Spotted Eagle Mountain The weak breeze whispers nothing

With the snow that had fallen, the canyon in the distance was a bit more difficult to spot. The red stone of its walls did not contrast so highly anymore with the grey of the mountainside. But, he could see where the earth split and fell away in the distance, and knew that he'd come close enough. Well beyond the borders still, in unclaimed territory. This, he would do as a gesture of sustained peace with their law-loving Imperator, or whatever it was he was called, and maintain a relationship with his son. 

As far as he could tell, his son hadn't come into any danger; he'd heard of no wars, no battles. If there had been any, they hadn't brought their drama to Brecheliant, which suited Bronco just fine. While they had a number of wolves there capable of treating wounds, he was glad that they did not have that stress coming to their lands. 

He called out for @Killdeer and lay down comfortably on a long, flat stone, which had served as their meeting place on a few occasions now. There was no pressing reason for the call, but Bronco liked to check in about once a month to see how his Varmint was doing.

The arrangement was fine. Annoying, but fine.

Once upon a time, it had been an adventure to see one parent or the other, to journey to some new territory. Now, it was little more than a chore. 

At the call, Killdeer trudged his way up out of the canyon and upon the adjacent peak's slopes, forcing a smile when he finally saw his father. He picked up the pace, trotting toward the scarred golden man before pulling to a halt and giving a brief chuff, tail wagging.

Hey, Dad, he said in greeting. How's it going?

And yet, there was a part of him deep within screaming that it all could be better if they were together and he could just. . .say anything he wanted to his parents, with them by his side. Always.

Was that too much to ask?

It did make Bronco sad to notice that his son no longer bounded toward him or barreled at him with the same enthusiasm. It made him feel guilty about how he'd disgraced himself at the borders, but he didn't see Germanicus as being a very forgiving man. It was unlikely that he'd be granted permission to actually meet Killdeer at the borders rather than calling him away from the pack for their visits. Maybe, in the future, he might try again, and politely request that he be permitted within sights, so that Killdeer wouldn't have to climb halfway up a mountain to meet his father. His energy could be better put to use elsewhere. 

Nevertheless, it made his heart warm to see his son. Filling out, growing up, getting a thicker coat to help get him through the winter. It was the highlight of his month, getting to see him. Sometimes the conversation was dry, as there wasn't much news to share, but still he reveled in having at least this much contact with his son. 

"Hey, Varmint," He greeted, moving forward to nip gently at his son's cheek and bump shoulders with him. He'd try and hide his regrets, not wanting for his son to carry those as a burden. "Huge changes at Brechelient. The pack voted, I'm king now, and we're gonna take over the whole Mountain Range." He said, and chuckled, before he lowered his voice and whispered. "Guess I better not say that too loud or yer, uh, Imperator might demand that I live even further away," He teased, good-naturedly. "Nah, things've been pretty calm. I've decided to become a caregiver, though. My 'warrior' days are over now, so I'm just going to do something that suits me more." He said with a gentle shrug. "What about you? Have you gotten any new assignments?" He asked.

Unfortunately for Bronco, Killdeer had not acquired his sense of sarcasm. What?? he exclaimed upon the first revelation, and remained slightly slack-jawed upon the rest of it. Nothing Bronco said afterward contradicted the first bit, and so he was stiff-legged, half-smiling, half-grimacing.

You're. . .caregiver king of the mountain range? he asked gently, cocking his head. I'm fine, Pa. No new assignments lately, just. . .

Ugh. Fennec and Germanicus. He didn't even wanna mention it. He wouldn't.

Tryin' to teach the young wolves stuff, that's all, he finished, his smile watery.

"Kiddinggggg, varmint, jeez," He said, reaching out to punch his son in the shoulder with a paw gently. Killdeer was funny. If Bronco'd kept his face, he probably could have convinced him that he actually was king, but he wouldn't do that the the kid. It might make matters worse if that word spread to Germanicus, after all. "But the sitting on kids part I meant. I've been terrorizing Eljay and Maia's litter from this spring in particular. I got at least two of 'em convinced that we have a nest of jackalopes living on the Caldera" He said, chuckling. 

