Ankyra Sound But you know, that what's burning you's brighter than gold

@Caiaphas :0

Finally, Rosalyn's appetite had left her, and with it almost conversely her sides began to fill.  It was subtle - a slight rounding that anyone else could mistake as girth - but it left her with certainty.  She and Firefly's tryst had taken.

It was an odd feeling, being hungry yet nauseous at the mere thought of actually eating.  She forced herself to anyway because she knew not doing so would be worse, and so far she hadn't succumbed to sickness.  But she walked through the day with a lurking suspicion of her own body, and it was this feeling that made her less sure this whole ordeal would be worth it.  Her first test.

Berries she thought maybe she could handle if she found them.  This idea set in her mind, seeming more and more appealing, until now she hounded the trees with a single-minded purpose.  It was way too early for any sort of fruit to be ready, but she kept going anyway.  It was better than sitting there and staring at prey, waiting for it to look appetizing.

thank you for starting! <3

it wouldn't take long for the rest of rusalka to see signs that those within their ranks were pregnant. caiaphas, having endured the bitter battle of pregnancy before, had already begun to spy said signs in the trio of women endowed breeding rights this season. she had meant to approach each of them much sooner, but the days fell away and she preferred to wait until they seemed ready to discuss their current conditions.

there was little she could do to make any of them feel better; erzulie knew which herbs to administer, which foods to avoid - caiaphas simply lingered around the edges, catching glimpses where she could to ensure those within her fold were still hale.

catching wind of rosalyn, caiaphas decided to follow after her into the monolith forest. respectfully, the siren kept her distance -- though she stepped deliberately so that the crackling of her paws on snow announced her approach.

None were forthcoming, as she'd suspected.  She sighed, and slowed in her fervent search, ears tilting back reluctantly at the thought of going back and finding other food.  Maybe fish would settle?  It sounded horrid, but no more or less horrid than anything else.  Lovely.

As she was wondering if she'd ever take pleasure in eating again, Caiaphas' footfalls crunching made her glance back, first with suspicion and then with acknowledgement.  She missed having two eyes... seeing her had required turning all the way around.

You know any good exorcists? She asked, jokingly, allowing Caiaphas to approach if she wished.  Despite feeling nauseous and occasionally light-headed, she hadn't felt the need to seclude herself.  The opposite actually; she found herself craving company more than ever these days.

rosalyn's unsightly features still took caiaphas by surprise from time to time, but today she tactfully bit back the urge to quip -- something along the lines of how complementary a couple she and firefly seemed popped first to mind. as she constructed how to greet the woman, it was rosalyn who first imparted some form of wit. caiaphas allowed a brief flare of a smile, bemused enough to at least show emotion.

not that she ever thought any puppies were demons. hellions, maybe -- but never demons. "that bad then?" she inquired, her gaze briefly examining the russet virago: she appeared hale enough, ugly wounds notwithstanding.

She sighed.  Not yet, but I hear it's all uphill from here, she allowed, sitting down.  She could use a breather anyway.  It was an odd notion when your body was no longer only yours.  She wasn't used to needing to watch what she did or how she did it, and she certainly wasn't used to the extra weight.  Her frame was small - it was unclear how well it would handle this, and she knew on some level she was at a slight disadvantage.

Erzulie's has been worse.  Mine just seem to have a problem with food before it goes down - once it's there they at least don't complain.  She couldn't help but look down, somewhat hesitantly, at her middle.  The weeks ahead would be an interesting challenge no doubt.

while caiaphas was glad rusalka had so much fruit to bear, she did wonder if both erzulie and rosalyn would be better served with a true medic. she was no practitioner - she knew which herbs killed, and which ones caused ailment -- but healing anything had never been her forte. if she did not have such an ingrained hatred towards drageda, perhaps aure would have been a suitable midwife for their coming brood -- but as it stood, drageda was still the enemy, and caiaphas would die before she let them near rusalka's promising progeny.

she nodded sympathetically, knowing what rosalyn meant by it being uphill; it would only be more challenging. she had no intention of ever revisiting her own maternal hell.

