Sleepy Fox Hollow sehnsucht

much had been decided. 
there was but the most pressing to attend, and that was why mahler had chosen for so long not to do it. busying himself filling caches, marking the hollow with his powerful scent, leaving tufts of his fur upon the borders — the general had instead focused upon the physical, and that aspect was becoming consumed as they hurtled toward spring.
he was a man in his prime, one who had sequestered himself away during the last season. and while he had gained a greater measure of self-control, now it was tested with the knowledge that by now, the deer would have already bred, preparing to fawn in the warmer months. the land, despite its tribulations, despite its deep weals and shifts and fatalities — the land moved to new life.
and so would diaspora.
limed with a determination that might well falter in the face of @Takiyok's burning eyes, mahler sought her out for an audience all the same, standing tall and terrible and silent until she addressed him.

She hadn't spent much time with anyone lately. She spent most of her time looking for her children or, like Mahler, strengthening their borders and hunting whatever she could find. Today he would find her patrolling the edges of their territory, quietly moving along them, pausing every so often to mark something or run her gaze along the horizon. She had dropped her head to the ground to draw in the scents there but froze when the General's scent filled her nose. She lifted her head and looked around, eyes locking with his. For a few seconds she just stared, his demeanor instantly setting her on edge. Admittedly, he had been one of her most avoided lately. She knew her season would be here soon, and she still hadn't decided on if she wanted Mahler to father her pups this year; it was all very confusing for her, and so she had tried her best not to think about it, which was made easier by the fact that she still hadn't found any of her missing children.

But now he was here, and she wouldn't just walk away, even if she was wary of why he stood there, looking colder than he ever had in her presence. She turned fully and trotted forward, stopping to stand in front of him. Whatever uncertainty she felt about the man, she kept well hidden, her face only portraying a calm curiosity. Mahler, she greeted. How are you? Why are you here, looking at me like that, was what she really wanted to ask, but she kept the question to herself.

takiyok, like himself, had learned well a strong manner was the only way to surmount many things that arose. as leadership, it was to they that wolves looked for guidance; the pair could ill-afford to appear weak.
it was telling, then, of at least some trust, that takiyok and mahler had been able to open toward one another, to share the quiet fears, to allay stress among themselves.
and it was with a twinge that he had veiled himself to her again, knowing that he must not be moved from what he had decided, no matter her reaction.
"takiyok," her name a sound that he softened in the saying, unable to keep himself so cold, "you vill not be able to keep every voman in diaspora from their season, and i do not have the energy to fight off every stray man that vill come to seek them out."
"therefore i have decided that it vould be best for me to be the only father they choose for their vhelps. i vill not be abandoning my post on a lark."
heart thudded; eyes glistened with a singular message only takiyok might decipher:
i am not stigmata.

She held his gaze when he finished speaking, struck silent at first by the sheer amount of emotion rushing through her body. At first it felt like someone had reached inside her and ripped out every one of her organs at once; she felt like she might stagger and fall to the ground under the weight of the feeling. But then came a wave of incredible anger, burning through her veins and converging in her heart. She wanted to snarl at him, lunge for his throat and sink her teeth into his flesh—feel his blood flow down the sides of her jaws and stain her snowy fur. But she knew it was just an irrational response, and she she knew that no matter how angry she was with him, she would feel guilty for harming him over something like this. But, she was done keeping her feelings to herself for his sake because he clearly didn't give two shits about how his plan would make her feel. Finally, her blank expression turned angry. So, basically, you're going to fuck every women in Diaspora, and I'm just supposed to be okay with that? The words were calm but tinged with hurt and disgust.  She shook her head. She felt nauseous. She wanted to run far away from this place and fall into a hole. She didn't understand why she had been so loyal to him all this time and hadn't seen how little he cared about her. God, she was such an idiot. Well, never again. She was done giving her entire being to those she was loyal to only for it to be trampled on. She had literally been let down by every single wolf she had ever let in, and she had finally learned her lesson.

poor taki ;;;

her wrath was far colder than any he had witnessed. in place of leaping heat were spires of ice, and the frigid sunset of her eyes pierced him with such disdain that mahler for a moment was shaken.
and then his own ire was kindled; he fell impassive once more save for the bite of his own glare, lashing toward takiyok in glowing amethyst.
"you are so focused upon the act itself that you refuse to see vhy i do it! you vould rather assume i am some ... sex-addled, boorish person than listen to my reasons!"
and she was not the only one, but for now mahler directed the flow of his indignation toward takiyok alone.
"i vill not have diaspora assaulted by all manner of bestial men attempting to gain entry before they abandon their cubs. i vill not have them leave diaspora and drag out their pups from this pack. and so, yes, i vill fuck them all, and make sure the only children born here are diasporans!"
his large charcoal frame heaved with the exertion of his anger; he fell silent, burning into a more controlled ember of frustration.
"i vish i could tear off my cock and give it to you. that vay you vould not be able to judge me by it. that vay this vorthless appendage you care about so greatly could be yours, forever." 
he was hurt; he retreated to his own guilt and own wounds behind the veil of his impenetrable stare.

