Noctisardor Bypass the wild god reaches into a bag made of moles and nightingale-skin

There was no more vomiting, thank goodness, but if Druid had thought she would bounce back after the birth, she quickly realized her mistake. Four nursing newborns put an enormous strain on her already rawboned body. @Glaukos kept up a steady stream of meat and, to her credit, Druid ate everything he dropped at the den’s doorstep. Yet her body still felt like a bag of bones, now drooping visibly in the middle.

It was overwhelming. It was probably too early to be away from them for any length of time, yet Druid left the puppies in @Heda’s care to step outside for a few minutes today. She paused just outside the doorway and touched her nose to her own shoulder, wrinkling it. She stunk. Looking down at her body, she didn’t recognize what she saw and felt like a stranger in her own sagging skin.

Druid began to walk. She needed a few moments to herself, to stretch these spindly legs. She breathed in the fresh air and listened to the peace and quiet of Rivenwood. Her heart pounded uneasily against her ribs. She felt hollower with every step, eyes glazing over as she stared forward into the distance.

This is for @Etienne, other tags are for reference!

Etienne lurked near the birthing den a couple times a day, but he never went inside and left soon after he arrived. When all seemed well. Heda knew how to get him should she need him anyway. Golden eyes lifted at the sound of pattering feet.

Etienne saw her coming and froze. She, well, she certainly didn't look well. He frowned in thought. He would make sure to get her more fish. And though it was truly awful. Brushing some of the fish gunk on her fur and then washing it off may make her fur feel a little softer and better. But first was to put weight on her.

She would need choice meats. The fatty parts of the animals and she would need to eat more than a few meals a day. More meals a day. He was trying to mentally go through the things he may need to find to help her put weight on.

He chuffed quietly, but didn't move. His own body thin and worn. He had not been eating and refused to groom his pelt. He didn't speak to anyone. Stayed within the realm of shadows, but hte whole reason he was here. Was right there in front of him. So he watched and waited.

His eye still yellow and bruised. He couldn't walk hard without wincing. His lip scabbed. He kept reopening it, without meaning too.

She already knew she would never get pregnant again. This was her first, last and only litter. But Druid had believed they would be worth the sacrifices she’d made, that she would immediately fall deeply in love with her children and motherhood. Instead, she felt like this. She didn’t have the words to describe her feelings, even in her own mind.

Druid found herself thinking of Sequoia. Where was her mother? Was she still alive out there? This was neither the first nor the last time she wished she was here. She sighed and sagged against a tree, realizing she felt a little out of breath. Once more she looked down and didn’t recognize herself.

When her eyes shifted upward to flick around her surroundings, she noticed Etienne in the middle distance. He chuffed in welcome. Druid stood up straighter and shuffled toward him, her frown deepening the closer she came. He looked as awful as she felt. Glaukos had really given him a beating.

She came to stand beside him, saying nothing. Her eyes traced over the dry, unkempt fur; the yellowing bruises; the scab on the mouth which had smiled so easily before. Druid felt a little like she had upon waking after her delivery: like all her insides were suddenly and unceremoniously scooped out of her.

I’ve made a terrible mistake, she said faintly.

Etienne didn't know if pregnancy would be smart for Druid again. Granted he had not been alive long, but he had seen both his mother and auntie through pregnancy. And both had done, well. So much better than this. It disturbed him and upset him and though he was angry. He didn't wish ill will on Druid.

A ghost of a pawstep forward. Unsure what to do. Should he help her? Let her rest? And his own internal turmoil. He didn't feel like a healer right now. He felt drained and angry and vengeful.


A softening around his eyes and in the golden gaze. He shifted forward and tentatively brilushwd a muzzle along her head if she'd allow. Both for comfot and to check for fever?

He raised a brow, but didn't speak. Instead he sat, opening the floor for her to speak and rest. Patiently. He waited.

Etienne took a step toward her. Druid remained motionless, even when he nosed her temple. She swallowed a lump in her throat and let her gaze drop to the patch of ground between her forepaws. She took a deep breath, then dragged her mismatched gaze upward to find his. He looked back at her, silent and patient.

I’m sorry he did this to you. I don’t know what he was thinking, Druid said, voice still a thready whisper.

She looked at herself, then at Etienne, and shook her head lightly. Glaukos had ruined them both, in different ways. But Druid had at least signed up for this. Just because he’d had good intentions did not pardon the way Glaukos had mistreated the healer. One of her dark forepaws clenched into a fist.

She didn't move. Allowed him to sniff along her temple and she didn't feel feverish. This was good, but it meant that she truly didn't feel good. And he wasn't certain how to fix this. If there was no infection, but it was her body rebelling against itself. There was not much he could do, but manage her symptoms as they came along.

Etienne nodded. It was not her fault, she didn't need to say sorry. But he appreciated it all the same. Li Oke These terms were at least close enough to common that she would know what he had meant and he wouldn't hvae to speak. Because frankly he didn't wish too.

Etienne reached out and touched her paw. Shaking his head gently. Stress was just as bad after pregnancy as during. And it could cause her more hardship.