When Killdeer spoke, though, he didn't sound terribly enthusiastic. Nothing new, just...Just watching kids and teaching them, too. The smile didn't reach his son's eyes, and Bronco realized he was likely holding something back. "Any troublemakers?" He asked. he'd go the long way around to find out what was bothering Killdeer, if he had to.

He let out his breath in a comical way, trying to pass it off as he'd been joking, too. The relief, though, showed plain in the relaxation of his shoulders. He shifted, smiling, listening to Bronco.

And then the questions came to him.

Nah, Killdeer replied. Not the youths. But, uh. . .

His brain swirled for a bit. It was so easy to tell Bronco about his mother and Germanicus, or about Towhee departing for a sister pack. Too, too easy.

But was it his business?

The gears turned in Killdeer's mind, clanked together, then stopped in an altogether neutral place.

I miss you, Dad, he admitted, smiling. Wish you were here. I'm hoping to get into Germanicus's top ranks. What'dya think I should do?

Bronco was glad that Killdeer was working with some of the youth of the pack. It was good to see him put in a leadership role, and get to act like a role model. It made him damn proud to know that killdeer might be the one in charge of teaching the next generation in a kindly way. He hoped his son would be more lenient on the children than their Imperator might be. 

"I miss you too, son," He said, so earnestly it made his heart ache. If only he'd not been so foolish the first time he'd come...Maybe he wouldn't be banned from the pack. Killdeer passed him news that he was hoping for a promotion- which did made Bronco a bit fearful that Germanicus might try, then, to train Killdeer to be a stiff, line of command guy like him- but he couldn't see it. Not his son. No, he would be fair, he would always care enough about other wolves to consider their families and their feelings. 

"Top brass, huh?" He asked, but he was impressed. He didn't worry about Killdeer stepping into a role that required him to be responsible, so long as it did not mean it would turn his son into a stiff puppet that would simply shout orders at others. And Killdeer was looking to him for advice, which made him even prouder still of how Killdeer had grown up. Despite the split up with his parents, he still treated them with kindness. 

"I think the best leaders care about each and every member of their pack. You might start off by getting to know them all. Help them hunt or patrol, learn about their interests, and invite them along with you. Build up loyalty and trust within your pack. If the pack knows their decisions, feelings and interests matter to you, they'll look up to you, and respond to you." He said. "Annd.....Talk to Germanicus. Ask him what he would like to see in his chain of command, and understand what it means to be in those roles. Make sure it's something you really want to do, and that it fits you, before you go for it." He said. He shrugged, and a faint grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Then when you have authority, please lift this ban on me. I'd much rather just visit ya at Mereo than climb this here mountain an' stand here blowin' in the wind like we always are," He laughed.

He took in each word, seriously, but when the last of them passed, and it was clear Bronco was floating out a plea to ban-lift, he grinned, eyelids creasing at the corners.

I'd love that, Dad, Killdeer replied, wagging his tail. If that's how it turns out, I promise I'll put in a good word for you.

Nothing was that easy. And with Fennec entangled with Germanicus, it was even less easy.

He stepped forward and butted his head against the flesh between Bronco's right neck and shoulder.

I promise, Dad, I'll get you closer if I get my say, he said, fervently.

"That's my boy," Bronco said, with a light chuckle. "Abusing power for the sake of your old man." He winked at his son, and let out a soft ouf when Killdeer's temple thumped his neck. He nodded appraisingly; his son was getting strong. He wasn't just a skinny teenager anymore. "I'd still climb mountains for you, though. Just so you know. I don't like being this far from ya- that's my own damn fault- but you're worth it. N'I'm not goin' anywhere," He said. 

He'd wait a moment. Part of the reason he would stay so linked to Brechelient was the fact that it was so close to Mereo- but also, because he had begun to settle there as well. "Also...There's somethin' else I'd like to talk to you about, Varmint," He said. He was horrible at hiding his own trepidation. He wasn't sure how Killdeer would respond, and he really did not want to jeopardize what little contact they had, but he wasn't something he could keep as a secret. It was only fair that Killdeer should know. 

