Swiftcurrent Creek How did I lose it when I was right there?

This thread is for me ok, no trespassing, beware of dog
Set for tomorrow

Reverie had thought that Lestan's return would bring with it some kind of mending, some measure of soothing; not wholly, but at least in part. She'd thought that she would feel better. But his presence quickly began to wear away at her. It often felt as if she could hardly see him over the palisade of hurt and betrayal built with each of the decisions he'd made these last weeks. There was no doubt in her mind that he could tell; sometimes she just couldn't hide it. Sometimes, when she reached for the warmth of the love that still existed between them, it simply... stalled within her, and she would freeze; her touches cooled and the passion died from her kisses as soon as they'd started, and tears would sting her eyes. Only sometimes. But even that was too often.
She had not managed more than a few bites of food since his rejection of her. Reverie knew that he would have noticed that, too, by now — and eventually Blossom would as well. The latter could not happen, and so when she next found herself alone, she chose something to force down. The thought of eating made her feel ill. She did not want to gain more weight; she wanted her body back, she wanted to feel beautiful again. She wanted Lestan to want her again.
Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much to love him.
And that mattered, now more than ever, because she truly had nothing else. Moss surely hated her now. Arric had not come to visit since Lestan's return, and so she could only assume the same of him. Akavir had never liked her, and she wondered now if he would even want her here anymore. It was funny, really, the way everything had fallen apart so quickly. For the briefest moment in time, Reverie had almost felt that she was getting somewhere. She'd bonded with her packmates, settled herself in a way she'd never managed before, even taken up healing again without much of a hitch —
And then she had thrown all of it away for Lestan, who in the end had not even chosen her the way she'd wanted. Reverie didn't think she could ever forget that. Sometimes, when she thought about it too much, she was filled with a feeling that scared her. A wild sort of hopelessness, a reckless urge to take Blossom and run. If Lestan could not stay for her, why should she stay for him? In the end what kept her was the fact that Blossom was too young for such a journey. Reverie sometimes wondered if Lestan sensed how close he was to losing her even now.
But overwhelmingly she felt that none of her feelings truly mattered, not anymore. She'd made her decisions, and now all she could do was take stock of the doors still open to her and choose one. The door to her own happiness, if it had ever really existed, was long closed. So she made her choice for Blossom now.
Reverie picked reluctantly at her chosen meal, because she had to feed her daughter. Still, knowing it did nothing for her lack of resolve. She could not muster any enthusiasm for it, and so it would be slow-going and painful until the meal was done.

His regret was only mounting as time passed. Kel had found it difficult to get a moment alone with either of the wolves he'd committed to helping, but he found it most challenging to even speak to Reverie. She seemed to ignore him as often as possible; coldly, which he was grateful for, because he was still quite wary of the fire she'd met him with. It was clear that she was troubled — and Kel, to his shame, found sympathy more easily for her than for Lestan.
Fear came more easily with her, too. He was eager to seize the moment when he finally found her alone, but even so his approach was hesitant. Slow. Hello, Reverie, He greeted quietly, keeping his distance for now; her daughter was at her flank, and he had no desire to poke that particular bear. His head tilted slightly, thoughtful. You feeling sick? He tried to give them all plenty of space, and so he wasn't around quite often enough to know Reverie's eating habits. But he could see the reluctance in her easily enough, and it seemed like a convenient segue into his intended topic.

Kel was an unwelcome addition to the situation, and he would know it by the glare which met his approach. Reverie stiffened as she looked up, tucked Blossom closer to her, and set her meal aside. No, She answered immediately, voice equally stiff. It was none of his business, really.
I'm sure Lestan could use your help with something, Reverie added after a moment, shifting with a pointed impatience. Couldn't he see that he was intruding? More than anything, she wanted to tell him to leave and never come back — but she could not risk upsetting Akavir further. So all she could do was make herself as unwelcoming as possible, and hope that he would get sick of her and leave of his own accord.

Yeah, she hated him. It was obvious she wanted him to leave, but Kel sat down instead in the manner of a doctor pulling up his chair. I'm sure he could, He said mildly. But I'm talking to you. Kel wasn't about to escalate the situation, but neither was he going to bend to this kind of behavior. It was childish.
Childish. He could have laughed for how thrilled he was to have made the connection, but he knew he would have a hell of a time explaining that one away. Kel felt more confident now that he had some idea of where to start, though. Why'd you decide to move dens? He inquired, deciding he needed a new approach; something innocent and distracting, just to get things started.

Reverie held her glare for a few more moments, but eventually she dropped her gaze and sighed. She felt very unlike herself, and was aware of it even now; that swell of light inside of her had never really left, and she recognized it now as something feral and distrusting. Something that urged her to fend off the world and seal herself and her family away forever, in blood if necessary. Kel was being more patient than she deserved.
Still, she knew what he was, and did not trust him. There was - blood. My blood. It was - well, being pregnant was difficult for me. I'm still recovering, I think, Reverie realized how confusing this explanation was, but couldn't bring herself to clarify further. Besides — But I'm fine. I like it better here, I think. It's safer. A place where she would never need to worry about being cornered, unable to take Blossom and flee if the need arose.

It was the most he'd ever heard her speak, and Kel began to understand what Akavir had meant. She didn't make much sense. He couldn't see how this den was any safer than the one she'd left; if anything, it was the opposite. But he didn't argue. Kel had learned this lesson in The Evergarden, when he'd first started this journey, and remembered it well.
They'd treated victims and perpetrators alike in The Evergarden, but Kel himself had preferred to work with the victims. Ironically, perhaps, they took the worst to arguments: from shutting down to launching into violent fits, he was pretty certain he'd seen it all. Dealt with it all. Unease passed through him at the memories; they weren't entirely pleasant. And back then he'd had support: guards and doctors, real doctors! Diagnosis was not his realm; neither was medication, sadly. Lestan and Reverie likely needed both, but Kel just wasn't qualified for it. He would give what he could, and hope that it was enough.
Right. So, He took a deep breath and made a mental note to ask later about safer. You feel better here? Kel was gentle in his prompting, and tried to seem unassuming.