He said something, though she didn’t understand. Her brow furrowed questioningly, though she didn’t say anything. Druid just shook her head again, gaze dropping back to the ground. She didn’t look up again, even when he reached out a paw and she grasped it in hers.

Druid held it for a moment, then let go and dropped heavily to her haunches. Her eyes closed. She knew she ought to get back to the den. The newborns needed her. It wasn’t fair to foist them on Heda, who was due herself any day now. Yet Druid couldn’t bring herself to go back, not yet.

I was just thinking about how Glaukos did a number on us both. I didn’t know pregnancy would be like that. I didn’t know motherhood would be like this… Once more, she shook her head. I feel like I’m not even the same person I was before all of this. Not just physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

She glanced up at him and pursed her lips. Etienne had already given up so much just to help them here, the last thing he needed was for Druid to burden him with her postpartum woes. What she really ought to do was stop dwelling and focus on him.

I’m not sure I can make up for this, she said, gesturing at his bruises, but let me know of anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable here. You’re staying with us, aren’t you? Rivenwood is your home now.

She didn't understand what he was saying and though a part of him wanted to rebel further and refuse to speak English. He felt his will bend a little, especially since she was so sick.

A twist of sandy ear as he listened to her words. A gentle huff at the fact of Glaukos doing a number on both of them. All three of them actually. Anselm could barely move as well. And for that alone there was a burning anger deep in the ever churning turmoil of emotions of Etienne.

He sighed and spoke. His voice soft barely a whisper. Dis is normal, it is because you are different now. You cannot be goin' true de birt' and not be different. It just not possible. So don't despair. 'owever if it persists you must let me know. Because den you be goin' into a depression dat I may not be able bring you out of. yea?

He nosed at her head. Be easy on yourself Druid. You went true muc' and your pregnancy was not an easy one.

Etienne felt his ears go back as she motioned at his wounds again. But he gave a shake of his head.

It is not yours ot make up.

He nodded, but didn't speak. What was he to say. He could not tell her he didn't want to be here. That he felt that he must be here. That everyone wanted, but no one cared for him. They wanted what he could offer them. He didn't know if he would ever speak those words aloud.

She wished she’d known this before seducing Glaukos. In hindsight, she hadn’t thought it through at all. And while it was her way to go with the flow, she really ought to have given the entire institution much more consideration. Now she was paying the price for her ignorance.

His words made her wonder if there was anything he could do about depression, at least up to a point. But Druid didn’t ask. She refused to entertain her issues with him any longer. Just like she refused to accept his response to her offer.

Maybe not, she allowed, but I want you to feel at home here, Etienne. I mean, it’s really the least we can do, after everything you’ve been put through. Druid paused, then asked again, What can I do to make you feel at home here?

Etienne didn't know the ways of how or why Glaukos and Druid and now Heda had met. Well Heda and Druid obviously were sisters, but that was different. the problem with pregnancy is you never really knew how your body was going ot react until, well you were pregnant at least for wolves. And every pregnancy was different. It could be that Druid's next pregnancy if she so chose would be perfectly normal.

Dere be 'erbs dat can be 'elpin you sleep. 'elpin your stress and 'elpin you manage. But wit'in reason.

He tilted an ear. it will take me time to forgive dis Druid. I cannot answer dis rite now. And it is not you dat I need to forgive, but dere be muc' emotions in my 'eart rite now.

I can’t take anything without it coming through in my milk, right? As much as I… Druid caught herself and said instead, I don’t want to take anything that isn’t safe for them.

There was trust in her eyes as she held his. If there was some remedy he knew that wouldn’t risk harming her pups, Druid recognized that she might need it. She had never felt so completely out of sorts in her entire life.

Okay, she said quietly when he insisted he didn’t want to broach the topic of settling in right now.

She didn’t have the strength to argue with him, nor the will. Druid just hoped that it would all get better soon, for both of them. The night was darkest before the dawn, wasn’t it? Her ear flicked. Where had she heard that? She supposed it didn’t really matter.

I should get back to them, she said after a long pause, her voice flat.

Etienne shifted and looked at her with kind eyes. I wouldn't give you anyting dat would 'arm de babies. Dere is stuff you can take even w'ile you be nursin'.

Etienne knew he had upset her with his words. But the questions she was asking. He had no answer for right now. Wasn't even sure if he ever would. Even getting him to speak to her, was more than both Heda and Anselm had gotten thus far. That was enough for now.

Etienne nodded. Take breaks Druid. You be strong, but you needn't be so strong. It is okay to ask for 'elp. I walk you back. Den go find some fis'. You must be eatin de fis'

She made no reply as Etienne moved beside her to accompany her back to the den, though his words hung heavily in her mind. She’d asked for his help and look where it had gotten him! Druid respected Etienne’s wish to drop it, though the thought would linger in her head for some time.

Good thing fish are my favorite, she deadpanned around the time they arrived at the den’s door.

Druid had to tamp down an impulse to recoil from the sounds and smells coming from the den. She’d never even wanted children! Why had she let herself fall prey to her hormones? It felt like her mind was clear for the first time since her heat began and for all that clarity, she couldn’t make sense of the situation.

She wanted to say something to Etienne, some word of farewell, but Druid needed all her energy to steel herself and step into the den, which she did without another word.