Broken Antler Fen You're just like an angel

Territory descriptions taken from here - https://wolf-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=13992

Wraen in the Wonderland. Well, that's, how she felt, having spent at the place few days now, exploring every corner and never feeling disappointed for what she had discovered. There was an area in the territory, where a flood had destroyed a forest. The water had receded somewhat, but not enough for trees to survive. Now that floor was covered in a solid, transparent ice, she got a chance to walk through the figurative graveyard. First she had surveyed only the tree trunks and the branches that reached out to the sky as if in a prayer, but suddenly she cast a glance down and realized, that beneath the ice there was whole world too. Numerous water-plants in all shapes and sizes, from deep verdant green to yellowish-brown - frozen still in time and space. 

This sight gave her a flash of inspiration and she continued to revel in that wonderful feeling, as she walked through the forest with her head down, eyes taking in the ever-changing tapestry under her feet. She thought back about a story she had told Arcturus once - the Ice dragon - and mused, whether this image taken from real life would fit in a sequel story about her or should she create a new one entirely. It had been a while, since she had been in a mood for creating a tale. Now, however, she had all the time she needed and she was in no rush to leave.

Toad had decided that it was finally time for her to branch out. Once Meerkat had told her that she had to actually make an effort to find a husband, she decided that this was exactly what she was going to do. But not in the Glen. She made a small promise to herself that as long as her duties to the pack were fulfilled, she would start to explore the surrounding areas of their great valley paradise properly.

One of the nice things about being a lone wolf, or maybe the only nice thing, was that she had been able to explore all kinds of places and scenery that was perfect for her tall tales. Fantasies or not, she always made sure to insert at least some truth in what she told.

Wandering out to the strange southern lands was not something she had ever done before, but she knew that this would be good for her. She strode through the strange place, finding what appeared to be the edge of a frozen, strange place. The weather was just cold enough to keep it this way, and she sniffed at its edge curiously. As she looked out across the frozen plane, however, she was struck with a gasp of alarm when she realized another was on the surface of the ice. Through the trees she could see this ghost of a figure walking casually upon the winter forest.

She feared immediately that the ice covering the water that covered the place would break, and called out to the other. It isn't safe!!

If Toad Amelia wanted to find a husband, she had not come to the right place. Frozen winter-landscape with a lone wolf traversing an icy plain was not exactly a Tinder App with billions of bachelors to choose from and around 1000 possible matches to make, chat and greet. And the only single man in the direct vicinity of Broken Antler Fen had recently changed his status from "widowed" to "in a relationship with", but had not yet started to post cute and adorable photos of him and his love interest on the social networks. 

But Wraen would not be opposed to company, even if she was not exactly, what the kind she-wolf was looking for. She heard her call, turned her head first to see, who had it been, then looked down at the ice under her feet. It felt fairly solid to her, no cracks or tell-tale creaking sounds to alert her of possible danger. So, the lady had overreacted a little, but, since she was standing on the edge of the flooded forest, and therefore Wraen had no way of continuing her path, without showing any interest about the other (which would be very rude), she changed her course and approached the other she-wolf.

"It is perfectly fine from, where I am standing," she explained. "Welcome to the future lair of dragons. To whom I may have the pleasure to talk with?"

It turned out Toad's alarm was unneeded, which she was surprised by. It didn't seem that cold to her, but maybe her winter coat had just become thick enough that she had stopped noticing it. That seemed plausible. The other casually walked across the ice to her, which of course proved the point that it was entirely safe as the stranger said it. Toad smiled sheepishly, feeling a bit silly for screaming at an adult woman she didn't know as if she was a child away from her mother. Her ears fell a bit, though her tail still waved behind her.

Lair of dragons.
Immediately, Toad perked up with excitement, eyes glassy with wonder. T-Toad Amelia, she said, immediately followed by, Did you say dragons? I mean— she blinked, now feeling both stupid and rude. And you are..?

Now that she had successfully ruined the flow of conversation, she took a short breath, looking curiously at the woman. She didn't know many who spoke of dragons. The woman had gorgeous eyes. Her coat was a soft grey with pleasant markings. Toad thought she was beautiful.

