Duskfire Glacier chaos machine productions

Following a heart-to-heart with her mother the night of the feast, Meerkat's head was full of noise. She was so caught up in her own internal conflict, she didn't realize what was happening with the pack. Only when she overheard @Issorartuyok calling out for Duskfire's youths with a subtle hint of urgency did she get her first whiff of trouble.

Rather mindlessly, she began to walk through the territory in search of @Lane. Meerkat was quite avidly avoiding Issorartuyok, so she couldn't exactly go and ask him what the heck he was up to right now. The thought made her chest hurt. When she thought of all the words Towhee had put in her ear, it hurt even more. She had no idea what to do with that situation.

But something else was afoot. "Lane? Lane! LANE!" the yearling found herself shouting with totally uncharacteristic impatience, her recent spate of pique choosing a wonderful moment to rear its ugly head again. "What the hell is going on around here?"

If y'all would prefer she didn't overhear that howl, just let me know and I'll edit! :)

Meerkat's shouting interrupted Lane from her task of arranging traveling herbs in bundles. Lane hurried to meet the pack's master scout, her heartbeat accelerated with worry. Meerkat had been under the weather recently, she'd heard. Lane hoped that the young Redhawk's illness hadn't developed into anything concerning... sickness within the ranks was the last thing they needed, when they were about to all be on the road. 

Lane approached Meerkat quickly, with concern etched into her brow that quickly morphed into confusion as Meerkat voiced her impatient question. 

"Oh.. you mean with that howl?" she asked, recalling vaguely that Issorartuyok had howled to gather the scouting party. 

"It's.. well, I was going to call the pack together to tell everyone at the same time, but..." Since Meerkat was here in front of her demanding answers, and looking very much opposed to waiting any longer for them, Lane revealed the plan with a sigh. 

"There was a resurgence of the sickness in the herd. It's completely wiped out." Lane's features darkened. "The pack needs to move, and Issorartuyok volunteered to put together a scouting party including some of the kids." 

Lane hesitated a bit awkwardly, and then she added, "Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't talk to you about it. I thought you'd be the first person he'd ask." Meerkat was a master scout after all, and a coach to boot. Lane could think of no wolf more suited to leading a scouting party of young wolves. 

"Did something go wrong between you on your last trip...?" Lane asked, realizing that she and Meerkat hadn't really caught up since she and Issorartuyok returned. She assumed that the pair would grow closer on the road, but maybe the close quarters had instead worked to highlight their differences? It was the only reason Lane could think of to explain why Meerkat would have been left out of Issorartuyok's scouting party.

When Lane scurried toward her, Meerkat felt a little chagrined over her little outburst. Not for the first time, she wondered what the hell was wrong with her lately. Yes, she was dealing with a lot, but she'd dealt with much worse in the past and it had never manifested quite like this. Could Towhee be right about what might be causing it?

She couldn't afford to dwell on it right this moment, not with Lane bringing her up to speed on the contagion and what it meant for the pack. Hearing that they'd decided to move gave her more than a little whiplash. Then finding out that Issorartuyok had gone ahead and arranged a scouting party that conspicuously didn't include her made her chest feel like it was on fire.

It wasn't like her to swear, yet Meerkat could only mutter, "What the fuck..." under her breath several times.

She should've been glad Issorartuyok had clearly picked up on her avoidance and was—knowing him and his honorable ways—quite likely respecting her need for space. If she had any hope of moving on, Meerkat needed some distance. But that would've been logical and she was much more emotive in this moment. Specifically, she felt pissed off. He was stealing both of her jobs and leaving her out!

Why wasn't I consulted about any of this? she thought waspishly, the look on her face probably giving away the exact nature of her thoughts.

But Lane's direct question crashed right into the side of that train of thought, derailing it. Suddenly her brown eyes cut away, skittering across the ground as her skin suddenly felt too hot and tight. She could talk to Lane about this, right? They were friends and they'd commiserated about this topic before.

"Not on the trip," she muttered, still unable to look at Lane. Instead, her eyes found the glacier, the one they might have to leave soon. Meerkat reeled in more ways than one. "We talked and he said I'd make a good wife. But it's like... a business transaction to him," she said slowly, recycling the same phrase she'd used at the time, for lack of any better way to describe it. "He doesn't have feelings for me," she concluded, looking down at her feet, "not the way I do—I did—I..." She sighed, resigned. "Do. For him."

After the second or third "what the fuck," even Lane-- who was not the best reader of emotions-- could tell that her packmate was taken aback. Maybe even a little angry about something..? Lane surmised from her expression that Meerkat hadn't appreciated being left out of the loop, which was an honest mistake. Lane was so wrapped up in preparing for the pack's response to this latest development, she hadn't really thought to bring in the Upper Tier to conference about the issue. It was probably a symptom of living as a loner for so long-- she forgot that help was available to her, and she only need request it. 

