Moonspear Despite what you've been told, I once had a soul

Note: I won't be replying to this again until this thread has progressed to a suitable point, I just need to get this thread up before too much time passes. Set April 6th.

Dragomir's feet dragged heavy on his way back through the mountains and down to the foothills surrounding Moonspear. His thoughts were a hurricane battering the walls of his mind, to say nothing of the state of his emotions. Ahead, Moonspear loomed. The grey granite mountain piercing the sky had always represented stability, peace and prosperity to Dragomir. Now, he wasn't sure what to think.

Arcturus had given him a lot to think about. Now it was time to hear the other side of things. He paused where the scent markers were strongest, firmly holding himself outside the territory, and lifted his head to call for @Hydra. This talk had no place within the territory proper; he only wished Arcturus had kept his affairs to the borders, and wished that he himself hadn't been so curious, that he might never have witnessed the exchange between Beta and Alpha and been none the wiser to the mountain's fractures.

Hydra heard his call, and was returning from another inspection of the Glen in another bid to find Praimfaya or Dragomir. Her heart lifted to hear his song, and she sang in turn to him. With @Alya alongside her Hydra returned to the Spear, and Hydra found herself surprised to see him lingering at the border and not coming to find her within. Alya, will you tell the others? she murmured, and her sister nodded before rerouting to do as she had asked.

Hydra bridged the gap and moved to look over Dragomir, concern apparent upon her visage as she sought any new wounds or any indicators that he had faced an enemy beyond. Dragomir, she breathed, several emotions present. That old lingering worry she had endured in his absence, in the absence of Arcturus, which shifted then to the release of that to see him here and in one piece, her own anguish eased some for that. 

She could not, naturally, see the demons that may have plagued him within. But she was relieved to see he was physically in fine condition. The matriarch moved to nose his shoulder softly (if permitted), tail wagging some. He was alive, he was healthy. Hydra had feared the worst may have happened, strong through Dragomir had become. But perhaps her mate had been right... perhaps he had simply just needed to clear his head. 

Ah, but he had called to her, and she remembered they lurked upon the borders. Giving him some space, now, Hydra knew better than to think everything was alright. Hydra had not forgotten that day, of course. She had slept, but hardly fitfully. Hydra ached to think of her brother, and feared also for Dragomir out there alone. Additionally, she continued to lead, be a mother, and protect Moonspear from threats large or small. Fortunately, no cannibals had come in the time between this all. But the quiet hardly represented the volume of the noise within her head. 

Hydra was tired. She might not look it, except for the wearied look in her eyes that might be easy to miss to those who did not seek it, but she was. Hydra had gone through several of the stages of grief, rebounded between some, and had yet to reach acceptance yet. Today, that deep sadness returned. Heavy, loathsome. Anger was more tolerable and easy to work through. But there was a reason to be happy; Dragomir was here, and was safe.

She suspected he would want to talk, what with where he stood. Hydra imagined she would have been shocked to see what he had from near or afar, and could not fault him that. And so her ears pricked forward, ready to listen. 

sounds gooood!

Hydra didn't keep him waiting for long. She never did. His world and his opinions of those around him had been thoroughly rattled by recent events, but he still believed in and appreciated the Alpha's reliability in that sense. He accepted her gesture with a careful bump of his muzzle against hers, but made no move to delve further into the territory. He was at a crossroads, now, and until a decision was made, he would not overstep himself.

I want to know what's going on, Dragomir said, in the same firm fashion he'd delivered to Arcturus, though with a more level head and better hold on his emotions. Perhaps it was because he already knew the accounts would be different and had resigned himself to it. That was simply how things went. A wolf's memory was unreliable, painted with bias, no matter how objective they tried to be. Even now he was remembering the events of the last few days differently than they'd transpired, not that he could tell the difference. All of it. I talked to Arcturus. Now I want to hear your side.

Hydra stepped aside to hear him, and her ears pricked as she understood what he meant by the end of it... though she had suspected she had already known. To him, she admitted, I am in the dark, Dragomir, she drawled, the only thing I can think of that I did to upset him was interfere between he and Revui, which... I know now, I should not have done. I said as much to Arcturus himself, and I apologized for it. That was their battle, though I feared for the death of either one of them that day—they had both already beaten one another to a pulp—... and I let this get in the way, she revealed, for he has told me nothing else, and up until then, all was well. So he had made it appear, to all of them—Dragomir included. They all had been blindsided. 

