Hushed Willows Even if it makes me blind, I just wanna see the light

@Reina !

She'd found the perfect spot.

Come spring, it would be a garden. For now it was nothing more than a snowy patch of land in the meadow, a little miniature island of sorts tucked between frozen waterways. Reverie paced the length of it several times before her hips began to ache. Pregnancy was such a hassle.

She picked a place and dug up some of the snow, creating a little pocket to dig herself into — except, a little pocket didn't quite do the trick. Not with a giant belly to haul around; had she ever gotten this big with Blossom? How many pups were in there? Reverie kicked up a little more snow before she flopped down with a sigh. At least she didn't feel like she was dying this time. Most days, anyway.

An odd fluttering sensation just beneath her skin froze all her thoughts in place. Her ears perked immediately, and she stared at her belly for a long moment. The fluttering returned, strengthening into an erratic pulsing, and this time she saw it. Just barely. Her babies were moving. They were moving.

Her babies. It was the first time she'd truly thought of them as hers.

The only place she hadn’t explored was the Marsh, the outer perimeter of Hearthwood, and of course, she didn’t for a reason. It felt like an impossible task, to expose herself to the outer world beyond her pack lands. The furthest she travelled was the start of the Meadow; from what she could see, it was a gorgeous area—well, at the very least it will be come the warmer months. 

And, it was there that she ventured to the more northern part of the area where she saw a glimpse of her Coach, swollen belly dug down into the snow, the glow of motherhood radiating her already ethereal aura. The red wolf had missed seeing her since their kerfuffle of a “talk”. A burning and bleeding heart had kept her up in the night, her mind replaying their conversation, each pass having a different ending. If she had been able to see past her shame, she could have seen Reverie’s words for what they were: a warning, not entirely aggressive, but protective for not only Everett, but for her as well.

Heat can put females into blinders, only seeing what it wants them to see; procreating and furthering the canid species. Anyone could see that the timing was awful and wholly wrong, Reina knew better than anyone that she was being a bit erratic. Though she has only just come into her adult age, some may consider her still to be naive, especially in the ways of womanhood. 

It very well could be that combined with the trauma. Only time will tell and for Reina to be ever vigilant until this all blows over. Yet, she still struggled to get the men out of her head. Damn her genetic makeup! Though, there was always the female option, one that she has thought about many times before, had dallied in short stints when she was younger. But, alas, they do not help procure a family born from her own making. 

Speaking of, she had noticed the way Reverie had turned to her belly in curiosity or astonishment—maybe, both—and, though it caused little pangs of jealousy that beat along with her heart, she couldn’t help the smile that reached her eyes. There was a time where Reina was worried for her golden friend, but not now, not when she could see the radiance of motherhood finally agreeing with her friend.

It was time to break the ice, or rather, to douse the fire that had threatened the tie between herself and Reverie. Her voice was soft, apologetic, but without waver. “Hey, is this where angels come to rest? Because I seemed to have found one, resting her wings. Any chance this angel might accept my company?”

She hadn't expected to see Reina so soon, but welcomed the Middleman's presence nonetheless. It had never been her intention to leave a rift between them. Reverie's opinion had not changed since their last conversation, but had softened in some ways. It wasn't that she never wanted to see Everett find someone; it just seemed far too soon to her.

There's plenty of space, but you'll have to dig your own hole, She said with a faint smile, leaning back into the snow as if to emphasize her point. That Reina still thought of her as an angel was another surprise, but Reverie said nothing of it for now. Instead she glanced around at the little patch of land. I plan to build a garden here, come spring. I've always wanted one, but... But the opportunity had always been ripped away from her before she could realize that dream.

Well, now we'll have one, She finished, eyes still flitting over the snowy little island.

She padded closer, tongue lolling as she chuckled at her friend’s expense. “Careful, you might become part of that garden you’re hoping to see if you keep digging your belly down too far. Might get stuck someday. Though, I’d think you’d make a wonderful addition.” A wink and another warm laugh.

Sky-filled eyes observed the area in which lay both lay, picturing the impending future as the weather will soon become warm enough for new growth. Flowers, shrubbery, birds, butterflies, rabbits and weasels…and, hopefully, little paws and squealing laughter, round furry bodies of babes enjoying the garden that Reverie cultivated for them. Reina would help, of course, and she would mind the babies so their parents can have some form of respite. 