"That's a very unusual name," Wraen noticed, wondering, who had come up with a grand idea of marrying a rather demeaning name for a person to very beautiful one. And being a person, who rarely had much interest in the way other people looked, she did not catch any resemblance between Toad's looks and her first name. Quite the contrary - she decided that two of them were similar. Both on the smaller side of the spectrum.

"Oh, yes, I did," she nodded, not feeling the least bit awkward, when she - a middle-aged wolf - spoke about dragons as casually as if they were just another supernatural being that were a very common thing. "My favourite fairy tale creature, when I was a wee baby. And that is one thing that keeps me and Maia together. In fact - the most important criteria for her, when we decided on, which territory we wished to claim, was that there had to be a place for dragon baby daycare," she explained, smiling and watching the other's reaction.

"OOOH - I did not introduce myself one bit. Wraen," she replied to the last question. "Would you like to come and explore with me? I have nothing against doing it on my own, but I find that sharing experiences with other people and hearing their opinions is way more exciting," she suggested.

leaving the Maia thread vague <-<

Toad was probably about two observations or insults away from changing her name to her mother's, not including this one. Toad merely nodded, thinking that once again, yes, it was an unusually cruel name. The stranger moved on quickly.

Dragons were, consequently, Toad's second-favourite fairy tale creature. She was also rather convinced they had really existed once upon a time, having since left the lands that they all knew for different pastures. Toad's eyes once more were alight in fascination. Her tail began to wag quickly behind her, though she tried to hold it back such that only the second half of it waved furiously about.

That is a very important asset for any territory, Toad agreed swiftly, her heart skipping a bit.
Wraen introduced herself. It was the closest Toad had ever been to a crush on a woman.
Oooh, I'd love to, she said, since we know the ice is safe. The clarification seemed important. A place for baby dragon care will need some special considerations, of course. But you seem to be an expert! Toad bounced forward, tail waving about.

As a member of the Glen, Toad should have been diligently asking about why she and Maia were claiming a territory. She should have asked what they were going to call themselves, why they were moving to here, and what their plans were. Toad really only had one thing that fully switched her to "ON" mode, and that was the fantastical and the epic.

Wraen had liked Toad Amelia from the get-go. Now - knowing that the girl was not only a fan of dragons, but not against playing along with antics of a middle-aged lady, warmed her heart even more. It occurred to her that name itself does not mean much, it matters more, what you make of it. And Toad - the dragon-hunter/dragon-warrior - no longer sounded funny or embarrassing. She decided to tell the girl this, when the moment was right and if it ever appeared on the horizon. 

"Well, we do not have to necessarily walk on ice," she said, jumping swiftly over to the solid ground, right next to the girl. "Not all dragon babies like wet and I imagine that this place is far less walkable, when in summer," she explained. "Let's see, what's more to discover about this place. It's huge after all," she offered. "So, tell me about yourself - where are you originally from?"

This thread is adorable.

Wraen went ahead and sidled on over beside her. Such trust in a stranger made Toad smile. It seemed obvious from the beginning that the two were as long lost sisters, creatures built from the same stardust. Toad waltzed her way forward, finding a bounce in her step as the grey dragon whisperer went on to explain what dragon children enjoyed. She imagined what it would look like for baby dragons to find their way in the summer, splashing about in the floodwaters. Certainly, some dragons might find this joyful, but others would retch at the sight of such a liquid mess.

The woman asked after her next, and Toad pleasantly obliged her curiosity. Oh! I am from a pack just beyond here, she gestured vaguely. My sister, well one of my sisters, Fox, was sort of legendary in our family. And she came out here and build a pack at the Redhawk Caldera, just there, this time, Toad gestured quite specifically toward where the strange formation was. She smiled to herself, knowing that Phox and his family must be wandering about, having whatever fun they had. Anyway I decided to come out here to see if I had other family around, and it took a while but I do! This was a recent discover, and so Toad was quite elated to be able to tell someone about it.

Wraen would have adored the stardust metaphor, because she too felt very much at ease in Toad's company. It did not happen often that you came across kindred spirits - and especially those of dragon-liking kind. "Fox, if I remember correctly, was my uncle's wife and mom of Phox and Towhee," she furrowed her brow. Just as Phox was not very good at figuring, how the family tree thing worked between them, she too occasionally needed time to connect the right people. Especially those, who she had never met in her life, just heard stories about. 

