Lion Head Mesa pestilence

Whatever the result of her conversation with Pharaoh, she had been too low to return to her chambers much, especially as her pregnancy progressed. Maegi lingered along the outskirts of the mesa, fending off help from others, and tonight was curled beneath a small depression in a sandy wall when the pain started.

The stars pulsed with each contraction;

and she vomited up her meager supper.

Breathe.

"The rotten fruits of your womb. . ."

Visions of 

Poppy, bleeding to death at her young paws.

Iliksis, coming for Relmyna's babes—

those eyes

birthing

worms

YOU LEFT ME EMPTY AND ROTTING

"Cut them out. Give them breath."

Amniotic fluid burst forth, a dam broken; no longer able to stem the tide. The smell was fetid, fecund.

It was quick. All those seasons of children to abandon her,

So quick to leave; so quick to slip free.

Just two, and she tore their sacs open with a scream, rage burning hot in her ears as her head pounded

Blackness rose around her

They were small, but strong. They seized her teats

Jaes, they were draining her. . .

"I will keep you alive long enough to wean these wretched beings,

you are no more than a vessel for the hell you've brought to this earth."

And I deserve it all, Maegi whispered, naked and reeking and reeling at the absolute feeling of revulsion she felt upon seeing these two children;

They belonged to Potema.

They belonged to the Void.

Three pitiful creatures beneath a summer night:

they nursed, and she wept.

tags for reference @Ramesses @Sayf @Tavina @Gucci @Medusa and @Midas

it was sayyadina who found maegi there. she had run to tell tavina, to say that the smell of blood was dark and filling the air.

tavina turned to little nazli. "take your brother. fetch water to this room." she motioned to the neat examination space. maegi had been here too many times. "get the cloths ready. and let no one inside." the sesh was grateful that the children of jawahir were present to help. and they would remain present. young fellahin were not sheltered as were the offspring of kings and queens.

and nobles.

she herself carefully measured out poppies. maegi had asked for them the night before and she would want them now. poor, miserable jade. what sort of life had she led to receive so many blows. she hurried through the halls and out of the mesa, sayyadina close behind. 

they found maegi weakened and with that flat glitter that tavina had come to know. two children suckled at her breast. for now, each of them breathed. she had not yet examined them; her focus was maegi. the sesh cleared her throat, trying to draw the nebet's eyes toward her. "look at me. hey. we're going to take you inside now, okay?" she would carry one child and sayyadina would bear the other. "come on," she coaxed, reaching out with her obsidian muzzle. "i know you didn't want this, maegi. but i'm not leaving you here. come on. get up."

tavina knew never to move a mother in such a state. but they had no choice. it would be a long walk back to the palace steps with how far from them they were.

Tavina. Her gentle voice, soft twilight eyes.

Kill me, Maegi whispered, lashes heavy with tears. Find someone else for them. . . I cannot go on. Find a poison—

"NO!"

Her body constricted, sending the pups to tiny, desperate yelps. 

She sobbed. I have been possessed by the gods of my family, she explained, and she was lucid enough to know how insane she sounded. These children belong to them, not me.

Sobs broke down, desperate, wailing. Help me. HELP ME!

It was like a mighty tower, struck at its midsection, buckling and then crumbling, tumbling, ash and dust and fire rising all up around it.

tavina listened and decided that maegi was in the grip of a psychosis brought in by stress, trauma, and now the revelation of what sounded occultist and dark to the sesh.

when the woman began to scream, she pressed in closer and pushed a rolled leaf of poppy toward maegi's paw. it was more important to sedate her than it was for the children to nurse. she understood perhaps more now what had ever driven maegi to self-medicate in the first place. 

"take them." tavina motioned to sayyadina, who gingerly pulled a puppy away from its chosen teat, moving for the other. "look at me, maegi. you do not have to be responsible for them. but i am responsible for you. and no one is going to die today."

unsure of how she would react in instinct, she moved to block the fellahin from any blows. they would come to her instead. and she still had not looked at either child.

The wretched youth ripped from her—

"YOU WILL PROVIDE—"

Sheogorath says I must nurse. . . Maegi babbled, and collapsed upon Tavina's embrace.

She lapped up the poppy and gave herself up to oblivion;

I just wanted to be a mother, she wailed. And all my children—

GONE!

Her flanks were dark with blood. She staggered upright, eyes seeing far beyond her, seeing her dead babies.

Where're we going. . .

Her voice was a sigh, barely audible.

She swayed.

The poppy took hold, and everything grew muted and muffled and blurred.

who was sheogorath? tavina filed it away as the name of a god. and a male one, insistent that maegi feed these unwanted children with her own body. 

"i am going to find a wet nurse as soon as the three of you are settled," she explained. "and i'm taking you to my examination room. you can rest there and maybe eat later. you need water and sleep."

sayyadina made a small sound as tavina helped maegi stand. all my children. another time she would ask. but finally the doctor looked at these two and saw the mixed blood in their little blind blunted faces, and knew their fate would be sealed when pharaoh discovered their murky origins.

but he had spared zakariya and nazli, had he not? "come on," she urged, and picked up the second cub. walk, her eyes urged.

Wet nurse, Maegi mumbled, not understanding the term but trying to fix it into her mind. Nurse. . . She ought to nurse.

"It must be your being to sustain them—"

I can't, she told Sheogorath, shaking her head.

Come on, commanded the healer.

Okay, Maegi said.

One paw in front of the other.

Step. Step. Step. . .Step. Step. Step—step. Step.

Step.

Step.

Step

She rolled her eyes sideways to glance at Tavina. I dunno what. . .why this is happening. . . Her voice was weak and slurred, still dripping blood and fluid behind her.

She groaned at one point and stopped, squatted, placenta oozing like a snake in her wake. Is that one dead, she questioned flatly.

Worms, again.

Product of pestilence. All she was good for

"only placenta. not a child." maegi had no business walking right now. tavina squatted and set the pup down gently. she cleared the tissue from behind their wobbling mother and then picked the kid up again. 

not so far, her eyes said.

more steps. more steps. the coolness of the palace. the hallway, dripped now with natal blood.

tavina supported maegi in each movement.

She moaned a little, shuffling her paws. Pla. . . Her voice trailed off. More and more, she slumped against Tavina. The walk to the den seemed endless.

When they arrived, she folded in upon herself like a cheap suitcase.

Bruised and bloodied, broken, battered, beaten down. 

How many times had she been this way? And yet, she'd bounced back each instance.

Maegi didn't know—or care—if she'd be able to do that again.

Thanks, she slurred, with the last shreds of grace and dignity she possessed, eyes upturned toward the healer. Her savior. . .on more than one occasion, now. And when she slept soon after, mercy touched her soul and gave her dreams of that sweet face.

Nothing more. For now.

tavina sat close at hand. she cleaned maegi's body while she slept, sopping blood and birth from the white fur. the children were given to pharaoh's jewel. when the noblewoman awoke in pain, the sesh was there to offer water and poppy, and the second time a meal.

she kept maegi there, in a healing, narcotic dome, and if she had been religious it would have been in these hours that she prayed.

i'm here, maegi.