Redhawk Caldera heartstone

"i glad kivaluk here to help," teya said quietly to @Maia and @Eljay one evening after bronte and she had decided their path forward. "happy to see that pack have little ones."
her throat ached.
"i — taking bronte and pony and bridget to go on trip. into sunspire. i —" she hurt; "i not sure if kids and i coming back."
there. god. everyone understood, right? she could hardly look at them now but forced her eyes up and up, to regard them with the love and respect she'd always borne them both, not only as packmates or co-leads or even just in-laws, but deep and abiding family.

Having spent most of the day checking the borders and fishing (with moderate, if unimpressive, success), Maia had decided to spend some time with Eljay that evening. She’d been thrilled when Teya asked to join them, knowing how long it had been since they’d spent any time together that wasn’t in passing.

Teya wasn’t an easy wolf to read and Maia hadn’t been sure what was best for her to do after… well, everything. It was so incredibly hard for her to imagine how the other woman felt, and just thinking about it set her anxiety off to new highs. She didn’t want to imagine it. So, a little selfishly, she’d allowed Teya her space.

Too much, maybe. Of course Maia was going to immediately blame herself for Teya not wanting to come back. Despite there being a dozen different reasons for her wanting to start over someplace new, Maia couldn’t help jumping to the conclusion that if she’d been a better friend, this conversation wouldn’t be happening.

Are you sure? Dummy, of course she isn’t. She just said she wasn’t.. Sorry, I mean… is there anything we can do? To make things better for you here? The smile she’d gained at the mention of their grandchildren was gone now, replaced with a slightly distressed curiosity.

Eljay knew that things weren't well with Teya. He'd known for a while. How could they be, after all that happened? After all that was taken from her? He tried his best to be there for his friend, but it seemed as though his visits never quite brought the relief from her sorrows that he aimed to bring. It seemed that nothing he did could.

He knew things were bad, but he didn't know they were that bad. When Teya announced she was going on a trip, he nodded, hopeful. A trip. A trip would be good. A trip would give her some time away from her grief, so she could return with fresh hope for the future.

He knew things were bad all along, but it didn't dawn on him until Teya said she might not return that they were that bad. .. What? he brought out, clearly shocked at this news. The hopeful smiled on his face immediately slipped into a frown. You're leaving? He needed a moment to compose himself. Swallowed. Took a deep breath. This wasn't about him. This wasn't about their friendship. This was about what she needed. He knew he needed to push aside his own feelings for this. Needed to regard her.


Of - of course, he said, falling over his words, unable to find his composure. A sensation that washed over him like an old enemy; familiar, shameful, painful. Whatever you need. If there's anything... He swallowed and trailed off there, unsure what else to say. There was nothing. He glanced at Maia, then back to Teya. Nothing he could say or do that might bring her back after her trip, and he knew it.

it hurt to see the worry in their faces, the emotion that swept them both. teya almost wished to cry then, but an entire lake of tears per year had fallen from her eyes, and it was why they remained dry now. not a single one of them had ever changed anything for her.
"i love you both so much," the raven said hoarsely, reaching to press first maia's paw and then that of eljay. "there nothing you can do. where brecheliant is love and light and family, i only see my own failing. have cried everywhere. sorana gone. boris left. pony quiet. bronte sad. need to — reset."
they understood, she knew they did, and still she felt as if she were running from them, abandoning them, no matter how much her heart hurt to wake every morning in the caldera, surrounded by graves and bleak memories.

Maia knew that it was selfish to take it personally. She could see how upset her reaction had made Teya, but that didn’t make it any easier. She could have done more. Should have done more.

You haven’t failed. Maia replied, stepping forward and pulling Teya into a firm hug. None of that was failure. She didn’t really know what else to say, but she was likely going to end up crying for them both.

Eljay felt similarly to her. She sensed it, and at least she knew she wasn’t alone feeling that way. They’d been caught up in their own things, their own family, and thought that Teya was taking her time to heal. If she’d known…

A few tears did come then and she let them. She’d let Eljay say what he needed to; she wasn’t ready to let go just yet.