Dragoncrest Cliffs But there are two things I know for sure

for if/when you have time!

As she patrolled the shoreline in the shadows of a late evening sunset, the conversation with her wife was caught ricocheting loudly within her thoughts. Rosalyn paid little attention to the actual patrol as a result and instead wandered without much aim, a path that had carried her away from any actual borders and onto the sandy waterline.

Once, a legacy within a pack had meant everything to her. She'd fought and scraped and bled for such a privelidge and yet, now that she had it, she found she cared little how it ended. If Sapphique were to die with the two of them, she would not be around to mourn. She had found a far better legacy by other means.

Her wife wished for an heir and it did make sense, but only if the one they chose wished for it. They did not need to help a downfall for those left behind by setting them up for failure, and a leader who did not wish to lead was not much better than no leader at all. Was it a role her daughter still wanted? At one time she had, Rosalyn thought she recalled. She had not been ready then.

When her thoughts turned to this, Rosalyn easily abandoned her patrol altogether and struck out to find @Chacal. If she wished it, then perhaps it was time to begin ensuring that, one day, she might be prepared for it. And if nothing else, she could at least answer the initial question, and if it was a no discount the idea entirely.

Since returning, Chacal had busied herself with finding a suitable place to live- in a little dugout den where the ground was firm enough to support it- and had planted the sea lavender nearby so when it spread, it might grow to surround her den. She imagined someday living in a field of the small but floral plant, and hoped it might make a peaceful pace for others to be drawn to as well. 

The borders she visited and reinforced, but the former wanderer found herself most drawn toward the seashore. It was there that she liked to scavenge the most, and collect odd trinkets that washed up on the shore. A wolf she'd met in her travels had had a collection of interesting things- bones, stones and gems- and had inspired Chacal. 

She headed toward the shoreside of the pack's claim only to see her mother striding away from the area. With a ullulating note of greeting, she dipped into a play bow, before prancing toward her.

Rosalyn had been gratified to see that time away had not seemed to change her, not in the ways it had hardened so many others. She too moved forward to greet her with a satisfied sound in response.

It's so good to have you home. I'm guessing you learned many things, away? At one time she'd been a wanderer and hardly thought she'd settle, let alone as far as she had now. It was hard to recall this version of herself that seemed so different, but perhaps the echo of it was why she always somewhat understood. If at times better than others.

Many things? Chacal reflected for a moment, but what would be most visible was the guilt she carried with her. How could she say she had simply learned, in absence of those she loved most, how much she needed them? Perhaps her mother expected that she had learned new survival skills but...She had learned what she'd needed to know to survive on her own while she'd still been living in a pack. 

She shrugged. Hunting, tracking, navigating...She had put her skills to use, of course. But to what end? So she could live another day wandering aimlessly on her own? It was not the life for her. She lived for devotion, for family, and for Sapphique. 

She cleared her throat. She hadn't had much reason to communicate while she'd been travelling, though she had toyed with a few new melodies on her own. It was about the only thing she really had to show for her time spent away. 

"I learned from Sapphique how to live. 
I learned from de wilderness to roam. 
But of de two I learned de most
Dat dis is where I be home."

Rosalyn saw the guilt and interpreted it as an assumption that she was upset. While it would be a lie to say that she enjoyed when any of them left the cliffs, she did not hate it so much as she perhaps once did. So many things had become less of late and this was no exception.

Rosalyn smiled. It's a good lesson. Both. She stepped near, wending her way past once more and breathing in her daughter's scent. She'd grown so much, these past months. She was tall as she'd likely be now, taller than her maman.

I used to love to travel. I never thought I'd stay in one place forever, but Sapphique is.... this is home. For a moment, her look turned quietly introspective. But it was gone as soon as it had come.

Your maman and I were speaking. We wondered what it is you wish to do here, now that you are back? Usually she tried to keep to yes or no answers, but she would not lead this directly. She wanted the idea to be Chacal's, not hers or Erzulie's. That was the only way this could work.