"I, uh, I...Started seein' someone. We're not like, together together yet, or anything, but...I wanted to tell you, because...I like her," He said, with a faint, but very guilty smile that he tried hard to hide.

He chuckled at the joke, but only lightly. More enjoying the slight embrace between himself and his father. But then Bronco spoke again, and he found himself swimming in deja vu.

Oh, God. Not. . .both of them?

His face was surely meandering with his mind, shifting from surprise to distrust to happiness and back again, rippling over and over. He forced a smile, but it was slightly pained.

I'm happy for you, Dad, Killdeer replied. I mean, if you're happy. Are you?

He paused a minute, then added, Who is she? It was probably better if he didn't know.

As he figured, Killdeer didn't look certain of how he ought to respond. He probably had a million questions going through his mind, and the thought of his Dad ever finding someone new perhaps hadn't been something he'd ever considered. He gave him the time to process what he'd told him, and regarded him with an earnest, gentle smile. He nodded, inhaled a breath and held it for a moment. When he considered how he felt about Teya again, prompted by his son, his breath fell from him like a calm stream of water from a finely crafted spout. "I am," He said, feeling relieved after he'd spilled the truth. 

"Her name's Teya," He said. "She.." A smile caught him, suddenly interrupting his explanation, as though he found it amusing, trying to put in words who exactly Teya was. His fondness for her wasn't something he could bottle up. It was easiest to begin describing her by her more formal roles. "Well, she's been with Brechelient for quite a while, and she's one of our leaders now." He said. "She has a daughter named Sorana from a previous relationship, who, heh, hasn't exactly warmed up to me yet, but I'm...We're taking things pretty slow. Sorana's about seven months old now, so..." He felt his son would understand some of the struggles Sorana was having. 'So we're just gonna get to know each other for a while. Make sure this works for both of us. I'd...I'd really like it if you'd come meet her, sometime," He volunteered the idea, hoping his son might be at least willing to meet Teya. It was hard enough, trying to get Sorana to stop avoiding him.

The normally easy-going Killdeer was finding, recently, his patience reaching a limit. Tierra's bragging and gossip, Fennec's admission to her dalliances, and now Bronco talking about his new love. . .

It was bound to boil over sometime, even with the most chill of wolves.

And so it did.

Cool, great! Killdeer snapped, immediately regretting it. He pulled back, but only slightly. I mean, I'm sorry, Dad, but you've got somebody and Ma's got somebody and I just—fuck! I don't care! I'm glad you're happy, but I wish you were together! And if you're not, I wish you'd stop fucking telling me about it!

His chest heaved slightly as he struggled to catch a breath, and he was vibrating a bit. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. I'm sorry. It's just— too much. Like, it was too much to ask for a happy family together. Now I have to deal with all this shit.

And deep down, he understood that his parents were dealing with very much more shit. But here he was, in the middle, between this shit-slinging fest.

Sorry, Dad, Killdeer murmured, looking at his forepaws.

Bronco pulled his head back at the sudden outburst. Concern came to him first, after the surprise. It wasn't like Killdeer to raise his voice over anything; he'd never been argumentative or rebellious, so for him to speak this way now...He definitely seemed overwhelmed. He hadn't thought that the news of him courting a woman would tip him over so much- but it seemed he'd only added to the boy's pre-existing qualms. Fennec was seeing someone. But rather than feeling jealousy, instead, he felt dread. For Killdeer's sake, he hoped that Fennec's new relationship wasn't a disaster. But he wouldn't have control over that- that was in Fennec's ballcourt. The only complication was that their son was now in the midst of two blossoming relationships that had been seeded outside of his natal family. 

No wonder he might not want to meet Teya; he was probably trying to figure out how to deal with being around his mother's new man. Just the same way Sorana was being with him. Killdeer wasn't as young as Sorana was, but considering the fact that he obviously, truly wished for his parents to get back together...He hadn't seen why they shouldn't be. He still didn't think it was a mistake to try and keep their feuds from happening in front of him, but it seemed to make it harder for him to accept the split when he saw no reason for it. 

There was a cure for that, but it was only to spoil the image Killdeer had in his mind of his 'happy family.' It would've almost been easier, he thought, if he could just convince to one, relationship-ending crime that might make his son understand why they weren't together, because the truth was just so much more difficult to explain. 

