Wheeling Gull Isle sour handover

Ugly thoughts plagued him as Caracal stomped through the surf, the stormy sky reflecting his present mood. He hadn’t slept at all the night before and now his brain flickered with terrible and increasingly insane notions.

Was he a bad father, despite all his efforts?

Were the newest four even his or were they @Everett’s?

(Did he even want them to be his?)

If Everett was their father and @Heda was their mother, where did that leave Caracal?

Was there a special connection between those two?

AUGH!!! Caracal shouted in frustration, slamming a fist into the breakers.

He began wading deeper into the saltwater, because where else should he pour these horrid emotions? Caracal began to cry somewhere in there, the sound of it drowned out by a peal of thunder.

making SO many assumptions based on the john and simeon thread forgive me i will make changes if need be LOL. also feel free to tell me to beat it if you'd rather have someone else join this!

Recovery from almost-drowning was harder than it seemed.
Confined to the den for several days, subjected to extra-mushy food, and (probably) banned from going near the ocean without supervision — needless to say, she had been miserable! And she was sure Simeon had been, too. He was her only confidant; he knew what happened, at least.
But today, for the first time in what felt like forever, she ventures out again. This time, she follows Daddy. That had to be allowed, right?
Waddling on sore little legs, she pads a good ways behind him as quiet as she can. Dinah Redhawk had begun her sleuthing phase. The sky above was so ugly, threatening; a blue-gray blanket that hangs low above their heads. Why would Daddy be going out in this?
She makes it all the way to the beach when she hears the AUGH!, and it brings a flinch, batty little ears immediately swiveling to the sides of her head. Was he angry? Was he angry at her?
Once her paws touch the sand, she comes to a stop and slinks down into a sit, a good tentative ten feet behind him. Daddy? she croaks. What's wrong?

Lightning struck out at sea. Caracal sucked in a great breath at the sight and stopped crying to marvel for a moment. It was a sign from God, he just knew it, but he didn’t know what it meant.

Something he did know was that Towhee had very nearly been hit by lightning recently. He shouldn’t mess around. The tide pulled at him but Caracal turned and began to push toward shore, ducking his head against a sudden downpour.

He thought he heard something and squinted at the beach, where he saw a red speck through the rainfall. Was that Dinah? He felt a burst of anger at her for being out here in this weather, when she was already in a bad way. But it was as short-lived as the bolts of lightning tearing across the sky.

Dinah! We need to find cover, Caracal said, leaping out of the shallows and gently pushing his daughter inland, toward the grove of trees at the foot of The Greenhills.

Lightning snarls across the sky, a white-hot flash that lights up the scorned expression of Daddy and the terrified one of little Dinah. Her tail tucks between her legs, and for a good moment, she's frozen. What is that? she mewls, voice somewhere between a whisper and a shout—
BOOM.
It's awfully close, that time, just above the clenched fist of the waves that roar and reach for her and her father.
The tears are soon to come after, right about when she gets shoved. Desperately, her little paws wrap around his neck and cling for dear life — completely unaware that she's much too old for such a gesture and is more than likely weighing him down.
She is overwhelmed and stricken with weeks worth of fear and shame and disappointment. God is angry with her; He is so angry, so so angry, and what seals this idea in her head is another bolt that flashes in front of her eyes.
She is overwhelmed, and all she can do is cry.
I'm scared! I'm sorry! I'm sorry-y-y! She all but wails, eyes clenched shut as her little cheeks flush pink. She wasn't even quite sure who she was apologizing to or what for. All she knew was that she was sorry and that she didn't want to die. 

Dinah’s forelegs came up to wrap around his neck, catching Caracal off guard and strangling him more than a little. Instinctively, he lowered his head and brought a foreleg around his child’s shoulders, tugging her closer to his chest and pressing his nose in between her ears.

It’s okay, I’m here, he said, lips brushing her forehead before Caracal added, Hang on tight, spider monkey.

Holding her against him with one foreleg, he very awkwardly and slowly humphed up the wet beach toward the nearby grove. When they came under the cover of the trees, he gently deposited Dinah on the ground and collapsed beside her.

It took him a moment to catch his breath, though as soon as he did, he raised his head a little to look at his daughter and say, We’re safe enough here. It’s mostly just lots of noise and water. C’mere.

Wearily, he pulled her close to him again. They were both soaked, though at least the air was warm. All the same, Caracal began to lick Dinah dry, hoping to soothe any remaining fear she felt.

What’re you doing out here, anyhow? he asked, some crabbiness sneaking into his voice before he caught himself. I’m not mad or anything, I’m just worried about you, Dinah Marina, he assured, giving her a squeeze. Do you know how dear you are to me?

