She pushed her face into the fur of his chest, suddenly vulnerable and needing comfort. So she dropped all her walls and silently asked for it, just this once.

<3

"i always shall, takiyok," mahler whispered in a rusted voice, drawing her near and laying his muzzle o'ertop her own. though they might not be able to converge in the ways she would have liked, there was catharsis in this. it was raw, necessary; the gargoyle closed his weary eyes and put aside all contemplations, existing with the winterwhite in a moment curated solely for the two of them.