Lion Head Mesa prelude to her dreams

it felt so strange to think of the past, but as she moved to stand before the pyramid of her father—she found herself stuck there! the winds stirred, and she dismissed her fellahin and Mazoi to stand where she knew the wind would not carry her words. for this would be an invitation to a divine meeting that only They could attend.
she bowed before Him, even now as he roamed the land of Reeds, and she closed her eyes and bid that He come to her in her dreams. share what Makono had learned—how she herself might change Ma’-at, if she must. it would not anger the Gods if that was what it came to—it was Them, after all, that led her when she was adrift to the pyramid of Pharaoh, of all places! 
they say my blood is important, she whispers, our blood. but if a concubines son kills my own, and this new Pharaoh sets me aside—what then, father? it renders what You worked for useless, she grit out, anguished to have overheard and even remember the horrible truths of these lessons.
let her husband be king, then! let them both have other wives or husbands together, and live happily ever after—but… I fear I am all that is left of you, now. I do not wish to be Pharaoh, father—but I think that this is what the Gods might will of me. it is not ambition, that ugly thing—I… I would have been happy, to have married and gone far from here, if that is what you and mother had wanted. now I am Queen here, and the misfortune of them strikes me with this wisdom, she seethed against the sand, still bowed before Him. 
[indeed]Toula sucked in a solid breath, not wanting to be this way, to feel this way. but she attested her unhappiness only to confusion—the clarity she would receive in her dreams tonight, it would be an end to that. she would know, truly, what to do. and be told how to do it, if it was as she thought! 
and, before rising, she murmured to Him, I miss you—I love you. I know you are with me, and that you will come to me tonight. to see Your face… that, too, would be healing she felt.
her words, all muffled, now stopped in their coming—she rose and turned, traveling toward her attendants. I will not sup tonight; I must fast, she informed with a small smile. bring incense to my room, and she named the sort her father had enjoyed.