Sunbeam Lair seorsum

it was a day of rain when the imperator left mereo behind once more.

in his jaws was a pheasant. it had been stuffed with raspberries. he thought the two items might be of benefit to epoch.

his heart hurt as he left behind the borders of the canyon. germanicus missed the greek man with the easy laugh. and he had enjoyed tamar's company as well.

but those times were past now.

the stormclouds forced him to deposit his offering inside the lair. but he returned to its top, and against the hard winds he released a long call to @Meadow, offering to move closer if need be.

When the Roman had asked if he could call upon her again she certainly hadn’t imagined he would. Hesitantly, she looked up to the storm clouds above, rolling in their own turmoil, signifying rain would come. And she felt her heart flutter to her chest—the rain always had her out of sorts when she was out in it. 

And so she hurried. Statuesque, Germanicus was higher outside, the lair where they had met before just below, and she slowed, copper-tipped tail wavering as she took in the sight. Yes, he cut an impressive figure—a soldier with the weight of many on his shoulders.

As she neared, her honeyed eyes lifted to the skies, ears flicking at the lightest hint of a passing storm.

Imperator, she greeted, her form swaying as she stilled closer to him, willing him to look at her once more as he had done before.

her small frame soon appeared against the stormlit backdrop. germanicus' long strides carried him over and as before, he meant to shield her from the worst of the elements.

"lady meadow." he had lain sleepless all the night before and in the morning had reflected that perhaps a friend unattached to mereo was welcome indeed.

her eyes caught him and for a moment the eagle only watched her in a pointed moment of time. he looked away then and skyward.

"we should descend," he said of the more sheltered lair, even as the wind scudded to a whine around them.

And his gaze raked over her—his greeting so formal, as she had become accustom to from the Mereo members. He swept forward, acting a blockade from the wind that still held a hint of the summer warmth—just before the descent to autumn. 

It was the warm wind that collided above with the cooler front, the lowest rumble of thunder causing her eyes to alight and a light jolt to skirt through her—We should, she agreed almost too quickly, already beginning to weave her way down and to the entrance of the lair, refusing to look to the sky as a flash of lightning could be seen from the distance.

the place of sunbeams would be darker today, still illuminated by the flashes of lightning which raked above. rain began to fall, first in slow drops and then in a deluge.

germanicus dropped down beside meadow and indicated the pheasant he had placed among the same sort of broad leaves she had given to him as a carrying device. "both the bird and the berries were taken from our forest," he said quietly.

the eagle was surprised to find he could not look at her. somehow the closeness of meadow's presence perturbed him in a way it had not before.

"how fares the vale?" germanicus was distant now and not as reachable. and for a moment it seemed correct. natural. he supposed he should fight against such a feeling. his yellowpaint eyes at last moved toward the epochian. "i meant to let more time go by before our next meeting."

She all but skipped into the lair, followed by a flash of lightning.
She wouldn’t even try to downplay the reaction, but she forced a small smile to her lips, lissome figure closer to the cavern walls, as if a reminder that solid stone set her apart from the storm that would rage outside.

He remained a respectful distance—physically and emotionally—the shift in his demeanor something she had expected. Whichever part of Germanicus she had opened before had likely built his wall once more—and the sideways glance she gave him was an accusation of such, though no words would be spoken of it.

The gesture he gave though… it was a special touch that warmed her in a way that she read too much into, perhaps. Slowly, she reclined back to sit, noting the way his gaze purposefully avoided her. “Thank you,” she motioned to his gift, a light tilt of her head given as he began with casual talk of the vale.

The vale who now held two members of his ranks, prior, and somehow, she wondered if that was part of the reasoning for his colder countenance.

“The vale is good. Tamar wishes to learn healing and has asked me to teach her.” Focusing on the positive, and not the part that eluded to a potentially-more-than-a-friend discussing blowing out another female's back in front of her, while also admitting he played for both teams and quite enjoyed both.

It had been insightful, to say the least.

Such humdrum conversation, and she dipped lower, her eyes fiery as another flash of lightning illuminated the lair, her form gingerly pressing closer to the wall. She swallowed—her throat dry.