"More family - especially if it is the awesome kind - is always better," she agreed wholeheartedly. "Where is that you call home?" she asked then. "Me and some pals are planning on settling here and eager baby-dragon nannies are always welcome," she joked not expecting Toad to jump right at the opportunity, rather feeling out the situation first.

I had to collect together a bunch of info before I could reply to this because I forgot they were cousins, lol

Oh yes! I remember your name now! Phox mentioned that you two were cousins, I totally forgot, she realized, a grand, powerful smile splashed across her brown face. Even though they weren't blood related, Toad still counted Wraen as extended (maybe very extended) family. The more people she met who were distantly related to her, the more she knew that her decision to come to the Wilds had been the right one. Toad never got tired of how big their family was. She loved keeping track of it.

Firefly Glen — Meerkat, Bronco, and Fennec are also there, she explained. Wraen told her that her friends were settling this place, and that perked Toad's interest. She was family, so that was one reason, the other was far more selfish.

Do you have any eligible bachelors? Her eyes glinted in a half-joking but definitely 1000% serious manner. Toad wasn't in a huge rush to leave the Glen, but there were certain things that could potentially hasten such a decision.

"Oh, I know the three very well - watched them grow up from being furry potatoes to something akin' wolf-like," Wraen joked in good humour and it was evident that she was fond of all three, even if her relationships with each differed. Meerkat she had got to know the least, but - in her defence - after your fifth spring your excitement for the miracle of birth gets very low-key. It is the same circle of life - you like the song, when you hear it the first time, but after there has been one too many repetitions, you grow bored. She had promised to herself though, that just in case either Ibis (should she choose to join and stay) or Maia had kids this year, she would give an honest try to be very involved just one more time. After that - well, rumour had it (and life experience proved it) that yearlings were good baby-sitters. 

Eligible bachelors? Arcturus was the first to come to her mind, but at this point in life he had chosen the solemn bachelorship in favour of a girl he could never have a family with. He had been serious, when they had discussed it last, he had not changed his mind to this very day - or he would have told Wraen. So, though normally Wraen would have playfully offered her friend for a possible date and match (tall, dark and handsome stranger, smart and passionate), now she simply shook her head. Knowing, how he felt about her, it would be disrespect to him for her to treat it as if it was nothing serious. "Sorry, none at the moment, but if you tell me, what kind of a guy you are looking for, I will try to enlist such that fits your needs. Being a dragon fan is must, yes? Having a dragon, of course, is ten times better," she asked, arching an eyebrow and giving Toad a teasing smile. They were discussing dragons, as if they were sport cars for people. Volkswagen to Ferrari, hmm...

Pffthahaha, she snort-laughed, imagining literal fur-coated tubers rolling about the Caldera, even though she knew the Firebirds had lived elsewhere previously. Toad had helped in the raising of many a potato -snort- and never grew tired of the process. She was pleased to see Meerkat growing into such a bright, skilled young woman. Soon enough, she would be ready to join the adult ranks. Toad knew it was only a matter of time before she saw children from her as well, and internally grew excited at yet another generation added to their huge family.

Though Toad was relatively disappointed that there were no such men pledged to the dragon lair, she maintained a pleasant enough smile for her new friend. She walked on, listening to her offer, and nodding that indeed, being a fan of dragons and dragon ownership were both strong qualities. Particularly the water-loving dragons — fire breathing ones are a dime a dozen, you know? She leaned right into the joke without missing a beat. I'm looking for someone tall, at least two years old, and uh, maybe kind, Toad said, moving through the same working checklist she had reserved for Meerkat, but hadn't presented yet.

Toad's short list of the desired qualities in the possible suitor left Wraen perplexed - either the girl was joking and she had not got the joke or this was perfectly serious, which meant that she had truly low expectations of people. Which led to the next logical question - was it because she had had plenty of bad experience, was she so desperate or had she no idea, how mateship worked. Either one of them or the combination of all three. 

"Shouldn't personality traits go ahead the physical qualities. And "kind" has a very broad range," Wraen wondered out loud. "There are kind people and then kind of a jerks too," she joked, though felt a little awkward, when she said this.