The apology fell upon listening ears. "Hey, Varmint," He said softly, scooting a bit closer. "It's OK. I'm...I'm sorry it can't be the way you want it to be...We did everything we could to make sure you were happy, and we're both so happy we had you, but we...We just weren't happy together, Fenn and I. It....It would've come out over time, Killdeer. You might've ended up hating one or both of us, if we'd stayed together, and we both love you so much, neither of us wanted to take that risk. I know that's probably not enough, and that you still want us to try and make it work but..." They couldn't. It wasn't for lack of effort, but they'd known each other since childhood and looking back, there'd always been red flags. 

"I am sorry that you're getting all of this...All at once, He said, inhaling. If he'd known Killdeer was already struggling with one of his parents being in a relationship...Well, he would have still told him about Teya. He couldn't just lie to his kid, and then come back another day with her as his mate without explanation. "I just felt I should tell you. Rather than come back a few months from now, or...Whenever, and surprise you by telling you I had a mate without you knowing I was even seeing someone."

He let his dad's words ripple over him like ocean waves, head down, breathing through it all. In, out. . . And he knew they both deserved happiness, and if not with each other, then—

Dad, it's okay, Killdeer replied, eyes still fixed on the ground. I mean, I want you—both—to be happy. And it sounds like you both are. It's just hard. For me, I mean.

He sighed heavily and glanced at Bronco. Like, you all can have your own lives, but I'm still stuck with both of you. Right? Now I have your relationship and her relationship to deal with, not to mention my own stuff. . .

That sounded like he had someone, too. Never mind. He could let his father think he was courting.

That made him seem cool.

Bronco's brow furrowed in confusion, and he lowered his gaze as he tried to figure out what it was that Killdeer meant when he said he was stuck with them. It had a negative connotation and for just a second, he was led to wonder if Killdeer did resent him and Fennec because of the breakup. But it seemed that it wasn't his parents who were the issue- but the weight of the new lives they were starting, with other wolves. He was a seesaw, teetering on a fulcrum, with each parent sitting on either end. Each end had been equally weighted and had been balanced and now, it seemed, both ends were taking on more weight. The seesaw bowed. His son was bearing more weight than he could handle. 

The only clear solution would be to remove the extra weight, but that would mean sacrificing the relationships that he and fennec had started, which wasn't fair to them either. Instead, he wanted to understand why it was that these new relationships felt like such a burden. 

"Well. The bad news is, yes, you're stuck with us, kiddo." He rolled his eyes, a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. He reached out to give his son a light cuff to his shoulder; a gesture both playful and affectionate. Bronco's boyish gestures were never anything but that- light, weak, as though he was too timid to even incite a playful spar. "Tell me you're stuck with me again an' I'll get you stuck in a groundhog hole with your arse hangin' out, Varmint," An empty threat, more intended to ignite his son's sense of humour. His features softened easily, though. Joking wouldn't get them through all of the tough conversations they'd need to have, and he took his son's feelings seriously. 

"Well...We want you to have your own life, Killdeer. And the last thing your Mom and I would want to do, is to keep you from doing what makes you happy. You're an adult, so if something we're doing is upsetting you, then yeah, tell us. We're not perfect, and if we're doing something wrong, or something that's weighing on you or holding you back from your own stuff...You can tell us, just like you are now." He said. It had seemed as though Killdeer had been ready to boil over- perhaps if he felt more comfortable not holding everything in, he'd have less steam to blow off in one go. 

"Do you know what it is about my relationship with Teya that bothers you?" He asked. Maybe with some gentle leading, he could coax some answers out of Killdeer. "Are you worried about how it might effect our time together? Or is it more that...That it's like...Well, now that Fennec and I are both seeing someone, it's for sure now, that we won't get back together, and...Maybe you'd been holding on to some hope that we might?" He squinted. He was offering suggestions just in case it was easier for Killdeer to manage a 'yes' or 'no' reply.

I am stuck with both of you, he shot back, sticking out his tongue. But his face grew serious, especially when Bronco started to direct questions his way. He took them in, one by one, chewing on the meat of them until silence fell between them and he could answer.