‘I meant to let more time go before our next meeting.’
The hint of a smile pulled at her, and she nodded to his gracious gift. “But instead you found a pheasant and realized you had a friend who could probably use some extra meat on her bones?” A light jest, humor lacing her hushed tone. “Share it with me?”

germanicus smiled swiftly though it was hard-pressed to reach even beyond his cheekbones. "yes," he said, and settled to his own haunches. though he was far from hungry he ate a berry in hopes of placating meadow. she was thin, though the man was not unwise enough to comment on her figure outright.

thunder bristled overhead. the lair however remained tucked-aside and protected from the elements. he found it odd and frustrating that he was so reduced now after their earlier thought.

he had not missed the way she looked toward him with knowing eyes set in the rich bronze of her striking mask. "she is lucky to have you for a teacher. she will learn fast. tamar is a quick study," he said of the epoch leader, recalling how swiftly she had taken to her duties as housekeeper.

this forced a remembrance of ruenna. this time however he did not look away. and he did not speak of the redhawk family soon to join epoch. that too left a bittered unfortunate taste in his mouth. "i am afraid i have no interesting topics at hand." why even call a meeting then? "i do want to inform you that mereo routed a pack of coyotes between here and the vale. they were turned away from the mountains."

formal. dutiful. meadow might need to break them down once more for the eagle no longer knew how to do so.

She wanted to break in to that wall once more—a tiny wrecking ball of havoc. She wanted to talk of how she had to mend Towhee once more, and that the woman would likely have appreciated a visit from him, her past leader. Or how she had held Reyson only nights before, so panicked he was at the thought of going to the land of Akashingo. Instead, she was reduced to a mere kitten, the thunder continued to roll, and she found herself distracted.

Then, finally, if only to prove she wasn’t truly an eccentric being who quaked beneath a storms wrath—

“I’m sorry—I don’t like storms. They always…” She paused, the lightning all but quaking her before she cast a bitter smile to him. “There was a forest fire in my birth pack. The lightning reminds me of it. That spark that ignited our lives into flames.”

Deadpan, wane, she shrunk further to the floor, exhaling sharply, realizing that instead of trying to dissuade his thoughts of her behaviour as neurotic, that she only encouraged it.

“I went back there once. The forest... To see for myself, I think. And I must have fainted, and when I woke up, a man—“

Lightning. Another flash that lit the room. Striking, lantern eyes, cast upon her as stone, just as they had that day. And she recognized him in that moment, and she found herself unable to voice more—did he remember?

germanicus did not expect the aggrieved way that lady meadow turned her face toward him. it was the storm, she explained. 

he saw her overcome. as the storm gathered strength above them, the woman sank down among the ferns and herbs. he was left sitting above her.

a man.

there was enough allusion there to make him now question. the imperator moved quietly and soon sat alongside meadow rather than before her. he thought to remove the pressure of his eyes as she told him her own truth.

"it is practical to fear a storm. and it is understandable when it has been so tied to deep and harrowing changes." a burning forest. he glanced now toward the epochian and saw finally a comforting familiarity.

"you were weak. i asked when you had last taken water." and it seemed a thousand years ago. crowfeather's existence had not ended in his life. or perhaps it had not begun. long shadows had pulled themselves over that time.

germanicus did not touch meadow as she crouched beside him. it was as much for her own autonomy as it was his own unsurety. but as the seconds passed he felt the calming blend of their warmth, below the eye of the world. "perhaps our presence here together is serendipitous after a fashion." perhaps he was meant to be reminded of an earlier moment.

His warmth settled over her—merely resting beside her, he crouched to her, her assumption of the comfort he could give her in his own manner. It brought a blush to her cheeks—so very different from the embrace of Reyson and yet it tantalized her just as much. Neither man made a pass to her—neither openly admitting any form of attraction, and do all she could do was believe her growing desire and affection for one or the other was certainly single-minded. Reyson, she had perhaps thought, but recent events only solidified to her mind that she had read the signs wrong.

She clung to others. Believing more to be there than there was—it had been proven time and again, and her eyes riveted to the floor instead, studying the pheasant the Imperator had brought—focusing on the cool stone behind her, rather than the very breath of a man who was just out of reach.