Did he think he was being subtle? For a moment Reverie could only think, rudely, that she had seen better. Then she felt guilty; he was only trying to help, after all. What Kel didn't know was that she wasn't really crazy. What was truly wrong with her was something that couldn't be fixed, and Lestan —
It overwhelmed her to recall what he'd told her of his past, his curse — their curse? She thought so; it was the only thing that made sense, that she had always been a part of this, always connected to him. Those words, they had been about her, hadn't they? Except — the curse was because he was a Mayfair, he'd said, and that was one thing she knew she was not. Ophelia had been a Medeiros, and Reverie...
What if I'm the curse? She breathed, so shocked that she forgot entirely that Kel was there. She felt sick. It made sense; too much sense. Hadn't she brought nothing but trouble to him? Even Blossom; he hadn't wanted her, not really, and now rather than resting he was working and worrying over her. Over both of them!
I am the sun, and you will burn with me.
Reverie suddenly couldn't breathe. She stood, and remembered Kel. I'm sorry, I - Need a second. She couldn't finish, and gathered Blossom to flee to the mouth of the cave to breathe for a moment.

Hey - wait! There was very little time to react. Kel stood and stepped forward in the same frantic motion, catching Reverie before she could lift her child from where she rested. Hey, it's okay. You're safe. He tried to assure her, but he wasn't certain this was the right thing to say. Her words had been soft, but clear as day.
All he could really think about it was that's rough, buddy. It felt disingenuous, but he meant it. Kel had suffered with his own self-hatred for long enough to have some inkling of what it might be like to think of yourself as — cursed? A curse? Confusing. But he understood, as much as he could, so he tried to be gentle even as he held her firmly in place.

Reverie erupted into snarls and spiked fur the moment Kel touched her. Get away from me! How dare he? As if he had any say over her! She struggled against him for a moment, but it was useless. Even before everything with Blossom, she hadn't been the strongest. Now she was... well, very easy to restrain. She felt that brightness again, flaring inside of her —
She wrenched away from him, and her decision then was akin to forcibly snapping each rib from her chest. Reverie turned to run; to leave Blossom behind, her and Lestan, and take this awfulness with her. Jakoul could feed her. They were better off without her, both of them. Everyone would be so much better off without her.

He really should have left this to someone else. That was what guards were for; exactly this kind of situation. But in the moment all Kel could think about was the fact that he could not let her leave. That would be a failure on his part — and one that he felt he would surely be blamed for. To have made things worse would be a shame Kel was unwilling to live with. He already had so much to be ashamed of.
So, in spite of every instinct urging him otherwise, he darted after her and caught her once again. This time he meant not to block her but to pin her and keep her there. He expected violence. Frankly, he was shocked she hadn't bitten him already. Calm down, He urged; not one of his better notions, but he wasn't thinking clearly.

Anger turned to fearful desperation as Kel leapt after her and pinned her before she could even reach the mouth of the cave. Reverie's eyes were huge and panicked as she struggled to turn to look at him, no longer snarling but panting and whining frantically. Nonono not again, not again, please - She wanted to shriek, but all that came out of her was a broken cry. He was going to hurt her. He was going to drug her and lock her away.
It was too much. Far, far too much. Reverie's hyperventilation reached a peak — and then her breath caught and her eyes turned glassy, and her struggles began to fade. She began to fade. And then she wasn't there at all.

(':

It wasn't the reaction he'd expected. His heart broke just a little for her, but mostly Kel was pretty pissed. He hadn't signed up for this — but he had known it was possible. For that reason alone, he lost none of his determination to make this mission a success. The thing was:
She needed to be medicated. There was no way around it. Kel slowly let her go, cursing under his breath as he considered how he would explain this to Lestan. If the man was anywhere nearby, he'd surely heard their struggle. Come on, He said quietly, guiding Reverie back to her daughter. It was easy enough to settle her; she was much more agreeable in this state, as much as he hated to acknowledge it.
He went through the mental checklist of his own knowledge, which herbs might help. Kel didn't know much, and dosage would be a problem... he wished Faun was here! But she was not. It was only him, and he would have to make do with what he knew. So Kel hurried off, hoping Lestan was not on the way, and searched for something he might be able to use. It was obvious Reverie wasn't going anywhere.
Kel returned in short order. What she needed was to be stabilized, sedated even to an extent, and so what he gave her was something that would do both. He couldn't draw her out of this state, but assumed she would come out of it on her own. And when she did, he hoped, she would be different.

Reverie was elsewhere —
The Garden; but not forever, not for very long at all, and this she knew as soon as her eyes opened to that wonderful place. But it was a moment of peace. A moment to breathe. That was all she'd wanted.
Now she was here, and what she wanted was answers. Reverie called out for the kind man, for the woman with eyes like flames, but neither of them came to her. Silence, save for the rustling of a faint breeze through the trees. She realized belatedly that there was no breeze — but it was no cause for alarm, surely. Nothing could touch her in this place. Here, she remembered how to fly.
She called out again, and a familiar light swelled in her. Something so bright it could not be contained within her. In seconds the brightness consumed her, expanded outside of her, bathed The Garden in gold until it all disappeared.
And then it went dark.
Reverie blinked back to reality and found it changed.