Wheeling Gull Isle hell hath no fury

He wasn’t angry, at first.

He cried himself to sleep in the lavenders and woke sometime later feeling absolutely beastly. Everything hurt: his head, his heart, his soul. @Heda’s and @Dinah’s horrible words came back to him in an awful rush that made him sick among the flowers. As soon as he finished spitting bile and rinsed his mouth with some seawater, he went to look for them to make amends.

He climbed to the top of the hills, shielding his eyes against the glare. His head pounded. His chest ached. As much as Caracal didn’t think he’d deserved the terrible things said to him, he wanted to apologize. He had been selfish and thoughtless. They meant too much to him. He would do whatever it took to make it up to them and make things right.

But neither one of them was there. Caracal descended and walked the island’s perimeter, looking for them with increasing worry. He shouted their names. He paused near the submerged land bridge, eyes squinting at the empty coastline across the water. His stomach churned and he nearly vomited again.

The things his wife and daughter had said to him began playing on loop in his head as he continued circling the island. Had they really abandoned him over this? Had all the others gone with them too? Caracal shook his head, trying to cast off these hideous, intrusive thoughts.

That couldn’t be right! It made no sense! But where were they…?

“Dad?”

When he finds his father he can only stare. It’s a face he knows as well as his own, but cannot recognize. He takes a soft step.

Please God, show me how to help carry his burdens.

“I don’t know what you’re going through. But when you’re ready to talk, I’m gonna be right here.” For as long as it took.

Always.

Caracal let out a little sobbing breath of relief when Judah appeared. He rushed toward his son, fully intending to grab him in a hug. But the boy’s serious words threw him so hard, he froze in place.

What… what do you mean? he asked, confused, before swallowing and adding, Ju, where’s your mama? And everybody else? and tentatively reaching for his son’s shoulder.

He makes no move to reciprocate the touch. His mother’s tears burned still in his own eyes, Dinah’s words hard on his own ears.

He looks up into his father's face, shaking his head.

“Gone, Dad.”

He couldn’t comprehend Judah’s reply anymore than he could understand the way his son looked at him so strangely. He didn’t react to his father’s touch, so Caracal let his paw drop. It trembled. So, too, did the rest of his slender red frame.

“Gone.”

He flashed hot, then cold, then hot again. What on earth had he done that God should take his whole family from him like this, sans one son who looked at him this way? Caracal was far from perfect, that was true, and he made mistakes all the time. But he’d always tried to be there for his family.

I was having a hard time and the fruit made me feel better. I know now I shouldn’t have touched the stuff. And I never will again. You have my word, Caracal said, seeking his son’s gaze.

But it couldn’t be just about the fruit, could it? He’d only imbibed a few times. Despite his wife’s accusation, he hadn’t even come across it until long after he’d rescued Ava from the blackfish. And unless he was missing something, he hadn’t done anything in particular whilst inebriated.

What am I missing, Ju? Why did your mama say those things to me? And Dinah? And wh-why, he asked, lip quivering, voice breaking, why won’t you hug your papa…?

Fruit. Is that what this is about?

Judah resides in silence and stillness where once he would have grasped at handfuls of his father’s shivering gold. But he couldn’t answer any of those questions.

“Take me to the fruit, Dad.”

Judah maintained his stoic distance. His rejection hurt horribly, though Caracal was still glad he was here. Otherwise he might’ve binged the rest of the fruit and walked into the ocean.

The request made his ears flick but he didn’t hesitate to say, Okay.

After lingering painfully for a beat, Caracal began to trudge in the general direction of The Lion’s Den. It didn’t take very long. He led Judah right up to the small pit he’d dug to store them. He started when he saw it open and exposed. Some of the fruit appeared to be missing. Had a critter gotten into his stash?

I found them in the mangroves. I tried one and it took my pain away, so I felt like I could function better. I gathered up the rest I could find and put them here, he came clean to his son, head bowed as he quietly added, I was hurting so badly, Ju. It wasn’t my best moment…

As he stared down at what remained of the yeasty lot, his wife’s voice and his daughter’s voice echoed in his head.

“Is this why Ava almost drowned?”

“Fuck you.”

“Did Ava fall into the sea while you were drinking?”

“Fuck you.”