It was a beautiful scene, one she longed for almost as much as the golden female before her.

Reverie laughed at that. Oh, I would make a terrible plant! I never stay in one place for long, Even confining herself to the Hushed Willows was maddening at times. She stayed only for Boone's sake; if not for him, she might have been out in the valley even now, caution thrown to the wind. What was a little pregnancy in the face of the whole world just waiting to be seen?

But the world would have to wait for now. It might not be so bad though, She went on. Plants don't get pregnant. Pregnancy is a scam, Reina, it's terrible. I'm always hungry, and everything gives me gas. It was a truly humbling experience to spend half the night sleepless purely because she couldn't stop farting. Reverie was certain she'd never do this again.

Her heart felt lighter as she and Reverie found humor in such awkward times. It was surely better than butting heads with her Coach, her first friend in the Teekons. 

Though the golden wolf was radiant in the last few stages of her pregnancy, Reina could see, and with the Coach’s admission, that it was taking its toll on her. She had hoped that Boone was caring for his wife adequately; she hadn’t seen much of him as of late. 

“Mmm…I do think that pregnancy suits you, but I hope, for your sake, it ends soon resulting in healthy babes. Your husband has been scarce lately. I do not doubt the Harbinger, but as one of the pack healers—in-training,” she paused to laugh a little sheepishly, ”I just wanted to make sure that you are being cared for well and not expending so much of your energy on others.” 

What she didn’t say, though it could be inferred if the golden girl felt inclined to read between the lines, was that Reina was offering her assistance of any kind in case Boone was not capable, or willing. Becoming a father can also be very stressful, but not any moreso than growing little wolves inside the body.

Reverie quieted as Reina addressed what had become the elephant in the room over these last weeks. She knew that everyone saw it, but thus far no one had said anything, just as no one had said anything at Swiftcurrent Creek. They were all content to watch it happen, perhaps blame her when all was said and done. Just like the first time.

So she'd tried to ignore it. She thought that maybe if she kept her mouth shut, pretended to be happy, maybe — it would be different. Maybe it would all just go away. But it hadn't.

The pack has been left to me, Reverie admitted quietly, unable to look at Reina. All of it. I - I'm afraid he's going to leave me. Why else would he withdraw from the pack which had been his vision, his dream? And she would be alone again with a future she'd chosen with someone else in mind.

It took a bit of effort to still her face at Reverie’s admission, but she managed, her gaze softening as she watched the facade finally drop. Even though she did not have a close relationship with the Harbinger, she still felt the absence, and in turn it angered her. How could this male, who seemed to covet his wife, allow her to deal with pack politics—in her condition, no less!

She held back the growl of frustration at the male, but her tone darkened nonetheless as she spoke. “If that is the case, I will personally take on the job of making sure he never forgets what he has lost.” She sighed, the anger short lived. It was an empty threat, of course, though she did attempt to think of ways to make his life hell should he do what Reverie believes of him.

But, is it really as Reverie says? Has he truly pulled away from his wife, from his pack, because he couldn’t deal with becoming a father and the responsibility that is placed on top of the responsibility born from running a pack? 

Of what she knew of him, Reina had a hard time fathoming the sudden cut of ties. And so she voiced it. “Angel, I really don’t think that is true. He adores you. I have seen the way you both look at each other. And, he wouldn’t leave the pack that was built from your love. I truly believe that.”

As much as she wanted to take comfort in Reina's reassurance, she knew better. Reverie shook her head. My first husband adored me, too. He left his home for me. He killed a man for me, Her eyes finally found Reina, shining with the beginnings of tears now. And in the end he wanted nothing more than to get away from me.

Boone would hate to hear me comparing him to my ex, A quiet, bitter laugh accompanied the words. Her gaze fell away, back to the snow. Maybe that will be the reason he leaves. Too much - baggage. Anyone would be exhausted, dealing with me and all my fears.

But he knew what he was getting into, Reverie sighed. They both did. Men always think of themselves as more capable than they truly are.

Her own eyes welled with unshed tears as she watched her Light dim. This was the first time Reina had seen such emotion from her Coach, it was… unsettling. She also felt a guilt settle in her gut as she replayed their last conversation; Reverie had been dealing with pack matters, hosting guests from neighbor packs, being pregnant, and then Reina comes along with her hormonal ass eyeing the newly absorbed brother! 