He remembered her. Many days of her past were blurred, at times. “You terrified me,” she admitted quietly, still no longer seeking his eyes, though she felt them burn upon her. Then, a paused moment, realizing how he might have taken such a comment when he had been nothing but courteous to her, even then—“Everyone terrified me then,” she offered, a wane smile pressing to her lips.

No longer was she terrified. Perhaps that had been the purpose of her past two years—Hrafnsvaktin had molded her. “Serendipitous, hm?” A sideways glance then, a suppressed shudder when the thunder made a more pronounced bellow above—the storm moved closer.

as much as germanicus was aware of her, he allowed himself no further thought. he found the concept of any attraction to be disrespectful toward his wife.

but ruenna was no longer his wife. he clung inwardly to the terms and titles they had shared for his own selfish desperation. the eagle was marked by knowing his place inside a hierarchy and enforcing it. without her there was no such place for him any longer.

his soul vibrated with pain for a moment. "yes. i am not a religious man but neither do i truly believe in chance." it was how he applied himself to the rest of his own life as well.

the scent of the pheasant and the berries mingled slowly with the herbal fragrance clinging to meadow, not antiseptic, but a clean and sweet aroma that bespoke her place among plants. 

"i am sorry to have terrified you. perhaps that is the reason for our meeting again under different circumstances. i have enjoyed conversing with you, lady meadow." her shiver rippled through germanicus as well and he chose in the next moment to press his flank very subtly against her own, ready to move away should the woman tense.

he told himself it was to reassure her. the awareness that he had starved himself of touch since ruenna's last farewell washed over him in a tepid wave. his turn now to gaze toward the smooth rock beneath their paws.

His apology for terrifying her sparked a hint of amusement to her eyes—meek Meadow of past. If it were the happenings of some external force of the universe for their meeting again, she could not see how—she had a rather embarrassing damsel in distress moment and the soldier had steadied her, brushing her off and returning her to the safety of their pack at the time. Performing the very mundane aspects of his duty, she could only surmise. And then, such little time passed and the pack had disbanded, the members scattered, once more in her life.

The barest brush of his darker pelt to her pale one—another shudder. This feeling she couldn’t quite pinpoint—a coil in her stomach, lingering awareness of him and of herself. The damsel he had come upon in the forest would have hesitated—pretended nothing had shifted between them—the reborn Engi, however, subtly shifted closer to him, eyes darting up to him as if nothing had occurred.

For one terrified of storms, she could certainly feel one brewing within.

“What do you believe in, Imperator?”

the way that meadow lifted her eyes to him provided a serenity he had not felt for a moment. and he did himself the service of not analyzing this sensation until it went away. he merely allowed it to exist.

she did not draw away and so they sat in outward comfort together. inwardly germanicus still experienced the clash of sorrow and intrigue.

"i believe in what i am able to see, lady meadow." her eyes drew his own toward her. she was a breath of summertime as they waited beneath autumn rain and he felt already winter glistening upon the planes of his own heart.

"and what i am able to touch." the tangible. the haptic. the eagle was now helplessly aware of the way their fur meshed at the hip. he blinked and looked away, illuminated for a moment by the distant glow of lightning.

Her breath was held—captivated by his studious eyes. He saw past her—garnered more from watching her than many had by even speaking to her. What did that mean, if it did not meet his version of serendipitous?

His words—it reminded her of a game she had seen others partake on rowdier nights. Nothing her shy self had ever braved, and when he looked away, she remained emboldened, her eyes following him, tracing the chiseled line of a fine jaw, the careful mask of a trained soldier.

Truth or dare… “And what do you see, Imperator?”

That coil in her belly—the warmth spread. She shifted, all pretensions of humor gone, for now she stood on the very edge of a dangerous precipice in her life.

germanicus was aware he was being measured by meadow. it was in a far different way than he was used to evaluations. he knew enough to understand that the expression in her eyes was a message.

the eagle was only unsure if he wished to reach forth and take it. he was a tactician and yet none of his skills mattered in moments such as these.

her words were pointed. rain poured across the land. his yellowpaint eyes locked with her own. "hope." it felt like a clumsy and garbled thing to say. but meadow worked in nuance and germanicus had faith she might extrapolate what he was too unsure to admit.