Never before did Dinah think she would be afraid of two of the things she loved most in this world — that being the sea and God — but here she was, a heap of red fur clutched tightly to her father's collarbone. She lets herself be carried to safety, her sobs eventually dwindling into quiet hiccups, and flops down to earth with little paws tucked close to her chest.
I'm cold, she whimpers, pressing her face into the cream colored Dad-chest in front of her. He stinks of water and iron, but that's okay. I'm sorry. again, and she doesn't really know what for.
She all but crumples in front of him, tail wrapping around her trembling form in a desperate attempt to conserve body heat. He says he's not mad, but she doesn't really believe him. I jus' wanted to know where you were going, she blinks the remnants of tears from her eyes, sky blue pointed up at him. you looked sad. and she felt as if it was her fault.
And not long after, he asks if she knows how dear she is to him. That makes her start crying again, and this time, it is quiet; the only noticeable sign being the shakiness of her breaths. I forget sometimes.

“I forget sometimes,” she said and it was as if Dinah had taken a knife, shoved it in his gut and twisted it.

Trying to ignore how horrible her words made him feel, Caracal held her close and continued drying her. He didn’t say anything, afraid he would begin bawling himself if he tried. His movements were gentle and loving, a physical manifestation of his desire to be a good dad.

She was only a little kid, he reminded himself between passes of his tongue through her wet fur. Dinah didn’t know what she was saying and she couldn’t understand how hard he was trying. She probably couldn’t make sense of her feelings after all the changes lately, so it simply manifested this way. Caracal couldn’t blame her for feeling upset—he missed when it was just the six of them too—but it still hurt him that his little girl doubted his love.

Do you know what the word ‘faith’ means, Dinah? he asked quietly, the storm ebbing into a steady rainfall.

Daddy went quiet, but the meticulous cleaning did not stop. Nor did the crying. It felt as if Dinah had been crying more as of late than she had in her entire life thus far. The lack of his voice against the downpour was suffocating, and she peeps out another I'm sorry, because clearly she had said something he did not like.
The storm comes to a calm, and she wonders if maybe that means God has accepted her apology. But maybe not. She couldn't tell what He was thinking, and it made her so nervous. Was He looking down upon her with judgment? Disdain? Disappointment? Or was He pleased?
Should she be afraid of Him?
Her shivering comes to a stop, and she is pressed flush against his body in a tiny, gangly-limbed ball. He asks her if she knows what faith means, and she thinks she does, so she nods. It's like believing in God, right? She's hopeful he'll say yes, prove to her that she had done something right, because it felt like she hadn't done so in eons.

Yeah, he replied, his lips twitching into a smile for two seconds before drooping again. Faith is when you have complete confidence and trust in something’s existence, even when you can’t see it and there’s really nothing to prove it’s there. You just know it, Caracal explained, tapping her chest gently, in your heart.

He gave Dinah a moment to process before continuing, Please, have faith in me, Dinah Marina. Know that I love you unconditionally. I always have and I always will. Love is not a finite resource, so no matter who else I love—like your mama and your brothers—it doesn’t take away from my love for you. Do you understand?

Love is not a finite resource.
She thinks about it. Truly, he was right; she did not love her brothers nor her Mama more or less than Daddy, so why would he feel differently than her? Oh, she peeps, a little tilt to her head. It made sense. I understand. I think.
And surely, the weight of this conversation would be much heavier as she ages. When the day comes that Daddy is no longer here, she will think about this night where he held her in his strong arms and reaffirmed his love for her when she had doubted it. She will think of being seven weeks old with large paws to grow into; clueless and full of so much emotion that she did not know what to do with, and she will remember how her Daddy took it and kissed it gently and set it free.

But tonight, she is just a little girl.

She nestles closer to his chest, deciding that the perfect place for her nose is the curve of his armpit. I love you too, she mumbles. you're my favorite.
And then, a devilish, high-pitched, uniquely Dinah giggle, one that had not graced the earth in weeks. But promise not to tell Mama.

He wondered if her young mind could possibly comprehend such a concept, though Dinah said she thought she understood. That was all Caracal could expect for now, he supposed, and he swallowed a sigh as she snuggled closer to his chest. He didn’t even have to think about wrapping his foreleg more tightly around her small body.

Her words warmed his heart a little, as did the sound of her giggle, but Caracal couldn’t bring himself to smile at her joke. She was too little to know how emotionally drained—and whiplashed—he felt lately. He didn’t want to burden her by trying to explain it, either, so he just nuzzled her ear and held her a while.

Eventually, he said, We ought to get back to the den before your mama gets worried, and released Dinah to stand up.

He shook out his damp fur, thankful that the rain had slacked off into more of a drizzle. If they hurried, they wouldn’t get that much wetter. Caracal nosed Dinah encouragingly when a final grumble of thunder sounded off in the distance, followed by one last show of lightning.

After he saw her safely home, tucked her into bed and waited for her to fall asleep, Caracal knew he would need to go back out again. His daughter’s appearance had momentarily distracted him but he could still feel it. He needed more time to exorcise the rest of these horrid emotions.