Chacal could not help but feel that her guilt might stay with her for years to come. Adventuring could have waited- she should have been around more for her mothers and for her younger siblings. Her own siblings had chosen their own paths in life and while she did not begrudge them for it, she did miss them. Valravn, in particular. 

She tried to picture her mother as a young rogue, a traveller. She smiled faintly. She wondered if they were at all alike, and found herself hoping, at least, that Rosalyn thought so. She aspired to be like her- to be like both her mothers, but was occasionally dismayed by just how hard it was to try and measure up to them. 

For now, she thought, she would simply have to learn from them. Stay, watch, follow, and learn. 

She thought she saw something almost wistful on Rosalyn's features when she said the word "home." She uttered a soft whistle of a concerned whine- but the look was gone as quickly as it had come. But she'd seen something. A memory? A thought? it stuck with her, for whatever reason. She'd remember that look. 

While she wasn't sure if Rosalyn was directly asking her about her lifelong ambitons, or about what she wanted to do in the short-term, she sensed somehow that she was being asked about where she wanted her role in the pack to be. 

"I wish to see de sea lavender grow.
Spread and bloom along de shore
And wid dat, Sapphique bloom also,
Sapphique, toujours."

It didn't answer her question, but Rosalyn nodded in silent acceptance before she thought on the answer for a moment. What did it mean, wanting to see Sapphique thrive? Did she wish to do so as a bystander or did she want to have a hand in its future?

Her question had been too vague, apparently.

Your maman and I have led for a long time. Rosalyn began. She didn't show any emotion at that phrase, but she felt the years now more than ever. We would like to begin to teach another. But only if they wish to learn. She trained her eye on Chacal, but the look was warm. We both think that you would do well.

Hopefully her intent was clear enough now.

Pride blossomed within her chest. While Rosalyn might have been feeling drawn out from the longevity of her reign, Chacal was fiercely proud to have been born to two leaders as fit as Erzulie and Rosalyn. She'd begun to show a smile that might've looked somewhat smug- but it faltered when Rosalyn continued, and disappeared into a look of astonishment. She halted and cocked her head sideways with such a snap that it made her dizzy for a moment. 

"M-M...m...Moi?" She stammered. Her heart raced. She'd pictured herself, some day, following in the path that felt as though it had been set before her, carved by knowing hands. Still- her confidence had been shaken the day they had invented the Seafoam run. Only once had it occurred, and she had objected so strongly aside Valravn that she thought she'd sullied her chances at being selected to lead. Her stammer didn't do much to stir confidence, either. "J'veux, mais..." She piped softly, and shrugged her shoulders. With pleading eyes, she begged without words. 

But will I be enough?

Rosalyn didn't understand the words that her daughter spoke, but her expressions had always been clear enough. She was reluctant but she was also afraid, and if her reluctance was born only out of that, Rosalyn didn't think it would be enough reason not to try. Her expression softened and warmed.

If you don't want it, then Sapphique can find another. But all you need is to love your family, to want to protect them and to see them thrive. The rest will come. If Chacal decided that traveling was something she wanted, she should not let this confine her here. But Rosalyn had found her desire to travel waning, the older she got and the more the idea of home grew within her. It appeared that her daughter might have learned that lesson a bit earlier than she.

Erzulie sees it in you. So do I. Rosalyn studied her, hoping to see some flicker of confidence at that. She would always be biased, as a mother, but she was serious too. She would not lie if she did not think that Chacal were up to the task. Sapphique was bigger than that.

She felt discouraged a bit- not by something her mother said, but perhaos by something she didn't. What Chacal had wanted to hear was that regardless of her difficulties, she would be fine. She already loved her family and knew that she would do everything she could to protect them. But what if it was necessary for her to speak to them- and for them? Would they find the same authority in a voice which either sung or stammered? 