"i gave erzulie some plants from our stores. perhaps she can share with you what has worked. i myself am not knowledgable besides what plants i ate myself. is it all food that troubles you?"

She remembered Erzulie maybe mentioning something about this, but she hadn't pursued it.  The nausea wasn't causing problems other than appetite ones so far, and she wondered if it was even worth it.

It depends.  Most days yes, but some days I will crave something that gets past.  Not any prey so far.  Plants, oddly.  

I'll try about anything, she finished, settling on yes, it was worth it.  Her stomach had given another lurch just thinking about the things she did not want to eat, and she was suddenly extremely tired of not being able to do so.

the shrew recalled her own pregnancy with bitter fondness. often it had been meats to rile her appetite, rather than the plants it seemed rosalyn’s whims desired. there were little plants to be had in the height of winter, likely to rosalyn’s dissatisfaction. 

rosalyn’s willingness to try anything revealed, caiaphas’ gaze swept past the form of the she-wolf, alighting on a clutch of barren brambles in which no fruit hung. what were you searching for? not that caiaphas was offering her undying assistance, or anything... but she was curious to find what had drawn the pirate to the less frequented haunts of the forest.

Berries. She replied, shrugging slightly in an offhand manner.  It's the wrong time, but I thought maybe.  She'd had no luck, but the scouting took her mind off her stomach.  

Was it difficult? She asked, suddenly, though still casual.  When you had them?  Rosalyn hadn't shared much conversation or even company with mothers, and certainly had never spoken of this.  She'd always assumed she never would need to know, because she'd known she'd never mate.  In some ways she'd been right, but in others, she'd definitely miscalculated.

berries. caiaphas glanced at the brush around them - rosalyn was shit out of luck. she offered a helpless, but not alltogether unsympathetic shrug. "there are some dried ones, in the grotto." the siren pointed out, though she knew they were not the same thing.

she was about to motion for rosalyn to follow her if she wished, when the pirate inquired after something far more personal. the sylph froze on her spindly legs, turning carefully back around. "it is hard, and it will be hard. i will make sure both you and erzulie have all you need to chew or eat when the time comes. grezig too. it will hurt, and you will be stretched and used beyond your body's imagining -- but in the end, you will have new life at your flank. it will be worth it."

She nodded and felt a flash of gratitude through her insecurity.  It was a little surprising, but this was one thing she would be glad to have the woman's assistance with.  Motherhood was a black box, and since she'd had no mother of her own to explain it, she'd always assumed it was an experience she wouldn't encounter.

I hope so, she said, and it was only a partial jest because she wasn't entirely sure that was true.  Would it be worth it? Or would she resent the lives she'd chosen to introduce because they were now dependent on her?

I'll be glad not to be alone for it, in any event.  If she didn't have Erzulie she never could have gone through with this, no matter what.

following what felt like a sermon of a speech, caiaphas fell silent, listening to rosalyn's brief words. she detected a hint of jest in the woman's reply; perhaps she was simply protecting herself, envisioning the worst first in a protective, "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" mentality. caiaphas could not say she could blame her - so much had happened in her own motherhood, she scarce knew where to begin or what to caution for.

she did not realize the question that sprung unasked on her lips would also be uttered by her daughter -- glancing aside, caiaphas ventured a hopeful query: "have you and erzulie picked any names yet? i remember picking names with kierkegaard." her yellow eyes softened as she recalled the way they bartered and threw out names, arriving at last to four names that made her heart swell with pride any time they were uttered. "it was grueling business; we both were very opinionated, you know."

Kierkegaard.  The father, a question that had never been resolved until right that moment, and one that Rosalyn had pretty much forgotten in the months she'd dwelt here.  She did not know a wolf by that name, but it was hard to imagine Caiaphas with any man.  Her jests about Vlad had been lies after all.