“Did we almost lose her because this is more important to you?”

“Fuck you.”

“Both of you failed our daughter!”

“Fuck you.”

He thought to himself, It’s not fair.

Caracal began trembling again, then outright shaking.

I didn’t deserve that.

In reticent quiet, he follows his father to a shallow indentation in the sand. He peers down, expressionless as he listens to his father’s explanation. It’s just a pile of old fruit. How did a pile of old fruit do all this?

He clutches a mouthful of it and walks to the ocean’s edge. He releases his jaws and watches bits thunk into the spray. He returns, clutching more, and repeats until every last piece of fruit has been swallowed up by the depths.

He lingers along the edge a moment before turning back to face Caracal.

“Why are you hurting, Dad?”

Caracal’s confession didn’t seem to affect Judah at all, much less move him. Tears began gathering in the older man’s eyes.

He started when Judah took some of the fruit in his mouth. Don’t! he thought now. But the boy didn’t swallow. He carried the fruit away. Caracal looked after him but didn’t follow. He sat in quaking silence as the young man made several trips to empty the cache.

When the task was finished, Judah looked at him again. He asked a question. Caracal’s face crumpled.

Losing a child is the worst pain you could ever imagine, Ju, he whispered huskily, tears flowing freely now and snot running from his nose. I hope you never know what it’s like.

First Abel, then Tzedeq and Ana. He’d almost lost Ava too. He’d saved her only to lose her too. He’d lost all of them now, except for the son who who looked at him like he didn’t recognize his papa.

The shaking stopped. He felt cold.

I DON’T DESERVE THIS.

Even as his father cries, Judah holds solemn, shrouded in his own stark confusion.

“W-what about mom? She lost the babies also. We all did. And now… now I bet she thinks she lost you.”

“Whatever that is,” he sweeps a paw towards the now barren dint, “it really hurt them, Dad. D-do you see that?”

Yeah, he agreed hoarsely, she did. But… why did she leave, Ju? Why did she take everyone with her and leave me here? Why not stay here and talk to me? She just got angry and shouted. They both did. Your mama and Dinah, they said such—

But did it bear repeating? Caracal’s guts churned. He didn’t want to turn Judah against his mother and sister, even if none of it was fair at all.

I was trying to find them to apologize and beg forgiveness, he explained, the words like ashes in his mouth now, when I found you. Only you.

He could feel anger coiling inside him now, fury at the unjust treatment and the rapid abandonment. Where was the love? The faith? The growing resentment centered on Heda and Dinah but extended to everyone who’d left. Everyone but Judah.

Caracal blinked, eyes glassy. The tears had stopped but his entire face ached and throbbed. He looked around at the island, emptied save for the two of them. A strange look crept over his face.

Turning his eyes back to his son, Caracal said, Thank you for staying and talking with me, Ju. And though he was terrified of the answer, he made himself ask, What will you do now?

“I guess we all need some time. To figure things out,” His jaw clenches, he stares at his paws in the sand, confused. He didn’t want to have to pick a side. There were no sides.

But then his father asks what he will do, and he frowns.

“Now… I-I’m gonna learn how to swim. And then after, I’m gonna hunt so we have something to eat tonight.” He steps towards his father and gently wraps an arm around his waist. He looks up into his face. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

On the same day his father and sister lost their faith, Judah Redhawk decided it was time to grow up.

They should’ve figured out things together, Caracal thought, but he didn’t refute his son. It was a rather wise thing to say. It made the young father wonder if Judah was acting distant because he was trying to be pragmatic. He was suddenly very glad he’d decided not to badmouth Heda and Dinah.

But just as he came to accept his son’s level head and maturity, Judah’s arms finally came around him. Caracal wanted to weep. Instead, he froze in surprise before hugging Judah more tightly than he’d ever hugged anybody in his whole damn life. He sobbed out a single note at the reminder, “I love you.”

Love you too, Ju, his papa said, still clinging to him for as long as his son would let him.

When the boy finally pulled away to do his filial duties, Caracal gazed after him with more gratitude than he could ever fathom. But Judah’s insistence on staying by his side only put the rest of the family’s behavior in stark contrast.

Caracal would do everything in his power to hide it from Judah but now… now, he was getting angry.