Understanding dawned quickly upon Lane's features as Meerkat described Issorartuyok's "businesslike" approach to courtship. If everything outside this conversation hadn't been so overwhelming and scary, Lane might have even laughed. "Yeah, that..." ..really does sound like Issorartuyok. 

"Damn, that sucks. Uh..." Lane tried to think of something comforting to say. She was so bad at this. "..He said you would make a good wife though, right? Isn't that like, the highest level of praise for Northerners?" She smiled wryly, thinking of Kukutux and her matchmaking. "Isn't there any part of you that can meet him where he's at right now? He obviously likes you, and he's already talking about your uh, wifeliness..." He was already like 75% there. Lane tilted her head hopefully. Maybe there was still time for Meerkat to run to Issorartuyok before he departed, like a scene at the end of a sappy romance story..?

Tuuluuwaq's face popped suddenly into Lane's mind, completely unbidden. Kigipigak's face appeared too, a milisecond later. Was Lane also in a romance story? If so, who was supposed to be her "happily ever after?"

"Damn, that sucks," Lane said and Meerkat's eyes finally lifted back to her face. She frowned at the astute observation, the expression deepening when the Alpha female tried to put a positive spin on it. Her mother had taken the same approach, trying to tell Meerkat he was a good catch and she'd definitely find a good life with him. But what the hell did Towhee know about love? What did Lane know about it either?

Her jaw clenched and she reminded herself to breathe and not lash out at the Alpha. It was bad enough she'd alienated the other. But when Lane said, "He obviously likes you..." Meerkat could not agree. Okay, sure, Issorartuyok liked her and her merits on paper. But there was nothing romantic about his interest in her. And that's what she wanted. No, that's what she needed, she'd told him so. And wasn't it?

"I don't fucking know anymore," the yearling whispered, Lane's words mixing with Towhee's in her head. "I feel like I'm losing my mind lately," she admitted in the next breath, "trying to make sense of it, trying to decide what to do, trying to decide whose advice to take. But it's my life and I don't want to settle. I—"

Meerkat thought of Atlas, how horribly it had ended and how much she wanted her happily ever after. But was she being an idyllic idiot? Could she be happy with Issorartuyok? Was there a middle ground they might find? Or should she give no quarter and hold out for someone who swept her off her feet and didn't make her feel so doubtful about all of this? Meerkat let out an explosive sigh as her brain cells whirled and crashed into each other.

"And there's a distinct possibility I really am losing my mind, or that I'm not in my right mind, anyway..." Meerkat muttered mysteriously, so quietly Lane might not even hear it.

Meerkat did not seem reassured. In fact, she went on to admit that she felt like she was losing her mind. Her and me both. Lane felt like she had been floundering ever since her children were conceived, truth be told, and stepping up to leadership had upped the ante to drowning. She could not recall the last time she looked at her reflection in Meltwater Lake and was able to even recognize herself. 

Meerkat finally ended her onslaught of self-pity with a gigantic sigh. She then started mumbling unintelligibly. 

"Hey, hey.." Lane uttered soothingly, "That's fine. Don't settle. Issorartuyok's a good guy, but he's not the only one out there.." Oof, yep, there was Tuuluuwaq's face popping up in her mind again. 

Lane felt a little guilty about her casual dalliance with the younger Tatkret brother, now that she was aware of how much difficulty Meerkat was having with the older one. Tuuluuwaq had divulged to Lane that he was seeking a love match for himself. He had also proven himself quite capable of flirtation, and so romance did not seem out of the question. Lane could't help but wonder if she and Meerkat were involved with the wrong brothers. Tuuluuwaq was the romantic, and Issorartuyok was the family man who was good with Lane's son. Wouldn't it make more sense if they just.. switched?

The heart wants what the heart wants, Lane supposed, but she did wish her own would be a little more logical. 

"..Go find one who wants to bang you just as much as he wants to wife you." She shrugged. Since her earlier attempt at comforting Meerkat went over like a lead balloon, she decided to try a different approach: blunt humor. Admittedly, this technique was much more in her wheelhouse.

If Lane did pick up on her words, she didn't press. Meerkat bit at her lip, wondering if she should share Towhee's theory with Lane. If her mom was right, this situation could get way more complicated very quickly... or it could simplify everything. There was no telling what might happen. And according to her mom, there wasn't much she could really do about it, in any case.

When the Alpha female suddenly switched gears by reminding Meerkat there were other guys out there, the yearling drew in a sharp breath. It then left her in a whoosh of startled laughter at Lane's quip. She bobbed her head, feeling slightly less crazy now. Hearing Lane say that was validating.

But it was also tragic. And that was the running theme lately, wasn't it? Despite how much she both did and did not want to hash out this subject further with Lane, Meerkat suddenly thought about her mention of moving a moment ago. When it rains, it pours, I guess, she thought with a touch of bitterness.