She wondered if Dragomir might share more with her; reveal to her that all Arcturus felt comfortable sharing with him, but never her. Arcturus was a masterful liar if there was more to it that she did not know, and she shifted her weight. She was no clairvoyant, though now more than ever she wished that she had been so that she could right all the wrongs she had done to Arcturus, perceived or otherwise. Hydra had no hatred toward him, only hurt and confusion. Betrayal stung, and Hydra had no idea in the slightest that Arcturus viewed her behavior as manipulation. The way Hydra saw it was far simpler than that; she just did not want anyone to die, not by the fangs of one another especially when they had an enemy who hoped to do this themselves. 

Sorry for the delay on this! I'm a little slower than normal right now

Dragomir expected a lot more, a long spiel like the one Arcturus delivered, but it seemed that Hydra could trace his hurt back only to the conflict between him and Revui. From her perspective, she was preventing two brothers from killing one another. It made plenty of sense, and if Dragomir hadn't spoken with Arcturus and heard his point of view first, he would've thought the Beta was ungrateful for her concern. She was only trying to protect her brothers. Fair enough.

Except something didn't add up. Arcturus says that you defended Revui from him, but then turned on Revui and attacked him, Dragomir shared. The question behind that was self-evident: why would Hydra attack one brother after defending him from the other?

Attacked him, Hydra echoed, thinking and recalling aloud, In that interference, I vented my frustrations upon him as I would my Omega...  which, to me, he was. I thought Revui was in the wrong for seeking to challenge someone who, in my opinion, he had no place to after already doing as he had, she looked thoughtful, it was a more aggressive display, but he was never in any danger from me. I would not call putting him in his place and reminding him of it an attack, It was pack ritual and her physical enforcement had felt necessary, though I ought to have let Arcturus handle it, in hindsight, and if it might have come to that... interfere then, but she was not perfect. Hydra did not pretend to be, either. 

So, Arcturus had thought that she had attacked Revui then. But didn't he understand now, having came and went, she had not? No... he had still seen what he had seen, viewed her as he had viewed her. Could she blame him? Not entirely, not in that moment, but he knew better now. I have never hurt any of my pack; I considered Revui that, albeit the lowest of the low upon the totem pole,  though now, for his actions toward Arcturus, I do not, he was family still, but he would have no tie to Moonspear from his insult to Arcturus on. Not until he righted his wrongs.

He listened carefully, weighing Hydra's words in his head. If Revui was the pack Omega then all of it would fit perfectly in place and there would never be an issue, but, Revui wasn't pack. Even if he had no knowledge of Revui's history with Moonspear, he knew the man was an outsider. A leaver, if Arcturus was to be believed. Dragomir hadn't decided yet on that.

Another loner challenging a member of Moonspear would've been rightly attacked on sight, wouldn't they? But Revui had been shown familial favoritism, treated as their guest, cared for by their healer, after gravely insulting their Beta in one of the worst ways a wolf could conceive. Dragomir could understand Hydra not wanting to watch her brothers fight to the death, being no fan of fighting himself, but he couldn't understand her disproportionate treatment of Revui and Arcturus, or how she failed to recognize the danger of it.

No; but he sought to be. He thought his challenge had merit; the only place here for him would have been Omega. Not Beta, she answered in kind, hoping this might explain to him that his challenge meant nothing to Hydra and that she had put him in his place. Had Arcturus stayed, he would have been healed the same... but the question alone put things more into perspective for her, caused some things to align. Revui also only understood lessons taught with teeth, she had come to learn. He should have been given nothing; she had given more than enough. More than he deserved. Any other stranger would certainly be eradicated for the call alone.

She sighed. The event changed much by ways of my perspective. For once, I did not want death. Not of my family. Not of my pack. But the following days that proceeded gave me much time to think. It was wrong of me to do all I had done, when it came to Revui. And if I could turn back time, I still would not want Revui to die... but I would not have sought to do all I had done, He was her brother, but he had turned his back upon the other. That in of itself was wrong. Even after, she should have turned her back on him just as he had done to Arcturus, but she had been thinking with heart, not head. It was rare, truly, and recognizing that vexed her that she had done so. It will not happen again, she hummed. Not simply for the fact that Arcturus had left, but because truly, when she was aware of her errors, she did learn from them. And Revui had been given the last vestiges of her kindness left toward him. The matriarch had none left to spare.

Dragomir's lips twisted in thought. There was a lot about Hydra and her family he still didn't know, but what he did know was that this wasn't the first time Arcturus had been forced to dwell in his brother's shadow, in spite of his brother's disloyalty. It wasn't for Dragomir to speak of. If Arcturus had wanted to have that conversation with Hydra, the boy imagined he would've. He thought of Isilmë and the cold sting that her previous disappearance had kissed his heart with, that pinprick of frost that he could not move past because his mother had made him cold to wordless abandonment.