Neither, he answered after a long moment. I'm happy for both of you. I guess. . . I'm still adjusting. It's a lot, Dad! And I'm sorry I lashed out. It's okay.

BUT WHY COULDN'T IT JUST HAVE BEEN EASY

I don't worry about time, or, other stuff, I just. . . Really. I just wish things had worked out. But they didn't, so whatever. I'm just trying to adjust. Seriously.

He gave Bronco a watery smile, attempting a gaze of more confidence than he felt.

He couldn't help but feel that Killdeer just wasn't willing to open up and be honest with him about how he really felt. All he did was try to assure his father that he was fine, which was dismissive, at best. The words were a shield his son was trying to put up. I'm fine, I'm fine. It wasn't the truth. The truth was hard, and maybe Killdeer just needed some time on his own to be vulnerable before feeling comfortable enough bringing that to him. The emotion that showed in his eyes was something that was honest, though. 

"Nahhh," Bronco exhaled, a forgiving, empathetic sound. He moved forward, and reached out with a steady forelimb to pull his son in for a firm hug. "I know. You're doing great, bud. This is tough stuff. Really, tough stuff. I'm prouder of you than anything else in the world." He said. "An' I love you, Varmint." he said, giving his son an extra squeeze.

I love you, Dad, he replied, and grasped his father tightly in response. And I'm sorry—it's just, a lot.

He was terrified all of a sudden that Bronco would slip from his grasp, forever in the arms of this woman. Teya. 

Even if his parents' relationship was kaput. . .he still needed to make nice with the both of them.

So. . .should I come to visit, soon? he asked, smiling faintly. I can ask Germanicus for a scouting mission to our allies; he'd say yes, I think?

He was filled with conflict, knowing now how heavily the decisions of his parents weighed on Killdeer. He would, with time, feel the pressure less. It wasn't easy news, but he still did not regret letting Killdeer know. And of course, it was with the future in mind; he would want his son to accept his choices, and continue to be a part of his father's life, even though it might be different than it had been before. He returned the squeeze. "I know," He said softly. After all, he knew how it was, seeing a parent find a new partner. 

His offer to visit came as a light surprise, but it made Bronco's eye light up immediately. "Finally," He said, with a light laugh. "Of course, Varmint. You've always been welcome, I just figured I owed it to ya to do the back-ing and forth-ing but I'd really enjoy it if you came to the Plateau for a bit," Finally, he'd get a chance to have his son with him- and potentially for more than just their regular meet-up in the mountains. "How long do you think you could stay for?" He asked. "Like a week, or more, or...?" He'd take Killdeer for as long as he could get him to visit- but he knew his son would only be given furlough for so long.

He knew Bronco was hopefully, but Killdeer had to be realistic. Probably not too long, he admitted. Even if Germanicus allowed him away for longer, he'd still feel bad being absent from the wolves and borders he'd sworn to protect. Even to see his Dad.

A few days, at least, though, he added, his smile growing. Promise.

Maybe he'd arrive before Teya inevitably had children. He didn't know how he'd react upon seeing them. Hell, he wasn't sure about Fennec's potential brood with Germanicus, either.

Little siblings seemed cool and all, though. . .

I gotta get back now, Killer said, pulling reluctantly away from Bronco. His shoulders had eased, though, and the roughness that had entered his voice was dissipated entirely. See you soon?

He heaved a sigh, but smiled. "Yeah, I know." He could've made a comment about the Imperator having Killdeer's unmentionables in a jar, but he chose not to. He'd rather not put that pressure on his son, and that was the whole reason why he visited like clockwork at an area that was close to Killdeer's pack but far enough away that he wouldn't risk jeopardizing his son's position. 

Killdeer pulled away, and he tried to keep the sadness from his eyes as he gave his kid one more smile. "Alright. Be good. I'll see you soon, yeah?" He said, wanting to squeeze one more promise from his son before he left and headed back toward the Caldera. The further he roved from his son, the heavier his pawsteps became; the only lightened when he was back in Teya's embrace, as if both of the wolves he loved had their own gravitational pull.