Wow, he must think of her as some kind of idiot. Like she was supposed to believe that the only reason he was doing this was to protect them from rogue males that might wander too close. And of course he had a problem with her earlier promise of running off any females that became pregnant. I am listening. And all I hear is that you have some selfish, male need to impregnate every woman in the vicinity she bit back. And what about me? Am I to take that as I also don't have a choice in who fathers my children? She raised an eyebrow in challenge. She would not let him enforce those rules on her. She may only be second in command, but he had no right to push her around that way.

She stared at him, fuming and indignant. She didn't even have the capacity to feel bad for him right now. Seeing him this way would normally soften her anger, but now it only made everything worse. His insinuation that all she cared about was his dick deepened all the wounds he already left on her heart. If you think that's all I care about, then you don't know me at all. Which was already made clear by this whole fucking thing. She wondered how he expected her to react to this news? Yes, you have hurt me yet again, but what I really don't want is a pack full of children that we can't feed, she continued. You seem to have everything planned out. So how do you suppose we take care of all these pups you intend to sire when we can barely feed ourselves? Was she the only one that worried about their future? She thought he was her partner here, but it was becoming apparent that she had just been blinded by her feelings for him.

her last words curled, struck snakebit into his senses: the insinuation that he did not care about diaspora when he had poured himself into knitting them together.
the general was truly incensed now; he thrust down the hurt and let the red sheen of his anger rush forward.
"you do vhatever you please, takiyok," he spat. let her be the only one in diaspora to bring a man into their midst, let her prove him correct. 
"none of this mattered vhen stigmata lived," mahler cut, tearing into that wound for the both of them. "none of this mattered vhen you believed you vould be the only vone to give birth in our land."
a vivid image came to him now: takiyok straining against him, crying out as she struggled to birth his kill-brother's large brood. had she forgotten all of that?
"if vhat i did vith my own body vas not so important, then you vould not seek to judge me for it," mahler snarled, and now he was striding toward her.
he would not throw his rank in takiyok's face; he respected her even despite the way she regarded him now, but lip curled.
"i am not stigmata. do not punish me because he broke your heart, takiyok." 
to the rest he was silent. he had ensured diaspora's success as its general despite all the children the ironstar had left behind. he would not defend her doubts.

God he was so stubborn and, of course, completely unwilling to budge now that his mind was made up. And when he encouraged her to do whatever she pleased, her gaze narrowed. You certainly are, so why shouldn't I? 

And the mention of Stigmata was just salt in her gaping wounds. She wasn't even sure how to respond, mostly because he was right, and she hated it. And there was no way she would let him know that, especially now. But his next words sparked a new wave of anger. She had trusted him enough to admit her feelings for him, and now it just felt like he was throwing it all back in her face to prove a point. That isn't fair. Obviously I'm hurt that I am not enough for you, but my worries about the pack are just as much the truth. Diaspora is everything to me. She wanted to say more but then he was in her space, his lip curling, and she stiffened in response. It was the worst possible things he could do. Again, he brought up Stigmata. And again, she realized just how much he saw past her mask. But instead of treating her with respect and understanding, he just used it to hurt her. She felt the threat of tears sting the edges of her eyes. She would not cry in front of him after everything that had been said. She refused to let him know just how much this affected her. She stared into the eyes she once wished held as much love for her as she felt for him. For a few moments she could only look at him while waves of pain beat against her. But eventually something snapped inside and her jaw tightened, teeth clamping together. Her own lips curled just before she released a snarl and snapped at the air near his face. She wanted him out of her space.

" it is everything to me also," he burned, even as they fell into a quiet glowering at one another.
she was not going to listen. he would not explain himself again. plume switched at his hocks; pain lanced through him. 
what was the sum of it? that he had been correct, or that he had weaponized the dead man they had both loved to hurt the winterwhite in retribution for her own slurs against him.
wrong, yes, but in full flame of his ire, mahler justified all he had said.
he suppose he should have expected the outlash of takiyok's wrath, but he had never before been on its receiving end. thus at her snap, the general recoiled, hackles upthrust.
but he did not answer it; he stepped back another pace before seeking her blazing glare a long moment, then turned and strode away into an angered churning canter.
let her be wrong! let her hate him! he needed only himself to accomplish his aims.

If Diaspora was everything to him, then he had a shitty way of showing it right now. It was pointless to mention that, though. And when he bristled at her warning snap, she thought things might escalate further, especially given how angry they both were. But he immediately stepped back, his angry gaze cutting through her like a hot knife. She held it anyway, unwilling to give him anymore power over her. She silently watched him turn and then walk away, leaving her alone and reeling from what had just happened. He was her one stable thing in life right now, and he was gone. He just had to go and ruin everything. Tears finally spilled over and onto her cheeks, and she quickly turned and ran from the territory before anyone could see. She would let the tears come, submit to them for as long as they demanded she do so. And when she finally ran dry, she would shed no more tears for Mahler, and she would never let him back into her heart.