"I can't believe we have to move. Are you guys absolutely sure there's no other option? Do you think..." Meerkat trailed off as she pondered how everyone else was going to take the news, once she stopped hogging Lane's attention and gave the leader an opportunity to inform the pack.

Thankfully, Meerkat laughed, and the intensity of the conversation was more or less dispelled. 

Before Lane really felt ready to face the pack's situation once more, Meerkat was directing their conversation back to the crisis at hand. Lane sighed. Couldn't they just gossip about boys for a few minutes longer, so Lane didn't have to go back to reality just yet? It felt like her whole world was all turmoil all the time, these days. 

"Do you think..."

Lane leaned forward when Meerkat trailed off. "If you have any other ideas, I'm all ears. But the herd isn't just sick again, it's gone. Like, gone gone. Wiped out." The caribou had dropped like flies within the span of about 48 hours. Lane was still reeling from the shock of it. If the pack didn't move, it would starve. Lane truly couldn't see any other way forward.

"Should I call an Upper Tier meeting before I announce the decision? Maybe someone will have another idea we haven't thought of..?" Lane's brow furrowed. She valued the opinions of her most longstanding packmates, and of course she wanted to make sure all ideas were aired. It made sense that those who had lived here longest should have a say in the final decision.

She could only shake her head and say, "I can't even wrap my head around this, much less come up with any ideas." Meerkat paused. "If you guys already talked and made that call, then there's no point in consulting with anyone else, is there? I can't say how anyone else will react to an executive decision but it kind of sounds like none of us really has a choice," she concluded, frowning sympathetically at Lane, whom she certainly did not envy right now.

As she stood there, contemplating the situation, Meerkat couldn't help but wonder: even if things had worked out with Issorartuyok, did this mean that puppies were off the table regardless? If the pack needed to relocate on the cusp of winter, would they be able to reestablish themselves well enough to support litters in the spring? The thought made her insides sink and she wondered why the universe seemed to be punishing her. It was an irrational thought to go with her irrational feelings of late.

"Maybe I'll do some solo scouting," Meerkat thought aloud. "I could use the distraction." Staying busy and focusing on the pack's problems versus her own sounded like a healthy coping method, and it would also make it easier to keep her distance from Issorartuyok... "Do you know which way, uh, he and the kids are headed, by any chance?"

Lane was so pierced by Meerkat's words, the phrases may as well have been knives: there's no point in consulting with anyone else and executive decision and none of us really has a choice were particularly cutting. Lane would look absolutely haggard.
 
She'd never meant to take away anyone's choice. For God's sake, she wasn't even a real alpha. She was only ever supposed to be a placeholder--

This was what you wanted, a small, spiteful voice inside her whispered. You said you wanted to lead in your own right...

"I never meant.." Lane countered. She realized she'd spoken aloud, and her eyes caught Meerkat's. "..To take away anyone's choice," she finished. "Honestly, I don't expect everyone to agree to come." Arius's and Ensio's parents had been put into the earth here less than a moon ago. Would the boys leave the grave behind? Would they depart from this place that they believed to be their birthright? Would Rye leave this place, knowing that Imaq and Sikuliak might someday return here, seeking him? 

"Issorartuyok is taking his family. I'm taking mine. We will lead whoever wants to follow us." Lane expected the pack would be divided. Some would stay to keep the flame of Duskfire flickering, and others would go to seek better fortune elsewhere. 

Meerkat offered to do some solo scouting, and Lane immediately understood that she needed the space to clear her head. Lane wished she had the luxury herself. "I don't know," she answered Meerkat's question, "Probably southeast, to the Valley. Mahler, from Rivenwood, mentioned that the disease had not spread there." Yet.

Lane's expression suddenly pinched and Meerkat's ears slipped backward a little as she realized how her words must've come across. She shot the Alpha female another frown, this one apologetic, but before she could offer a verbal apology, Lane implied the pack might divide. Once more, Meerkat reeled.

Weren't they all the same family? If she was wrong about that, then who belonged with Issorartuyok and who belonged with Lane? Where did Meerkat belong? Shit, maybe she should cut her losses and go hang with her mom in Moonglow. She blinked rapidly a few times, wondering...

"If that's the case, then have we considered joining with any of our allies?" the yearling wondered, warm eyes probing Lane's face. "Either way, I'll head northwest then, to cover more ground." And for other, obvious reasons.

Meerkat paused for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. Lane still looked rather raddled, understandably. Meerkat herself was still in shock, the feeling so all-consuming that it made her forget the rest of her harried emotions.

"It's a lot," the yearling murmured, "on top of a lot..." She exhaled and reached out to brush the woman's shoulder. "But we'll figure something out, Lane. When do you plan to inform everyone else? I'll hang out, you know, for moral support."