Oh, she longed to do more. The intense eyes of the Imperator held her to the spot—suddenly, the faintest brush of his flank to her not nearly enough. As the lightning danced along the walls of where they lay, she could imagine a feast that explored the depths of what she felt—held in his embrace, the heat of his body against hers and his teeth and mouth to her throat and face.

He could forget his wife, for the moment, and she could pretend that she had been the one chosen, finally, by someone.

But the price of such an act would be too high—she knew this, and so when he spoke the single word—hope—she also intricately believed it meant he was not ready to ask for anything from her. Not openly. And to partake in such an act was certainly closing a door firmly with another she was beginning to care so deeply for. Reyson, either, would not ask anything of her. His expectation for his partner to tell him outright.

And come spring, whatever fantasies she imagined with either man would come to pass when they would both be overcome with the most basic demand of nature. And they would give in, without any thought or regard to her thoughts or feelings on it. As it always had been.

Hope, he spoke of. And she smiled, unable to hold his hesitancy against him. How could she, when his entire world had just fallen apart? And so she leaned forward, allowing them both the easy way out—“share this with me,” she murmured, plucking the pheasant closer to them. “And distract me from the storm… Tell me your happiest memory?”

desire was not something the imperator allowed himself to indulge. he was a man. but he was also a leader of many and set an example of a controlled soldier at every moment. he was not ignorant of meadow's want, or perhaps what he supposed she wanted from him.

and it was a temptation. but he would not permit himself to look at her in such a way, as an object of desire. she was a companion. that was her offering. that was what he would let the two of them be. and yet even as he told himself these things he was watching her silken movements, how the muscles beneath her argent pelt smoothed as she reached for the bird.

he glanced at her profile and nodded over their meal. "my happiest memory." there were not so many before his marriage and the birth of his children. or rather they were now moments tainted by the bitterness between he and crowfeather.

germanicus put the shadow firmly from his mind. "the hours after the birth of my children were the most sweet. i held all four of them in my arms while ruenna slept. i listened to them breathe and knew i had never known such love before."

he felt himself crumble, a resolute pillar scoured by a searing wind. there was a flurry of blinking and then he busied himself with plucking the pheasant and carefully setting aside the feathers.

And companion she would be—sliding back to her original position, back remaining pressed to the wall in a certain way—a shield, of sorts, that grounded her. The storm continued—the thunder shook, and she gave pause, an ear sliding back momentarily before she forcefully placed a berry to her mouth, savoring it instead—ignoring the weeping clouds above.

His favorite memory a picture of sweetness, she felt a certain warmth in her gaze, the portrait of such a hardy solider such as Germanicus cradling his newborn cubs an easy one to imagine, probably to his surprise. “I hear it’s an incomparable love,” she offered, allowing him his moment to gather himself, knowing the conversation likely painful. Hopefully, it would also be cathartic.

This time, the pressure of her flank to his was meant to soothe rather than explore—a quiet sentiment of understanding. “And then, I’m sure in what feels like the blink of an eye, they grew to a size where even you might struggle to lift them?” She had also heard that, as well.

so she was not a mother. "it is indeed incomparable." the touch of her body was comforting as was the way she tucked against the stone wall at their backs. he too sat more loosely against it, relinquishing a great deal of his tension.

germanicus laughed softly, a single breathy sound. "yes. i blinked and they are in the arena, sparring with the others." i blinked and two of them are gone. and it was unlikely he would see them again. he would not watch them grow.

overhead the storm was passing. he heard the thunder lighten and the deluge thinned to a mist of cold rain. he took another bite of the pheasant, strangely unwilling to point out that it was possible now for lady meadow to return to epoch.

"do you have a happiest memory?" germanicus asked, turning his cheek against the flat surface to regard her with an easier countenance than he had yet worn during their meeting.

They found an even ground—breaking past the spark of uncertainty and she found it an enjoyable moment. It helped, though, that he had provided gifts in the form of food—she hadn’t realized how famished she was until she had started eating.