Toad, having never had so much as a would-be boyfriend-crush-thing had based her idea of what husbands on storybook fantasy. Her mother's relationship with Dad had been, well, less than ideal in many segments. The memories she carried of her mother struggling through marital problems were powerful and quite difficult for her to digest. Since her birth pack had been almost exclusively relatives, and the Teekons had proved to have few eligible, non-related bachelors, she had lived a life of celibacy and anti-romance.

Her views of relationships were roughly the same as a child, with caveats that included strong insecurity in her own body most typical of a teenager.

So, when Wraen gave criticism on her list, Toad bowed her ears a little, shrugging and making a face that made her feel small. It's just a working list, she admitted, feeling a bit deflated, but willing to hear Wraen's take. What would you put on it? She wondered, ears perking right back up as she looked on curiously.

Wraen felt a little bad, realizing that her inquiry had sounded more like an attack than an invitation for a constructive discussion. She had to remind herself of the oath she had taken recently - not to meddle in other people's personal views. Therefore, if she was to open her maw again and speak about the matter, she had to do it correctly. Instead of "if I were you" or "I suggest you" or anything else voice her opinion so that it left Toad a choice to either accept it or decline it. 

"Well, my preferences might not match, what you are looking for yourself," she replied. "So, I usually start by looking back at all of friends and people I have met in the past and make a list of qualities that I like and that I cannot stand at all," she said. "The second step - is a lot harder - list all the negative qualities that you can manage in the other person and would be fine living with," what she kept to herself was that it was nearly impossible to do, if you had very little experience in relationships in general. 

The third step - which she had not mentioned yet - was, knowing or finding, which qualities in the other person kept you going, kept you motivated. And she could say confidently now that with being a very head-strong, independent person herself she benefitted greatly from having Arcturus around. She would have been bored by a man, who agreed to everything she said and ate readily everything she poured down their throats. Eljay had taught her that her patience had limits, when it came to very low self-esteem.

Arthur's character on the other hand had a flint-like quality. He had his own mind, he had his own opinion and he kept Wraen from becoming over-bearing and too bossy. He was able to remind her that she was not always right in such a manner that it opened her a door to other options and possibilities she might have been uknowingly blind to. What was most imporant - he had relieved her from the self-assumed responsibility of making decisions for other people. They were perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

Wraen inundated her with new information. What she said made sense. Looking from afar, one might have thought the two women wildly far apart in age given Toad's severe lack of experience in matters of the heart and seeking a partner. Toad tried to think of all the friends Toad had met that might have qualities she liked. She thought of the most recent people first, but many of them seemed to have qualities she respected but wasn't particularly thrilled about in a partner.

Hydra, for instance, was a fierce, strong woman. Perhaps strong was putting it mildly. Hydra in the form of a man seemed like opposite of what Toad would feel safe around, even though these were qualities she felt were very powerful in her leader. Bronco was very silly. She liked that. Maybe that was a good quality? Her mind continued to spin through even as Wraen went on talking about qualities that were negative that one would be okay with going with anyway. By the end of it, it was fairly clear Toad hadn't been fully paying attention, off in daydream-land for a moment. She smiled to cover herself.

Yeah definitely, she agreed, even though she didn't really know what she was agreeing to. Um, but, how do you know what are the things you like in a person versus what you like in a hus— potential husband? And... what about.. she didn't go on, because she realized her question was stupid. It was about her own appearance, which she knew very well was slumpy and ugly and not what men liked. She had dealt with it all her life and before meeting Meerkat, she had accepted that no man would ever possibly want her for a wife.

"Well, husband is no different than a very good friend," Wraen shrugged, not knowing, how to answer this question. She had never thought about potential mates being a different category than the rest of the people. "Everything you like about people and friends, should be in the man of your choosing," she said. "Though they have to live up to a standard that a friend might avoid - you two need to able to live with one another too. With friends it is tad bit different," which meant that two very different people could become good friends and remain so under the condition that they never ever had to share the same roof over their heads. 