Not yet, she answered.  She did not know exactly when it was common practice to choose, but she knew she would want to at least see them before she accounted for their callings.  I don't know if she is opinionated, but I am not.  As long as they were good names, she knew she would not mind, though she had the inklings for a few ideas herself.  How did you decide?

loling at me/caiaphas forgetting about the little white vlad

they had yet to pick names. caiaphas' expression fell from fondness to its more normal composure, and she contemplated the imaginary names that rosalyn and erzulie might have thrown around. some wolves preferred to wait until their whelps gasped their first breath -- it made sense, for there was little good in the business of stocking your caches before you had the wares.

"we did not expect four, for it was my first time. " she recalled seeing the four of them, nestled one by one against the dark floor of the grotto. "but we had picked a handful of names we liked before they were born, and then once they were there, the pool of names seemed to slim until their names just sat on our tongue."

It was likely they hadn't thought to have the conversation yet, and by the time they did, a dividing chasm would have opened between them.  It wasn't until they had found peace again that they would find their options and approach ideas.

I don't know if a lack of family names makes this harder or easier, she replied, thinking if she had some to draw from she could cop out and use them.  She would name no child after her mother, though, and did not remember in truth any siblings.  And since then, she'd met none worth naming a child after.  Perhaps Kitten or Red, but those actual names were lost, and nicknames wouldn't serve.

family names were of importance to the sylph, who viewed her bloodline as a legacy. it was a snobbish thing to believe, and despite her muddled blood, caiaphas firmly believed herself an excellent specimen indicative of her family's prowess. yet for a creature without family, she could understand the lack of interest in genealogy. she herself only knew of her bloodline from her father, who was far more eccentric than most and paid too much attention to minutia and could rarely see the forest for the trees.

she smiled understandingly, knowing that erzulie also did not carry much of her family with her. perhaps the two of them combined could forge their own legacy, free of the expectation of any long dead ancestor. "it might make it easier." she intoned, sharing a rare jest with her gravid counterpart. "no family to have to impress, or invite over for meeting the babies. it might be better that way, you are free to do what you wish, without customs to hold you back."

She'd meant in choosing names, but she supposed the rest was true as well.  She did not know much of Erzulie's family, but she knew enough that they were no more in the picture than her own.  They had no support to turn to, but they had no obligations either.

We'll have to see what we come up with, I suppose.  When the time comes.  Possibly before... though some time would definitely pass.

caiaphas nodded in response to rosalyn's edict, falling silent with a flutter of her ears. she hoped when the time came, naming would be easier for rosalyn than it had been for her -- and she hoped, whatever came, that the woman's delivery would be uncomplicated and full of ease. rusalka would thrive with new whelps -- new souls for their generation's future.

briefly grunting, caiaphas rose. there was still much to be done, and if she was to ensure rosalyn's delivery remained uncomplicated, there was still much yet to be done. rising with a shake, the sylph looked over rosalyn and spoke. "i will be leaving -- i'll keep an eye for those blueberries, and maybe send raleska to get you some when they are ready. do you need anything before i go?"

No, thanks.  She would need to force herself to eat something, but what didn't matter if it wasn't the thing she craved.  Even then sometimes that changed so quickly, by the time she found it it was no longer appealing.  

Perhaps she could find eggs, on the cliffs by the shore.

Let me know if there's anything I can do as well, she returned, as she went to depart the opposite way.  She was grateful for the help, moreso for Erzulie's sake than her own, but she knew that favors tended to come with a price.  Even in a pack such as this.

<3

rosalyn politely declined any further aid, drawing an understanding nod from the wretch. caiaphas loathed asking for help, and despised receiving it. her pregnancy had been a string of miserable days, but never once had she allowed herself to become helpless. it was likely rosalyn was the same way.

she went then, deciding to visit raleska in the cove. she would tell the girl in passing of rosalyn's pining for blueberries. who knows, maybe her daughter would be useful for once.