Seaside Moors Longs for sun and lays in the dark

Domestic bliss had wrapped them once more, and aside from the presence of the cat, all was quiet.  It was unfortunate the near danger meant they could not take the children on a trip, but Rosalyn still was sure to share tales of what was to come soon.

Today, she'd left them in their maman's care and taken to the northern edges of the moors.  She carefully traced the edge of the territory, glancing every so often at the places beyond.  None had come seeking the witch in a long while... perhaps, finally, she was gone.

As though the train led her, Rosalyn's path listed, and she began to instead seek out @Raleska.  Their interactions had been few and brief since her return, and despite the mixed feelings that still dwelt, she found herself drawn.  If she sought to avoid the children she'd given, none were here now.

It was true, Raleska had been terrible at keeping in touch.

Like the child gone off to college, she was largely MIA -- save for the occasional deposit of food or trinkets outside the den. She had mostly avoided everyone -- and it was not their fault; Raleska had bruised herself on the edges of the world, and was nursing her wounds in isolation.

She could not remain reclusive forever -- and she knew this. She knew this before she caught Rosalyn's scent on the wind, before she saw the matriarch with her determined single eye, and that curious step: surely, she was seeking none other.

Drawing to a halt Raleska turned and regarded Rosalyn -- first with a customary terseness that melted away to vulnerable and despairing love.

She'd been so angry when Erzulie had told her why the girl had disappeared.  An anger that was cemented in hurt; one by one, her children had left, all of them choosing to disappear rather than tell her.  Of all she'd expected it from, Raleska had cut the most.  She'd been a mentor, and the girl's confidence was something she'd tended with care.  So why, when it came down to it, had she chosen to run?

Even now she felt the sting of it, seeing her there.  Since returning she'd still been absent, and Rosalyn felt a new hesitance around the ground upon which they stood.  Was she still needed, or had she become a warden, chasing a girl who had already moved past what she could give?

It was time to find out.  She stopped, regarding Raleska carefully, and sensing something she couldn't quite put a paw on yet.  Last year, when we spoke, you said that you might want children someday.  She began, voice quiet.  I will easily be their mother, but I need to know why.  I don't know why you didn't come to me from the start, but now... please.  Talk to me.

Something in Raleska had shifted this past year.  Rosalyn didn't expect that she would learn all of it, but she needed some measure.  Some assurance that Raleska wasn't simply hiding from these children - and would not regret her actions terribly when the need for avoidance passed.

Raleska had acted selfishly -- of this, she knew it was true.

In the process, she had hurt Rosalyn. Someone she regarded with more esteem and care than anyone else in the world. In many ways, more than her mother.

Rosalyn didn't need two eyes to communicate the hurt and grief in her wearied stare. Raleska nearly flinched under its intensity, looking away with a heavy sigh.

She looked up, her eyes tracing the clouds as they moved by. Her throat was hot and constricted. Her nose funny. If she looked back at Rosalyn she knew she would surely cry.

"I can't --" Stop, start, stop again. Shaky breaths, tight tone. "I don't want to be like her!" And Raleska was learning every day, she was more and more like her mother than she ever knew. She bit her lower lip, unable to even sum up the fear in her heart. Her head began to shake, first slowly and then with the violent earnest of someone who could not accept their fate: "If I have kids I'll love them like she did and -- I'll turn into her and I can't --" Raleska's voice turned quiet. She had seen how her mother's obsession for her children had in the end killed her. "I don't want that."

Rosalyn huffed out a breath when she cut to the heart of it.  It wasn't a laugh... or really a sigh.  Just a loosening of tension that came from finally, finally catching a glimpse of what was beneath.  It was funny that even dead, she could come to hate the woman more.  But that thought festered beneath, because at the forefront, she wanted to ensure Raleska was settled.

No matter where that settle may lie.

There are many ways to protect the things you love, she said, quietly.  And while her loving you was perhaps the only thing that made her understandable to me, I never understood where it took her.  Caiaphas' constant seeking of the ire of others was so opposite Rosalyn's nature.  She and Erzulie, they'd settled in, surrounded themselves and hidden their children away.  How could Caiaphas expose hers to the teeth of others the way she had?

It was so easy to forget that, one of those times, her own life had hung in the balance.  Bias never leaves.

You really think that you would do the same?  She asked, now looking at her directly.  She was poised to move closer, but wanted to hear this answer first.  She didn't want to break what little reserve Raleska had found, not too quickly.

Rosalyn's tension ebbed away like the lolling tide. Raleska's came in full force, furious -- scrabbling over ground she had only just barely touched base with. The girl tipped her head back silently, focusing first on only breathing through her nose. If she could just control her breaths, it would in turn control the flare of her unsteady emotions -- breathe, breathe... breathe.

Could she really say, whether or not she ended up like Caiaphas? The thought was very real -- and the fear, even more real still. There was, in the back of Raleska's mind, the dawning realization that her mother surely had not always been that way.

That little things had transpired, and clicked into place just so. What was that expression, about slippery slopes..? Surely, Raleska would not be too far behind.