"I trust my gut feeling - it is fairly accurate in telling me, whether I want to know more about this person or leave and never look back," so far, so true. Looking back now, she could not recall an instance, where that feeling had been wrong. She had made mistakes, but mainly due to not recognizing the early warning calls. "Going lengths at liking someone, when you really do not - has never ended well," she finished. "What about... what?" she finally asked, having not guessed, what Toad had tried to say.

As they walked, the territory seemed only to expand more beyond them. Every few paces there appeared something new that she hadn't noticed before, like the tree well beyond their reach that looked like it might want to eat them. Toad focused on Wraen as she returned with more solid information.

Toad didn't think that a husband was the same as a very good friend. Perhaps it was because she had rarely, if ever, had a very good friend. She knew what she had learned from tall tales and those speaking of loved ones. She knew the mothering nature she felt toward children was quite different than what she felt toward "regular" friends, and she imagined love toward a man might be the same way. It was a mysterious Pandora's box that she wasn't really sure what to do with. Wraen seemed to have a great idea on what it all meant, all this talk of standards and being able to live with someone, and how friends were a "tad" different. Toad didn't understand how they were different, and yet did at the same time.

Gut feelings. Toad had never felt a strong gut reaction toward anyone. Part of her felt... jealous was not the right word. Perhaps, merely wanting. She wanted some of the experience that Wraen had so that she might have a better compass. Where Wraen seemed to have one that wavered occasionally with too much vibration, Toad had a toothpick stuck to a marshmallow.

Then, the question turned on her, and Toad didn't really want to mention it, but was too weak to put up a real front. What.. about, she had to pause for a moment to remember what she was thinking about. Well I mean, you're, you know, pretty, and she was. She was lean and had grey, contrasting patterning to her. There was something very pleasant about the way she moved around and presented herself. Toad, in contrast, was portly and brown and boring and just.. And I'm me, she said, rather matter-of-fact, making a face that squeezed her lips together.

"You being you is all that matters in the grand scheme of things," Wraen replied, though - naturally - she too had judged books by their covers in her life. That's, how your brain worked - first step was the visuals and then came the rest. But she could swear to her mother's grave that she had never made friends based on, what they looked like only. When you got to know them better, then their appearance sort of faded in the background. Take Arcturus, for example (again), he was very handsome - ask, whomever you wanted - but for her it was a nice bonus, but not a decisive quality. 

"If anyone writes you off, because of looks only - don't bother to strive for their attention at all. They are not worth it," she explained. "One can have a beautiful face, but a cold and cruel heart, and one may not be a looker, but a great person inside. So - as long as you let your personality, your best self shine through, looks do not matter the least. I have also found that a sincere smile works wonders too," she added.

I apologize for not replying to this sooner - I think we can probably fade comfortably within a round? She dead and is hard to write ;-;

It was among the same sort of responses that she had gotten from her mother when asking the same question. The other girls in the family were cute, or pretty, or in the case of Fox, beautiful. Toad had never been described with such terms, not even by Amelia herself. When she was small, she recalled her relatives prodding and pinching and saying she was a cute little fat puppy, but it had never seemed all that positive of a sentiment. Me being me. Toad thought about what it meant to be her, but came up honestly quite blank. To be her was to do as she did. She was nothing if not actions, and she had a hard time seeing how someone else would view her.

It made sense, everything Wraen said, but Toad knew better. She wasn't stupid, and even she knew that the storybook version of things was not how life was supposed to be. However, she also knew the way of the world did not cater to the ugly and underprivileged. You're right, that people aren't necessarily how they look, but men look for.. well, they look for the people you hear about in stories. It was always the fair maidens found by the knights. Even as a child, Toad recalled seeing her sisters dancing around the advances of boys. She had never needed to do so. Smiles are all well and good, but in the end, there is a reason the women in stories are always beautiful.

"Beauty is in the eye of beholder - stories, in fact, give us very little details as to, what is meant by beautiful. Whenever you hear a story, you imagine someone you know. For me the roles of heroes in my mind's eyes were impersonated by my family members - my father always played the role of fair king, my mother was the wisewoman, my brother was that prince that went out in the world and did all the heroic stuff," Wraen left out the fact that she had always imagined herself to be a princess, because that would not help her to make the point. Toad had already told previously that she considered her to be beautiful. 