He could not have stomached a wolf who left his family without saying anything, then returned to try to seize a position he had no right to, even as the Omega. Hydra seemed to share that opinion now, but it came too late. Arcturus was gone, the damage was done. To those who believed that loyalty was worth something, like Dragomir, it was a severe blow.

Dragomir licked his lips, suddenly nervous. He had more to say but he didn't know how to phrase it all. At least no one could claim he'd said nothing. His words came out in a bit of a rush, but eventually he said, I've been thinking that it's time I see more of the world, uh, stretch my legs... a bit. For a lot of reasons, he thought.

It had been his parents, first, to place him there, though Hydra never felt—even then—she had ever done that. Hydra had defended Arcturus, not Revui, albeit a little roughly as he himself had seen. And she had only ever wanted more for him, but he had expressed that these things he did not want; his life was up to him. Suddenly, though, and out of nowhere (to her), everything changed. Even for her siding with Arcturus, it was not seen that way by him... Hydra considered that she ought to speak with him. But in her state, she could not go too far. In any case, she did not think he wished to speak with her. Hydra would not force it. 

Loyalty did come first to Hydra; her mind whirred to shift and come to the conclusion that ultimately, Revui would never be this for their family. Her hopes of him living up to her expectations had died with finality when he left once more. But should he have died for that? Should she have let him potentially kill Arcturus that day, if he got in another successful blow? 

There was no perfect outcome; it was all messy. But everything happened for a reason, she believed. Time would reveal it, as it did all things. What Dragomir said next surprised her, and it showed; he had become like a son to her, but she imagined the events of this changed everything within him, too. Loyalty among it. To her, at least; it had been Arcturus he had sought out first, she considered... 

No. Dragomir was a boy, young still. Her bias toward him did not lead her to the conclusion that this was some betrayal, in the end.

She wanted to say many things herself. Now? Or, Will you wait a while longer?, maybe,  Are you sure?, or perhaps, but you are going to be a big brother, this year..., the last thought, recognized, caused Hydra to say gently instead, Alright... If that is what you wish.  Hydra did not want him to go, for likely many reasons more. But she saw in him what likely he did not see in her.

Still, unbidden, these thoughts came to the matriarch: she could not protect him out there, or keep him safe. She loved him, very much. Hydra did not know if she would ever see him again; she did not know if he would ever desire to see her again. Hydra could not prevent him from living his life as he wished to; Winter had ended, and Spring was here; Summer would be here too soon. 

I will miss you, Dragomir, she drawled in earnest, looking fondly upon him. Hydra had hoped he would never leave; but if he wished to spread his wings now, he was old enough to do so.

He had many reasons for wanting to get out, but everything boiled down to a simple fact:
He could not be happy in a pack that fractured the way Moonspear had.
His whole life had been nothing but upheaval and discord. A few happy months spent in Diaspora before Vercingetorix abandoned them to go to the sea, not because it was truly best for his children, but because he wanted the life he had before. Before Dragomir's mother uprooted them to go looking for their father, not because it was truly best for her children, but because she was a selfish creature to her very core. Then the attack. Then a few unhappy months with Kaistleoki before the ultimate culmination of Aurëwen's selfishness: because the father of her children didn't love her, she left them all, with no intention of returning. Then Vercingetorix's death.
His months with Moonspear were the happiest he could remember, but he was still too fragile from past betrayals and hurts to weather such fissures among the wolves he cared for. He respected Hydra. He respected Arcturus. He could never choose between them, although ultimately his loyalty leaned a little more toward the Beta. He could never choose, and so he would make his own road. It was not the best decision for him—the world was dangerous and he would be without support at his back—but it was something he needed to do for himself.
Perhaps one day he would find the everlasting stability he needed in his life to chase the demons of his youth away for good.
I'll miss you too, Hydra, he said, and it was no word of a lie. His faith in her was shaken but his affection for her as a mentor was still intact. If she let him, he made an effort to reach out and bump his crown against her cheek, a final fond farewell before he left Moonspear behind and began the next chapter of his life.

She returned the gesture, nosing him fondly and drawing in the scent of him that she would miss, too. And when he turned to go, Hydra watched until he was no longer in her line of sight. Even after this, Hydra reclined onto her haunches to sit there as though he might turn around and return to them, to her, even though in her heart she understood he was going his own way now. Hours later, Hydra would turn to ascend the peaks of her mountain again to spend time with her children. 

last from me <3 I'll miss him around!