Lion Head Mesa she's imperfect, but she tries

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The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: tw: abortion thoughts/talk. in light of recent events, please don't feel compelled to participate if you are uncomfortable <3

She felt them move in her this morning, and knew it to be true.

Sheogorath had told her long before—had made it abundantly clear the moment she'd taken Sayf. A connection, a spark. That was all it took for

"pestilence to enter your womb"

Inward, outward, and now growing. Moving. Living.

Maegi couldn't have it. She'd let herself stay; she should have ran away, hidden in the catacombs of Blackfeather Woods. A place where no one would find her, where no one would look.

Now she walked to @Tavina's den, paws heavy with the weight of what she must do. No more evil into this world of her own creation. She must defy Sheogorath's commands.

"You can try. . ."

She must be rid of them.

<3

tavina had been aware of maegi's heat when it came. but she did not necessarily keep tabs upon such things. it had passed to the back of her mind and there it remained until the noblewoman came to find the doctor.

she was in her own rooms for once, arranging stacks of white peltage to be used as cloths and rags. tavina bowed to see the companion of ramesses. "lady maegi. what brings you here, noble one?"

and now she remembered.

Tavina had helped her once before. Maegi knew the woman would help her again.

I. . . The words stuck in her throat. She swallowed the lump and tried again. I'm pregnant. And I don't want to be.

"It's not your choice."

A shifting, then, in her belly.

There must be something I can take, to. . . 

Coward. She couldn't even say it. She was a fucking coward.

"You always have been, dear."

tavina nodded without judgement. it was expected after all, though she could not help her unspoken curiosity over who maegi had chosen.

"how long ago did you begin feeling symptoms?" she asked softly. there was an equation to be done. she moved toward her stores as she waited for maegi to answer, pulling open small bundles and gathering others.

these things always came with a price.

Tavina's lack of judgment soothed her immensely. She let out a long, deep exhale, stepping closer into the healer's stores, the pungency of fresh and dried plants alike a balm to her aching soul.

I felt them today for the first time, Maegi explained. My heat came. . .maybe a moon ago.

And the closeness of him, the long-lost feeling of Mou-not-Mou—she would cherish that intimacy for the rest of her life. But the result? It could not be.

She would have wanted to kill you, too.

Dear God, she breathed, barely audible.

For the first time, she completely and utterly understood her mother's hatred.

one month ago, two or three weeks along. tavina set out pennyroyal and mugwort. "you're familiar with poisons." her tone was observational. "if i administer this tonic, you understand that the risk of it not working or you dying is higher than you think, correct?"

as she waited for an answer, she began to mix the leaves together, adding a bit of rainwater caught in a stone basin. the mixture would be potent and near immediate. she wondered if the herbalist had ever suffered that level of pain before.

That's fine, Maegi said without feeling. It didn't matter—she'd rather be dead than in this scenario. It was worth a shot to seek remedy, and if it didn't work, she'd kill herself.

Or them. That was always an option. To dash their heads against stone. . .

She swallowed. What poison will you give me? she asked, more from curiosity than worry. She'd dabbled enough in her life to have fear take a backseat. And this was no time for fear. Only resolve.

"The seed of Sheogorath is stronger than you think."

And the roots ran deep.

She would yank them out, one by one.

"i am going to give you a tincture of mugwort  and pennyroyal, with poppy to blunt the pain." she chewed. she spat. she rinsed her mouth and then motioned maegi forward. "this is going to begin working very quickly. are you ready now? or would you prefer to come back?"

quickness was important. but there was no return once this step was taken, and it was for that reason tavina did not seek to insist upon one choice or another.

the mixture sat heaped upon an oak leaf. the pale woman would need to eat all of it for the chance she wanted.

this is long, and probably one of my last posts—feel free to pp her how Tavina would care for her

Now.

Her voice was sharp and decisive. She devoured the mixture, wincing at the taste but gulping it down nonetheless. All the while, her mind and body warred.

And Sheogorath. . .

—

"No."

—

Hours passed under the gaze of the healer. A sharp pain in her stomach. She sat, panting, feeling blood pool beneath her hindquarters.

— 

"NO!"

— 

She laid down, gasping, going into near convulsions. Back arched. Blood coming. Vomit, too.

—

"You and yours are MINE."

—

Seizure again, contorting her body in unnatural form. Blood in a grisly halo 'round her body. Eyes rolled back. 

No babies came, dead or alive.

They remained.

As did she.

—

"I have willed it."

—

Sleep, after a while. Too light-headed to stand. Fur spattered with awful fluids.

Failure. She was used to it.

Motherhood. She was used to its failure.

And yet—

<3 sounds good!

now.

now was a time of wet cloths and tavina's soft voice. it took some hours to work but when the effects began, they were as brutal as she had predicted.

maegi twisted and writhed and bled.

she threw up what was in her stomach.

her body contorted. the agonies were clear. tavina's heart ached for her and ached more to know that for all her tribulation, there was nothing passed that evidenced an ending.

the healer cleansed maegi's fur as she slept at last. she cleaned the floor of the room. she threw all articles into the midden and buried them. 

and she sat herself to wake, to be there when the noblewoman awoke and to shake her head once when she was asked.

A shake of Tavina's head.

That was the first thing she noticed upon waking. She was clean, but tired. Only remnants of the hours before remained—blood, and groaning, and failure.

Failure.

A shake of Tavina's head.

They moved within her. Sluggish, but alive.

Maegi wept, loud and ragged, the voice of Sheogorath louder than ever before in her mind as she gave herself up to wretched fate.

last post from me <3