"Well, I would like to point out that not all wolves are interested in stories. In my life-long career as a story-teller, there are few that truly like to listen, the rest are more busy with the real life," she made a counter-argument. "Besides, every person has to do their best with what they have got. I - for example - am small and physically weak, I could not be a mercenary, no matter, how hard I tried or attempted to become such. If I continued chasing that dream against all odds, I would feel very much as a failure all the time and life is too short for that," she explained. 

"You won't be happy in any relationship, if you won't be content with yourself first. You can, of course, dream that someone will waltz in your life and make all your troubles go away, but it does not work like that," Wraen said. "Having a mate means that he is your best friend, that you are a team, that you respect him and he does the same. That you complete each other. And looks are a nice bonus, but have nothing to do with the true meaning of love and mateship," she finished. 

I am sad that she is dead - I would have loved them to have more conversations like this. You can fade out in your next post. Thanks!

<3 This marks the last Toad post, ever T_T

Toad listened, but she felt like she knew better. Beautiful women were obvious. In the case of Wraen, she was a handsome and lovely woman with experience. Girls like Meerkat were gorgeous in their exotic colourations. Women like Hydra had the grandeur of status coupled with striking eyes, and a striking family name. Toad didn't have any of these things, and she knew it.

But Wraen spoke good points. The roles of heroes and heroines when she was young had indeed been filled by those she knew, though these characters were replaced with romanticized fantasies as she grew older. As the pair walked, Toad nearly stumbled over a rock frozen in the water beneath their feet. She recovered less than gracefully as Wraen continued. She was right again, that not everyone had interest in tall tales and legends and mythos. That wasn't the point, but Toad stayed silent, opening her mouth for a moment and then closing it half-heartedly. She didn't believe for a moment that Wraen didn't have what it took to be a mercenary, if that was what she wanted. Toad knew that training could make warriors. She refused to believe it at all. It was plausible that Wraen would never be the best of mercenaries, sure, but to give up on a dream because of her physicality? It seemed ridiculous.

But beauty was different, for it was in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder was a fucking strict judge. So Toad shook her head, and said nothing.

And Wraen went on, and she was right. Toad was content to be ugly, she thought, though she longed to be seen as not ugly. She was content to be strong, to be a hunter, to be useful. She was content to be the nanny for others when she could not find a partner or have children herself. She was content to be who she was, strong and independent and ugly, and forceful wherever she needed to be. Toad was content to stand for what she believed in, though she had never needed to do so with Hydra nor Osiris. She had found her place among boys, forever their wise huntress and never the mother she wanted to be.

All of this best friend business Wraen spoke of sounded like a pipe dream to Toad, for she had never met anyone who came close to something like that. She had many friends, and she loved them all. Her imagination had brought her a picture of a husband who fell deeply in love with her for no real reason at all, and asked her to marry him. But the reality was nothing like this. Wraen talked about friendship before marriage, a totally foreign concept to Toad. She talked about trying to gauge wants and interests and all of these things Toad had never thought about before, speaking to inexperience and a girlish fantasy that seemed farther than ever from real. The list that Toad had written mentally began to crumble, and she realized she had no idea what she was doing and in fact probably was too stupid to be happy or to find someone to love her fully and completely the way that Wraen described. Wraen knew better, and Toad looked down to the frozen floor for direction, and got nothing but her vague partial reflection in the ice.

She was incomplete. A story without an ending. Wraen said that she needed to find the person to complete her, but she had never felt incomplete. Just unsatisfied. She didn't think those were the same thing. She didn't know how to respond to Wraen, who seemed so wise and caring and thoughtful. I... thank you, she said wistfully. M... I... ah, it doesn't matter. And, really, it didn't. For Wraen knew better than to trust or care about the thoughts of feelings of a distanced cousin. I appreciate your candor, she answered, smiling softly, avoiding eye contact.

They continued on that way, but Toad never exchanged more than a polite response, shutting down after the ideas of Wraen made her realize that her entire approach had been incorrect. It was only later that she began to realize that it wasn't necessarily incorrect but just misdirected. For soon, she'd realize that there was hope on the horizon for her dull life. Soon, the sea would call her name.