"I cant even tell you." Raleska sighed, avoiding Rosalyn's single gaze. "I can't even tell which way is up or down or even forward these days. I don't know. I don't know what will happen a month from now or a year from now -- we went from okay to nosedive, and I don't.. I don't know what pieces to pick up, or where... This time last year Drageda was still very real.. And now, hah --" A bitter laugh choked her voice. "Now, I'm realizing Drageda wasn't even the biggest threat to our lives all along.. Just.. just a blip in the past. And the hits keep coming, like waves, over and over.. and over.." Her stream-of-consciousness speech began to speed up and then fade. "And sometimes I feel like we're just along for the ride. Completely out of control."

Raleska's words rang true for her.  She wondered briefly if she was looking for an argument, with the desperate tone she put to them, but she wouldn't find one from Rosalyn.  We are, she answered, in a way.  

She had to think for a moment on how she would answer, and took the opportunity to finally close the distance between them carefully.

As soon as things feel calm, that seems to be when life decides to pull the ground from beneath us.  We can't control when that happens.  All we can do is try to find new ground to stand on, hopefully firmer than the last.  She wasn't sure Raleska would take her meaning, but it was her best approximation.

But you are right.  Drageda was only one.  Every time it will feel like the biggest, as it happens... and then every time it will feel small as it fades, replaced by something new.  Their father... he'd been of Drageda.  She'd almost forgotten.  I barely think of them anymore, she added, half-confession.  I don't know that I remember any of their faces.  It still bothers you?

Raleska had been younger when it all happened, and on a side that Rosalyn had not experienced.  They'd taken her eye and her looks, yes, but resilience always won in the end.  She hadn't thought she would ever forget the bitch who gave her this face, but as she sought to recall, no details could be found.

Rosalyn came closer, and that single physical gesture was enough to diminish the mental distance too. Raleska's eyes were ringed with tiredness as she listened. It all made sense -- Rosalyn had always made sense -- but Raleska was young and headstrong, and at times, stupid too.

She realized there was very little she had lived through that Rosalyn hadn't. That put enough perspective in the situation that Raleska, for a brief moment, felt her feet were firmly planted, as Rosalyn had said seconds before.

She worried her lip, frowning. "It all bothers me." Raleska confessed, knowing she very clearly remembered the faces that had ripped Eurycrates to pieces. She still remembered the sunlight as it slanted and arced through the spray of blood in the air.

She still remembered being dragged. At times, she woke up feeling as if those fangs were buried deep in her scruff again. "I'll never forget." Raleska swore, though maybe time would soften the edges of her memory as it had done to Rosalyn. Raleska was briefly startled that Rosalyn did not remember -- how could you forget the faces of your enemy?

Then, Dacio came to her mind. An unbidden entry to her heart, but he had been there all the same. He was gone now, and time moved on -- would she forget his face in time too?

For once, Raleska hoped so. She hoped to be as mindless and feeble as her kids, who forgot about her in less than a week.

Raleska tipped back her head, her slim throat visible as she croaked in a half-controlled cry: "I am tired of running."

It was hard to watch Raleska's transition, but Rosalyn did.  She remained close, and pressed her side to the girl's, but was quiet as she began to struggle with the answer, and the expression of how she felt with all of this.  The pirate's heart went out to her, but her consolation only went so far.  She was a woman of action, and while she would listen to anything her children brought her, she would not let them blame the world for their troubles.  The world wasn't the one who answered for it.

Then stop running, she replied bluntly, but she touched her muzzle to Raleska's cheek affectionately.  I'm a pirate; I run from fights that aren't worth fighting, and refuse to think there's shame in that.  But we don't run from crew, or from family.  They don't have to be yours, but they are ours, and so are you.  It was about as close to sentiment or wisdom as she'd get, but the words were clearly heartfelt, and Rosalyn hoped fiercely that Raleska would take them.  Don't run from us.

The answer Raleska got was far more insightful -- and heartfelt -- than she deserved.

The girl felt wretched in a second; as if Rosalyn's soft touch and her hard-edged words had struck her like the harsh clap of hand across cheek. Raleska mulled in stunned silence, realizing how selfishly she had behaved. It was not about the kids, so much as about Rosalyn and Erzulie: she had kept them at distance, and by doing so had only served to make things harder.

She didn't have a response ready, but her shoulders sagged in acceptance. For a while Raleska stared dully at the sea, her breath growing gradually more controlled and less shallow. Eventually she stirred. "I think I need to get a drink." Raleska said unexpectedly, her eyes somber but genuine: "thank you. Do you want to come with me?"

fade with ur post, and new one soon? <3

yes!

It was a risk, calling a child out in a vulnerable place.  She knew such things had likely driven her own son away, a choice she now carried.  But Raleska didn't close her out, or deny the words.  Rosalyn watched as she sagged with the weight of them, then uttered words that the pirate certainly didn't expect.  Thank you.

Aye, she said, rising to follow.  She wouldn't pursue it further tonight.  She'd given Raleska enough to think on, she imagined, though she was surprisingly touched by the response.  She'd doubted herself so many times these past few years, but then moments like these came, and it suddenly felt as if she wasn't drowning in it.