Reverie had enough on her plate than to deal with that. Though the affairs of the heart are hard to ignore, she would try to lighten Reverie’s load by not bringing him into conversation that involved herself. There was something the red wolf didn’t know of their family, what Reverie and Everett have been through, but the male’s words had been enough to allude that something hadn’t been quite right in their early lives.

She would do anything if it meant it would protect her lovely friend the heartache she would endure should Boone truly remove himself from her life. Whatever it took. She owed much to her golden Angel, and it pained her to see the girl broken when it should be a time of happiness.

With her nose she nudged the girls cheek. “Men, shmen. I witnessed a women’s circle held by Kukutux not too long ago. Though it was an utter failure, some women yelled, cried—myself included—but it was an enlightening experience. Women are powerful beings, capable of doing what no man ever could. Men may come and go, Reverie, but women do not. Not for each other.” She had crawled, closing the distance between them while she spoke, now placing her forehead gently to Reverie’s, tone soft but there was strength woven in the words.

“Listen to me. No matter if what you say is true or not, I will not leave you. You are my dearest, most treasured friend, I could—and would—never let you do this on your own. If Boone cannot handle you at your worst, then he does not deserve your best. He does not deserve this pack. You have been the guiding light to many of us here.”

She nodded as Reina spoke, knowing the truth in her words. Even so, it felt real now in a way it hadn't before, and Reverie began to weep freely as the Middleman closed the distance between them. She hadn't wanted to be anyone's leader; she hadn't wanted to be anyone's guiding light. All she'd wanted was to be happy.

Reverie trembled as she tucked herself closer to Reina, wanting desperately to take comfort in her presence. And she was right, truly. No woman had ever abandoned her the way the men in her life always did. She'd always been the one to flee first; from Bjarna, from Moss, from Wren, even Tauris. She regretted each of them terribly.

But this time she wouldn't run. This time there was too much tying her here.

Thank you, Reina, She murmured, suddenly exhausted by the weight of her emotions. She was so tired of shedding tears for men who would never love her enough to stay.

Maybe it was time to stop.

“Shh, shh, shh, all will be well, Reverie. Whatever happens, all will be well.” Reina snuggled in closer as the her friend caved into herself, becoming a pillar, a rock, for the golden girl to lean on. With every beat of her heart, it wept for the girl, knowing the heartache she may be feeling. The loss, though anticipatory as it was.

There was something stirring the pack, what it was she couldn’t discern, but it all felt strange, overwhelming. The stress of a leader dropping their post may be the culprit, or maybe it was just Life. Life could be trying to play tricks on her pack, like it had throughout hers. It made her anxious, but she couldn’t dwell on that now, not when Reverie was here, in her arms, weeping.

No—the red woman was here for her, and always will be.

As Reverie’s well dried, Reina nosed her cheeks, helping to dry them. It couldn’t be helped, being this close, that blue orbs gazed into liquid gold, and the heartbeat of the former quickened, cheeks beginning to redden softly. The red’s eyes snapped closed, a cough to cover the way she turned away quickly.

“Ahem, sorry. Got a little phlegmy…” she chuckled, deep down internally cringing. Sun and moon, she cursed to herself, can we not do this right now, heart and brain?

Of course, though, the organs did not answer with words, but the heart fluttered and her brain agreed. She loved Reverie. Not a good time for realization, and nothing she would press, this was too much of a vulnerable time for the guilded lady. And, it would honestly be a stupid move on her part.

She'd always been perceptive in matters of the heart; she'd always seen the little signs of Reina's affection for her, but there had never been any room for it. That was still true. Reverie could only accept the Middleman's excuse with a faint, tired smile. There was too much sorrow in her, too much cold grey water filling her lungs and throat to feel anything else. She could think of nothing but getting through today. Just today.

Reverie tucked herself closer, burying her face in Reina's fur now. Just today. One day at a time until the fire had raged and burned itself out, and all that was left was to pick through the ashes and see what might grow anew. Maybe Reina would still be there. Maybe she would still look at Reverie and see an angel.

If it had been her time to leave this world, she would have thought nothing better than where she was, curled up into Reverie. But, again, it was for naught as she knew this was a fleeting moment among all the rest, nothing more than a figment of a dream she won’t ever know. 

Not with Reverie, not with anyone.

Regardless, she would pretend. Dream. She would be happy, if only for this small moment in time.