“Hmmm,” she murmured, looking up to the ceiling above—feeling a certain relief that the rumble of thunder grew more distant now, and the rain seemed to peter off. “Nothing nearly as comparable,” she decided, realizing how lackluster her life had been. “Probably when I met a band of brothers and they took me in.” She paused, not sure how to explain how it had been. “They didn’t know much English—they were from the north. But they… looked past my size. They saw me as a survivor, and they treated me as someone more than the poor little orphan girl who lost pack after pack.” She shrugged, her eyes seeking his own. “They were my first real home. They became home.”

germanicus wanted to say that they were not meant to compare memories.

he tried to imagine what she described: a starveling child taken in by men who did not speak a common tongue. how odd she must have felt around them and they for her. maybe it was their brotherly love which saw a sister in the girl meadow had been.

"it sounds as though you were alone before that," he observed, meeting her gaze more easily this time. "the strength of being alone as a grown creature is one thing. to be alone when you do not even have that status is moreso."

men of the north tended to be aloof and insular. he saw none of that in her. "when i could barely stand i was taken from my mother's side and given to the captain of my father's guard, at his order. i was weaned in the barracks and it was all i knew. that was my first home."

his voice was even. but here she might see another similarity: that both their earliest worlds had been one of men.

She smiled—faintly—but only as she tried to recall certain things. “Oh, there were adults around. Any pack I had would disband in less than nine months or so… I just drifted. I had a cousin who looked out for us, at times… he disappeared, too. I met the north wolves when I was around two.” She didn’t even know when Sunny had gone—it had become impossible to piece her past together fully.

“The brothers… They told me I was a survivor, and I think they were the first wolves to believe I was capable rather than needing protection.” Perhaps, that had been what won her over from the start with them—they had looked to her and saw more than a frail little dove. “One of them became my mentor for healing… and the other…” She trailed off, her muzzle giving an idle shake. “I loved him. Greatly.”

She quieted and he spoke—nudging some of the pheasant his way, the rain outside all but diminishing. She was in no rush to leave his presence if he was in none. “Being a soldier is all you’ve ever known,” she remarked, tagging the hint of a question at the end.

he had surmised incorrectly, but perhaps not so. as she went on he saw the negligence in her background. so not completely alone then, only enough to be forced into survivalism for the first years of her life. such a time was imperative to the growth of an individual.

"i am pleased that you found a place which appreciated your abilities, lady meadow. having love as part of that experience certainly makes it all the more vital i am sure." he trod carefully here, despite the intimacy of their physical presence as well as their open conversation. 

he did wonder what she meant by love, in how she had said it. it was not so difficult to infer something where there was not.

"yes." until her. "it will be easy to return to it. i will take a den among my soldiers, sleep beside them as my own imperator did for his own troops."

germanicus was waning again, closing despite the fact he did not wish.

She had her fill—her eyes raking over the pheasant that still half remained, and she nudged it toward him, eyes snaking up the side of the lair walls, noting fully the storm had fully passed. His words were becoming more closed off once more—it did not surprise her. Germanicus was a man who did not share often, and so the deeper parts of his life that he had? She was beginning to suspect that not many others had learned so much of the man.

He would return to a soldiers life even still—the question to ask why pressing to her lips, but not passing. He nor Reyson seemed content with the idea of it—simply resolved. Perhaps seeking the comfort in what they knew.

“It’s fortunate you called for me tonight,” she decided, stretching lightly, eyes lighting upon him. “I would have been a wreck in this storm at home.” Alone.

reaaalllly want one set after meadow/reyson get back from basilica! we can wait or do that now and stay vague lol

she wanted him to eat and so finally at last he truly did so, quiet until his repast was finished. he cleaned his jaws with a quick swipe of his tongue and looked at her warmly. "it is fortunate you answered. i would have found something far more dangerous to occupy myself in the rain."

delivered quite dryly, it might not have appeared a joke. and yet it was.

he caught himself in a glance at her extended slender limbs and tipped his head to look toward the top of the lair. "it would please me greatly if you allowed me to bring you to the edge of the vale."

this time he did not ask to call on her again. once was for friendship. another instance might imply something he did not yet wish to say. or perhaps he did and was only wary that she did not see it the same.