That must have been what Rosalyn meant when she said 'the rest will come.' And she'd have to be satisfied with that. For within her mother's voice was a softness, a tiredness. It sounded as though she and Erzulie were ready to step down- and that perhaps they had been holding breath and treading water for as long as they could. 

She had had absolute faith in her mothers and their choices until the Seafoam Run. So perhaps this was their way of making right, by making the decision themselves rather than leaving it up to the waters. It meant a lot to Chacal to know they had faith in her; and if she were to lead the pack, she would need every ounce of it. 

"I will learn." She said, straightening a bit. "Teach me."

Rosalyn had never been able to bring herself to lie to their children, even if it was occasionally to their benefit. She had a pessimism that had been earned through trials and she knew that it was possible Chacal could fail. There was one factor that would make the difference, and it was the one thing Rosalyn was not sure of. How much did she want it?

Leading from duty was one thing. Leading from desire was another.

Then I'll give you your first lesson now, Rosalyn replied, lifting her posture. You have to know that you deserve it. That you are making calls, and others are trusting you to make them, for a reason. Your doubts don't matter. Theirs do. It was the most valuable thing she'd learned in all of her time at the helm.

She gazed at her daughter encouragingly, making sure that she understood. There were other things, but this was first and foremost.

As soon as self-esteem was called into the conversation, she felt herself slip a bit. She found it difficult, sometimes, to see her true worth. 

While she hadn't been an arrogant youth, she had been stubborn and perhaps had fallen prey to the feeling of being entitled. The day she and Valravn had been held back from the Seafoam Run, her existance had been shaken. Doubt settled in, of course, and it still ran through her like an underground spring. But she'd learned a very important lesson in humility, something she would also need. 

She found it hard not to find doubt even if everyone else had confidence in her. A great deal of pressure came with having to make decisions for others and use their trust as an investment. "So...If dey doubt, I must listen?" She implored quietly. "An' what if dey do not doubt...An' I do something wrong. Will dey forgive?"

Rosalyn always found it hard, reassuring her children, because she could never bring herself to sugar coat things. She did not have a high estimation of most wolves - Sapphique was an exception, and even then, she had her doubts at times. When she was younger, she'd been a much different leader, and even she was not aware of how much life had changed her.

They will or they won't. What matters is that you forgive yourself and you learn from it. The ones who deserve you will understand, as long as you are trying. Rosalyn replied, voice gentling a bit as she said the last. Then she shook her head, snorting quietly. And there's an important distinction here. You should always listen, but just because they give advice doesn't mean you need to take it. Your judgement is what counts.

Despite Chacal's nerves, Rosalyn had nothing but faith in her. And she herself wasn't going anywhere... there would never be a time she wouldn't be glad to give her own thoughts, should her daughter need them.

What she was beginning to understand was that there was no certain way to please everyone, and no planned route she could take that would always bring her to the right decision. Hopefully, her packmates would be patient with her, and allow her room to make mistakes, and be gracious with forgiveness. She could only hope that they wouldn’t focus too hard on her shortcomings. 

She wasn’t sure how good she’d be at deciding not to follow someone else’s advice, but she’d have to learn. She sighed, but smiled. ”De crown is…heavier dan I thought it might be.”

wrapping this up <3 but maybe we can have another here soon!

It is. She couldn't recall a time in which she didn't wear it, at least not well. There must have been one. Yet she didn't think she would go back, even if she could. A smaller weight, sometimes, than trusting another to carry it. Especially when you have someone to wear it with. And Chacal had two, since both of her mothers would be glad to help no matter how she might struggle. Even if that meant removing the burden later.

Let's go find your maman, see if she wants some company. They'd been slowly continuing her path along the borders, mindlessly, as they spoke, but now she turned to cut inward. As she did, she paused, giving her daughter one more affectionate nuzzle with a press of her lips to her gilded shoulder. I'm proud of you. She didn't say it, feeling she already had, but the sensation of it was overwhelming.